Tag Archives: relationships

Thoughtful Thursdays # 179 – 15 Minutes

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If you have 15 minutes for yourself what would you do?

Call a friend, Mend some clothing, Paint a picture, Sing a song, Write in stream of consciousness, Meditate, Listen to you favorite music, Draw a picture, Write a positive note to your significant other, Feed your pet some treats, Gaze at the night sky, Sit still in the morning hours before daylight, Read something interesting, Count the stars, Sip a hot beverage, Send good wishes to those in need, Not complain in your voice or head, Just listen intently to your environment.

Finish the list of your favorites.

And you do have 15 minutes anytime you want. Indulge happily.

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Thoughtful Thursdays #176 – Internalized Oppression

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Internalized oppression is when we  have been oppressed and unwittingly use the methods of the oppressor against ourselves. The oppressor could be family of origin, your unfulfilling job, negative friends, or any other area that feels oppressive. Wow that is a heavy realization.

How do we recognize this internalized oppression?

  1. Where am I punishing myself. Am I continuing a behavior that is keeping me down.
  2. Are my beliefs based on an oppressors opinion?
  3. Do I want to assimilate or  fit in with my oppressors to feel of value?
  4. Do you have oppressive views of your identity?
  5. Do you believe you have no power?

Here are some remedies. I am sure there are many more.

  1. Stop a negative behavior and sit with the feeling. There’s a good chance there is shame and guilt present. Express any feelings that come up.
  2. You now have permission to have your own opinions and don’t need any validation but your own.
  3. You are not supposed to fit in, you are supposed to be your own person without apologies.
  4. Your identity is your own, no one can tell you who you are.
  5. Power can be overwhelming, take baby steps in reclaiming your personal power.

We learn to oppress ourselves, and it can be unlearned. This is the work of an empowered adult.

So get to work, you are worth it.

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #175 – What Is Necessary to Our Wellbeing

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There are three things necessary to our wellbeing: Identity, Community and Purpose.

However in our fractured world where these things are hard to find, many people, young people especially are lost in the world. The internet doesn’t help. Even though the internet is a tremendous asset there is not much in the way of human interaction. So we become fractured. We lose any sense of identity, community and purpose. We flip from one relationship to another to find our identity, racing from one community to another to feel we fit in, and trying over and over again different causes to feel personally satisfied. Or we can completely shut down.

We can see the lies fed to everyone by invisible agenda makers. These invisible agenda makers know psychology to manipulate those who are searching for their lost identity, community and purpose. Their hidden agenda is to tap into these basic human needs to the detriment of the searcher. These invisible agenda makers come up as extremists groups as political, religious, consumerism and that sneaky minority of those who just hate humanity and are power-hungry to destroy anyone they can.

Let’s find out what our true identity, community and purpose is by not blindly following others but doing the work of learning about ourselves. If you have no sense of identity, find out who you are by your own standards. If you have no community, find like-minded people or create your own community. If you have no sense of purpose, find your passion and go for it.

It’s not easy to go your own way, it’s unknown territory so at times you will feel lonely and lost. That is OK. Sit with the feeling rather than running away from it. When you arrive to the other side you will know more of who you are, have an internal compass that will find the community that loves you and you get up every day happy to live your purpose.

Stop wasting time, learn more about you now.

Thoughtful Thursdays – #174 – Sins and Secrets

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Sin = wrongdoing, transgression, crime, offense.

Secret = not meant to be known or seen by others

To my understanding a sin is an action done out of ignorance.

To my understanding secrets can be surrounded by shame.

Ignorance does not protect us from consequences.

Shame keeps secrets in place.

If we have a secret that causes shame it may cause ignorant actions with many consequences.

We all have “sins and secrets” we want to go the grave with. But the burden of carrying “sins and secrets” is so very painful. Here are some safe ways of releasing the pain.

  1. Write your heart out without censure.
  2. Find a therapist or someone you can really trust to talk it out.
  3. Don’t beat yourself up, have compassion for yourself.
  4. Research the issues you are dealing with.
  5. Change what you can, leave the rest alone.

We are all human and we make mistakes, this is part of life. And every day is a new chance to change.

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – #170 – I will I won’t

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Free will may not be all it’s cracked up to be. Free will gives us the freedom to do not only good things but unhealthy things like self-destructive behavior. You may say I can do what I want because I have the free will to do so – so I will.

On the other hand you have the freedom to say I won’t – this just may be the freedom you are looking for.

I won’t take what does not belong to me. I won’t talk to the pretty co-worker but go home and talk to my partner. I won’t take that hit of coke or pop that pill or take that drink. I won’t engage in unhealthy behaviors.  I have the freedom to choose either way. But “I won’t” just may free you up to enjoy a fuller life.

Happy choosing.

Trust

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It’s much better to get to know someone first before you express the power of who you are.

Not all are trustworthy. Some people are predators. Some want to destroy for the sheer pleasure of it.

It is perfectly OK to protect yourself, emotionally, physically, financially.

However, if you find someone you can trust, treasure them. This is truly rare.

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 167 – It’s OK To Stop

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When I am overwhelmed with racing thoughts and panic I want to run away and hide under a safe rock. I want to numb out from a constant bombardment of possibilities but doubting all of them. I want to hurry up and bring conclusions and endings to stop the confusion.

But wait……….. instead of running anywhere it is OK to STOP.

Stop running and let the massive amount of stuff in your brain settle. Do something different, out of the ordinary, just stop. Force yourself if you have to. Just wait for your mind to process what is going on.

You will be surprised at the amount of insight that is revealed. It’s wonderful to know that everything will turn out well.

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 165 – Therapy

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Therapy – a scary word to some, the sound of relief to others. Seems extreme, doesn’t it?

For those who have no experience with therapy, it must seem strange, unusual, for losers. Those are the ones who are scared and not willing to do the hard, exhausting work of being aware.

For those who have some experience and left too soon gave into resistance. They were about to have a breakthrough but chickened out.

There are those that are curious and search different types of therapy as an easy way of quick fixing their mental health. But this is not really helpful.

For those who have many years of therapy  learn that the hard work of changing yourself is worth the blood, sweat and tears of awareness. I am not saying this happens all the time. Sometimes the change is subtle and on a subconscious level.

I advocate therapy because you have one person who is your die-hard ally who is interested in only you and your life. Therapists are mostly compassionate and caring and possibly give you the time, attention and care you may never had. If you are willing to be honest about how you feel to another trusted human being you will be transformed. At times it won’t be easy and that’s OK. There is no rush and no judgement. Just acceptance.

It takes just a little trust and courage to open up in a safe setting. We cannot heal in isolation, we need at least one person who is detached and objective to believe and validate us. Give it a try. You will uncover the truth of your life and you just may like it.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 164 – Abandonment

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Fear of abandonment is a core survival instinct. In a more rural time if you were banished from your village it meant certain death. We are born to feel belonging, it’s part of being human, when we are abandoned physically or emotionally it’s a death of sorts.

If we are abandoned today we won’t die but become dysfunctionally alone, barren, unable to trust, and painfully aware we belong nowhere.

There is a cure for this. You will not want to hear it.

You are the cure. You are the light at the end of the tunnel.

Do what it takes to process the damage of abandonment by significant others. Learn to trust yourself. You are all you need now. You are the strong one, able to live wholly on your own and not in a crowd. You are now able to allow what you want – not waiting for others to include you. You are in control of your own life and that is freedom.

You are the leader of the pack. Out of all the times you doubted you could survive. You did. You did a magnificent job. You deserve an Olympic metal for survival

Congratulations you win.

Thoughtful Thursdays #161 – Loss

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We have all experienced the death of something, whether it’s a pet or person or job or relationship, the ending always feels the same: like a big loss. An empty hole that is sentimental and nostalgic and final.

We may want to run away from this empty hole with staying busy, getting high and distraction after distraction. But in those still moments when the emptiness returns be reminded that we need to feel our feelings and grieve the loss completely. Grieving has a purpose. Grieving allows you to empty your pain and becomes an energy that will turn to wisdom, love and power.