Tag Archives: thinking

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 128 – Thinking For Yourself

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That’s a hard one. Most of the time we stick with what is easy. We are not even aware that we can choose something different.  So we continue to pick what is easy and not go against what the current society rules.

Thinking for yourself involves the following:

figuring out who you really are

figuring out where you want to spend your precious time

figuring out what to get rid of

and

taking the steps to combine all of the above.

You can live with the way things are or you can change them.

For me taking the steps is the hardest and sticking with it. That’s OK because it takes time to find where you belong.

Happy adventures.

 

Thoughtful thursdays #99-Free Thinkers

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How much of your day is occupied with playing it safe? Are your thoughts about taking the easy way out? Or are you thinking of different possibilities?

Free thinking is about thinking out side of the mainstream. It is thinking about the many different ways there are of tackling an issue.

Thinking in a new way is not only for solving problems. It is for changing, upgrading and getting in sync with a new quality in your life. A new quality like peace and happiness, a vocation to live for, a mission to accomplish, a new outlook, a more truer to who you are life.

Just think about what you want. Write it down. Don’t expect change right away. Take your time because the road is never straight when change is around.

Think Away!!

 

Thoughful Thursdays #63 Control Freaks

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It is normal to want to control your life. But we all know those control freaks that want their way all the time with you. They want to decide what to do and when. They have a need to run the show at all times. Even their conversations or behavior demands their needs be met and yours don’t matter. If you don’t meet their needs they are unhappy and you will hear about it.

As a control freak it must be hard to control your own life and the lives of others. I imagine at the end of the day they are exhausted. Control freak thinking and behavior leads to a bunch of personality disorders like obsessive compulsive disorder, not trusting anyone and failure to make commitments to anyone.

The reason why someone is a control freak is because they are hiding from themselves. Hiding from their own feelings. They think they have secrets that can’t be exposed. Flaws that they are embarrassed of, terrified of being vulnerable and feel helplessness and hopeless.

Control freaks think the only way to protect themselves it to control every part of their life and that includes relationships, even close relationships. In an odd way controlling creates a sense of order and stability. Control freaks are critical and judgmental of their lovers, and just about everybody else.

Control freaks are defending against their own anxiety, their own feelings of helplessness. Controlling gives a way of not feeling hopeless. The more they use control tactics the more they feel they are managing their lives in an effective manner.

To let go of control would mean the same as being victimized and overwhelmed. When that happens they become angry, panicked, possibly threatening then they can dip deep into emotional despair and depression.

If you are on the receiving end of a control freak don’t take it personally, but be advised, the control freak is really good at distorting reality, can be intimidating and are excellent debaters. They are more frightened than most and on some level feel they need to control you to make themselves feel better. It is only a way of protecting themselves. They are frightened and angry and controlling has become a compulsion and way of life.

If you are a control freak it’s OK. You are trying to protect yourself and have forgotten the negative effects of controlling has on those who care about you. You are not bad or unimportant. You are just frightened. You can take the risk to trust yourself and risk letting life unfold the way it is meant to be. You can be at peace and clear headed. You can stop worrying. What you think is a threat may no longer exist. It may be time to feel again, feel the energy of freedom. Free to be yourself, free to make choices and not hide behind manipulation. In the long run controlling pushes away the very situations you need to grow.

Wanting to control your life is normal. Keep the focus on controlling your own whereabouts, your own struggles, your own health and well-being, your own improvements and leave the rest alone. You are safe and there is no need to control things that are time wasters.

The are no quick fixes for controlling, change happens slowly. You will be amazed at the results if you know you can choose to be free from obsessing about anything. Be patient and keep trying. You will not be disappointed.

Codependents Low Self-Esteem Patterns

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Codependents often……….

 

. have difficulty making decisions

. judge what they think, say or do harshly, as never good enough

. are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts

. value others approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own

. do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons

. seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than

. have difficulty admitting a mistake

. need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good

. are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want

. perceive themselves as superior to others

. look to others to provide their send of safety

. have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines and completing projects

. have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries

from CODA.org

 

Peter Russell – Praying To One’s Self

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friend recently asked if I ever prayed for anything. My response was yes, but not in the conventional way. I don’t pray for intervention in the world, but for intervention in my mind, for that’s where I most need help.

We usually think of prayer as an appeal to some higher power. We might pray for someone’s healing, for success in some venture, for a better life, or for guidance on some challenging issue. Behind such prayers is the recognition that we don’t have the power to change things ourselves—if we did, we would simply get on with the task—so we beseech a higher power to intervene on our behalf.

Trying to change the world occupies much of our time and attention. We want the possessions, opportunities, or experiences that we think will make us happy—or conversely, avoid those that will make us suffer. We believe that if only things were different we would finally be at peace.

This is the ego’s way of thinking. It is founded on the belief that how we feel inside depends upon our circumstances. And if things aren’t the way we think they should be, we start to feel discontent. This can take various forms—disappointment, frustration, annoyance, impatience, judgment, grievance—yet whatever its form, the root of our discontent lies not so much in the situation at hand, but more in how we interpret it. For example, if I am stuck in a traffic jam, I can see it either as something that will make me suffer—being late for an appointment, missing some experience, or upsetting someone—and so begin to feel impatient, frustrated, or anxious. Or I can see it as an opportunity to relax, and take it easy for a few minutes. The same situation; two totally different reactions. And the difference is purely in how I am seeing things.

When I catch myself feeling upset in some way, I find it helpful to remember that my annoyance might be coming from the way I am interpreting the situation. If so, it makes more sense to ask, not for a change in the world, but for a change in my perception. So that is what I pray for. I settle into a quiet state, then ask, with an attitude of innocent curiosity: “Could there, perhaps, be another way of seeing this?” I don’t try to answer the question myself, for that would doubtless activate the ego-mind, which loves to try and work things out for me. So I simply pose the question. Let it go. And wait.

Often a new way of seeing then dawns on me. It does not come as a verbal answer, but as an actual shift in perception. I find myself seeing the situation in a new way. One memorable shift happened a while ago when I was having some challenges with my partner. She was not behaving the way I thought she should. (How many of us have not felt that at times?) After a couple of days of strained relationship, I decided to pray in this way, just gently inquiring if there might possibly be another way of perceiving this.Almost immediately, I found myself seeing her in a very different light. Here was another human being, with her own history and her own needs, struggling to navigate a difficult situation. Suddenly everything changed. I felt compassion for her rather than animosity, understanding rather than judgment. I realized that for the last two days I had been out of love; but now the love had returned.

The results of praying like this never cease to impress me. I find my fears and grievances dropping away. In their place is a sense of ease. Whoever or whatever was troubling me, I now see through more loving and compassionate eyes. Moreover, the new perspective often seems so obvious: Why hadn’t I seen this before?

The beauty of this approach is that I am not praying to some external power. I am praying to my self for guidance—to the true self that sees things as they are without the overlay of various hopes and fears. It recognizes when I have become caught in the ego’s way of thinking, and is ever-willing to help set me free.

Thoughtful Thursdays #30

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Everything starts with a thought.

Ever notice when you are upset with something your thinking is out of control. You find yourself spiraling down an abyss of negativity and can’t pull out of it. You feel angry, helpless, hopeless and unable to focus. The obsessive thinking starts and before you know it you are drained and unhappy.

There’s good news and only good news. These are only thoughts and thoughts can be changed. You are the power and authority in your world and at anytime you can change your mind.

I know you are not convinced because your ego is addicted to the drama of the situation.
Try this; based on the Queen of Affirmations philosophy of Ms. Louse Hay, her belief and mine, are that staying focused on what is positive will bring the best results.

Here are some affirmations. Write them 10 times each, your mind with fight you but you are the boss not your mind. In a short time you will calm down and feel better.

I open new doors to life.

I always have a choice.

I am worthy of all good.

I release all tension, I release all anger and I release all resistance.

I forgive all past experiences.

I love and accept myself.

These are just a few positive affirmations; there are tons of affirmations in books and on the Internet. Find some that resonate for you and use them.

So,

What Are You Thinking?