There is no such thing as a hopeless situation, all circumstances can change.
Use your noodle (thinking), take a long look at yourself and your beliefs. Make your choices real by writing down all possibilities,
Is there an internal belief that needs to be ripped out by the roots? Are you open to thinking outside of the the preverbal box?
It won’t be easy to do this, but you must because you need to know your situation is not hopeless.
Today is Independence day here in the USA, based on when the Declaration of Independence was signed we are now 242 years old. That is really young for an enormous country.
I am proud of my country, we have the best human and civil rights in the world. No where else can you pursue your own interests with so much freedom.
We have freedom of expression, we are free to examine and choose what to believe and choose our own lifestyles.
Congratulations to our wonderful United States of America.
Sometimes our behavior makes us seem unloveable. We get unflattering feedback of our strange behavior and cringe with embarrassment. We get rejected because we seem aloof and unapproachable. Maybe we are single and think we just have not found the right person. Or perhaps we think we need a trip to Tibet to find ourselves. Are we that strange?
A Full Stop is Necessary.
Part of maturity and growing as a person is asking questions.
How am I making my life difficult. We may draw a blank here but keep asking.
How do I react when I am annoyed, angry, happy.
How do I react when I am tired. Am I difficult around money, what do I worry about. What are my beliefs around sex.
There are tons of questions to ask and none of them are meant to make you feel guilty. The answers to these questions are to make you aware of your own patterns and how others in your life may perceive them, be it annoying or not.
Growing up to be a whole human is not easy but step by step you will become how you are meant to be.
Paying attention to what you are thinking is an important step in a healthy mind.
Mindyourmind.org has some steps to help you have a healthy mind.
Top 10 Easy, Everyday Ways to Improve Your Mental Health
- Spend Time Outdoors
- Share a Laugh
- Express Gratitude
- Get Quality Sleep
- Talk (to a friend, to your cat…)
- Take a Break
- Sing (in a choir, in the shower…)
- Your idea here!
From Psychology Today: The mind can sometimes be a wonderful, creative instrument. However usually, the inner dialogue is anything but constructive. Remember – you are not your mind, and never let yourself be tricked by it.
Quote by Denis Avey, Author: The mind is a powerful thing. It can take you through walls.
Buddha: “It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.” “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” “There is nothing so disobedient as an undisciplined mind, and there is nothing so obedient as a disciplined mind.”
We can never stop thinking but we can pay attention to what the chatter is all about and allow us to be a little more detached. Having a healthy mind is a lifelong journey. A journey so worth the effort.
We all have something we want to progress toward. A small thing or a large thing it doesn’t matter.
Progress is not all at once. Rather progress comes in bits and pieces, fits and starts, ups and downs, forward and backward.
That is OK and in a way that is how change happens, especially if the change is going to be permanent.
So in your frustration, when your progress is not fast enough, please remember that progress is not linear, it never will be. Going with the flow and being patient, putting one foot in front of the other will get you where you need to go, in soon enough time.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and many share their love and enthusiasm for our families, lovers, friends.
Let’s not forget to give a big Valentines to ourselves. After all we are very important too. Here’s some helpful ways to love yourself.
- Stop calling yourself names. eg. I am such a jerk.
- Stop thinking about the worst case scenario. eg. The world will end if I say the wrong thing.
- Identify negative beliefs you have about yourself and get rid of them. eg. I am a really bad cook.
- Rewrite and reframe your internal dialog. eg. I am a good dancer.
- Celebrate yourself. It’s OK to give yourself a reward.
- Visit a therapist. Self examination is healing.
- Support yourself with positive self talk.
Every day is a chance to take good care of yourself and be your own Valentine.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
I know how you feel. Betrayed and abandoned by someone who you thought cared.
If you can feel betrayal and abandonment you are the healthy one.
People who constantly hurt and abandon are the broken ones.
I know it’s hard to do but………….
Feel it – breathe – carry on.
Pain and shame are the hardest feelings to sit with. We will do anything not to feel them.
When we are willing to go to these frightening places something wonderful happens. We have the chance to witness past and present events and their impact with a new, clearer sight. Which illuminates our thinking about close relationships in the present.
You may even become determined in changing those relationships and becoming free to choose healthier alternatives.
All it takes is a little bit of curiosity and courage to look at those scary emotional places and a baby step toward a new direction.
We all have an inner and outer world. In our head there are so many thoughts and voices it’s hard to identify which way is the most effective way.
We all have an outer world that reflects your inner world. The mess, confusion, the paralysis.
How to get the both in sync is to find your way of grounding yourself.
To start: In whatever task you are doing direct your thoughts to the present moment.
For example: I am washing the dishes, I am cutting an onion, I am driving my car, I am walking the dog. Bring attention to your breathing. Let the thoughts come with no judgement. Don’t judge yourself either.
The idea is to get out of your head for a little while and find a sense of peace away from racing thoughts and impulsive actions.
Your inner world and outer world will thank you for the peace.
Road rage is never about the traffic incident, it’s about underlying, unresolved anger that is misplaced.
Over reacting to any situation is usually about unresolved hurt, anger, oppression or any other uncomfortable feeling of frustration.
I am not minimizing that a particular event like road rage is not meaningful.
These trigger events are meaningful because they show you where you have been hiding, and not dealing with uncomfortable stuff.
These trigger events are your reminder of where you are not looking to be healed.
These trigger events are your teachers.
These trigger events are monumental in transforming your life.
Look where you are hurting, go to the places that make you uncomfortable, be willing to be curious about what is triggering you.
You may have to change some stuff: do you need to remove yourself from a situation, do you need to protect yourself, do you need to have a difficult conversation. Then by all means do it, it’s going to hurt temporarily, but you will be so much better off in the long run.
Welcome Road Rage and any other Rage into your life. It’s the place you need to change something.