Tag Archives: relationships

Sep10

Thoughtful Thursday #316 – Secrets

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Some secrets are good, like not revealing what a birthday gift is or a Christmas gift or some other information that is not harmful in some way.

Some secrets are confidential, embarrassing, shameful.

Some secrets should not be held in your mind if it is making you uncomfortable or feel upset.

Should you reveal all questionable secrets? Not to everyone, but if you are holding secrets that are becoming explosive and tearing you apart emotionally, it is very important to reveal these secrets to someone trusted like a therapist or write them in a journal.

By revealing secrets that are harmful it acts like a steam release, you will feel better and get some emotional distance in order to calm down.

Keeping secrets can make lots of trauma and that is deadly to one’s mental health.

If you must keep secrets at least release them in a safe way.

Your mental health is at stake and you are entitled to a peaceful life not matter what it takes.

Sep3

Thoughtful Thursday #315 – Self Awareness and Self Consciousness

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Self-conscious is when you feel extreme awareness of your appearance or actions. It is the knowledge of your own existence. Could feel uncomfortable at times. Self-consciousness is much more about what is external.

Self-awareness is when you can see yourself clearly with some objectivity with reflection and introspection. Self-awareness is much about what is going in internally.

If we can find a small wedge of detachment in your thinking, we can get a sense of either self-consciousness or self-awareness.

Developing a healthy sense of self requires that we know about both subjects, the value is the better you know yourself the better you know others which makes for healthier relationships.

Self-awareness is quite important because it allows us to deeply know ourselves better, what makes us tick, what makes us angry, happy, bored or interested. We can look honestly at our own actions with clarity and choose a wiser path.

Learning to have a healthy sense of self is a lifelong journey, there is no one way to learn, everyone is unique. It is so important to care enough about ourselves to take the time to know ourselves intimately.

You will gain confidence, insight, direction and goodness and no one can ever take that from you.

 

 

Jun11

Thoughtful Thursday #305 – IFS aka Internal Family System

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In case you never heard of IFS it is a remarkable therapy for healing, it’s based on the premise that we all are comprised of many mental and emotional parts.

(Paraphrased from their literature).  IFS was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz over the last 30 years. This model is a transformative and evidence based model of psychotherapy. Our inner parts have valuable qualities and our core self knows how to heal. IFS is a new movement for understanding the mind, harmonizing the mind and heals the mind.

I have been practicing this method for five years and I can tell you from first hand experience that the results I have gotten are miraculous, permanent and made me grow emotionally by leaps and bounds.

So if you have tried other types of psychotherapy and not much has helped try IFS.

Contact http://www.IFS-Institute.com.

Apr9

Thoughtful Thursday #298 – Coronavirus and Panic

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Coronavirus pandemic is causing tremendous panic to everyone. People are hoarding essentials, emptying  grocery shelves, and businesses are overcharging for safety material.  That is more than enough to cause a panic in addition to the possiblity in catching the coronavirus.

Panic is a natural response to what is happening, there is a sense of loss in many areas, our normal routines, restricted freedom, minimum socializing, noticing stores are overcharging  for everything, this is to name a few losses.

It’s OK, this is a temporary situation and at this point we are entrenched in this new norm and many of us are thinking about all the possibilities that can occur when this is over.

Self care is most important during this time. Do what it takes to get grounded and calm, look at happy movies and videos, turn off the news, reach out to others on social media, find a way to get peaceful and connected. And follow the CDC guidelines.

We will come out of this, this is guaranteed, so in this period of isolation be creative in your self care.

Stay safe and well.

 

Feb21

Thoughtful Thursday #292 – Why Do You Attract The Same Negative Relationships

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It is so frustrating going from relationship to relationship, all kinds of relationships that don’t work, jobs, friends, significant others, over and over. There is an answer.

At some point you learned unhealthy thought and action patterns from repeated emotional and/or physical abuse learned as love.

As a result we recreate those primary relationships so we can heal them and make us feel better in return. It doesn’t work, we repeat the patterns unconsciously, and you may need great mindfulness and therapy.

Dr. Tracey Marks, psychiatrist, has made an informative video about this subject. Please watch it, you will find truth and healing.

 

 

 

Jan23

Thoughtful Thursday #288 – Others Stories

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I was listening to the former Miss America of 1958 Marilyn Van Derbur story who is a survivor of incest. This is not the first time I have listened to her story and I read her book.

I listen to a lot of other people’s personal survivor stories, these stories remind me that I am not the only one in the world who is a survivor of mentally ill caregivers. I am not the only one in the world who has to recover from horrific childhood conditions.

Listening to many courageous folks talk about their trauma experiences and their personal journey to recovery validates my trauma experience and personal recovery journey. And I am sure when I share my story of trauma I am an inspiration also.

I have given speeches and written about my life’s experiences for a long time now and I know I am taking the chance of stigmatizing myself as a victim but that is OK because as long as I can help someone on their own journey of trauma recovery I have done the right thing.

Here’s the takeaway: Share your story, listen to other folds stories that resonate with you. Your life’s story will be an inspiration and upliftment to someone, whether you know the person or not. Sharing your story is one small act of kindness and compassion for yourself and for someone else.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your courage.

 

 

Jan2

Thoughtful Thursday #286 – Violence

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Violence is the last act of hopelessness.

One believes there is no other response available.

One believes they cannot change their circumstances.

Violence does not solve problems rather it temporarily pushes it away.

There are many factors why one would resort to violence, however, we are thinking beings and we have an enormous capacity to figure things out. Before we lose it and use violence take a moment to walk away, cool down, get help, talk it out, google alternatives to acting out, do something, anything that will keep you safe.

There is no point in dishing out violence if it will put you in jail, or the hospital or have some other negative long term consequences.

Think before you act, whatever you are facing there are always alternatives to violence.

 

Dec26

Thoughtful Thursday #285 – The Power of Words

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Sticks and stones can break your bones and words can hurt you too.

Words have the power to explain, and uplift and shame and sooth and entice and many more ways to influence us, every day and in all ways.

How do you communicate? Do you think before you speak?

Words are intrinsic to self examination, sharing information, connecting emotionally. Words can trigger pain or can build bridges or burn false beliefs.

You get my point, the words you speak to yourself are as important as the words you speak to others.

Are you kind or mean with your internal dialog? Do you repeat fears and worries, do you take the time to listen to the your internal dialog and distinguish between the false lies or the quiet truth. Do you take the time to be quiet, still, grounded?

How you speak to yourself has a dramatic effect, if you put yourself down all the time you will start to believe it even if it is not true.

Start by paying attention to what you are telling yourself and make an effort to speak to yourself with lovingkindness. You are so very important, please start now.

 

 

Dec20

Thoughtful Thursday #284 – Stereotypes and Broad Generalizations

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Stereotype-A stereotype is a mistaken idea or belief many people have about a thing or group that is based upon how they look on the outside, which may be untrue or only partly true. Stereotyping people is a type of prejudice because what is on the outside is a small part of who a person is. Wikipedia.

Broad Generalizations-In everyday language, a generalization is defined as a broad statement or an idea that is applied to a group of people or things. Often, generalizations are not entirely true, because there are usually examples of individuals or situations wherein the generalization does not apply. Google search.

It really bothers me when someone spews out of their mouth some stupid statement like: dogs are smarter than cats, cats are aloof, woman want large families, men never make commitments, that salesmen are greedy, pretty people are stuck up.

A woman said to me the other day that all women are nurturing and intuitive, are you kidding me, that is not true, none of these statements are true.

I can’t stop others from getting on their podium and spread false information but I can check out for myself all the information I need. I can find the truth for myself. And so can you.

Don’t blindly believe in what you are told. Zombies do that, don’t be a zombie, be a involved human by being informed. Investigate, figure out for yourself what is being presented and make decisions based on your own truth, not someone else’s.

 

Oct3

Thoughtful Thursday #274 – Mass Murder and Mental Health

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There are many Mass Murderers in recent history who murder lots of innocent people. Their methods of murder vary.

These actions are typical of a walking wounded adult child. This behavior may have be a last ditch effort to ease the psychological pain the person endured their entire life. Or perhaps their mind is so twisted from the ongoing dysfunction of a pathological household they actually enjoy hurting as many people as possible, or maybe they are not in touch with their own humanity and feel justified in this heinous actions.These actions are caused from poor mental health.

I am sure there are red flags in this type of self absorbed behavior for a very long time. However no one came forward to report concerns to the authorities.

Normal people don’t go around destroying others, it’s a simple fact.

Mental health is the number one concern next to physical health to live in this fast moving world.  the The need for mental health information and practical resources must come into the public view more readily to end these useless acts of violence.

I will certainly keep writing about ending senseless violence on all levels by reminding everyone to take their mental health seriously.

Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about mental health, we will all be so much happier.