Feeling blue this Valentines Day because you are single, that is perfectly normal.
But Valentine’s day is more than romantic love, it’s about self love and love of your friends, children, significant others, those who make your life better, or whatever you are passionate about.
Do you, buy yourself a gift, go out with a couple, go on a vacation that you want, explore new destinations, talk to strangers, go to a social function alone, relish who you are.
Romantic love shows up quicker the more you know yourself. No one can resist a person who is confident and strong in standing on their own.
So this Valentines Day, let it be a reminder that self love is really the first love you ever need.
Happy Do You Day………………..
I have had two strong flashbacks that has kicked my complex trauma response into high gear. That’s the thing with C-PTSD flashbacks, it places me in two worlds. The world of the past and the present.
Flashbacks are important in trauma recovery but not at all easy to process. Flashbacks are a necessary part of healing. You can’t heal if you don’t feel.
At this time there is a part of me that feels it’s safe enough to allow a repressed memory to surface. I am thankful for that. Doing this kind of work and the willingness to feel the feelings of the past uncovers underlying traumatic emotions.
Once the repressed feelings come to the surface it is easier to make positive change, stay in the present moment and get happy again.
There’s so much information about narcissism out there. You can google narcissism and the information is overwhelming.
I can tell you from personal experience that the longer you keep a narcissistic person in your life the worse your life will get. Don’t be the bigger person because the narcissist really doesn’t care. They enjoy hurting and damaging other humans and even animals. It doesn’t matter how the narcissist became that way and besides it is not your responsibility to figure it out. The responsibility is on them. Most of the time the narcissist never changes because they do not have any awareness of their own destructive behavior and not any interest in self-awareness.
Here are some red flags that are attributable to being a narcissist:
- they take advantage of others
- feels superior to just about everyone
- needs constant praise and if you don’t they will try to destroy you
- your needs don’t matter
- cares only about themselves
- very destructive to you and not caring at all
These are just a few red flags, but if this kind of behavior is consistent there’s a good chance you are dealing with a narcissist. Feel free to research the subject for more information.
My advice to you, and I can tell you from experience, that it is best you leave to protect yourself. It is not likely they will change. It’s best you go on to have a better life.
Mental Health Disorder is an illness that is diagnosable. The illness affects a person’s thinking, emotional state and behavior and disrupts their lives. Examples are depression and anxiety which is common and the not so common schizophrenia and bipolar disorder which can lead to a disability.
Mental Health Problem is a much broader term that included both mental health disorders and symptoms of mental disorders that may not be severe enough to warrant a diagnosis of a mental disorder.
Slang terms used for mental health issues are crazy, psycho, mad, loony, nuts, cracked up and wacko. None of these terms are helpful for give much information on the subject.
Helpful Resources for your mental health and if you are assisting others.
National Institute of Mental Health – http://www.nimh.nih.gov
World Health Organization – http://www.who.int/topics/global_burden_of_disease/en/
From: Chapter 1 of Mental Health First Aid USA ISBN:978-00692-60748-0
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and many share their love and enthusiasm for our families, lovers, friends.
Let’s not forget to give a big Valentines to ourselves. After all we are very important too. Here’s some helpful ways to love yourself.
- Stop calling yourself names. eg. I am such a jerk.
- Stop thinking about the worst case scenario. eg. The world will end if I say the wrong thing.
- Identify negative beliefs you have about yourself and get rid of them. eg. I am a really bad cook.
- Rewrite and reframe your internal dialog. eg. I am a good dancer.
- Celebrate yourself. It’s OK to give yourself a reward.
- Visit a therapist. Self examination is healing.
- Support yourself with positive self talk.
Every day is a chance to take good care of yourself and be your own Valentine.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
It’s much better to get to know someone first before you express the power of who you are.
Not all are trustworthy. Some people are predators. Some want to destroy for the sheer pleasure of it.
It is perfectly OK to protect yourself, emotionally, physically, financially.
However, if you find someone you can trust, treasure them. This is truly rare.
We all play a number of roles during the day. Co-worker, parent, helper, listener, child, adult etc.
We play so many roles we forget to authentic.
We are authentic when we are truly ourselves with no fear of judgement.
It’s better to be your honest self because you will be happier and a better role model for others to be authentic too.
Our hearts can become broken so easily. Broken from fear, endings, trauma, and tragedy. How many times have you seen something that makes you really sad and feel helpless to change the situation? We have all run across this many times. A homeless person, the high functioning drug addict, the mentally handicapped, the poor, stray animals, the dying. What about our own personal suffering. Everyone has some challenge. It’s part of the human existence.
Tears flow from our eyes when we see others suffer and sometimes see a reflection of ourselves in that suffering. New Age philosophy makes claims to just think positive. That is unrealistic and impractical. You can’t just think for something to change for the better.
Each heart is unique; each heart has to find its own way of mending. What works for one heart will not work for another. Let’s ask: why is my heart broken and how can I move on?
- Take time to be still.
- Take time to grieve.
- Use extreme self-care.
- Try new things.
- Volunteer your time.
- Read about healing.
- Stay connected to others.
- Stay in the present moment.
- Get support.
In the meantime, hold yourself in high regard and shower love onto yourself. Know that this will pass.
I admit it. I like to be right. Everyone does.
However to demand others see things our way is actually wrong. The need to be right all the time comes from the fear of losing control and credibility and feeling threatened. That is a real uncomfortable way to live.
“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” – Pema Chodron
Here’s 5 negative results of insisting on being right all the time.
- You will not be open to other possibilities.
- You see others in a condescending and belittling manner.
- There is no open dialog.
- You will end up alone and isolated.
- It is disrespectful to others.
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” -Anthony Robbins
Here’s 5 positive results of letting go of being right all the time.
- You become kinder and accepting without feeling threatened.
- You become more compassionate and understanding.
- You can communicate better.
- You will be open to new experiences.
- You will have the willingness to be wrong.
“You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.”- Marcia Wieder
If we can, for just a moment, become detached from the need to be right and listen to another’s opinion we open ourselves to deeper understanding and acceptance. Being detached to having it your way will also eliminate judgement and resistance.
So be considerate to others by being confident enough to live without the need to be right. You will be happier, unafraid to make mistakes, kinder, willing to learn, humble and brave enough to build character.
Happy— I Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time— Day.
We all have different parts of us. Our lives are experienced through these different parts. We have the party part, the defender, the analyzer, critic, comedian, intuitive, loving part, parent, child, adult and peacemaker are just a few. These parts can work with each other or alone.
We are not strange for having these parts. All of us have them. Each part gives us information about who we are, what we believe and many possible explanations of our actions.
All parts are good and make up our special-ness. Problems shows up when we deny these different parts. All our parts have a purpose. To help us figure things out, even if you are uncomfortable.
Trust yourself and all your parts. They are on your side and have your best interests at heart.