Many of us have grown up in either mildly dysfunctional or maddeningly dysfunctional family systems. We could have lived through addictions, violence, mental illness, instability, abandonment and the result was trauma. At some point we have to stop seeking validation from those in our family system who can’t even validate themselves.
It’s time to separate. It’s time to let go of believing that they will change. It’s more probable that toxic people will always let you down and you deserve so much more. It’s time to miss events with those who are emotionally unavailable and toxic. When we separate we can acknowledge our pain and the depth of our family’s broken and unfit system. When we recognise our pain the healing begins.
When the healing begins you will regain your health, sanity, dignity and wholeness with this important and critical self-care. Will it be easy, nope. But so worth the effort.
It’s time to find out who you are in your own wholeness, separate from the trauma, drama and maladaptive idea of who you are. It’s time for you to go back to the unbroken and undamaged person you are meant to be, in one piece, peaceful and confident.
You are worth it.
One of my FB friends gave me this idea. I am passing it along to you. Hope it helps.
It’s a detailed article about cognitive bias that we all carry at one time or another.
The better you know yourself the better your life experience.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and many share their love and enthusiasm for our families, lovers, friends.
Let’s not forget to give a big Valentines to ourselves. After all we are very important too. Here’s some helpful ways to love yourself.
- Stop calling yourself names. eg. I am such a jerk.
- Stop thinking about the worst case scenario. eg. The world will end if I say the wrong thing.
- Identify negative beliefs you have about yourself and get rid of them. eg. I am a really bad cook.
- Rewrite and reframe your internal dialog. eg. I am a good dancer.
- Celebrate yourself. It’s OK to give yourself a reward.
- Visit a therapist. Self examination is healing.
- Support yourself with positive self talk.
Every day is a chance to take good care of yourself and be your own Valentine.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Snow blizzards can be a lot of fun.
Blizzard Ice Cream from Dairy Queen is fun.
But a blizzard of whirling uncontrollable thoughts is not fun.
It’s frustrating and scary. To stop those windy wizard of flurry, pirouetting, gyrating confusing thoughts, here are a few grounding suggestions.
- Count your breath slowly.
- Listen to Music.
- Do some art.
- Redirect your thoughts momentarily.
- Write it out uncensored.
- Watch your thoughts and let them go.
That should keep you busy for a while and help slow the blizzard of thoughts to a balmy breeze.
Pain and shame are the hardest feelings to sit with. We will do anything not to feel them.
When we are willing to go to these frightening places something wonderful happens. We have the chance to witness past and present events and their impact with a new, clearer sight. Which illuminates our thinking about close relationships in the present.
You may even become determined in changing those relationships and becoming free to choose healthier alternatives.
All it takes is a little bit of curiosity and courage to look at those scary emotional places and a baby step toward a new direction.
Road rage is never about the traffic incident, it’s about underlying, unresolved anger that is misplaced.
Over reacting to any situation is usually about unresolved hurt, anger, oppression or any other uncomfortable feeling of frustration.
I am not minimizing that a particular event like road rage is not meaningful.
These trigger events are meaningful because they show you where you have been hiding, and not dealing with uncomfortable stuff.
These trigger events are your reminder of where you are not looking to be healed.
These trigger events are your teachers.
These trigger events are monumental in transforming your life.
Look where you are hurting, go to the places that make you uncomfortable, be willing to be curious about what is triggering you.
You may have to change some stuff: do you need to remove yourself from a situation, do you need to protect yourself, do you need to have a difficult conversation. Then by all means do it, it’s going to hurt temporarily, but you will be so much better off in the long run.
Welcome Road Rage and any other Rage into your life. It’s the place you need to change something.
If you have 15 minutes for yourself what would you do?
Call a friend, Mend some clothing, Paint a picture, Sing a song, Write in stream of consciousness, Meditate, Listen to you favorite music, Draw a picture, Write a positive note to your significant other, Feed your pet some treats, Gaze at the night sky, Sit still in the morning hours before daylight, Read something interesting, Count the stars, Sip a hot beverage, Send good wishes to those in need, Not complain in your voice or head, Just listen intently to your environment.
Finish the list of your favorites.
And you do have 15 minutes anytime you want. Indulge happily.
Sin = wrongdoing, transgression, crime, offense.
Secret = not meant to be known or seen by others
To my understanding a sin is an action done out of ignorance.
To my understanding secrets can be surrounded by shame.
Ignorance does not protect us from consequences.
Shame keeps secrets in place.
If we have a secret that causes shame it may cause ignorant actions with many consequences.
We all have “sins and secrets” we want to go the grave with. But the burden of carrying “sins and secrets” is so very painful. Here are some safe ways of releasing the pain.
- Write your heart out without censure.
- Find a therapist or someone you can really trust to talk it out.
- Don’t beat yourself up, have compassion for yourself.
- Research the issues you are dealing with.
- Change what you can, leave the rest alone.
We are all human and we make mistakes, this is part of life. And every day is a new chance to change.
I have been told that many times when I speak up for myself. I refuse to be mistreated. Period.
I find those who do attempt to mistreat me are showing me their true feelings about themselves. Which is not my problem. I remind them of their own unresolved issues. The haters will try to destroy me because I have the courage to be me. And they don’t have that courage.
I will not allow anyone to crush my voice. I am the lucky one who is awake enough to live my own authentic life.
You can live an authentic life too. Let no one bury you in shame or hate or confusion. Your voice and way of being is not easy but so worth fighting for and the bonus is you are a guiding light for someone else.
Let’s celebrate being the Crazy One, the Unique One, the Courageous One, the Happy One.
Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.
Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.
Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.
Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences
of each choice.