Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.
Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.
Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.
Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences
of each choice.
I wasn’t even remotely confident in myself until I was well into being an adult. I didn’t become brave enough to be confident until life threw me several curve balls. I was knocked down quite a few times until I learned to take care of myself. But you can learn confidence before life throws you any curve balls.
One striking thing about confidence if that there is a truth about it. There’s a feeling and truth in ones own abilities.
Here’s some ways to practice your confidence building skills.
- Do what you believe is right even if you are not supported.
- Take a risk and try a little harder to get to your goal.
- Admit your mistakes and correct them.
- Don’t wait for compliments.
- Accept compliments with pride.
- Look at what you have already accomplished.
- Take small steps to move forward.
- Stay away from negative situations.
- Upgrade your body image.
- Know you are brave and will succeed in anything you set out to do.
I am absolutely confident that you will be happier if you try these simple confidence building skills.
Now go out there and show the world who you are. You got this.
It is my opinion and experience that there are many parts to me. In a schizophrenic way we are all made up of many internal parts to greater or lesser degrees. We have the part that we show to the everyday world, a part that is the child, the part that is wounded, the love seeker, the angry one and many others. How do we know who is out and who isn’t?
If you feel stuck and frustrated there is probably and internal conflict going on between your inner parts.
The fastest way to figure out what you are thinking is to write. Sit down with a pen or at your computer and bang out what you are thinking and feeling. This will allow your inner parts a voice. At some point you will experience a window of space, of expansiveness where you will be insightful. This happened because you allowed your inner parts a voice and they get quiet. This type of writing is done frequently. The more you write from your inner parts the better you feel and more likely to change for the better.
You are worth the time and effort it takes to learn about yourself. It’s time to grow.
It is not easy to examine ourselves. It can be torture. We can automatically wipe away the deep reasons we act out. We say “Why the heck did I do that?” Most of the time we can’t find a conscious reason so we shrug our shoulders, raise our hands and walk away. We are uncomfortable with ourselves not knowing exactly what is going on beneath the surface of our thinking. But there is this gnawing, strange feeling that something is not right.
Pay attention to that feeling, it’s trying to tell you something. It is telling you to slow down and listen. It’s that small voice that is telling you why you do the things you do. When you hear it stop what you are doing and write down what was said.
Your mind will begin it’s chatter again but you will have the message to refer to anytime.
It’s not easy to ask those tough questions: Why am I not happy, why did I react that way, why, why, why. Ask without judgement and when you find the answer examine it without judgement.
It’s up to you to change or not. Just try in tiny steps and take those steps without judgement. Become a witness to you own motives. You may be surprised at what to observe.
Another year is gone and for most of us it has had many ups and downs. Next year will be full of resolving those ups and downs with endings and new beginnings. Don’t hold on to the past because you are afraid. It is so much easier to go with the flow. It will not be easy. It will be temporarily difficult. So……………………….
Happy New Year
To You and Yours
Beliefs are a big thing. It’s also and unconscious big thing. We don’t even realize what we believe. Are our beliefs internalized by our environment? Or based on trauma? Or accumulated by social interactions?
Beliefs are formed in these ways and many others. You won’t know what your beliefs are until you examine what you do believe. This is not easy. We do behaviors usually by habit. Beliefs are a habit too.
For this moment think about your beliefs. Are they helpful? Are they hurtful? Are you allowing or not allowing all life experiences to come into your life so you can grow or are you hiding behind some false belief?
Do you believe you are an important part of life? Because you are important. You deserve all of life’s good stuff. Sometimes our beliefs get in the way.
Next time you feel a resistance to an experience take a look if it’s your belief. You might be surprised that it is a false belief.
It’s OK to get rid of those outdated beliefs. Do it as soon as possible.
Depression – Ugh – That feeling that nothing matters and all is hopeless. But lets take another look. Depression just might be your friend. It is probably telling you something is wrong. Maybe its your job, relationships, the drug you use, the lifestyle you have, and that it’s time for a change.
The reason you feel so bad is that you refuse to listen to the changes you need to make. Change is hard but it’s better than living in a constant state of misery and hopelessness.
Don’t believe the lies that your fear will tell you that you are helpless to change. That is not true. You are capable of doing anything you want to do.
Now get out there and make a plan. Do one baby step. Only baby steps. Only baby steps work. You can do it.
This election has been quite a surprise. Some citizens are happy, some citizens are sad. And that is OK. We have lived through many questionable presidents.
There is nothing you can do about who is president. Not even your vote counted because the Electoral College is the one who really picks the president. Don’t believe me? Check for yourself. The only reason you vote is to express your opinion to the Electoral College. Therefore, how much control did you really have when you voted. Not much. That was an illusion.
Control of others is an illusion. Period. You can influence but not control. I am talking adults here. How frustrating it is to know that you mostly can’t control conditions outside of you. You are probably shouting at this post right now saying she doesn’t know what she is talking about. But you can’t control what I write nor can I control how you view my writing.
Controlling yourself is the best way to effect your own life for the better. You have control over your effort, lifestyle, job, relationships and any other choice you make for yourself. That is the power you have right now that can be used at anytime.
Focusing on your own life is vastly more important than who is president. Focus on what is in your control not what is outside of it.
I can’t stand broad generalizations about what to do with your life. Most of the time these phrases are tongue in cheek sayings that mean nothing because there are no specifics. In the case of “Follow Your Dreams”: of course it’s true but my dream is different from yours. What is meaningful to you is not meaningful to me. So what to do.
- Be specific about what your dream is.
- What are the steps needed to fulfill that dream.
- Believe it’s achievable.
- Decide on a timeline to get there.
- If you need help, ask for it.
- Stay focused.
I am sure you could flesh this out to fit your plan. Instead of “Follow Your Dreams” how about “Let’s Make A Plan”.
I like that.
We all have different parts of us. Our lives are experienced through these different parts. We have the party part, the defender, the analyzer, critic, comedian, intuitive, loving part, parent, child, adult and peacemaker are just a few. These parts can work with each other or alone.
We are not strange for having these parts. All of us have them. Each part gives us information about who we are, what we believe and many possible explanations of our actions.
All parts are good and make up our special-ness. Problems shows up when we deny these different parts. All our parts have a purpose. To help us figure things out, even if you are uncomfortable.
Trust yourself and all your parts. They are on your side and have your best interests at heart.