Tag Archives: change

Thoughtful Thursday #207 – Separation

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Many of us have grown up in either mildly dysfunctional or maddeningly dysfunctional family systems. We could have lived through addictions, violence, mental illness, instability, abandonment and the result was trauma. At some point we have to stop seeking validation from those in our family system who can’t even  validate themselves.

It’s time to separate. It’s time to let go of believing that they will change. It’s more probable that toxic people will always let you down and you deserve so much more. It’s time to miss events with those who are emotionally unavailable and toxic. When we separate we can acknowledge our pain and the depth of our family’s broken and unfit system. When we recognise our pain the healing begins.

When the healing begins you will regain your health, sanity, dignity and wholeness with this important and critical self-care. Will it be easy, nope. But so worth the effort.

It’s time to find out who you are in your own wholeness, separate from the trauma, drama and maladaptive idea of who you are.  It’s time for you to go back to the  unbroken and undamaged person you are meant to be, in one piece, peaceful and confident.

You are worth it.

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Thoughtful Thursday #205 – Progress

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We all have something we want to progress toward. A small thing or a large thing it doesn’t matter.

Progress is not all at once. Rather progress comes in bits and pieces, fits and starts, ups and downs, forward and backward.

That is OK and in a way that is how change happens, especially if the change is going to be permanent.

So in your frustration, when your progress is not fast enough,  please remember that progress is not linear, it never will be. Going with the flow and being patient, putting one foot in front of the other will get you where you need to go, in soon enough time.

Thoughtful Thursday #204 – Mental Illness

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Growing up with one of my caregivers being schizophrenic and the other an addict made my childhood a living hell. Mental illness was the elephant in the room that no one talked about. Relatives kept away, no one wanted to get involved and there were not many resources for a child protection back then.

I am here to say that if you are feeling unsafe in your home and you are under 18, reach out to a school counselor or your teacher even a police officer, you can even walk into a criminal court and go to the victim services office for advice.

If you are over 18 and you are feeling unsafe in your home reach out to a therapist, find supportive allies, start creating distance with those who are unsafe.  As an adult you can move around easier than a child can. You can leave your situation.

Being closely involved with those who have serious mental illness can make you feel crazy and unsure of your own sanity. It’s not you. Protect yourself because your very sanity and life depends on it.

You will come up against some who don’t want to get involved, that’s OK. Keep reaching out and you will prevail and regain the peace you deserve.

Thoughtful Thursday #202 – Cognitive Bias

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One of my FB friends gave me this idea. I am passing it along to you. Hope it helps.

It’s a detailed article about cognitive bias that we all carry at one time or another.

 

180+ cognitive biases, designed by John Manoogian III (jm3)

The better you know yourself the better your life experience.

Thoughtful Thursday #200 – Love Yourself First

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Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and many share their love and enthusiasm for our families, lovers, friends.

Let’s not forget to give a big Valentines to ourselves. After all we are very important too. Here’s some helpful ways to love yourself.

  1. Stop calling yourself names. eg. I am such a jerk.
  2. Stop thinking about the worst case scenario. eg. The world will end if I say the wrong thing.
  3. Identify negative beliefs you have about yourself and get rid of them. eg. I am a really bad cook.
  4. Rewrite and reframe your internal dialog. eg. I am a good dancer.
  5. Celebrate yourself. It’s OK to give yourself a reward.
  6. Visit a therapist. Self examination is healing.
  7. Support yourself with positive self talk.

Every day is a chance to take good care of yourself and be your own Valentine.

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. BennettThe Light in the Heart

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #197 – Art

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Art can be many things, for example, like painting, writing, singing, cooking, fashion, music, etc. Creativity in the arts is subjective. The beauty or chaos of the creation belongs to the beholder.

There is a place in this world for everyone’s creations. There is someone or many someones that will resonate with what you create. Whether it’s a painting or an article or a cake, there will be those that love it.

Therefore, as creative creatures we must never give up in creating and sharing our creations with the world at large. Share your creations on a blog, on Facebook, your family, friends or neighbors. Share what you have, someone needs to see it, perhaps to brighten their day.

And if you get a negative remark on your creation, just brush it off. Remarks are from those who are either jealous, out of touch with the beauty in any creation, or just plain miserable. Don’t let that bring you down. Keep creating and keep showing.

The world needs your creativity.

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – #194- In Between and Happy New Year

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In between Christmas and New Years there is time to reflect on the year past.

In between January 1 and December 31 there is time to examine out beliefs.

In between today and tomorrow there is time to reverse a bad habit.

In between now and tomorrow there is time to make a new plan.

In between your two ears there is your brain to think.

In between you and me there is no difference.

In between like minded souls there is healing.

My heartfelt wish for you in 2018 is healing, peace and finding your heart’s desire.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2018

 

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays # 191 – Today is not over yet.

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If your heart is beating, if your lungs are breathing, if you are still alive… then it is not too late to do something kind, creative, generous, satisfying, and courageous. Today.

It is not too late to behave like the person you want to be — instead of continuing in a cycle of behavior that you will regret.

You might feel sleepy. It might be tough. It could seem preferable to just sit this one out.

But…

Today is not over yet.

http://www.alexandrafranzen.com

Thoughtful Thursdays #188 – Move Closer

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There are some pretty scary emotions that we run from. Our minds race with one disaster after another. Our society almost demands that we let it go and move on from tragedy or trauma. Letting go and moving on is not possible if we smother the very emotions we need to move closer to. Emotions like fear, abandonment, isolation and worthlessness.

Move closer to the parts of you that you exiled. Move closer to the very emotions that scare you. Move closer to approval for all strange events you survived. Move closer to being curious about your behavior. Move closer to the parts that are so hard to accept and love. Move closer to having compassion and kindness for yourself. Move closer to being intimate with our own courage. Move closer to deeply knowing who you are because you can’t help anyone else without helping yourself first.

It won’t be easy but so worth the effort. Your thinking will become more integrated and grounded. And an important perk to this effort is you will become more productive, understanding and confident.

Thoughtful Thursday #186 – Family

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Family is a loaded subject for me because my family consists of my kids, cats and me. I never had a real family with a loving parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. Nor could I give that to my kids. I did the best I could and I always talked about our situation and encouraged my kids to have lots of friends. Which they did.

I often wonder what that would have been like to have that family you see advertised on Christmas cards and commercials.  The kind of family you see going on vacations and sitting at the dinner table. The kind of family that you could trust and talk to.

I did try to be that family for my kids. We are not perfect but we have each other.

I know the definition of family is different for everyone and no family is perfect.

I decided a long time ago that it’s OK to be a small family and there is no reason why we can’t pick and choose non-biological family members.

After all, family is about including others and family includes everyone we care about.