As this year comes to an end we are faced with another new beginning.
I wish every one a happy and healthy and well balanced New Year 2022.
Dec26
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Sep24
Thoughtful Thursday #317 – Writing
Writing about writing, I write to get clarity in what I am struggling with. Lately for some reason it has been really difficult to write about anything.
I am not sure why, I have a hunch that this resistance is from some internal, unconscious, conflict. One part of me wants to write her heart out and the other parts makes her forget because it may bring too much attention to us. She is afraid of people, she wants to stay invisible, it’s safer this way.
I want this scared part of me to know that we will be OK, I will never let anyone hurt or humiliate her again. We are safe now and she can rest and not be on guard so much.
I hope she hears me and can trust me.
Jul30
Thoughtful Thursday #311- Trauma Bonding Through Shame
Alan Robarge is a wonderful therapist and an expert in my opinion on Attachment Trauma. Have a look at this video as he explains trauma bonding through shame.
Jul17
Thoughtful Thursday #310 – Your Only Job
Your only really significant job is to know yourself so well that no one can move you.
Know yourself without: addictions and distractions, without numbing your feelings with any substance or activity, seek peace, move away from drama, put away social media daily for a break, go to therapy, do grief work, find groundedness.
Self discovery is a lifelong journey and will have you grow beyond your wildest imagination. Your life will shift and move organically to a life of happiness and contentment.
You are very important, so in your inner world, your mental health is important, your life is important.
As in Shakespeare’s Act 1, Scene III of the famous play, Hamlet, Polonius says:
‘This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Carry On.
Jun4
Thoughtful Thursday #304 – Dissociative Amnesia
I have dissociative amnesia, remember very little before the age of 18, with a mother who was schizophrenic and a father who was an addict my life was chaos. So dissociation was my friend and helped me survive.
Here’s a really good explanation of the condition.
From the book: Human Development and Trauma by Darius Cikanavicius
Page 145 and 145.
Dissociative Amnesia
Do you know people who can’t remember their childhood or only vaguely remember it? How about people who can’t remember years, even decades, of their lives? They may have dissociative amnesia, and their reason for it , as troubling as might see, make sense.
To begin, when children experience severe or prolonged traumas, they often forget about it. The memories are simply too painful and even dangerous for them to recall. Remembering only makes their lives worse, especially when they have no choice but to continue living with their abusers. Children are vulnerable and when they have no allies they are particularly ill equipped to process their traumas correctly, As a coping mechanism they dissociate, that is, split off from their memories and feelings and despite the consequences of this, it does allow for them to survive.
Many times these memories, and the intellectual, psychological, emotional and physical realizations that go along with them, never do resurface to consciousness, it the individual remains emotionally unprepared for them, for many, this never happens. But if a person begins to heal and grow, they will slowly begin to remember and process their past, at which point their painful memories and all that go along with them will begin to return. That is, the amnesia will begin to dissipate.
Hope that helps.
May21
Thoughtful Thursday #301 – Taking Advantage
I have some concerns about how stores and others are treating the public since Coved 19 showed up.
- Grocery stores have no sales, they are selling all items at full price.
- Companies are providing the necessities, it is people who are hoarding.
- Commercials on TV and politicians saying how we are all in this together and trying to fan our egos. We are not all in this together when you get sick.
- Shaming the public to wear masks etc. I am not against wearing masks but i do resent being shamed for not wearing one.
I am recovering from Covid and don’t appreciate the sanctimonious platitudes that are said with smiles with knives in your back taking your money, lieing, and shaming.
Jan23
Thoughtful Thursday #288 – Others Stories
I was listening to the former Miss America of 1958 Marilyn Van Derbur story who is a survivor of incest. This is not the first time I have listened to her story and I read her book.
I listen to a lot of other people’s personal survivor stories, these stories remind me that I am not the only one in the world who is a survivor of mentally ill caregivers. I am not the only one in the world who has to recover from horrific childhood conditions.
Listening to many courageous folks talk about their trauma experiences and their personal journey to recovery validates my trauma experience and personal recovery journey. And I am sure when I share my story of trauma I am an inspiration also.
I have given speeches and written about my life’s experiences for a long time now and I know I am taking the chance of stigmatizing myself as a victim but that is OK because as long as I can help someone on their own journey of trauma recovery I have done the right thing.
Here’s the takeaway: Share your story, listen to other folds stories that resonate with you. Your life’s story will be an inspiration and upliftment to someone, whether you know the person or not. Sharing your story is one small act of kindness and compassion for yourself and for someone else.
Thanks for reading and thanks for your courage.
Dec26
Thoughtful Thursday #285 – The Power of Words
Sticks and stones can break your bones and words can hurt you too.
Words have the power to explain, and uplift and shame and sooth and entice and many more ways to influence us, every day and in all ways.
How do you communicate? Do you think before you speak?
Words are intrinsic to self examination, sharing information, connecting emotionally. Words can trigger pain or can build bridges or burn false beliefs.
You get my point, the words you speak to yourself are as important as the words you speak to others.
Are you kind or mean with your internal dialog? Do you repeat fears and worries, do you take the time to listen to the your internal dialog and distinguish between the false lies or the quiet truth. Do you take the time to be quiet, still, grounded?
How you speak to yourself has a dramatic effect, if you put yourself down all the time you will start to believe it even if it is not true.
Start by paying attention to what you are telling yourself and make an effort to speak to yourself with lovingkindness. You are so very important, please start now.
Dec20
Thoughtful Thursday #284 – Stereotypes and Broad Generalizations
Stereotype-A stereotype is a mistaken idea or belief many people have about a thing or group that is based upon how they look on the outside, which may be untrue or only partly true. Stereotyping people is a type of prejudice because what is on the outside is a small part of who a person is. Wikipedia.
Broad Generalizations-In everyday language, a generalization is defined as a broad statement or an idea that is applied to a group of people or things. Often, generalizations are not entirely true, because there are usually examples of individuals or situations wherein the generalization does not apply. Google search.
It really bothers me when someone spews out of their mouth some stupid statement like: dogs are smarter than cats, cats are aloof, woman want large families, men never make commitments, that salesmen are greedy, pretty people are stuck up.
A woman said to me the other day that all women are nurturing and intuitive, are you kidding me, that is not true, none of these statements are true.
I can’t stop others from getting on their podium and spread false information but I can check out for myself all the information I need. I can find the truth for myself. And so can you.
Don’t blindly believe in what you are told. Zombies do that, don’t be a zombie, be a involved human by being informed. Investigate, figure out for yourself what is being presented and make decisions based on your own truth, not someone else’s.
Nov21
Thoughtful Thursday #280 – Processing Emotions In Vicarious Ways
Vicarious – Meaning -experienced in the imagination through the feelings or actions of another person.
I never liked fluffy stories with forced happy endings like on the Hallmark channel, I prefer to know what makes the characters tick even if there is a strange ending, on a regular basis I prefer non-fiction.
It is common that being in a psychologically dysfunctional environment growing up or as an adult it is unsafe to express our emotions.
When our emotions are not validated we can get them validated through music, art, reading stories, crime dramas, going to the movies, etc. you can add to the list.
We can better understand what we are feeling through these venues, we can relate to the struggles, fear, sadness, injustice or joy of the characters. By having these venues to relate to is a beginning to finding some safety within to express ourselves.
You are not alone, given the magnitude of how many people use these outlets all of us are using them to validate our own expressiveness.
Carry on. Express away.
purelysimplewords 