Monthly Archives: May 2014

David Richo – The Life Span of a Feeling

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Here’s and excerpt from David Richo’s book: ” The Five Things We Cannot Change.”

“Fear of feelings bottlenecks us. We fear that a feeling may possess us and never calm down. Actually, a feeling wants to be over and done with. Feelings, like everything else in life, are ever-changing and impermanent.”

“This is how the cycle of a complete feeling experience flows through us:

A stimulus – arousal of a feeling – showing the feeling – cooling down – a calm openness to what may come next as we get on with life – readiness for the next stimulus and beginning again.”

I am paraphrasing the next three sentences.

We avoid feelings by numbing ourselves with busy – ness, alcohol, drugs, food or any other addiction.

Having more than one feeling come up at one time is common. Depending upon the level of grief there may never be a resolution.

So what is the next step. According to Richo it is to roll with the feeling. Don’t stop yourself from feeling anything.

I completely agree and add that feelings are your guideposts to healing. If you squash your feelings they will end up consuming you whether you like it or not. Give your feelings their space so they can express themselves. Let feelings do their job or they will interrupt your life until you do give them attention. Feelings bring you face to face with your deepest longing, wants, wishes, requests, cravings, needs, fears and yearning.

At some point you will recognize what your next step is. The next step is the one that will make you grow as a person. That’s a general statement but in your heart you will know what you need to do.

Go ahead, take that first scary step. You will not crumble.

You will thrive.

 

 

 

Frustration

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How to deal with frustration in one easy step.

Take action in any direction.

Even if you are not sure where you are going.

g.piazza

Thoughtful Thursdays #59

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I love to embroider. Every now and then a designer will contact me to do some work. This just happened recently and today I dropped off the finished product. He asked I embroider taupe stems, purple petals, yellow sunflowers with brown french knot middles on a shirt.  The design was put on the bottom border, and neckline. The designer loved it.

What is my point? Don’t put off what you truly love because that is where you expand. Even if it is a hobby and there is no money involved and you love to do it, then continue.

I don’t know what the science is behind doing what you love but I do know that every time I do what I love I grow, I feel happy, I have confidence, I feel new.  Each time I do what I love a new perspective opens up. The act of doing what you love changes your brain into a machine or magnet for attracting happiness.

I am reminded that I must stay on the path of happiness.

How about you?

What do you love to do?

How often do you engage in the activity you love?

Happy path finding.

 

Life is Short

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The stroke was unexpected and sudden. His wife rushed him to the hospital after he vomited all over himself. As he lay in the hospital waiting treatment, he drifted into a coma. He was a hemophiliac. Did I know? No I did not.

Those are the words I remember at the wake I went to yesterday of a friend I knew since I was a child. He passed away this past Friday because the stroke severed an important communique in the brain. The part that tells your brain when to eat and breathe.

He lay in a coma for two months then on Friday when is body gave out he passed.

My friend is Chinese. I had never been to a Chinese wake. Upon entering I could hear the Amitoufo chant. If you are not familiar with this Buddha, he is the Buddha of Light and Life. He comes for you and brings you to the Pure Land when you pass. The wake  is very much like Christian wakes but if you were Chinese you were asked to light incense and bow three times. Those who were non-Chinese where told where to walk to view the body. The family rolled paper tubes with silver and gold on it and threw them into a small fire furnace. This was to release his spirit into the great beyond.

As I walked up to the casket, he was unrecognizable. All the plumpness had evaporated into thin leather skin. The make up helped make him look like he was sleeping. But not really. He lay in a  beautiful coffin in mahogany red and he was in an impeccable suit and tie. Of course the coffin was in the customary half open from the hips up and closed from the hips down. Much like a flat dutch door. An easel with a picture of him healthy and casual. He was always casual. This was the first time I saw him dressed up.

The eulogy was said by a Chinese officiant and a born again Christian man who my friend worked with. The words were of how he was always helping people, volunteered at 9/11, would go out of his way for his friends, and loved his wife and two small children. He worked at the same job for twenty seven years. The tears were endless. His father and mother, sisters and brother, nieces and nephews, wife, children, in laws, friends were openly sad. Me included.

 

I took notice that there were fifty three funeral arrangements. I have never seen so many flowers at a wake. How wonderful to be remembered in such a fond way.

We were closer when we were younger but over the years we would run into each other here and there  and give updates  about how our lives were going. I ran into him at the grocery store about a month before the stroke. I was meant to see him one last time without knowing I would never see him again.

I feel so lucky to know someone for such an incredible amount of years. And be a part of  his life. Most people I meet come and go quickly and there is not enough time to be comfortable. With him I was comfortable.

After the eulogy most of the crowd walked into the lobby to eat some Chinese pastries with coffee and tea. We went from one board to another looking at his life from childhood to fatherhood.

It is my belief that when you die your spirit has to become acclimated to its new form so you stick around for a while. That has been my experience with loved ones who pass away. They stick around and then become less and less dense when they are ready.

As I looked at his pictures there he was in spirit right next to me. Smiling and happy and plump with life  that he was so richly remembered. I know I will always remember him. And how in his short life he used goodness and kindness towards others in remarkable ways to make a difference.

I am inspired to do the same. Thank you for the reminder that life is very short and to do the best you can.  Thanks for being in my life.

That is an incredible way to be remembered.

Amitoufo, buddy. RIP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #58 Compassion and Blame

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I realized something profound today. I was blamed as the cause of someones pain. I don’t remember causing this person so much pain. Even though I don’t remember I am willing to accept the blame 100% because it frees them. It brings them freedom to get rid of a burden and move forward.

This the most compassionate thing I can do.

I will cease being defensive and accept this persons

pain. I offer my pain and theirs for all that suffer

the same problems.

g.piazza

Relationships

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Relationships are wild creatures. Like attracts like, opposites attract opposites. There is the sea of change and fortune that are the vicissitudes of relations.

Relationships are wild creatures. Some relationships are warm, hot, cold – bring you up or bring you down – all relationships are to teach you about you. Some information you want to receive, with other information you become repelled by your own less than stellar responses.

Relationships are wild creatures. Your deepest desires are revealed when interacting and negotiating with another. We become enthusiastic, sometimes going forward sometimes going backwards we find what we need or hide indefinitely. Don’t hide. Come out. We show the world only a small part of who we are. Move forward toward your happiness. Stop holding back.

Relationships are wild creatures. Incognito, invisible to your own mind. A relationship with yourself is also hidden from view. We can only see the truth when we are calm.

Relationships are wild creatures. Ever evolving like the miracle of evolution we become what is necessary to our emotional survival. Ever thinking and changing who we are as we grow. Sometimes losing, sometimes winning and always moving forward. We have no choice. We must move here and there and dance with others. There is no other way. To isolate is suicide. To retreat is suicide. We must move ahead again and again.

Relationships are wild creatures. They have many faces. In some we look for our own needs to be met. In other relationships, we are satisfying others needs. The time we take to cultivate relations with ourselves and others is necessary for happiness. Without time, honesty, truth and the willingness to allow ourselves and others to reveal who they really are in safety is paramount to any lasting relationship. Without – then the relationship will die from lack of interest.

As all wild creatures they need nourishment. Fresh green thoughts, pink truths, yellow peace, silver moving water of change, bright red sun of burning away negative thoughts, blue cooling healing positive hugs. Simple, open ways of letting the world into your heart. True acceptance of the moment. Acceptance of ourselves and others unconditionally, warts and all is important.

What is your wild creature like? Physical, spiritual, nurturing, accepting, loving, caring, trusting, painful, cryptic, forthcoming, transparent, unacceptable, revolting, funny, a lie, clever, settling, safe. What color is it? What does it taste, smell, look like? Can you hear the innuendos? Is it’s touch like velvet or cactus?

You decide what your wild creature is. No one else. These creatures are inside of you birthing every day. You just have to remember you are birthing these wild creatures. It’s best to keep them wild and closest to their true nature.

Today is your Happy Wild Creature Day. Hurry we are all waiting for you.

g. piazza

Thomas Merton

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Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are

worthy. That is not our business, and in fact it is nobody’s business.

What we are asked to do is love, and this love itself will render both ourselves

and our neighbor worthy.

Thomas Merton