We have all experienced the death of something, whether it’s a pet or person or job or relationship, the ending always feels the same: like a big loss. An empty hole that is sentimental and nostalgic and final.
We may want to run away from this empty hole with staying busy, getting high and distraction after distraction. But in those still moments when the emptiness returns be reminded that we need to feel our feelings and grieve the loss completely. Grieving has a purpose. Grieving allows you to empty your pain and becomes an energy that will turn to wisdom, love and power.
I was mean today and I liked it. I plan on being mean again soon. I had to put someone in their place today because I don’t respond well to being disrespected and screamed at.
Being mean keeps nasty people away. Being mean makes others notice and pay attention to what you are saying. Being mean works in getting your way.
I am not mean all the time, only when my back is against the wall or blamed for something I didn’t do or when someone is victimizing me.
Being mean is a form of emotionally protecting yourself. It takes courage to be mean. If you are nice all the time you will be taken advantage of. It’s great to be kind and loving and peaceful, but there are times to stand up for yourself, especially when dealing with people who want to get comfortable with obliterating your boundaries. It’s OK to be perceived as a villain.
Those who see you as a villain are the bad guys. Those who don’t see you as a villain are your fans.
Protecting yourself is vital to living a happy life. Otherwise you will feel hopeless.
Go ahead, protect yourself.
During my life I have sought direction and meaning of my life in many ways. Religions, gurus, books, fashion, food, and people who I thought knew more than me. I wasted so much time and energy trying to fit into where I didn’t belong.
So I stopped for a long time and got to know myself really well. I found my own way of being, my own direction, my own wisdom.
If you are seeking direction and meaning in your life, look within your thoughts. Ask without judgement: Why do I behave this way? Where did I learn this or that? What beliefs are outdated? Where does sadness live in my body? Where does joy live in my body? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do?
We all have other obligations, I get that. We have families and work but for five minutes every day ask a simple question. What is good for me? Write it down and visit it often and eventually your desires will manifest.
You will know your own wisdom by feeling content and in the zone. Will there be obstacles? Definitely. The obstacles are left over stuff that has to be processed in order to move on. It’s OK, process and move on.
The more you know your own wisdom, the more meaningful your life will become and there is no need to justify the meaning of your life to anyone. You now belong to you. You are your beloved. You are the “god” of your own existence.
What a beautiful and powerful gift you can give to yourself: Your Own Wisdom.
Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.
Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.
Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.
Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences
of each choice.
I wasn’t even remotely confident in myself until I was well into being an adult. I didn’t become brave enough to be confident until life threw me several curve balls. I was knocked down quite a few times until I learned to take care of myself. But you can learn confidence before life throws you any curve balls.
One striking thing about confidence if that there is a truth about it. There’s a feeling and truth in ones own abilities.
Here’s some ways to practice your confidence building skills.
- Do what you believe is right even if you are not supported.
- Take a risk and try a little harder to get to your goal.
- Admit your mistakes and correct them.
- Don’t wait for compliments.
- Accept compliments with pride.
- Look at what you have already accomplished.
- Take small steps to move forward.
- Stay away from negative situations.
- Upgrade your body image.
- Know you are brave and will succeed in anything you set out to do.
I am absolutely confident that you will be happier if you try these simple confidence building skills.
Now go out there and show the world who you are. You got this.
We are destined to repeat the same patterns of negativity until we examine them.
If you find yourself in destructive patterns over and over it is Mother Nature’s signal to stop what you are doing and examine it. Believe it or not there are signals from Mother Nature and your higher self-telling you to destroy what you don’t need to repeat. This is actually a healthy part of you reaching out and saying: “Enough is enough it’s time to look at what is going on here”.
Here is a secret, you can be sure that your mind will tell you this is not true and try all kinds of tricks to stop you from moving forward. Don’t listen to the lies your mind tells you. Your mind says these things because it is afraid to feel anything. It wants you to stay the same and be safe. But eventually the pain will be too much and you will either squash it with more self-destruction or do yourself a favor and reach out with kindness for yourself and examine what you are doing.
It is not easy to be honest about how we feel and the actions we take. It just takes a tiny step in a healing direction. A tiny risk of looking at your own beliefs, a tiny look at who we pretend to be and who we really are.
You are strong enough, smart enough, have time enough, love yourself enough to do this work, you are brave enough and lucky enough to be on this path. You are worth it too. And a bonus, your family, friends, pets, and all you touch will heal as you heal.
Reach out and find a therapy, a part of nature, a hobby you are inspired by and follow it. There may not be any outward signs to follow; some signals will come from an internal place and manifest in the here and now. Your intuition will speak, your adult self will act and the child in you will rejoice.
Trauma is when your mind is stuck on a difficult situation from the past. Let me explain. Perhaps you fell on ice and broke your leg. You then needed surgery to fix it. After much healing you are healthy again.
You decide to take a walk and happen upon the same street where you fell. Dread sets in, flashbacks of falling ignite your memory, fear of having surgery again zings in your head. So you avoid that street. You will never walk down that street again because it reminds you of when you fell.
Not every one would react that way but it is not uncommon that our minds go into survival mode after a trauma and reminds us not to venture down that block again. Your mind is trying to protect you and has no sense of time. This is the nature of trauma.
Our minds become frozen in time over an unpleasant event. Trauma is epidemic. If you have lived, you have experienced trauma.
What can we do to become unstuck. Find trauma support groups, trauma therapy, writing, meditation. Do whatever needs to be done to heal. There is no one way, or right way, there is only your way to heal. Push through the fear just for a little while and begin your healing journey. You are worth it.
I don’t trust very quickly. I like to wait and see where a situation or person leads to. It’s wonderful to have people you can trust but that is rare because people are people and wrapped up in their own stuff.
I am better at trusting me. How can we get better at trusting ourselves?
- Be the CEO of your own life.
- Pay attention to your instincts.
- Go with the flow, try not to force but let life unfold.
- Listen to your body.
- Quiet your mind.
These are some basic ways for developing a sense of trust in yourself and the more you trust yourself the better you know what your next step is and who to trust.
Our awareness is busy all the time. It is so easy to be distracted by meaningless stuff. At some point we remember important internal stuff that needs to be addressed. This internal stuff is for your growth and happiness. But we forget that our needs are important and keep getting distracted.
How do we remember to be good to ourselves?
Write lists, set an alarm, schedule that class, claim time for yourself, put up strong boundaries, protect your own interests, say no if necessary, have an unending interest in growing. You will end up remembering far more than forgetting.
It is not easy to examine ourselves. It can be torture. We can automatically wipe away the deep reasons we act out. We say “Why the heck did I do that?” Most of the time we can’t find a conscious reason so we shrug our shoulders, raise our hands and walk away. We are uncomfortable with ourselves not knowing exactly what is going on beneath the surface of our thinking. But there is this gnawing, strange feeling that something is not right.
Pay attention to that feeling, it’s trying to tell you something. It is telling you to slow down and listen. It’s that small voice that is telling you why you do the things you do. When you hear it stop what you are doing and write down what was said.
Your mind will begin it’s chatter again but you will have the message to refer to anytime.
It’s not easy to ask those tough questions: Why am I not happy, why did I react that way, why, why, why. Ask without judgement and when you find the answer examine it without judgement.
It’s up to you to change or not. Just try in tiny steps and take those steps without judgement. Become a witness to you own motives. You may be surprised at what to observe.