I wasn’t even remotely confident in myself until I was well into being an adult. I didn’t become brave enough to be confident until life threw me several curve balls. I was knocked down quite a few times until I learned to take care of myself. But you can learn confidence before life throws you any curve balls.
One striking thing about confidence if that there is a truth about it. There’s a feeling and truth in ones own abilities.
Here’s some ways to practice your confidence building skills.
- Do what you believe is right even if you are not supported.
- Take a risk and try a little harder to get to your goal.
- Admit your mistakes and correct them.
- Don’t wait for compliments.
- Accept compliments with pride.
- Look at what you have already accomplished.
- Take small steps to move forward.
- Stay away from negative situations.
- Upgrade your body image.
- Know you are brave and will succeed in anything you set out to do.
I am absolutely confident that you will be happier if you try these simple confidence building skills.
Now go out there and show the world who you are. You got this.
We are destined to repeat the same patterns of negativity until we examine them.
If you find yourself in destructive patterns over and over it is Mother Nature’s signal to stop what you are doing and examine it. Believe it or not there are signals from Mother Nature and your higher self-telling you to destroy what you don’t need to repeat. This is actually a healthy part of you reaching out and saying: “Enough is enough it’s time to look at what is going on here”.
Here is a secret, you can be sure that your mind will tell you this is not true and try all kinds of tricks to stop you from moving forward. Don’t listen to the lies your mind tells you. Your mind says these things because it is afraid to feel anything. It wants you to stay the same and be safe. But eventually the pain will be too much and you will either squash it with more self-destruction or do yourself a favor and reach out with kindness for yourself and examine what you are doing.
It is not easy to be honest about how we feel and the actions we take. It just takes a tiny step in a healing direction. A tiny risk of looking at your own beliefs, a tiny look at who we pretend to be and who we really are.
You are strong enough, smart enough, have time enough, love yourself enough to do this work, you are brave enough and lucky enough to be on this path. You are worth it too. And a bonus, your family, friends, pets, and all you touch will heal as you heal.
Reach out and find a therapy, a part of nature, a hobby you are inspired by and follow it. There may not be any outward signs to follow; some signals will come from an internal place and manifest in the here and now. Your intuition will speak, your adult self will act and the child in you will rejoice.
Trauma is when your mind is stuck on a difficult situation from the past. Let me explain. Perhaps you fell on ice and broke your leg. You then needed surgery to fix it. After much healing you are healthy again.
You decide to take a walk and happen upon the same street where you fell. Dread sets in, flashbacks of falling ignite your memory, fear of having surgery again zings in your head. So you avoid that street. You will never walk down that street again because it reminds you of when you fell.
Not every one would react that way but it is not uncommon that our minds go into survival mode after a trauma and reminds us not to venture down that block again. Your mind is trying to protect you and has no sense of time. This is the nature of trauma.
Our minds become frozen in time over an unpleasant event. Trauma is epidemic. If you have lived, you have experienced trauma.
What can we do to become unstuck. Find trauma support groups, trauma therapy, writing, meditation. Do whatever needs to be done to heal. There is no one way, or right way, there is only your way to heal. Push through the fear just for a little while and begin your healing journey. You are worth it.
I don’t trust very quickly. I like to wait and see where a situation or person leads to. It’s wonderful to have people you can trust but that is rare because people are people and wrapped up in their own stuff.
I am better at trusting me. How can we get better at trusting ourselves?
- Be the CEO of your own life.
- Pay attention to your instincts.
- Go with the flow, try not to force but let life unfold.
- Listen to your body.
- Quiet your mind.
These are some basic ways for developing a sense of trust in yourself and the more you trust yourself the better you know what your next step is and who to trust.
Our awareness is busy all the time. It is so easy to be distracted by meaningless stuff. At some point we remember important internal stuff that needs to be addressed. This internal stuff is for your growth and happiness. But we forget that our needs are important and keep getting distracted.
How do we remember to be good to ourselves?
Write lists, set an alarm, schedule that class, claim time for yourself, put up strong boundaries, protect your own interests, say no if necessary, have an unending interest in growing. You will end up remembering far more than forgetting.
It is not easy to examine ourselves. It can be torture. We can automatically wipe away the deep reasons we act out. We say “Why the heck did I do that?” Most of the time we can’t find a conscious reason so we shrug our shoulders, raise our hands and walk away. We are uncomfortable with ourselves not knowing exactly what is going on beneath the surface of our thinking. But there is this gnawing, strange feeling that something is not right.
Pay attention to that feeling, it’s trying to tell you something. It is telling you to slow down and listen. It’s that small voice that is telling you why you do the things you do. When you hear it stop what you are doing and write down what was said.
Your mind will begin it’s chatter again but you will have the message to refer to anytime.
It’s not easy to ask those tough questions: Why am I not happy, why did I react that way, why, why, why. Ask without judgement and when you find the answer examine it without judgement.
It’s up to you to change or not. Just try in tiny steps and take those steps without judgement. Become a witness to you own motives. You may be surprised at what to observe.
Another year is gone and for most of us it has had many ups and downs. Next year will be full of resolving those ups and downs with endings and new beginnings. Don’t hold on to the past because you are afraid. It is so much easier to go with the flow. It will not be easy. It will be temporarily difficult. So……………………….
Happy New Year
To You and Yours
Depression – Ugh – That feeling that nothing matters and all is hopeless. But lets take another look. Depression just might be your friend. It is probably telling you something is wrong. Maybe its your job, relationships, the drug you use, the lifestyle you have, and that it’s time for a change.
The reason you feel so bad is that you refuse to listen to the changes you need to make. Change is hard but it’s better than living in a constant state of misery and hopelessness.
Don’t believe the lies that your fear will tell you that you are helpless to change. That is not true. You are capable of doing anything you want to do.
Now get out there and make a plan. Do one baby step. Only baby steps. Only baby steps work. You can do it.
I can’t stand broad generalizations about what to do with your life. Most of the time these phrases are tongue in cheek sayings that mean nothing because there are no specifics. In the case of “Follow Your Dreams”: of course it’s true but my dream is different from yours. What is meaningful to you is not meaningful to me. So what to do.
- Be specific about what your dream is.
- What are the steps needed to fulfill that dream.
- Believe it’s achievable.
- Decide on a timeline to get there.
- If you need help, ask for it.
- Stay focused.
I am sure you could flesh this out to fit your plan. Instead of “Follow Your Dreams” how about “Let’s Make A Plan”.
I like that.
Some habits are so ingrained that we are completely unaware of them. Like taking the easy way or the familiar way. Continuing to do the same things over and over with only the wish to get through the day. One day you wake up and say where did the last 10 years go and looking back it was all the same. Habits do that.
There were times you were uneasy about something, a feeling that there needed to be a shift. A new way of doing things but you didn’t listen. You kept up the habits because it was automatic and seemed to make sense. After all why change when what you were doing worked.
One day your routine habit is interrupted. Probably something not in your control. Havoc and chaos is now your companion not your habit. There’s that pesky shift, the unwanted change, the inconvenience of doing things differently.
That is what life is about. Shifts and change and movement. If you are unaware of your habits then when change happens you will be terribly afraid. If you are aware that old habits leave and new ones arrive you will be ease into it.
Be open to new ways of being and doing and learning. Rigidity will give you health problems and an overall gloomy outlook. There is so much to learn and experience. Get out of your habits and be alive.