Category Archives: Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursdays – #172 – Many Personalities

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We have more than one role. We can be a parent, child, protector, adventurer, lover, teacher, predator, breadwinner. I am sure there are plenty more.

Each role we play can carry an emotion. Happiness, fear, anger, sadness, joy, disgust, surprise, trust, anticipation. Plus many more.

Some roles are a trigger and hold one emotion more than others. Do you know which holds what?

The child, parent in me holds joy.

The adventurer  in me hold happiness.

The protector, predator holds fear and anger

Depending on the situation the role you are in can elicit an emotion.

The point is which emotion, positive or negative are you feeling? Where are your triggers, where are you centered? Where is your emotional energy going? Where are you happy? Where are you angry? Where are you disgusted?

The more you know about yourself the easier it is to be on your very own path to authenticity.

Your own brand of authenticity. That no one can take from you.

You are worth the time it takes to be happy. Take it.

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – #169 – Mental Health

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I am a strong supporter of doing whatever is necessary to have good mental health. Whether one is exposed to trauma or mental illness more needs to be done to talk about mental health issues.

In light of the uncalled for death of NYPD Officer Miosotis Familia her assailant had a long history of psychiatric problems.

The laws changed years ago to allow the mentally ill to have a say in their treatment. That’s OK for some but not for others. This person was so unstable that he randomly killed someone. This is not OK. Where was the necessary intervention. There is much media attention for the NYPD officer but these random killings by the mentally unstable go on every day, we just don’t hear about it.

Go to your doctor, spiritual advisor, hospital,library, online for resources on how to protect  and educate yourself on mental health. Know the warning signs if someone is acting irrationally. Know who to call for help. Get away if necessary. There are many ways to address these issues.

Learn all you can about psychology and behavior, the more you know the more you can keep yourself and family safe.

NYPD, all law enforcement agencies, hospitals, therapists, and family members deal with emotionally disturbed people every day. Let’s help ourselves and those who regularly deal with this population. Get educated on mental health now before another senseless tragedy happens.

My condolences to NYPD Officer Miosotis Familia and her family and please let this be an opportunity to talk openly about mental health issues so we can stop this senseless violence before it starts.

Thoughtful Thursdays # 168 – The Curse of Awareness

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Trauma makes you do deep inner work which makes you acutely aware. The more you do this inner work the easier you can see others living in deep unawareness.

It seems like a curse and you will feel very different from the rest of the world. That’s OK. Stay different, you are not supposed to be like everyone else. You are supposed to be aware.

And there is a very good chance others feel different too, they just don’t show it.

Do whatever you need to do to be comfortable in your own skin. Embrace changing.

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 164 – Abandonment

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Fear of abandonment is a core survival instinct. In a more rural time if you were banished from your village it meant certain death. We are born to feel belonging, it’s part of being human, when we are abandoned physically or emotionally it’s a death of sorts.

If we are abandoned today we won’t die but become dysfunctionally alone, barren, unable to trust, and painfully aware we belong nowhere.

There is a cure for this. You will not want to hear it.

You are the cure. You are the light at the end of the tunnel.

Do what it takes to process the damage of abandonment by significant others. Learn to trust yourself. You are all you need now. You are the strong one, able to live wholly on your own and not in a crowd. You are now able to allow what you want – not waiting for others to include you. You are in control of your own life and that is freedom.

You are the leader of the pack. Out of all the times you doubted you could survive. You did. You did a magnificent job. You deserve an Olympic metal for survival

Congratulations you win.

Thoughtful Thursdays – #163 – Trying

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It’s really hard to move forward in life. We work hard to keep going, getting up every day to try to better ourselves.

All it takes is one small momentary lack of judgement to lose everything and start back at the beginning.

It’s easy to slip back into old ways and be discouraged by setbacks. It’s OK to feel that way. Start again from the beginning. You will regain your composure and move forward again.

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – #162 – Emotions

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Emotions are a barometer of information. Have you ever felt a strong emotion come up for, what seems to be, no good reason? Emotions can be triggered by a memory of the past. Emotions come up for you to examine, emotions won’t kill you, but they may scare you.

There is clearly a message with the emotion. If you can stay with the uneasiness of the emotion and examine it, you will be able to release it. Sorta like a balloon floating up into the air never to be seen again. It’s the same with the emotion that may be holding you back. This is the mystery of the subconscious (where emotions live) that is at work all the time. But we don’t realize it.

Feel it, release it, feel it, release it. Repeat

Will it be easy? Nope. But it works every time and you will be free.

Too Many Broken Hearts

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Our hearts can become broken so easily. Broken from fear, endings, trauma, and tragedy. How many times have you seen something that makes you really sad and feel helpless to change the situation? We have all run across this many times. A homeless person, the high functioning drug addict, the mentally handicapped, the poor, stray animals, the dying. What about our own personal suffering. Everyone has some challenge. It’s part of the human existence.

Tears flow from our eyes when we see others suffer and sometimes see a reflection of ourselves in that suffering. New Age philosophy makes claims to just think positive. That is unrealistic and impractical. You can’t just think for something to change for the better.

Each heart is unique; each heart has to find its own way of mending. What works for one heart will not work for another. Let’s ask: why is my heart broken and how can I move on?

  1. Take time to be still.
  2. Take time to grieve.
  3. Use extreme self-care.
  4. Try new things.
  5. Volunteer your time.
  6. Read about healing.
  7. Stay connected to others.
  8. Stay in the present moment.
  9. Get support.

In the meantime, hold yourself in high regard and shower love onto yourself. Know that this will pass.

 

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 158 – Anger

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Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.

Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.

Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.

Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences

of each choice.

Carry on.

Want to know more about healing trauma? Read my interview with Trauma expert Elisabeth Corey of Beating Trauma

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Elisabeth Corey has a very successful coaching business and blog: Beating Trauma, for survivors of survivors of childhood trauma. She is the survivor of family controlled child sex trafficking, incest and domestic violence that started when she was two years old.

Ms. Corey has an MSW and is a trauma recovery expert, writer, speaker and consultant.

As a survivor she uses her experience to lead other survivors to recovery through guidance sessions and coaching.

Ms. Corey is one of the bravest people I have ever met. She is unafraid to tell the truth about child abuse and her own personal experiences. She lets us know that there is hope and healing after trauma. Elisabeth Corey is a crusader in bringing healing to everyone in plain language, demystifying false beliefs and her generous mentoring.

This short interview is a window into her work and elaborate understanding of trauma in all forms.

Welcome Elisabeth Corey

Can you tell us how you came to do this work?

I came to do this work through my own extensive healing journey.  I was not satisfied with the slow pace of traditional therapy and started to take matters in to my own hands.  I used many different modalities to heal myself which included body work, spiritual practices like meditation and memory recovery.  During my work, I started to understand that I had inner parts that held aspects of my trauma.  This concept made so much sense and began to accelerate my own healing.  When I decided to start a blog, I was writing for my own recovery.  But very quickly, I started to receive messages from other survivors who had similar experiences to me.  I realized I needed to build a community with a focus on healing our inner parts.  Over time, and trial and error, the work grew to what it is today.

What tools do you have to aid in recovery from trauma?

My focus in on the concept of inner parts,  I help my clients to find their inner parts through building awareness and writing from the unconscious aspects of self.  I have developed tools that guide my clients through journaling in this way.  The increased awareness brings them more self-understanding, which facilitates the healing process.

How do you know you have been a victim?

That’s a great question.  Many times, the memories of severe trauma are not available to the conscious mind.  But I receive many messages from people questioning what they might have experienced.  They may struggle with anxiety or depression.  They may have physical symptoms like fibromyalgia or other forms of chronic pain.  They may sense they are not safe with certain family members.  Or they may have long periods of childhood with no memories.  These are all signs of trauma.

How did you meet Eric Holder a former Attorney General about trafficking?

I consult with several federal government agencies as a survivor expert on trauma and trafficking.  The opportunity to speak before Eric Holder and the Department of Justice was offered to me by those I had consulted with in the past.  It was an amazing experience to be able to present my story to that prestigious audience on that day.
You have masters in social work, why did you choose to be a coach instead of a therapist?

I didn’t want to be restricted in my approach. I base my work with clients on my own healing process. My experiences deeply inform my work. This means I am personally familiar with the healing steps and what happens when we take them. My approach doesn’t perfectly fit in to any model used by clinicians today. That said, it does have many similarities to Internal Family Systems which I am grateful to see gaining popularity in clinical circles.  In addition, clinical approaches tend to use labels for trauma responses, creating separation. My approach focuses on how our trauma can bring us together. I use my own stories of trauma and recovery to reduce the isolation and shame my clients often feel. This sharing, which is generally not accepted in the clinical world, is the basis for my work and fuels much of the success.

I often work with clients who are also working with therapists. Clients have found it very beneficial. I can help to uncover new aspects of the trauma through awareness building, informing therapy sessions in new ways. I refer to it as an acceleration program.

How did you find IFS therapy?

I never found it.  I discovered my inner parts on my own as a part of my own healing journey.  I had no idea there was a therapy in existence that did the same work.  I did not know about IFS until I was blogging.  One of my readers let me know my writing sounded like IFS, so I researched it at that point.

Can you explain how trauma is trapped in the body?

I am not a scientific expert on trauma and the body.  But trauma that cannot be processed when we are children (most of it) cannot be stored as a normal memory in our minds.  When memories and/or their emotions are repressed, they are stored in the body to be processed later.  Until we do this, the memories remain in a state of limbo and affect our daily lives through triggers along with a host of body symptoms.  When we are able to process them, the visceral response in the body dissipates and the memory is stored like other non-traumatic memories.

What is your mission with this work?

I want to change the world.  I know that sounds like a lot, but it is easy with this work.  Every time someone heals, they make different choices.  They in turn help to heal others.  They raise their children differently.  They start speaking out against their trauma.  They explore who they were meant to be.  Their voice is heard.  And that changes the world.

What can we all do to raise awareness of child abuse and trauma?

As I said above, the most important thing we can do is heal our trauma.  We all have it on some level.  When we heal our trauma, we become more aware of what is happening around us.  We can spot child abuse more quickly and we can speak out about it.

Do you have any speaking engagements planned?

I usually speak 2 -3 times per month in locations around the United States.  I can be hired directly or through several government agencies including the Office for Victims of Crimes and the Office of Trafficking in Persons.

It is my hope for everyone reading this that you found it helpful for yourself or someone else. For more information you can contact Elisabeth Corey on her Facebook page: Beating Trauma with Elisabeth Corey or blog: Beating Trauma.com.

Thanks

Thoughtful Thursdays # 157 – How To Move On

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My least favorite emotion is sadness; I cover it up with business but the sadness lies in my stomach. I know it is there because occasionally I feel sick to my stomach and I know I am not sick. This is my signal to watch for the sadness I am hiding.

You can’t refuse to feel any feeling because without feeling you will remain stuck. Once you feel the grief, or any other feeling, and process it you can move forward in a natural way.

Let yourself fall apart and allow some emotional time. I know it is easier said than done because of our survival belief that if I allow myself to feel grief, or any other emotion, I will be consumed by it and never come back. Actually that is just a fear, you will survive.

Mourn your losses and grieve your pain. It’s time to move on.