There are a number of attachment styles that people adopt. Anxious, Avoidant, Secure, Dismissive. These are the four major styles, You can look up the details on Google.
Attachment injuries come from mostly from family of origin issues.
How do you know you have an attachment issue, your relationships are not working, you feel invisible, you are not getting your needs met, you are allowing others to sabotage and abuse you somehow.
This is heavy stuff so I want to share an expert Attachment Trauma, relationship coach and Psychotherapist Alan Robarge, Here’s a video explaining this issue.
Hope you find it healing.
It’s normal and necessary to reinvent ourselves over and over during our entire lifetime.
How do we reinvent ourselves, by changing the way we behave just like a singer who reinvents their career over and over. You are no different from a celebrity. You are the star of your own life and can grow and adapt as you go on in your precious life.
Don’t be afraid to experiment, you don’t have to explain or justify the new you, get out of your comfort zone, be honest with yourself and others.
Make your one and only life happy for you over and over. Find your courage, set some goals, create a plan, write it all down on paper, you can always change it as you go along, you may even have to relentlessly reassess. And take your time there is no finish line.
Have fun while you are at it and remind yourself every day that you are worth the effort.
There are many Mass Murderers in recent history who murder lots of innocent people. Their methods of murder vary.
These actions are typical of a walking wounded adult child. This behavior may have be a last ditch effort to ease the psychological pain the person endured their entire life. Or perhaps their mind is so twisted from the ongoing dysfunction of a pathological household they actually enjoy hurting as many people as possible, or maybe they are not in touch with their own humanity and feel justified in this heinous actions.These actions are caused from poor mental health.
I am sure there are red flags in this type of self absorbed behavior for a very long time. However no one came forward to report concerns to the authorities.
Normal people don’t go around destroying others, it’s a simple fact.
Mental health is the number one concern next to physical health to live in this fast moving world. the The need for mental health information and practical resources must come into the public view more readily to end these useless acts of violence.
I will certainly keep writing about ending senseless violence on all levels by reminding everyone to take their mental health seriously.
Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about mental health, we will all be so much happier.
Here’s a post from one of my favorite writers, in this short article he says what most of us want to express.
His writing is a reminder that we must choose to be ourselves always even if you are unsure, scared or insecure. Live like “a rebel with no shame” as Mr. Teixeira says.
I repel everything that’s supposed to be. I reject everything that it’s imposed on me. I can’t stand conditions or hierarchies. All this immodesty and false humility angers me. I have a hard time accepting injustice and prejudice. I hardly can make friendships and partnerships because it demands from me what I don’t want or know how to give. I’m a loner with an optimistic attitude who seeks to postpone everyday his mental illness. I’m not mad, but I love the madness in finding me mad. I’m proud of who I am. I’m not going to change for anyone. I don’t care about what others think of me. I do what I want and I say whatever I feel like. I’m a rebel with no shame. There’s nothing else to do. I’ll die smiling.
José Micard Teixeira
Author & Coach
When we hate, criticize and judge other people it is a reflection of how unhappy and insecure we feel about ourselves.
When we criticize, hate or judge others it means we hate, criticize, judge ourselves.
Why? Because we believe we are not model size, rich, successful, pretty, overweight, underweight, cool, fill in the blank of where we believe we are lacking.
When we criticize, hate, judge others it gives a sense of assurance and validation that we are OK.
Why do we do that? We must get to the root of these beliefs and actions – to uncover and process our own self hatred and judgement.
We must get to feeling “good enough” about ourselves.
Feeling “good enough” about ourselves brings happiness and contentment and there is no room or desire to hate and judge others.
Get back to yourself.
Do the internal work necessary to be happy and content – you are worth it.
There is no such thing as a hopeless situation, all circumstances can change.
Use your noodle (thinking), take a long look at yourself and your beliefs. Make your choices real by writing down all possibilities,
Is there an internal belief that needs to be ripped out by the roots? Are you open to thinking outside of the the preverbal box?
It won’t be easy to do this, but you must because you need to know your situation is not hopeless.
Today is Independence day here in the USA, based on when the Declaration of Independence was signed we are now 242 years old. That is really young for an enormous country.
I am proud of my country, we have the best human and civil rights in the world. No where else can you pursue your own interests with so much freedom.
We have freedom of expression, we are free to examine and choose what to believe and choose our own lifestyles.
Congratulations to our wonderful United States of America.
Sometimes our behavior makes us seem unloveable. We get unflattering feedback of our strange behavior and cringe with embarrassment. We get rejected because we seem aloof and unapproachable. Maybe we are single and think we just have not found the right person. Or perhaps we think we need a trip to Tibet to find ourselves. Are we that strange?
A Full Stop is Necessary.
Part of maturity and growing as a person is asking questions.
How am I making my life difficult. We may draw a blank here but keep asking.
How do I react when I am annoyed, angry, happy.
How do I react when I am tired. Am I difficult around money, what do I worry about. What are my beliefs around sex.
There are tons of questions to ask and none of them are meant to make you feel guilty. The answers to these questions are to make you aware of your own patterns and how others in your life may perceive them, be it annoying or not.
Growing up to be a whole human is not easy but step by step you will become how you are meant to be.
Paying attention to what you are thinking is an important step in a healthy mind.
Mindyourmind.org has some steps to help you have a healthy mind.
Top 10 Easy, Everyday Ways to Improve Your Mental Health
- Spend Time Outdoors
- Share a Laugh
- Express Gratitude
- Get Quality Sleep
- Talk (to a friend, to your cat…)
- Take a Break
- Sing (in a choir, in the shower…)
- Your idea here!
From Psychology Today: The mind can sometimes be a wonderful, creative instrument. However usually, the inner dialogue is anything but constructive. Remember – you are not your mind, and never let yourself be tricked by it.
Quote by Denis Avey, Author: The mind is a powerful thing. It can take you through walls.
Buddha: “It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.” “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” “There is nothing so disobedient as an undisciplined mind, and there is nothing so obedient as a disciplined mind.”
We can never stop thinking but we can pay attention to what the chatter is all about and allow us to be a little more detached. Having a healthy mind is a lifelong journey. A journey so worth the effort.
We all have something we want to progress toward. A small thing or a large thing it doesn’t matter.
Progress is not all at once. Rather progress comes in bits and pieces, fits and starts, ups and downs, forward and backward.
That is OK and in a way that is how change happens, especially if the change is going to be permanent.
So in your frustration, when your progress is not fast enough, please remember that progress is not linear, it never will be. Going with the flow and being patient, putting one foot in front of the other will get you where you need to go, in soon enough time.