Writing about writing, I write to get clarity in what I am struggling with. Lately for some reason it has been really difficult to write about anything.
I am not sure why, I have a hunch that this resistance is from some internal, unconscious, conflict. One part of me wants to write her heart out and the other parts makes her forget because it may bring too much attention to us. She is afraid of people, she wants to stay invisible, it’s safer this way.
I want this scared part of me to know that we will be OK, I will never let anyone hurt or humiliate her again. We are safe now and she can rest and not be on guard so much.
I hope she hears me and can trust me.
Healing the world is a wonderful altruistic goal, unfortunately no one can. There will always be people who are not willing to help the world.
Why, because they are stuck in their own trauma, everyone has trauma in one form or another, you can see it in your everyday interactions. Someone is angry, untouchable, has heavy emotional baggage, bitter, unhappy, sabotaging, etc.
However to heal the world you much do the very hard and important inner work of examining your own life, it will take great effort but the positive results will be permanent, you will be happier, calmer, brilliantly confident and unafraid of living your best life.
Do the work, you are worth the effort and the world needs more healed people to help heal the world.
I have dissociative amnesia, remember very little before the age of 18, with a mother who was schizophrenic and a father who was an addict my life was chaos. So dissociation was my friend and helped me survive.
Here’s a really good explanation of the condition.
From the book: Human Development and Trauma by Darius Cikanavicius
Page 145 and 145.
Do you know people who can’t remember their childhood or only vaguely remember it? How about people who can’t remember years, even decades, of their lives? They may have dissociative amnesia, and their reason for it , as troubling as might see, make sense.
To begin, when children experience severe or prolonged traumas, they often forget about it. The memories are simply too painful and even dangerous for them to recall. Remembering only makes their lives worse, especially when they have no choice but to continue living with their abusers. Children are vulnerable and when they have no allies they are particularly ill equipped to process their traumas correctly, As a coping mechanism they dissociate, that is, split off from their memories and feelings and despite the consequences of this, it does allow for them to survive.
Many times these memories, and the intellectual, psychological, emotional and physical realizations that go along with them, never do resurface to consciousness, it the individual remains emotionally unprepared for them, for many, this never happens. But if a person begins to heal and grow, they will slowly begin to remember and process their past, at which point their painful memories and all that go along with them will begin to return. That is, the amnesia will begin to dissipate.
Hope that helps.
I have Covid 19 and I am recovering, I had fever, aches and pains, fatigue, migraines, loss of smell and taste. Most of my symptoms are gone except for the loss of smell and taste.
This illness wiped me out for nearly 4 weeks, I caught it because a family member was infected first, this illness is very slow moving and not much relieves the symptoms expect for Tylenol and vitamins like C and lots of zinc.
I am lucky, as bad as my symptoms got I did not end up in the hospital.
We are not out of the woods yet, please follow the CDC guidelines and take this illness seriously.
This poster is from the Gottman Institute on how to process difficult emotions. This poster is just another tool in your toolbox for promoting good mental health.
It is so frustrating going from relationship to relationship, all kinds of relationships that don’t work, jobs, friends, significant others, over and over. There is an answer.
At some point you learned unhealthy thought and action patterns from repeated emotional and/or physical abuse learned as love.
As a result we recreate those primary relationships so we can heal them and make us feel better in return. It doesn’t work, we repeat the patterns unconsciously, and you may need great mindfulness and therapy.
Dr. Tracey Marks, psychiatrist, has made an informative video about this subject. Please watch it, you will find truth and healing.
Let me preface this saying that I have been a proud Rebel for most of my life. I am not kidding. My caregivers were so mentally ill that I had to fend for myself for a long time. I learned not to get swept up in their insanity by keeping true to what I knew was reality. Was living that like easy. Nope, it was very hard until I eventually moved away from that insanity.
Here’s what I learned about being a rebel and how you can become one too.
- Stay in your truth no matter how hard it is.
2. Live your unique life on your terms not matter how it looks to others.
3. Put a boundary up against those who will try to drag you down.
4. When you hear feedback that you always do things your way and don’t care about anything else, you know you are on the right track.
Bonus: It’s your life, make it resoundingly pleasant for you and then everything else will fall into place.
You are worth the time and effort in living fully.
Carry on you adorable REBEL.
Stereotype-A stereotype is a mistaken idea or belief many people have about a thing or group that is based upon how they look on the outside, which may be untrue or only partly true. Stereotyping people is a type of prejudice because what is on the outside is a small part of who a person is. Wikipedia.
Broad Generalizations-In everyday language, a generalization is defined as a broad statement or an idea that is applied to a group of people or things. Often, generalizations are not entirely true, because there are usually examples of individuals or situations wherein the generalization does not apply. Google search.
It really bothers me when someone spews out of their mouth some stupid statement like: dogs are smarter than cats, cats are aloof, woman want large families, men never make commitments, that salesmen are greedy, pretty people are stuck up.
A woman said to me the other day that all women are nurturing and intuitive, are you kidding me, that is not true, none of these statements are true.
I can’t stop others from getting on their podium and spread false information but I can check out for myself all the information I need. I can find the truth for myself. And so can you.
Don’t blindly believe in what you are told. Zombies do that, don’t be a zombie, be a involved human by being informed. Investigate, figure out for yourself what is being presented and make decisions based on your own truth, not someone else’s.
I have an extensive trauma history and trauma recovery, my mother was schizophrenic and my father was an addict so I have spent years undoing the damage they created in my life.
I write to the dissociated parts of my inner world, for example, when one grows up in a chronically unsafe environment our thinking becomes separated into different parts so we can function, we become many different parts rather than a cohesive thinking person. For more information on this read Dr. Richard Schwartz who popularized the Internal Family System method of therapy. This actually saved me, I have had dramatic results since beginning this therapy.
To get in touch with my inner parts who are exiled children and young versions of myself, also the stealth defenses and disassociation I experience, I write to them.
Dear Inner Children, Thank you for hanging in there during the tremendous pain you had to endure and keeping us alive, you did not deserve any of that bad treatment, you are safe now, if there is anything you want to share I am always listening.
Dear Defenses: you have done a splendid job in keeping me safe by isolating me from very harmful situations, I am truly thankful, we are safe now and if there is anything you want to share I am always listening.
I write everyday and much deeply buried information comes to light and I become free and unburden from the fears and entrapment of living in the past.
I also meditate on a regular basis, it is one way of grounding, I practice my art everyday and that is grounding. I go to therapy and speak to anyone who will listen about how important mental health is.
Do whatever you need to do to heal what is weighing heavy on your mind, you don’t deserve to be so troubled and afflicted. You deserve a wonderful happy life, find what you need to be a whole functioning person. You are so worth it.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — C.G. Jung
We must become conscious of our beliefs and feelings going on in our minds or we cannot change or transform ourselves and our lives. If something said is repeated over and over it becomes real, but in many cases what was said is either outdated at this point.
If we want to live with meaning and purpose we must make a list of these beliefs and feelings and examine them and tear them apart and eliminate those that don’t resonate with our values.
When we act from outmoded beliefs and feelings we stay stuck and can’t do the necessary letting go so we can move on.
In my case, both my caregivers were mentally ill so I had many bizarre beliefs and feelings that did not make sense even at a young age, I was not self-aware for a long time until I was much older and could be a bit objective about those beliefs and worked with therapists.
Many beliefs we pick up during our lives are dysfunctional. They make us limited.
On a regular basis we must update our beliefs, what was true in the past may not apply now. We must find those very deep beliefs that are not very conscious and rip them out by the roots. This is not easy, it requires, courage, sticking with a therapist, and a commitment to your own self-care.
This uncovering is all about finding the truth, your truth, so you can live the best life that is unique to you. We want to be whole, we want our inner parts integrated, we want to be happy.
None is possible unless we care deeply for ourselves on a regular basis. You are so worth the effort and with this loving effort for yourself the transformation of your life is permanent.