Tag Archives: shame

Thoughtful Thursdays # 171 – You Are So Crazy

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I have been told that many times when I speak up for myself. I refuse to be mistreated. Period.

I find those who do attempt to mistreat me are showing me their true feelings about themselves. Which is not my problem. I remind them of their own unresolved issues. The haters will try to destroy me because I have the courage to be me. And they don’t have that courage.

I will not allow anyone to crush my voice. I am the lucky one who is awake enough to live my own authentic life.

You can live an authentic life too. Let no one bury you in shame or hate or confusion. Your voice and way of being is not easy but so worth fighting for and the bonus is you are a guiding light for someone else.

Let’s celebrate being the Crazy One, the Unique One, the Courageous One, the Happy One.

Carry on.

Thoughtful Thursdays #72 – Shame

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Shame will kill you and it is dangerous. Most suicides are shame based, addictions, acting out, aggression, violence are shame based. Shame is also a very social condition where we compare ourselves to others.

Shame effects intimacy, shame effects self esteem. Shame holds us back and makes us fearful of everything. Shame is pervasive, insidious, invisible and full of hatred

Shame shows up in toxic relationships and chaos. Shame shows up when you find yourself beating yourself up. Shame brings guilt, sadness, regret.

Shame will destroy your life. Shame shows up in not caring for yourself.

Shame shows up in the underachiever and overachiever. Shame will stop you from thinking.

Thinking is the only way to save yourself from further self inflicted injury be it emotional or otherwise. Thinking will grow your self esteem and see the possibilities of getting out of any mess you are in.

Brene Brown is a shame researcher and she says: if we share our story with someone who is empathetic, shame has no where to live, it cannot exist. This is where you will start to heal the pain of feeling shameful.

Think for yourself especially if you had toxic people around you when you were little. At any time in our lives we can mistakenly absorb shame because there are so many shame based people in our environment. Get rid of it. Stop believing lies about yourself. Test the lies and you will see they are not the truth. Challenge all notions of negativity. Shame is a useless, wasteful emotion.

We heal slowly one word at a time, one thought at a time, one breath at a time.

Find those who you can trust and who will lift you up. You will see that you can be the person you want to be by shedding the coat of crap loaded on you.

Take the risk. Take the chance. You can do it. I believe in you and I am absolutely sure you can shed the shame cloak.

Go ahead try. You will win. Do not let the enemy called Shame win. Period.

Codependents Avoidance Patterns

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Codependents often…………………

 

. act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them

. judge harshly what others thin, say or do

. avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance

. allow addictions to people, places and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationship

. use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation

. diminish their capacity to have healthy relationship by declining to use the tool of recovery

. suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable

. pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away

. refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater thatn themselves

. believe displays to emotion are a sign of weakness

. withhold expressions of appreciation

From CODA.org

 

 

Codependents Control Patterns

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Codependents often…………………

 

. believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves

. attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel

. freely offer advice and direction without being asked

. become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice

. lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence

. use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance

. have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others

. demand that their needs be met by others

. use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally

. refuse to cooperate, compromise or negotiate

. adopt an attitude to indifference, helplessness, authority or rage to manipulate outcomes

. use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others

. pretend to agree with others to get what they want

 

from CODA.org

 

 

 

Daring Greatly

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“We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying.”
Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead