Category Archives: Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday #288 – Others Stories

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I was listening to the former Miss America of 1958 Marilyn Van Derbur story who is a survivor of incest. This is not the first time I have listened to her story and I read her book.

I listen to a lot of other people’s personal survivor stories, these stories remind me that I am not the only one in the world who is a survivor of mentally ill caregivers. I am not the only one in the world who has to recover from horrific childhood conditions.

Listening to many courageous folks talk about their trauma experiences and their personal journey to recovery validates my trauma experience and personal recovery journey. And I am sure when I share my story of trauma I am an inspiration also.

I have given speeches and written about my life’s experiences for a long time now and I know I am taking the chance of stigmatizing myself as a victim but that is OK because as long as I can help someone on their own journey of trauma recovery I have done the right thing.

Here’s the takeaway: Share your story, listen to other folds stories that resonate with you. Your life’s story will be an inspiration and upliftment to someone, whether you know the person or not. Sharing your story is one small act of kindness and compassion for yourself and for someone else.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your courage.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #285 – The Power of Words

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Sticks and stones can break your bones and words can hurt you too.

Words have the power to explain, and uplift and shame and sooth and entice and many more ways to influence us, every day and in all ways.

How do you communicate? Do you think before you speak?

Words are intrinsic to self examination, sharing information, connecting emotionally. Words can trigger pain or can build bridges or burn false beliefs.

You get my point, the words you speak to yourself are as important as the words you speak to others.

Are you kind or mean with your internal dialog? Do you repeat fears and worries, do you take the time to listen to the your internal dialog and distinguish between the false lies or the quiet truth. Do you take the time to be quiet, still, grounded?

How you speak to yourself has a dramatic effect, if you put yourself down all the time you will start to believe it even if it is not true.

Start by paying attention to what you are telling yourself and make an effort to speak to yourself with lovingkindness. You are so very important, please start now.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #284 – Stereotypes and Broad Generalizations

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Stereotype-A stereotype is a mistaken idea or belief many people have about a thing or group that is based upon how they look on the outside, which may be untrue or only partly true. Stereotyping people is a type of prejudice because what is on the outside is a small part of who a person is. Wikipedia.

Broad Generalizations-In everyday language, a generalization is defined as a broad statement or an idea that is applied to a group of people or things. Often, generalizations are not entirely true, because there are usually examples of individuals or situations wherein the generalization does not apply. Google search.

It really bothers me when someone spews out of their mouth some stupid statement like: dogs are smarter than cats, cats are aloof, woman want large families, men never make commitments, that salesmen are greedy, pretty people are stuck up.

A woman said to me the other day that all women are nurturing and intuitive, are you kidding me, that is not true, none of these statements are true.

I can’t stop others from getting on their podium and spread false information but I can check out for myself all the information I need. I can find the truth for myself. And so can you.

Don’t blindly believe in what you are told. Zombies do that, don’t be a zombie, be a involved human by being informed. Investigate, figure out for yourself what is being presented and make decisions based on your own truth, not someone else’s.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #280 – Processing Emotions In Vicarious Ways

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Vicarious – Meaning -experienced in the imagination through the feelings or actions of another person.

I never liked fluffy stories with forced happy endings like on the Hallmark channel,  I prefer to know what makes the characters tick even if there is a strange ending, on a regular basis I prefer non-fiction.

It is common that being in a psychologically dysfunctional environment growing up or as an adult it is unsafe to express our emotions.

When our emotions are not validated we can get them validated through music, art, reading stories, crime dramas, going to the movies, etc. you can add to the list.

We can better understand what we are feeling through these venues, we can relate to the struggles, fear, sadness, injustice or joy of the characters. By having these venues to relate to is a beginning to finding some safety within to express ourselves.

You are not alone, given the magnitude of how many people use these outlets all of us are using them to validate our own expressiveness.

Carry on. Express away.

Thoughtful Thursday #272 – Saved

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How many times have we looked to a person or belief or religion or substance or cause to save us from those invisible, incognito feelings of fear, self-loathing, and undefinable agitation?

The world is built on self-avoidance. We are plummeted with advertisements about instant relief from anxiety and lightning fast methods leading to boastful self-esteem. Only to be disappointed over and over that these seemingly split second, twinkling flashes of being saved have not worked, we think it is us, we are not smart enough, not brave enough, missing the message because we are cursed.

We are all desperate to be saved. Saved from the pain and disappointment of unfortunate events, unexpected delays, and self-recrimination, not feeling worthy or good enough.

Here’s the bad news:  No one is coming to save you. Yes it is unfair but it’s a reality.

Here’s the good news: No one is coming to save you. This is ultimate freedom for you. You are free to create your own “saving”

At this very moment, as you consider your existence and choices with honesty, you are immediately “saved”.

Will your journey of saving yourself be easy, nope; it will be difficult at times, unbearable, unknown, and questionable, but as you process these steps and come out on the other side, your being saved will amount to the information you need to know yourself so well that no one, no person, no god, no curse, no cause and no belief can take from you.

You will stand saved in yourself, as yourself and with yourself, saved from mindlessly following what everyone else does to creating a one of a kind unique, individual life just for you.

The message is: You are so worth the effort of being “saved” by saving yourself.

Sending all of you buckets of gardenia, wisteria and lilies on your very own self-discovery journey.

Thoughtful Thursday #270 – Judgment and Hate

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When we hate, criticize and judge other people it is a reflection of how unhappy and insecure we feel about ourselves.

When we criticize, hate or judge others it means we hate, criticize, judge ourselves.

Why? Because we believe we are not model size, rich, successful, pretty, overweight, underweight, cool, fill in the blank of where we believe we are lacking.

When we criticize, hate, judge others it gives a sense of assurance and validation that we are OK.

Why do we do that? We must get to the root of these beliefs and actions – to uncover and process our own self hatred and judgement.

We must get to feeling “good enough” about ourselves.

Feeling “good enough” about ourselves brings happiness and contentment and there is no room or desire to hate and judge others.

Get back to yourself.

Do the internal work necessary to be happy and content – you are worth it.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #269 – hope

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We believe in things that give us hope, whether its ghosts, or gods or curses or prayers. Hope is to believe in all possibilities; hope keeps us going in the face of uncertainty. Hope is loving yourself enough to believe in your own abilities. Hope is the opposite of giving up.

Hope is part of that sticky word love. I hope he loves me. I hope she lives, I hope this or that works.

Hope is faith. Hanging in there when there is no obvious reason to. Hope is a bridge for rebuilding your life. Hope is warm and light and free. If hope was a color it would be blue for me and maybe pink for you. 

My message for you is I hope all your dreams come true. I hope all your fears disappear. And I hope you are loved.

Thoughtful Thursday #268 – The Court Of Public Opinion

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I posted my opinion on a Facebook page that I thought was open minded and I could trust with my words.

Nope – my post was deleted and I  was called dumb and my opinion was wrong and didn’t matter. This is not the first time I have been treated this way when I give my opinion and once again I became a victim of the Court of Public Opinion.

Is it just me or does anyone else see this: I get that Facebook is not real life but it’s a platform for personal agendas and dividing people into different aggressive camps. I can bet you that the people running these pages are hateful and want company in their misery and only interested in advancing their own dysfunctional worlds. Which is really scary.

In healthy relationships no matter the platform, do not beat others up for having a different opinion, it’s normal and OK to have your own opinion, it’s OK to disagree, it’s not OK to bully someone for a difference of opinion.

The Court of Opinion is far and wide and in every direction on the internet. We see this everywhere – divide and conquer – if you don’t follow what this group believes you are banished into blocked land forever never to return, sounds like a trigger for abandonment and those who are not sure of themselves with cower to the pressure of compliance and wanting to belong.

These are trolls and where the weak minded, bully infested, creeps live. They hide under fake guises of welcoming the open minded but only open minded that unquestionably agree with their agenda.

Take this as a warning: the Court of Public Opinion is not your opinion, if you are not sure of yourself and have the confidence to be yourself, strong in your own values and convictions, and live in a genuine way to your own life – you will be victimized by the Court of Public Opinion on a regular basis.

Don’t fall for the fake, be your own person with your own mind.

Question everything. If something does not resonate with you then walk away or run away.

Those who reject you because of your opinions are not for you, there are those who are like you , waiting in the wings to meet you where you are, go find them.

Thoughtful Thursday #264 – What Do You Believe.

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“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — C.G. Jung

We must become conscious of our beliefs and feelings going on in our minds or we cannot change or transform ourselves and our lives. If something said is repeated over and over it becomes real, but in many cases what was said is either outdated at this point.

If we want to live with meaning and purpose we must make a list of these beliefs and feelings and examine them and tear them apart and eliminate those that don’t resonate with our values.

When we act from outmoded beliefs and feelings we stay stuck and can’t do the necessary letting go so we can move on.

In my case, both my caregivers were mentally ill so I had many bizarre beliefs and feelings that did not make sense even at a young age, I was not self-aware for a long time until I was much older and could be a bit objective about those beliefs and worked with therapists.

Many beliefs we pick up during our lives are dysfunctional. They make us limited.

On a regular basis we must update our beliefs, what was true in the past may not apply now. We must find those very deep beliefs that are not very conscious and rip them out by the roots. This is not easy, it requires, courage, sticking with a therapist, and a commitment to your own self-care.

This uncovering is all about finding the truth, your truth, so you can live the best life that is unique to you. We want to be whole, we want our inner parts integrated, we want to be happy.

None is possible unless we care deeply for ourselves on a regular basis. You are so worth the effort and with this loving effort for yourself the transformation of your life is permanent.

Thoughtful Thursday #247 – What Does It Take To Recover From Trauma

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In a word – persistence. However, recovery from trauma is not a linear process, there are ups and downs, erroneous paths, false information, shady gurus, promises of instant recovery.

There are many recovery styles. Take you pick, affirmations, videos, reading books about other people’s journey, therapy, music, writing, art, exercise. You can add to the list. And not all with resonate with you. And that is OK.

This is where persistence comes in.

Do whatever it takes to restore your sense of safety and empowerment, clear headedness, and life’s path.

It may take a while but you are worth the effort and I guarantee that you will be happy with the results.