Tag Archives: fear

Thoughtful Thursdays #188 – Move Closer

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There are some pretty scary emotions that we run from. Our minds race with one disaster after another. Our society almost demands that we let it go and move on from tragedy or trauma. Letting go and moving on is not possible if we smother the very emotions we need to move closer to. Emotions like fear, abandonment, isolation and worthlessness.

Move closer to the parts of you that you exiled. Move closer to the very emotions that scare you. Move closer to approval for all strange events you survived. Move closer to being curious about your behavior. Move closer to the parts that are so hard to accept and love. Move closer to having compassion and kindness for yourself. Move closer to being intimate with our own courage. Move closer to deeply knowing who you are because you can’t help anyone else without helping yourself first.

It won’t be easy but so worth the effort. Your thinking will become more integrated and grounded. And an important perk to this effort is you will become more productive, understanding and confident.

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Thoughtful Thursdays # 88 – Sit With It

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I had a very interesting experience this week. I was extremely emotional. I had racing thoughts and crying outbursts. This experience was brought on by a series of events that tapped into my fears.

I remembered Pema Chodron’s suggestion. Sit with it. Sit with the feelings that are troubling you without picking up food, a drink, or any other distraction.

I did sit with the feelings and it hurt really bad. I wanted to run away, disappear, die, dive into a pie and surf the web, cry and throw up.

But I didn’t. The troubling feelings lasted about three days.

The fear I was feeling was from a past trauma. Each event reminiscent of the trauma flashed before my mind and it all made sense. All the times I ran away from feeling the fear, all the times I distracted my self, all the times I made excuses, basically to protect myself.

The fear left because I faced it. My feelings are still raw but the intensity of the fear on a scale of one to ten is a one.

Next time you are emotionally out of control, depressed, sad or troubled. Just sit with it. Don’t run away. Feel everything.

You will expand your understanding of how you operate. From understanding and knowledge about yourself changes your entire life for the better. That’s a guarantee.

Happy exploring.

OM

Thoughtful Thursdays # 85 – Going To Fearful Places

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Machig Lardron was a famous female 11th century Tibetan tantric Buddhist teacher. Her birth was predicted by Yeshe Tsogyel.  She was as mystic and shaman. She wanted to know how to end human suffering. She wanted to wake up so she could heal the suffering in the world. So she asked her teacher at the time what was the best and fastest method of achieving this. This is what he told her. She followed it to the letter and gained much spiritual power. And you can too.

1. Confess your hidden faults

2. Approach what you find repulsive

3. Help those you think you cannot help ( also translated as to help those you do not want to help)

4. Anything you are attached to, give that ( let it go )

5. Go to the places that scare you

Each slogan amounts to the same thing. Facing your fears.

1. What am I afraid of admitting

2. What do I find completely and utterly unapproachable

3. Who do I not want to help because I am afraid to admit my true feelings

4. What am I afraid of losing

5. Where am I afraid to go to in the real world and where and I afraid to go in the dark recesses of my mind.

As a spiritual practice of mindfullness examine each fear you have and face it. What is this dark side telling you.

There is tremendous benefit in facing fear rather than running from it.

You will gain a confidence no one can ever take from you.

You will be a guiding force for yourself and for others to emulate.

There is so much strength in you that you don’t take credit for.

Do it now. See fear for what it really is. Lies. Don’t believe the lies. Don’t believe you can’t do something.

There is nothing that cannot be solved. You are more powerful than any trouble. Use your own power.

You can do it. Believe in yourself and do it now.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #77 – Luck

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I often say to myself how lucky I am. There are serendiptious events that happen to me all the time. Like getting the perfect parking spot, avoiding a disaster, not getting what I want.

I usually shout ” I am the luckiest person in the Univerise”. No I do not have tons of money or fancy job or wonderful perfect life. On the contrary. I don’t have any of those things. I make lots of mistakes, I get scared, I make decisions with my heart instead of my mind, I fight with my gut feelings all the time. As deeply as I cry, I can be just as mean.

I think everyone is as lucky as I am because there is a natural flow to life and if you take a look at those times when things worked out they way they were supposed to be, then you are truly lucky.

Next time that happens shout “I am the luckiest person in the Universe”.

 

Carry on.

 

Emotional Maturity VS Emotional Immaturity

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First let’s identify what emotional immaturity is:

1. Moody most of the time
2. Demanding that others cater to their every whim
3. Irresponsibility, not dependable, easily influenced by others
4. Feeling not good enough and gives up easily
5. Violent, blaming, reckless
6. Fearful, easily offended, insensitive, inconsiderate
7. Cynical, unstable, complains

Second let’s identify what emotional maturity is:

1. Flexable, result oriented, determined
2. Composed, peaceful, makes effort to be cooperative
3. Has values, humble, has goals
4. Able to face uncomfortable and frustrating situations
5. Compassionate, kind, happy, patient
7. Aware of how their behavior impacts others

Your emotions give energy to the mind. Emotions are your feelings that can manifest into physical results. You can decide to hurt or care for others with is energy. You can develop new behavior with creative thinking, strong decisions and self-discipline.

We have been programed and conditioned since we were children to be mature or immature, so start by examining your behavior. What have lies have you absorbed about yourself? Change for the better can only come from awareness. Your behavior is an indication of where you are stuck in certain emotions or where your are free in certain emotions. Feel your feelings. The best way to overcome being stuck is to sit with being uncomfortable.

Feelings are not permanent, feelings are temporary, they come and go all the time. Where are your weak areas? Make the determination to work on those areas. Choose your responses. Choose to be aware and awake, don’t sleep walk your life.

Emotional Maturity is learned. It is the ability to choose your responses. It is the best way to have a happy life.

Low Country Bribe by C. Hope Clark (Review)

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Just finished reading Hopes book and ……………….

Hope realistically portrays life in the South Carolina and the lifestyles of the people who live there. This is a fast paced story of the southern heroine Carolina Slade. Our heroine speaks with great strength and honesty and her heart feels much.

The graphic detail to the countryside, colors, sounds, smells and tastes experienced by the characters put you in the scene.

What captured me the most was the realistic portal of a females deepest fears of being isolated from what is familiar, man trouble, self doubt, fear, rape and being threatened. The story was a page turner and kept me interested from beginning to end.

The ending was a complete surprise to me. Without giving anything away Hope knows just how to hold your interest and without knowing it you are zipping fast through the tale. The story is surprise after surprise and worth the read.

Thoughtful thursdays # 68 The 35 Essential Insights of The Buddha compliled By Neil Legault

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The Buddha is one of my favorite teachers. Thank you to Mr. Legault for compiling these important teachings.

There’s a Buddhist story; one of the Buddha’s students approached him and asked “Are you the messiah?” No, he replied. “Well are you a healer?” “No.” He replied. “Well are you a teacher then?” “No.” He replied again. “Well then what are you?” Buddha replied ‘’I am awake.’’

Believe nothing. No matter where you read it, no matter who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and you own common sense.”

First, rely on the spirit and meaning of the teachings not on the words. Second, rely on the teachings not on the personality of the teacher. Third, rely on real wisdom. Not superficial interpretation. And fourth, rely on the essence on your pure wisdom mind. Not on judgemental perceptions.

If you knew what I know about the power of giving, you would not let one meal pass without sharing it in some way.

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Neither fire nor wind, neither birth nor death, can erase our good deeds.

You yourself as much as anyone in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.

There is no fire like greed, No crime like hatred, No sorrow like separation, No sickness like hunger of heart, And no joy like the joy of freedom.

Health, contentment and trust are your greatest possessions, and freedom your greatest joy.

Look within. Be still. Free from fear and attachment, know the sweet joy of living in The Way.

The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into habit. And the habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care. And let it spring from love, born out of concern for all beings.

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.

The tongue, like a sharp knife, kills without drawing blood.

Words have the power to both destroy and to heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.

Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a polluted mind, suffering will follow you, as the wheels of the oxcart follow the footsteps of the ox. Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a pure mind, happiness will follow you, as a shadow clings to a form.

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.

Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

What we think we become.

Fill your mind with compassion.

Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others. Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

Avoid all haughty, conceited, proud, and arrogant minds, and remain peaceful and subdued.

Generate compassion for lowly beings, and especially avoid despising or humiliating them.

Do not be jealous of others’ good qualities, but out of admiration adopt them yourself.

Do not look for faults in others, but look for faults in yourself, and purge them like bad blood.

Since you cannot tame the minds of others until you have tamed your own, begin by taming your own mind.

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.

Abandon wrongdoing. It can be done. If there were no likelihood, I would not ask you to do it.

But since it is possible and since it brings blessing and happiness, I do ask of you; abandon wrongdoing.

Cultivate doing good. It can be done. If it brought deprivation and sorrow, I would not ask you to do it.

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

Buddha’s last words: All conditioned things in the world are changeable. They are not lasting. Try to accomplish your own salvation with diligence.

Thoughtful Thursdays #66 – Forgiveness

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It’s easy to forgive a minor transgression like being pushed accidently or swatted with a book bag. Or someone being late for a get together.

Forgiveness is not useful when someone deliberatly hurts you over and over with no change in their behavior.

Those who continually hurt others laugh at how bleeding hearts turn the other cheek only to allow them to hurt again.

Don’t waste your time or your forgiveness on abusers of all kinds, psychos and narc’s, and addicts. They won’t even know what forgiveness is because they are numb to their own inner life.

All you can do is wish them well and love them from afar and protect yourself.

And be selective in who you forgive. You are entitled to pick and choose who you want to forgive.

Yes it is really that simple.

Adult Children of Alcoholics

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Adult Children of Alcoholics
World Service Organization, Inc.

The Laundry List

The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

We are frightened of angry people and any personal criticism.

We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.

We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.

We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.

We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.

We became addicted to excitement.

We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”

We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).

We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.

Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.

Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

Tony A., 1978

Note: The Laundry List serves as the basis for The Problem statement.

This web site is © by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, In

Thoughtful Thursdays #60 – Synchronicity

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I have been reading “Unexpected Miracles -The Gift of Synchronicity and How to Open It”  by David Richo.

From Chapter 1:

What is synchronicity?

Synchronicity is the phenomenon of meaningful coincidence. It is a resemblance, concurrence, correspondence, or connection between something going on outside of us and something happening inside of us.

I am not criticizing the book at all. I am always enlightened by Mr. Richo’s work.  But that definition seems a little complicated to me. My definition of synchronicity is when you are ready to move forward in your personal evolution, situations and events will appear with no effort on your part.

You can’t rush anything, you can only keep moving in your personal evolution and be open to the marvelous coincidences that arrive.

And be willing to move forward no matter where it leads.

Sounds good to me.

Thank you Mr. Richo for your contribution to my personal evolution.