Tag Archives: truth

Thoughtful Thursday #275 – Getting Unstuck – Outside of the Box Techniques

Standard

I have an extensive trauma history and trauma recovery, my mother was schizophrenic and my father was an addict so I have spent years undoing the damage they created in my life.

I write to the dissociated parts of my inner world, for example, when one grows up in a chronically unsafe environment our thinking becomes separated into different parts so we can function, we become many different parts rather than a cohesive thinking person. For more information on this read Dr. Richard Schwartz who popularized the Internal Family System method of therapy. This actually saved me, I have had dramatic results since beginning this therapy.

To get in touch with my inner parts who are exiled children and young versions of myself, also the stealth defenses and disassociation I experience, I write to them.

Dear Inner Children, Thank you for hanging in there during the tremendous pain you had to endure and keeping us alive, you did not deserve any of that bad treatment, you are safe now, if there is anything you want to share I am always listening.

Dear Defenses: you have done a splendid job in keeping me safe by isolating me from very harmful situations, I am truly thankful, we are safe now and if there is anything you want to share I am always listening.

I write everyday and much deeply buried information comes to light and I become free and unburden from the fears and entrapment of living in the past.

I also meditate on a regular basis, it is one way of grounding, I practice my art everyday and that is grounding. I go to therapy and speak to anyone who will listen about how important mental health is.

Do whatever you need to do to heal what is weighing heavy on your mind, you don’t deserve to be so troubled and afflicted. You deserve a wonderful happy life, find what you need to be a whole functioning person. You are so worth it.

Thoughtful Thursday #264 – What Do You Believe.

Standard

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — C.G. Jung

We must become conscious of our beliefs and feelings going on in our minds or we cannot change or transform ourselves and our lives. If something said is repeated over and over it becomes real, but in many cases what was said is either outdated at this point.

If we want to live with meaning and purpose we must make a list of these beliefs and feelings and examine them and tear them apart and eliminate those that don’t resonate with our values.

When we act from outmoded beliefs and feelings we stay stuck and can’t do the necessary letting go so we can move on.

In my case, both my caregivers were mentally ill so I had many bizarre beliefs and feelings that did not make sense even at a young age, I was not self-aware for a long time until I was much older and could be a bit objective about those beliefs and worked with therapists.

Many beliefs we pick up during our lives are dysfunctional. They make us limited.

On a regular basis we must update our beliefs, what was true in the past may not apply now. We must find those very deep beliefs that are not very conscious and rip them out by the roots. This is not easy, it requires, courage, sticking with a therapist, and a commitment to your own self-care.

This uncovering is all about finding the truth, your truth, so you can live the best life that is unique to you. We want to be whole, we want our inner parts integrated, we want to be happy.

None is possible unless we care deeply for ourselves on a regular basis. You are so worth the effort and with this loving effort for yourself the transformation of your life is permanent.

Thoughtful Thursday #260 – Recovery

Standard

Any recovery journey is really about taking care of yourself – you can’t take care of others without taking care of yourself first. You can’t make sense of your circumstances until you take the step to be good to yourself and examine what is going on.

Recovery from anything is to look at yourself without judgement or criticism but rather with curiosity and compassion.

We must learn about those deeply hidden secrets we keep from ourselves, and uncover their origin.

Recovery is about looking at yourself and comforting yourself as you cry buckets of tears, as you express anger, as you throw your fists up a the incredible injustices you have endured.

After all this expression, over and over, you come out on the other side-instead of crying there’s compassion, instead of anger there is peace, instead of raging at injustice you are living a life of justice.

In my life I get why my high functioning father became so cruel and hateful and addicted to drugs and alcohol – his childhood was horrible – males and females were addicts and alcoholics and he was illegitimate. I get that my mother was a high functioning schizophrenic and so was her mother, my mother was a mess.

She and my father were ill equipped to be parents or decent human beings.  They lived their lives enjoying cruelty and being surrounded with those who were the same. They died without ever recovering and no acknowledgement of their disgusting display of hatred towards me or anyone else. I was the scapegoat until their very last breath.

I get it. I don’t condone it – it was not OK on any level and sadly there was no changing them.

So as painful as it was I had to journey alone and for a very long time in my own trauma recovery. My message to you is recovery is very possible.

Recovery will require that you commit to creating a better life for yourself. You will have to show up to therapy, groups of like minded folks, crying, writing, grounding your emotions, all one day at a time. Sometimes it’s one breath at a time.

You deserve a wonderful life, you deserve to be cared about. You deserve to be safe, You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to be loved and don’t let any negative person or internal false belief tell you otherwise.

 

Thoughful Thursday #258 – Frequency

Standard

I don’t want to get all esoteric on you but we all vibrate at our own frequency.

Ever notice how you will meet someone who is passionate about the same things you are. You are both resonating with each other.

Ever notice how if you make up your mind to do something, then you get  everything you need to accomplish that something.

Ever notice how worry is a frequency for chaos, you worry then you bring negative results.

Ever notice that when your frequency is grounded, new opportunities and people flow into your life.

Yup, it’s all frequency, sometimes you meet someone and you just click. That is vibrating at the same frequency. Ever meet someone you really dislike, that is frequency.

These vibes are that mysterious thing that Mother Nature does to every living thing, it’s just one of the many ways she speaks to us and through us. These vibes are communicated and felt by others.

Our emotions, physical and mental states have vibes, our food has vibes, animals, places, the wind, the ocean, the world has vibes. Everything has a vibrational frequency.

It is so very helpful to pay attention to the vibes you pick up, this can give you vital information for making your little universe a happier and better place to live in.

Thoughtful Thursday #257 – Limitations Are Not Real

Standard

Arguing for your limitations: it is so frustrating to hear someone insist that there is no way out of their uncomfortable situation, that they have no choices to choose from, that there trapped in a box and can’t get out.

To insist on believing that you are helpless is an argument in favor of you own self-imposed limitations. Stop doing that, you must stop creating your own traps, be curious about different ways of dealing with a situation, write your choices down and make them real, without distraction go inside of yourself and ask what you need to know, search for information that may be helpful in your quest.

If any of these suggestions make you cringe then friend I am here to tell you the truth of what is happening inside of you. It is fear, fear of change, not being good enough, not being worthy, retaliation for moving forward, the list goes on and on.

It is fear that causes one to argue for their limitations. Resistance is fear and resistance is the indicator that you must go towards what you fear because that is where your answers are.

You are never trapped, there is always an answer to your situation, and you are not helpless.

Will the change you so desperately crave be easy, nope it will not be easy. You will be required to put in effort to uncover what you need to change course and put yourself back on the road to your own happiness and continue creating a wonderful, miraculous life that you so rightly deserve.

Get started now, you are so worth it.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #253 – Affirmations

Standard

Affirmations are those positive thoughts and words that are said internally and out loud over and over until you believe them and see the truth of them.

Simpler said than done, but saying affirmations do help make one feel better.

If you go back to negative thinking very quickly, it’s because of the long-standing criticism you have of yourself. It’s OK. You can redirect your thinking at any time.

If you find resistance when you are saying positive affirmations then that is where you have an issue to look at.

Practicing affirmations is the key to making them work. It takes at least a month of speaking kind words, compassionate words, uplifting words to yourself.

Here are two of my favorite affirmations.

I believe in myself.

I approve of myself.

And you can also research the subject on-line. Louise Hay was a pioneer in positive affirmations and her audiobooks are free online.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #252 – Who is Running the Show in Trauma Recovery

Standard

Our minds are not always in tune with our powerful grounded self. Being in touch with our grounded self is difficult to maintain in the best of circumstances. Our grounded self is where we feel strong, centered and strong.

Our minds are busy thinking, chatting, bringing up the past and worrying about the future, describing fears in great detail and at times sending us down the rabbit hole of despair and keeping trauma experiences invisible, untouchable, un-feel-able.

Our subconscious runs the show in trauma recovery. If we are mostly distracted it’s a signal that our subconscious is not feeling safe enough to express its concerns about the trauma you experienced.

And that is OK. Eventually, the more you learn to be grounded the more your subconscious will reveal information about the unhealed trauma material.

When this happens witness without judgement and thank your subconscious for revealing its secrets to you. Tell your subconscious how proud you are of it protecting you for so long and it can release this heavy burden, you are both safe now.

Thoughtful thursday #251 – Thoughts And Actions

Standard

There are two things that we have complete control over. Our thoughts and actions. That is pretty much it.

Things that go on outside of us are uncontrollable. We may have a chance to use our own actions to influence the event. That is still controlling our actions. We can take an action that will influence our own lives or someone else’s in a positive way.

We can’t stop our thoughts, that is the purpose of our mind is to think but we can stop useless thoughts by practicing redirecting our thoughts. For example, if someone is talking bad about you or someone else you can choose to stop those negative thoughts that put you down the rabbit hole of despair and change the subject to something positive.

Take note: This kind of mindfulness is not easy, when you start and you can expect your mind to resist change. This is good because resistance will show you where you need look at your own issues. Be kind to yourself as you make these positive changes, if you become distracted, redirect when you can. You are worth the effort.

Thoughtful Thursday #246 – A Better Life

Standard

Improving your life is a spiritual practice because it requires mindfulness.

What is mindfulness? Focusing one’s attention on the present moment.

This is what being spiritual means, being mindful of your own actions and adjusting your actions on the road to improvement.

Simple enough but not easy to do. Keep trying, spiritual things take a while.

Thoughtful Thursday #245 – Internalizing Emotional Pain

Standard

Internalized emotional pain is personal slavery and a prim and proper intimate prison in your mind. It’s where we have been triggered and swallowed emotional pain for any number of reasons. Maybe we have been betrayed by someone you trusted, or out of the blue you were the target of cruelty, perhaps you have been the object of someone’s dysfunctional projections, and the result is you feel a life situation has crushed you.

We can recognize how we have internalized emotional pain. We have excessive worry, over indulge in social media, phantom physical sensations, venting at others expense, wanting to retaliate, self-destructive behaviors, your self-esteem is nowhere in sight, there’s a presence of anxiety, sadness, and social isolation, we blow up over nothing.

This is a painful way to live, very painful, I understand how it feels, and no one is immune internalizing emotional pain.

If you are struggling with sorting out emotional pain, hang in there, initially the pain may be  too much, that’s OK, take some time to process what has happened.

Practice self-care: acknowledge what happened, save yourself from further pain, summon up compassion for yourself, internalizing emotional pain does not make you tough, confrontation may be appropriate but do it with a calm voice, find someone who will listen to you unconditionally, write it out on a piece of paper, write every last emotion and detail, find whatever you need to bring a sense of groundedness and peace back to your mind,  look within yourself for an answer that works for you.

In time the pain will pass, that’s the beauty of time and self-care and perhaps you will learn that you are really very strong and can be grow internally and handle the next situation with self-protection and authority as the mighty, capable person that your are.