Tag Archives: anger

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 158 – Anger

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Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.

Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.

Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.

Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences

of each choice.

Carry on.

Thoughtful Thursdays #106 – Habits

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How much of your behavior is a habit? Do you  eat because the clock says it’s mealtime but you aren’t really hungry? Do you buy stuff- just because? Did some behavior become common because everyone else is doing it?

Do you have routines that you do by rote without thinking? Did you learn somewhere in your life that certain things are only done a certain way?

Did you forget to stop and observe what you are doing? What habit is not working for you anymore? What habit does not resonate with your life at this time? What is the habit that is holding you back and you know in your gut it has to go?

What’s the best way to kill a habit? Maybe cold turkey. Maybe negotiating with our minds to slowly back off of the habit. Maybe getting angry at yourself for continuing the habit even though you know it’s bad for you. Maybe stopping but still doing the habit once in a while risking full-blown relapse. Maybe finding a support group.

Definitely some courage is necessary, some realistic self talk and some determination even when you don’t feel like it.

There is no right or wrong way to kill a habit. Just as long as you kill it. Killing a habit is acceptable, necessary and holistic. Killing a bad habit with a new good habit is the easiest way to permanently kill a bad habit.

You’ll gain confidence and the new habit of persistence and personal strength. Which helps in all areas of your like.

It won’t be easy in the beginning. Habits are evil and don’t play nice. There is no reasoning with habits. Especially bad ones.

But you are the boss not them. So go for it. You will win in the end because a bad habit is a fear and a fear is a lie. The bad habit will eventually go away and you will be the victor.

Congratulations you win.

You knew that anyway.

Didn’t you?

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #92 – Change

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Change is one of my favorite subjects. Change is the only thing that is consistent in this earthly life.

Nothing is stagnant. Nature does not give up on surviving. It is just creative in how to survive. Look at those creepy bugs that have been around for millennia. Or a flower growing in the ground after a volcano.

We are the same way. In a moment your life can change for the better or worse. Our survival skills kick in here and if you are the first to respond with kindness to yourself and others change is easier to digest.

Change is not easy sometimes it comes in subtly at other times it is a roaring river or tornado. Either way if you are kind without attachment to the results change is easier to go along with.

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #75 On Being a Bully Continued

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Anger is very seductive, it feels powerful and it feels wonderful. It coats you like oil, where you feel slippery and untouchable.

This false because truth is soap that washes you clean. The truth is permanent change comes with kindness. It comes with doing what is right. It doesn’t come with being a bully, yeah you are going to change things when you are a bully, but it will be temporary.

It’s like lasting a dark spell. Dark spells don’t last. The good lasts. Always. It is just the way it is. It is the law of the universe.

Life always wants balance. If you are all bully or all saint life will not work. Perfection doesn’t exist. Balance exists, most days are quite ordinary. Quite balanced.

You are better than being a bully. You are more than that. So much greater than that. Look at all you have been through. You are brave and have so much courage. You don’t need to be that way anymore. Forget it, Forget it.

Use your bullying to bully yourself into existence. In a good way in an assertive way that is going to be productive.

Anger keeps you stuck. Peace keeps you productive. It is risky to change behavior. this is where you can be a bully. Be a bully against your own fear.

Bullys don’t trust themselves or life. Bullys don’t trust that they can make right decisions. Bullys think life is out to get them. Those are lies that your own resistance tries to tell you.

Figure out what is the truth and what are lies. Think of all the possiblilites you have.

Go ahead. Just for 5 minutes think of only positive things.

Bullying can become a bad habit. Try to change to get your permanent needs met. Try it………………….

Thoughtful Thursdays #74 On Being A Bully

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Being a bully shows great weakness. It is weak to lose control of your temper. It shows you are afraid of something. Something life threatening. The causes of being a bully are many, loss of control, self esteen, personal pain, trauma.

Many times being a bully is the only form of control one thinks because outside events are uncontrolable. By continuing to be a bully there is the possibility of being so far from your feelings that giving suffering becomes enjoyable. Hence, becoming a psychopath.

Think, think, think about what you are doing. What are you so unhappy about? You are not helpless to change for the better.

Use your anger to barrel through the things that are not working and making you unhappy. Be a bully to change yourself for the better, to put up boundaries, commit to self  improve. It is your right to do so. It is your strength to do so.

Be a bully to take right actions.

To win the internal battle and vicious cycle of violence I offer a guaranteed way of progress.

GIVE NO ONE SORROW

AND

TAKE NO SORROW

Guaranteed…………………..

Thoughtful Thursdays #72 – Shame

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Shame will kill you and it is dangerous. Most suicides are shame based, addictions, acting out, aggression, violence are shame based. Shame is also a very social condition where we compare ourselves to others.

Shame effects intimacy, shame effects self esteem. Shame holds us back and makes us fearful of everything. Shame is pervasive, insidious, invisible and full of hatred

Shame shows up in toxic relationships and chaos. Shame shows up when you find yourself beating yourself up. Shame brings guilt, sadness, regret.

Shame will destroy your life. Shame shows up in not caring for yourself.

Shame shows up in the underachiever and overachiever. Shame will stop you from thinking.

Thinking is the only way to save yourself from further self inflicted injury be it emotional or otherwise. Thinking will grow your self esteem and see the possibilities of getting out of any mess you are in.

Brene Brown is a shame researcher and she says: if we share our story with someone who is empathetic, shame has no where to live, it cannot exist. This is where you will start to heal the pain of feeling shameful.

Think for yourself especially if you had toxic people around you when you were little. At any time in our lives we can mistakenly absorb shame because there are so many shame based people in our environment. Get rid of it. Stop believing lies about yourself. Test the lies and you will see they are not the truth. Challenge all notions of negativity. Shame is a useless, wasteful emotion.

We heal slowly one word at a time, one thought at a time, one breath at a time.

Find those who you can trust and who will lift you up. You will see that you can be the person you want to be by shedding the coat of crap loaded on you.

Take the risk. Take the chance. You can do it. I believe in you and I am absolutely sure you can shed the shame cloak.

Go ahead try. You will win. Do not let the enemy called Shame win. Period.

Low Country Bribe by C. Hope Clark (Review)

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Just finished reading Hopes book and ……………….

Hope realistically portrays life in the South Carolina and the lifestyles of the people who live there. This is a fast paced story of the southern heroine Carolina Slade. Our heroine speaks with great strength and honesty and her heart feels much.

The graphic detail to the countryside, colors, sounds, smells and tastes experienced by the characters put you in the scene.

What captured me the most was the realistic portal of a females deepest fears of being isolated from what is familiar, man trouble, self doubt, fear, rape and being threatened. The story was a page turner and kept me interested from beginning to end.

The ending was a complete surprise to me. Without giving anything away Hope knows just how to hold your interest and without knowing it you are zipping fast through the tale. The story is surprise after surprise and worth the read.

Thoughful Thursdays # 64 – Going Underneath the Recesses Of My Mind

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A few weeks ago I wrote about suicide. It was before the Robin Williams incident. And I got a lot of people concerned with my mental health. Here is an explaintion and update on how I am feeling.

There were a series of events that ticked off my codependancy and abandonment issues so I spiraled down that slippery slope of despair. Only this time it was so painful that past memories surfaced. Hence the feeling of annilation.

Update………

Sometimes I have to allow myself to hit bottom emotionally because it is the only way up and out. I must allow myself to feel suicidal, sad, lonely, awful, cry, and scream, abandoned, needy, out of control and insane to the point of losing control.

When my ego is done yacking away with all this pain, I can feel the difference between my ego screaming and what is heart felt and realistic, instinctual and right. This is where time stops and as silly as it might sound I start to feel really lucky to be able to come up from the depths of emotional hell and be thankful for a roof over my head, my health, people I care about, talking, smiling, laughing etc.

My ego perceived lots of unrealistic things as a threat like it will die or is losing something. Those are just fears from the past rearing its ugly head and creating resistance. My ego will fight back, that is it’s nature. But eventually weakens because my ego needs to rest and then turns to being cooperative with healing and health. My ego must cooperate with expression and evolution of the self, it has no choice.

When my ego is open, raw and down it doesn’t see the options that are present. This gives me the reason to sit and go down the slope of despair.

Here is my secret……..This is where I just sit and feel everything. Let my mind wander to all the possible outcomes good and bad. I am not going to kid you it is hard to do this. It feels like no control at all. It is going into the unknown. Will I lose my mind or won’t I. I battle with reaching out for something to relieve being uncomfortable. I want the cigarette, drink, drug, person to distract me, the internet anything to stop the pain. But I must not, I must sit and feel no matter how long it takes. Going down to the bottomless pit of hopelessness. Eventually the desperation stops. I am spent, exhausted and heavy.

From here it is up. The feeling of empowerment takes over and the best therapy abounds. My own form of therapy. There is feeling of openness where answers come from. It is a form of meditation. I accept things for what they are. Here is the miracle: I can slowly move in a new direction. Still in pain I can still move ahead. Lick my wounds and heal.

I will say this: don’t listen or act on the ego it loves drama and pain. Listen and act on the positive, it loves moving like lava from out of the mountain of despair. Burning away illusions and reveals the truth of the situation. My truth and your truth. The positive wrenches through the illusion of despair and hopelessness. There is no such thing as helplessness really because it is all in the mind. But the ego does not realize this. The ego refuses to believe in possibilities. It believes in fear.

My heart must speak to the ego like a baby and encourage it to cooperate because my heart knows how to hold the hand of the screaming ego child lovingly and wholly. So does your heart. If you listen.

Peace, all is as it should be.

Codependents Avoidance Patterns

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Codependents often…………………

 

. act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them

. judge harshly what others thin, say or do

. avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance

. allow addictions to people, places and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationship

. use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation

. diminish their capacity to have healthy relationship by declining to use the tool of recovery

. suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable

. pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away

. refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater thatn themselves

. believe displays to emotion are a sign of weakness

. withhold expressions of appreciation

From CODA.org

 

 

Codependents Compliance Patterns

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Codependents often…………

 

. are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long

. compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger

. put aside their own interest in order to do what others want

. are hyper-vigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings

. are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others

. accept sexual attention when they want love

. make decisions without regard to the consequences

. give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change

from CODA>org