Here’s and excerpt from David Richo’s book: ” The Five Things We Cannot Change.”
“Fear of feelings bottlenecks us. We fear that a feeling may possess us and never calm down. Actually, a feeling wants to be over and done with. Feelings, like everything else in life, are ever-changing and impermanent.”
“This is how the cycle of a complete feeling experience flows through us:
A stimulus – arousal of a feeling – showing the feeling – cooling down – a calm openness to what may come next as we get on with life – readiness for the next stimulus and beginning again.”
I am paraphrasing the next three sentences.
We avoid feelings by numbing ourselves with busy – ness, alcohol, drugs, food or any other addiction.
Having more than one feeling come up at one time is common. Depending upon the level of grief there may never be a resolution.
So what is the next step. According to Richo it is to roll with the feeling. Don’t stop yourself from feeling anything.
I completely agree and add that feelings are your guideposts to healing. If you squash your feelings they will end up consuming you whether you like it or not. Give your feelings their space so they can express themselves. Let feelings do their job or they will interrupt your life until you do give them attention. Feelings bring you face to face with your deepest longing, wants, wishes, requests, cravings, needs, fears and yearning.
At some point you will recognize what your next step is. The next step is the one that will make you grow as a person. That’s a general statement but in your heart you will know what you need to do.
Go ahead, take that first scary step. You will not crumble.
You will thrive.