Tag Archives: change

Mar27

The Annual Awakening

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It’s here again, Spring. The season of dramatic transformation of icy Winter into the earth warming into Spring.

Gardening tips hit the wavelengths. Seed planting starts. Allergy medicines are back on the drug store shelves. Empty landscapes show a little green here and there.

A chorus of birds singing joyful melodies, worms exiting the once frozen earth. Breeding season. Pink blossoms, yellow honey suckle, red crocus, blue tulips, purple lavender perfume the air.

Humans becoming exercise warriors after a winter of indoor games, picnics in the park, occasional snow squalls. There are farmers markets and outdoor festivals uplifting spirits.

The natural world is resilient, dying and renewing every year. Springtime is a reminder of the earth’s resilience and our own. It’s a time of Spring cleaning and spiritual renewal. A time of hope and new beginnings. Welcome Spring.

Mar7

Pan and Limerence-Unrequited Love

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Pan was a harlot and whore. He ran after anything that brought his own pleasure without returning it. That being said in the excerpt from the tender countenance of Elizabeth Barrette Browning about Pan speaks of her very own passionate unrequited love.


Unreturned love is a painful, long lasting, shame invoking and obsessive thinking, cringe worthy, uncomfortable psychological state that can last for weeks, many years, or a lifetime. Many a murder and permanent destruction of lives has occurred because of unrequited love. Fortunately, and thankfully in our modern times there is a word and definition for it.


Limerence: coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1979 is the involuntary obsession of a person. Many people experience this unexpected state of persistent desire for another. Healthy people move through the infatuation, crystallization, destruction phases and go back to normal. Emotionally challenged individuals take longer to recover. Those on the OCD, autism and schizophrenic scale have a much harder time to let things go.


The difference between limerence and love is that love is caring about the wellbeing of the person and limerence is about the uncertainty of the situation.


Limerence is tied to trauma and abandonment and neglect from childhood. Those who experience extreme limerence don’t realize they are trying to rectify unstable childhood family experiences through reenacting them in the present. This repeated reenactment is the minds way of saying hey you better look at this because it is getting in the way of healthy relationships.


How does one overcome Limerence?


Be aware of what you are feeling. Limit contact with the obsession. Prioritize your own self-care. Challenge the obsessive thoughts. Redirect your energy. Avoid replacing one obsession with another. Have a strict no contact rule. Write in a journal. Talk to a therapist. Join support groups. Research limerence and understand how it is playing out in your life.


Note that time will eliminate limerence.


I am not sure if Syrinx in this encounter with Pan ever got the chance to escape the water nymphs turning her into cattail reeds, but Pan got his comeuppance in the sense that he had his own case of limerence. At least for a while until his next desire came along.

Jan3

Old Friend

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I have one friend from childhood. We met when I was 15 and he was 17. We used to play guitar and piano together. His family was wonderful. His voice was like velvet. We had tons of fun, and we were a couple for two years. He went his way, and I went mine.

We reconnected a few years later and the same thing happened.

It’s really strange because for the following years we ran into each other often. We could not get away from each other. We couldn’t be a couple for unknown reasons. But we always kept in touch with each other.

When his Mom passed away, we reminisced about how we all used to sing together. I said my goodbyes to this wonderful lady who really welcomed me.

Every year at Christmas we exchange Christmas cards and each year my dear friend would burn a CD for me of old movies and jazz music and other subjects we were always interested in. One year he sent me an old VCR tape of us at his house on Christmas with our families. I cried when I saw this. We were so happy.

This year I got my Christmas card with a CD and the only words on the card were “It’s been a rough year.”

I do keep in touch with his sister too and she said that my friend is suffering with back problems, blood problems and some other dangerous stuff. My friend does not want to need my help because he has a support system.

We don’t run into each other anymore. We have chosen to remember all the good times, the conversations, the connection we had in these past five decades.

I guess that is how it is when you finally get old enough to realize how much you really loved each other and how it is too late to have a life together.

I will always remember my dear friend and if we are lucky perhaps, we will meet in the afterlife.

Sep3

Thoughtful Thursday #315 – Self Awareness and Self Consciousness

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Self-conscious is when you feel extreme awareness of your appearance or actions. It is the knowledge of your own existence. Could feel uncomfortable at times. Self-consciousness is much more about what is external.

Self-awareness is when you can see yourself clearly with some objectivity with reflection and introspection. Self-awareness is much about what is going in internally.

If we can find a small wedge of detachment in your thinking, we can get a sense of either self-consciousness or self-awareness.

Developing a healthy sense of self requires that we know about both subjects, the value is the better you know yourself the better you know others which makes for healthier relationships.

Self-awareness is quite important because it allows us to deeply know ourselves better, what makes us tick, what makes us angry, happy, bored or interested. We can look honestly at our own actions with clarity and choose a wiser path.

Learning to have a healthy sense of self is a lifelong journey, there is no one way to learn, everyone is unique. It is so important to care enough about ourselves to take the time to know ourselves intimately.

You will gain confidence, insight, direction and goodness and no one can ever take that from you.

 

 

Jul9

Thoughtful Thursday #309 – In Service To Humanity

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With today’s negativity on TV and radio and magazines and hurt people acting out violently we can get sucked into the drama very easily and end up feeling hopeless and afraid.

Focusing on the external will make you feel you must react in some way. Not necessarily.

If you make your reference point external and have that run your day you are unwittingly acting from victim consciousness, when we operate from a victim consciousness we give away all our power to external people and events.

Note: people who are hurting aka victims, hurt other people which creates more victim consciousness. Think of the bully who has to hurt others because he/she is hurt.

When we meet angry events with the same polarity and divisiveness that created the angry event, and we are meeting those events with low level reactions and we are  postponing a greater world.

A world of peace, love, compassion, respect for all sentient beings, the openness to talk to one another and expand our wonderful world of exceptional humans and believe it or not, most people want this. Most people want to live in peace and safety.

Instead take a break from the negativity and choose a higher form of action:

  1. refuse to get taken in by unhealthy actions of those who wish to harm.
  2. have gratitude for the ability to choose your reactions.
  3. find reasons to feel positive.
  4. find people who you can love and that love you.
  5. send good wishes and pure feelings to everyone.
  6. take the time to think and understand what is going on in your life.
  7. take the time to think about how to react.
  8. be kind whenever possible.

Let’s build each other up instead of tearing down, let’s be of a greater service to humanity. Let’s be united for a better world with positivity. All of us.

 

 

 

Apr9

Thoughtful Thursday #298 – Coronavirus and Panic

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Coronavirus pandemic is causing tremendous panic to everyone. People are hoarding essentials, emptying  grocery shelves, and businesses are overcharging for safety material.  That is more than enough to cause a panic in addition to the possiblity in catching the coronavirus.

Panic is a natural response to what is happening, there is a sense of loss in many areas, our normal routines, restricted freedom, minimum socializing, noticing stores are overcharging  for everything, this is to name a few losses.

It’s OK, this is a temporary situation and at this point we are entrenched in this new norm and many of us are thinking about all the possibilities that can occur when this is over.

Self care is most important during this time. Do what it takes to get grounded and calm, look at happy movies and videos, turn off the news, reach out to others on social media, find a way to get peaceful and connected. And follow the CDC guidelines.

We will come out of this, this is guaranteed, so in this period of isolation be creative in your self care.

Stay safe and well.

 

Mar27

Thoughtful Thursday #296 – Coronavirus

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Most of the United States is on lock down to flatten the curve of the Coronavirus.

Please follow the authorities directive, it could save your life.

In the meantime if you are anxious and fearful and concerned about your mental health please reach out to a mental health professional. Check in your area or call your local hospital for a referral. Or find resources online.

Stay home, if you don’t feel well reach out to a doctor. This will all be over in a few weeks.

I hope all of you are well and stay well.

Mar6

Thoughtful Thursday #294 – Internal Family System

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This is a therapy model created by Dr. Richard Schwartz and he wrote a book on it. I personally have benefitted from this model and I am passing this miracle of transformation to you. It’s the premise that we are all split into different personalities based on good times and traumatic times and how we are not fully integrated. It is similar to multiple personalities but the difference between being a multiple and non integrated is that a multiple has no awareness of its various parts whereas someone who is not fully intergrated is aware. For example, have you ever done something stupid and said to yourself “why did I do that?’ It’s because there is a part who based on it’s past acted out.

Everyone on the planet is not fully integrated because we all have issues. It does not matter where the issues came from, what is important is that we heal them and the Internal Family System is very helpful. I encourage you to check it out for yourself.

Here’s an article from betterhelp.com that explains the Internal Family system.

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/what-is-internal-family-systems-therapy-and-who-can-benefit-from-it/

A very helpful FB page is “Beating Trauma with Elisabeth Corey” is based closely to the IFS model too.

Also watch the children’s movie “Inside Out” it is based on this model.

Here’s a link explaining the movie.

https://www.kars4kids.org/blog/education/elementary-school/inside-out-the-internal-family-systems-model-and-the-kars4kids-jingle/

There is nothing more important than our mental and physical health. Take advantage of all resources in growing as the whole person you are meant to be.

 

Feb21

Thoughtful Thursday #292 – Why Do You Attract The Same Negative Relationships

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It is so frustrating going from relationship to relationship, all kinds of relationships that don’t work, jobs, friends, significant others, over and over. There is an answer.

At some point you learned unhealthy thought and action patterns from repeated emotional and/or physical abuse learned as love.

As a result we recreate those primary relationships so we can heal them and make us feel better in return. It doesn’t work, we repeat the patterns unconsciously, and you may need great mindfulness and therapy.

Dr. Tracey Marks, psychiatrist, has made an informative video about this subject. Please watch it, you will find truth and healing.

 

 

 

Dec20

Thoughtful Thursday #284 – Stereotypes and Broad Generalizations

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Stereotype-A stereotype is a mistaken idea or belief many people have about a thing or group that is based upon how they look on the outside, which may be untrue or only partly true. Stereotyping people is a type of prejudice because what is on the outside is a small part of who a person is. Wikipedia.

Broad Generalizations-In everyday language, a generalization is defined as a broad statement or an idea that is applied to a group of people or things. Often, generalizations are not entirely true, because there are usually examples of individuals or situations wherein the generalization does not apply. Google search.

It really bothers me when someone spews out of their mouth some stupid statement like: dogs are smarter than cats, cats are aloof, woman want large families, men never make commitments, that salesmen are greedy, pretty people are stuck up.

A woman said to me the other day that all women are nurturing and intuitive, are you kidding me, that is not true, none of these statements are true.

I can’t stop others from getting on their podium and spread false information but I can check out for myself all the information I need. I can find the truth for myself. And so can you.

Don’t blindly believe in what you are told. Zombies do that, don’t be a zombie, be a involved human by being informed. Investigate, figure out for yourself what is being presented and make decisions based on your own truth, not someone else’s.