It’s much better to get to know someone first before you express the power of who you are.
Not all are trustworthy. Some people are predators. Some want to destroy for the sheer pleasure of it.
It is perfectly OK to protect yourself, emotionally, physically, financially.
However, if you find someone you can trust, treasure them. This is truly rare.
When I am overwhelmed with racing thoughts and panic I want to run away and hide under a safe rock. I want to numb out from a constant bombardment of possibilities but doubting all of them. I want to hurry up and bring conclusions and endings to stop the confusion.
But wait……….. instead of running anywhere it is OK to STOP.
Stop running and let the massive amount of stuff in your brain settle. Do something different, out of the ordinary, just stop. Force yourself if you have to. Just wait for your mind to process what is going on.
You will be surprised at the amount of insight that is revealed. It’s wonderful to know that everything will turn out well.
Therapy – a scary word to some, the sound of relief to others. Seems extreme, doesn’t it?
For those who have no experience with therapy, it must seem strange, unusual, for losers. Those are the ones who are scared and not willing to do the hard, exhausting work of being aware.
For those who have some experience and left too soon gave into resistance. They were about to have a breakthrough but chickened out.
There are those that are curious and search different types of therapy as an easy way of quick fixing their mental health. But this is not really helpful.
For those who have many years of therapy learn that the hard work of changing yourself is worth the blood, sweat and tears of awareness. I am not saying this happens all the time. Sometimes the change is subtle and on a subconscious level.
I advocate therapy because you have one person who is your die-hard ally who is interested in only you and your life. Therapists are mostly compassionate and caring and possibly give you the time, attention and care you may never had. If you are willing to be honest about how you feel to another trusted human being you will be transformed. At times it won’t be easy and that’s OK. There is no rush and no judgement. Just acceptance.
It takes just a little trust and courage to open up in a safe setting. We cannot heal in isolation, we need at least one person who is detached and objective to believe and validate us. Give it a try. You will uncover the truth of your life and you just may like it.
Fear of abandonment is a core survival instinct. In a more rural time if you were banished from your village it meant certain death. We are born to feel belonging, it’s part of being human, when we are abandoned physically or emotionally it’s a death of sorts.
If we are abandoned today we won’t die but become dysfunctionally alone, barren, unable to trust, and painfully aware we belong nowhere.
There is a cure for this. You will not want to hear it.
You are the cure. You are the light at the end of the tunnel.
Do what it takes to process the damage of abandonment by significant others. Learn to trust yourself. You are all you need now. You are the strong one, able to live wholly on your own and not in a crowd. You are now able to allow what you want – not waiting for others to include you. You are in control of your own life and that is freedom.
You are the leader of the pack. Out of all the times you doubted you could survive. You did. You did a magnificent job. You deserve an Olympic metal for survival
Congratulations you win.
We have all experienced the death of something, whether it’s a pet or person or job or relationship, the ending always feels the same: like a big loss. An empty hole that is sentimental and nostalgic and final.
We may want to run away from this empty hole with staying busy, getting high and distraction after distraction. But in those still moments when the emptiness returns be reminded that we need to feel our feelings and grieve the loss completely. Grieving has a purpose. Grieving allows you to empty your pain and becomes an energy that will turn to wisdom, love and power.
Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.
Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.
Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.
Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences
of each choice.
I wasn’t even remotely confident in myself until I was well into being an adult. I didn’t become brave enough to be confident until life threw me several curve balls. I was knocked down quite a few times until I learned to take care of myself. But you can learn confidence before life throws you any curve balls.
One striking thing about confidence if that there is a truth about it. There’s a feeling and truth in ones own abilities.
Here’s some ways to practice your confidence building skills.
- Do what you believe is right even if you are not supported.
- Take a risk and try a little harder to get to your goal.
- Admit your mistakes and correct them.
- Don’t wait for compliments.
- Accept compliments with pride.
- Look at what you have already accomplished.
- Take small steps to move forward.
- Stay away from negative situations.
- Upgrade your body image.
- Know you are brave and will succeed in anything you set out to do.
I am absolutely confident that you will be happier if you try these simple confidence building skills.
Now go out there and show the world who you are. You got this.
We are destined to repeat the same patterns of negativity until we examine them.
If you find yourself in destructive patterns over and over it is Mother Nature’s signal to stop what you are doing and examine it. Believe it or not there are signals from Mother Nature and your higher self-telling you to destroy what you don’t need to repeat. This is actually a healthy part of you reaching out and saying: “Enough is enough it’s time to look at what is going on here”.
Here is a secret, you can be sure that your mind will tell you this is not true and try all kinds of tricks to stop you from moving forward. Don’t listen to the lies your mind tells you. Your mind says these things because it is afraid to feel anything. It wants you to stay the same and be safe. But eventually the pain will be too much and you will either squash it with more self-destruction or do yourself a favor and reach out with kindness for yourself and examine what you are doing.
It is not easy to be honest about how we feel and the actions we take. It just takes a tiny step in a healing direction. A tiny risk of looking at your own beliefs, a tiny look at who we pretend to be and who we really are.
You are strong enough, smart enough, have time enough, love yourself enough to do this work, you are brave enough and lucky enough to be on this path. You are worth it too. And a bonus, your family, friends, pets, and all you touch will heal as you heal.
Reach out and find a therapy, a part of nature, a hobby you are inspired by and follow it. There may not be any outward signs to follow; some signals will come from an internal place and manifest in the here and now. Your intuition will speak, your adult self will act and the child in you will rejoice.
Trauma is when your mind is stuck on a difficult situation from the past. Let me explain. Perhaps you fell on ice and broke your leg. You then needed surgery to fix it. After much healing you are healthy again.
You decide to take a walk and happen upon the same street where you fell. Dread sets in, flashbacks of falling ignite your memory, fear of having surgery again zings in your head. So you avoid that street. You will never walk down that street again because it reminds you of when you fell.
Not every one would react that way but it is not uncommon that our minds go into survival mode after a trauma and reminds us not to venture down that block again. Your mind is trying to protect you and has no sense of time. This is the nature of trauma.
Our minds become frozen in time over an unpleasant event. Trauma is epidemic. If you have lived, you have experienced trauma.
What can we do to become unstuck. Find trauma support groups, trauma therapy, writing, meditation. Do whatever needs to be done to heal. There is no one way, or right way, there is only your way to heal. Push through the fear just for a little while and begin your healing journey. You are worth it.
I don’t trust very quickly. I like to wait and see where a situation or person leads to. It’s wonderful to have people you can trust but that is rare because people are people and wrapped up in their own stuff.
I am better at trusting me. How can we get better at trusting ourselves?
- Be the CEO of your own life.
- Pay attention to your instincts.
- Go with the flow, try not to force but let life unfold.
- Listen to your body.
- Quiet your mind.
These are some basic ways for developing a sense of trust in yourself and the more you trust yourself the better you know what your next step is and who to trust.