Tag Archives: manipulate

Codependents Control Patterns

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Codependents often…………………

 

. believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves

. attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel

. freely offer advice and direction without being asked

. become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice

. lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence

. use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance

. have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others

. demand that their needs be met by others

. use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally

. refuse to cooperate, compromise or negotiate

. adopt an attitude to indifference, helplessness, authority or rage to manipulate outcomes

. use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others

. pretend to agree with others to get what they want

 

from CODA.org

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #40 When things don’t work out.

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Sometimes things just don’t go the way you want them to. I yell and fight, pushy, manipulate and scheme for circumstances to change to be what I want them to be. I try to force my own way into the situation and bring the issue to my own satisfactory conclusion.

The more I battle with what is happening the more I hurt inside. I am making the situation harder and harder for myself and others.

Then I had an epiphany. I was not paying attention to what was happening and thought I was the only one who was right therefore things had to go my way.

I decided to surrender, not in defeat but to let the situation play out by itself without my manipulation. As soon as I stopped struggling against resisting change I became calm. I do what is within my control and let go of everything else including the outcome.

Looks like I just got a big dose of wisdom.

Here’s what I learned and I hope it helps you too.

1. If you have done all you can, do no more.
2. Have patience and let things unravel the way its meant to.
3. The conclusion may not be what you want but it will be for you highest good.
4. Stop struggling with having things your own way.
5. Pick and choose your battles.
6. Step back and see is its really worth the effort.
7. If it’s hard for you to step back give yourself positive self talk.

It’s not always easy to allow the flow of life to move in its own direction. Just know that all will be well.

Happy surrender.