Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.
Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.
Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.
Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences
of each choice.
Beliefs are a big thing. It’s also and unconscious big thing. We don’t even realize what we believe. Are our beliefs internalized by our environment? Or based on trauma? Or accumulated by social interactions?
Beliefs are formed in these ways and many others. You won’t know what your beliefs are until you examine what you do believe. This is not easy. We do behaviors usually by habit. Beliefs are a habit too.
For this moment think about your beliefs. Are they helpful? Are they hurtful? Are you allowing or not allowing all life experiences to come into your life so you can grow or are you hiding behind some false belief?
Do you believe you are an important part of life? Because you are important. You deserve all of life’s good stuff. Sometimes our beliefs get in the way.
Next time you feel a resistance to an experience take a look if it’s your belief. You might be surprised that it is a false belief.
It’s OK to get rid of those outdated beliefs. Do it as soon as possible.
Depression – Ugh – That feeling that nothing matters and all is hopeless. But lets take another look. Depression just might be your friend. It is probably telling you something is wrong. Maybe its your job, relationships, the drug you use, the lifestyle you have, and that it’s time for a change.
The reason you feel so bad is that you refuse to listen to the changes you need to make. Change is hard but it’s better than living in a constant state of misery and hopelessness.
Don’t believe the lies that your fear will tell you that you are helpless to change. That is not true. You are capable of doing anything you want to do.
Now get out there and make a plan. Do one baby step. Only baby steps. Only baby steps work. You can do it.
This election has been quite a surprise. Some citizens are happy, some citizens are sad. And that is OK. We have lived through many questionable presidents.
There is nothing you can do about who is president. Not even your vote counted because the Electoral College is the one who really picks the president. Don’t believe me? Check for yourself. The only reason you vote is to express your opinion to the Electoral College. Therefore, how much control did you really have when you voted. Not much. That was an illusion.
Control of others is an illusion. Period. You can influence but not control. I am talking adults here. How frustrating it is to know that you mostly can’t control conditions outside of you. You are probably shouting at this post right now saying she doesn’t know what she is talking about. But you can’t control what I write nor can I control how you view my writing.
Controlling yourself is the best way to effect your own life for the better. You have control over your effort, lifestyle, job, relationships and any other choice you make for yourself. That is the power you have right now that can be used at anytime.
Focusing on your own life is vastly more important than who is president. Focus on what is in your control not what is outside of it.
Forgiveness is one of my pet peeves. Frankly I don’t think forgiveness is necessary or possible in many cases. I think it’s stupid to forgive someone who sees no problem with their behavior.
The anger felt can’t be glossed over because feelings are not logical. If you automatically forgive because it’s uncomfortable then you are not holding the offender accountable for their actions.
If the offender recognizes the problem and genuinely apologizes and changes their behavior then repair can begin. Perhaps trust is very broken but the relationship can be saved.
Most of the time there is no acknowledgement from the offender and life goes on as if nothing has happened. What happens then? You need to protect yourself and find a healthy way to deal with the pain and hurt like going to therapy and putting up strong boundaries against the offender.
Focusing on your own life and make your life the best possible for you. That’s the best way to get build back what has been lost by the hurt.
And it’s perfectly OK not to forgive, ever, if you don’t want to.
Here’s and excellent article that aptly explains the process of forgiveness and the article today’s post is based on.
I have benefited from meditation since 2005. The benefits have been profound and permanent. Here I’ll share some of the benefits I have experienced.
- It takes just a few meditation sessions to reach a deep peacefulness.
- From the peacefulness comes the ability to be detached.
- Being detached gives the ability to non reaction.
- Meditation does not require any religious belief.
- A few minutes a day is all you need to be quiet.
- Being in nature has the same effect as a meditation session.
- You won’t be hit over the head with enlightenment but you will understand yourself and others better.
- You know you are doing it right when you feel relaxed and alert. Not sleepy. If you are sleepy you need sleep.
- You get to separate your wandering mind from your institution.
- You can stay in the present moment for longer and longer periods.
Here’s another observation. You can’t stop you mind from thinking. So as you meditate you learn to observe the thoughts and not be dragged down by them. Meditation will boost your creativity and lower stress. Increase focus and better your health.
Meditation is my medicine, I keep it in my life. If you can’t make it to a group that does meditation, there’s plenty of meditation videos on youtube.
Give it a try for three months and you will see the benefits. You will feel better and even better the more you do it.
Beliefs are concepts we take as true and never question. Sometimes there is no logical reason to believe it.
There are several types of beliefs.
The belief in your own weakness and shortcomings. I am not good, smart, pretty or rich enough.
Survival beliefs. Let me take and take and give nothing in return without seeing the repercussions.
Creating blocks because we believe others have hurt us, so we cut off the flow of energy to them.
The belief that we are strong and can accomplish, finish or create something.
Core beliefs about ourselves as spiritual beings. We understand ourselves and others.
Check your beliefs. Are they true, do they apply to who you are now? Question why you believe what you believe. Did you learn it from your own experience or absorb it? Do you need to believe the same stuff now?
If you don’t need the belief where you stand now then let it go. There’s so much more to learn if you let go of stuff you don’t need to believe.
How sad it is when someone quite young dies. How sorrowful it is when someone in your world dies. How gloomy when death visits and all we can do is watch from a distance. Also knowing that death will visit us too.
How happy it is to remember the good about a person’s life. How joyful it is to celebrate a life that is significant to you. How lucky it is to honor the an important existence.
Let’s make our legacy meaningful for ourselves and others. Let’s know that we are important to all we touch. Let’s be brave and live in the moment because death can be very near without our awareness.
I don’t want to be morbid but it is so very important to make a happy life for yourself. It doesn’t matter what religion, political choice, job or other thing you identify with, because in the end the only thing that matters is the influence you had while you lived.
Be grateful, happy and glad. Realize how fortunate and greatly lucky to have the chance to live. Go now and do things to be remembered for.
I had lunch with Dr. Cho and a few of our friends yesterday. Dr. Cho is a devout Buddhist. We have a mutual acquaintance who has acted in hurtful ways to him, myself and others. I am very vocal in my opinion in removing this person from our lives. but Dr. Cho disagrees. He made a point. In Buddhism there are no bad people only those that have lost their way. This person has lost their way. You can bring the hurtful actions to their attention but if they are not willing to see an issue with it you must walk away and not make it any worse. Better to let the person alone and allow karma to come to them.
This person is not violent or a threat of any kind so this view is appropriate. This person is just so very unaware of their own behavior which is vert annoying but their behavior is not in my control.
Buddhism and basic psychology say the same thing you can only control your response to situations. As far as this person is concerned things will change eventually.
While we wait, we will still go to lunch, be happy and move forward.
It’s easy to recognize resistance in someone else. You watch them hem and haw, twitch and bolt, lie and freeze. You don’t understand the problem in them. No matter what you do you can’t show them their resistance.
It’s the same with you. You will resist that which is uncomfortable, threatening and revolting. Your own resistance is based on fear. Your own history makes these fears. This resistance is based on the false belief that you can’t take care of your self. Which is not true. You can handle anything. You are brave, give yourself some credit.
The moment you recognize resistance it is the signal not to hold back. It’s the compass pointing true north. It’s where you need to go.
Recognizing resistance is part of everyone’s journey. It’s a resource and teaching tool that is in everyone. It’s part of how our brains function to show us where we need to go next.
What are you resisting, where’s your next adventure?
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