Tag Archives: Your Life’s Work

Thoughtful Thursday #239 – Secret History

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Now hang in there with me as I explain what a secret history is: a secret history is your hidden beliefs.

The beliefs that are not even conscious, the beliefs that come from fear or terror or emotional hurt. Our beliefs try to protect us from being hurt again, You can hear it say, don’t go there, remember what happened last time. Don’t talk to her, she looks mean, Don’t take that risk, you will fail like all the other times. Don’t talk to him, you’re too shy, ugly, dumb, less than everyone else.  On and on these beliefs hold us prisoner and not allowing us to live up to our full potential.

Some beliefs we would never vocalize. It’s too dangerous for anyone to know how we really feel. Some beliefs we go to our graves with.

This is your secret history of  negative beliefs. It’s time to examine them one by one, scary as it is. Perhaps we can reverse the negative beliefs into positive ones.

I am worthy to be in the world, let me smile at her, I can take a tiny risk, it’s OK to fail because it’s a learning experience. I can express my love and feelings without worrying about rejection. What can I do to help someone else.

Hopefully we will be creating a new secret history of positive beliefs and be a light for ourselves and someone who may need it.

Thoughtful Thursday #237 – Bad News Good News

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Bad News : trauma recovery work never ends. Trauma stays in your DNA, in your subconscious, in your dreams, in your worries, in your decision-making, in your choices. Trauma is embedded in your cells.

Good News : trauma recovery is indeed possible, trauma recovery is uncomfortable and our defenses will throw many distractions at us because they think it’s dangerous to feel. When we are ready and can sit with being uncomfortable without running away something happens. We become healed, because we didn’t run away, we allowed and trusted the organic process of feeling what we have avoided for so long and allowed the experience to fade away. Is recovery a simple linear process, not at all. The results are worth the effort.

Thoughtful Thursday #235 – Mind Blindness

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Mind blindness is my code for believing anything you are told or believe to be true, especially when it is not.

Mind blindness causes prejudice, destructive false beliefs, tons of fear, missed opportunities, misrepresentation, isolation, sadness and creates many reasons to thwart camaraderie and friendship.

It is no easy feat to see our own mind blindness yet so easy to see it in others. It is easier to judge rather than see our own huge false beliefs disguised by mind blindness.

First, let’s start by uncovering our own false beliefs about ourselves, let’s stop beating ourselves up as not good enough, or rich enough, or wise enough or good-looking enough.

Let’s acknowledge that we have our blind spots but we have so much to add to the world. Let’s be open and honest enough to examine and question our own mind blindness.

Ask questions, why do I believe as I do, why do those I know act as they do, what is the truth behind that mystery that is bothering you.

You may be very surprised at the result of questioning your own mind blindness. The more we question what we believe the more open we we are to understanding no only ourselves but most other people too.

 

Thoughtful Thursday – #234 – Emotional Triggers

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Sometimes we feel weird all of a sudden and don’t know why. This can be an emotional trigger. Perhaps you were reminded of a bad time in your life and the feelings and memories are buried deep in your mind and body.

If you can detach from the trigger for a moment by writing or some other grounding activity you will get a better perspective of how your inner world is working. Remember: a lot of recall is subconscious and it usually comes up as a feeling then a thought then an action.

With compassion, acknowledge what your inner world is sharing with you  and thank it for sharing the hurt and trauma of a long-held memory.

By this method you can process and rearrange any painful memories.

 

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #232 Grief

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It is not easy to feel grief, we avoid it at all costs with distractions galore.

Allowing yourself to feel grief and cry and rage and weep are very healing actions to take you forward.

Grief that is not felt is invisible and holds you back. Clues that you are not feeling grief is lots of unfounded fear, perhaps you feel numb, anxious.

How can you get to a point where you can organically feel grief? Writing, talking to someone you trust, exercise, getting educated on recognizing grief, find a support group, being really good to yourself because you are hurting.

Grief work is a very personal journey, there is no timeframe, no right and wrong to process grief and your coping strategy will belong only to you. Only you have to validate this.

Is grief work easy, no it is not. It’s uncomfortable, the good news is that every opportunity you have to process and express grief the quicker it goes away.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #231 – Questions

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Question everything you do. What is the reason and purpose of your behavior.

Question the motives of others. Ask why, ask for clarification.

It’s perfectly acceptable to try to make sense of your life and circumstances.

If someone has a problem with you asking questions, ask why?

You have the right and responsibility to yourself and your life to make it the best, you never need to justify bettering your life and life education to anyone.

You only have to answer to yourself.

Thoughtful Thursday #230 – Wholeness

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We look for emotional wholeness all the time whether we are aware of it or not. The dark side of finding wholeness is through addictions, busy work, false beliefs about ourselves, looking outside of ourselves for answers to our emptiness just to name a few.

Life can send us confusing curves, our self-esteem is crushed more than once, and none of us is whole all the time, this is the bad news.

The good news is achieving wholeness is a process. As Carl Jung states wholeness is a process of letting go, change and growth.

Your mental health requires that you find your own balance of physical, spiritual and mental health.

Is it an easy or linear process? Nope. The process is one day at a time, one moment at a time, all as you live your life with tons of distractions.

The benefit you get from finding a way to be balanced in your physical, spiritual and mental health is priceless. You create the life that is exclusively for you. How cool is that. Way Cool.

Carry on…………………..

 

Thoughtful Thursday #229 – Step Away From The Mess

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Step away from generational family dysfunction.

Step away from emotionally dangerous and perverted people.

Step away from escaping the way you feel.

Step away from codependency.

Step away from tolerating the unacceptable.

Step away from self-doubt and sabotage.

 

Step Towards Yourself, Your Recovery, Your Self Acceptance, Your Wholeness, Your Healing, Your Opportunities, Your Wonderful Life.

Celebrate your success and know you have come very far already.

Thoughtful Thursday #228 – The Perfect Sin

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Complicit silence means to remain silent and complicit of a questionable act.

Complicit means involved in some wrongdoing.

Willful ignorance means refusing to be informed in bad faith otherwise known as ignoring the facts.

This amounts to a perfect sin, the sinner is perfectly lazy in not making effort to check facts, rethink their beliefs and opinions, being afraid of being wrong and knowing on some level they are actually wrong or actually getting involved in knowing truth in any significant way and staying close minded and blindly following along as if nothing is wrong.

These sinners are witness to domestic violence, child abuse, animal cruelty, bullying, turning away instead of helping, cheering wrongdoing because they are too passive to be a fighter and a sundry of crimes against our fellow-man.

Complicit silence and willful ignorance are mutual pals, can’t have one without the other. Both are incredibly harmful.

If you feel you can’t get involved and are a  witness to an injustice then say a prayer to your favorite deity for a positive outcome.

Send good wishes and pure feeling to the offended party.

And…………. you can call the appropriate authorities anonymously, talk to a mental health professional for advice, take an active part in getting involved to help save someone’s life by getting informed. If the offended is a child talk to their teacher. It’s OK to be courageous even if you are scared.

None of this is easy, but to remain in complicit silence and willful ignorance is so very harmful to all involved.

If you are a recipient of complicit silence and willful ignorance don’t remain quiet, fight back, find a way to get out of there, don’t give up. You are worth the effort. And you deserve the best life.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #227 – Non Attachment

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I am a bit of a hoarder – there I said it. I hoard stuff and not just a little bit, but a lot of stuff.

I’m trying to find a way around getting unattached to my stuff. But it’s hard. I have books and  clothes and fabric and tools and dishes and antiques and artwork and many memories and furniture and on and on.

One part of me is entwined with a strange comfort of having so much stuff.

And the other part is teary eyed at the thought of losing the comfort I feel surrounded by my stuff.

I did manage to sell one thing online and it was an interesting emotional experience.

I got a little handmade African canister for free and I didn’t “emotionally” want to let it go.  I listed it online to sell it and when the winning bid came in I knew it had to go.

As I wrapped it up to mail it out I was sad. I don’t know exactly why but that little canister made me happy on some level.

One part of me feels efficient, mature, responsible even proud of making a few bucks online.

The other part of me feels sad at the loss of a beautiful object.

Alas, the efficient part of me won out.

Non attachment takes great effort and in my case not all at once.

My non attachment practice is to slowly drop items I don’t really need one at a time.

As I wallow between hollow sadness of letting go of my stuff and losing track of stuff that has been temporarily mine I slowly move more of my stuff on for someone else to enjoy.