Tag Archives: love

Mar7

Pan and Limerence-Unrequited Love

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Pan was a harlot and whore. He ran after anything that brought his own pleasure without returning it. That being said in the excerpt from the tender countenance of Elizabeth Barrette Browning about Pan speaks of her very own passionate unrequited love.


Unreturned love is a painful, long lasting, shame invoking and obsessive thinking, cringe worthy, uncomfortable psychological state that can last for weeks, many years, or a lifetime. Many a murder and permanent destruction of lives has occurred because of unrequited love. Fortunately, and thankfully in our modern times there is a word and definition for it.


Limerence: coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1979 is the involuntary obsession of a person. Many people experience this unexpected state of persistent desire for another. Healthy people move through the infatuation, crystallization, destruction phases and go back to normal. Emotionally challenged individuals take longer to recover. Those on the OCD, autism and schizophrenic scale have a much harder time to let things go.


The difference between limerence and love is that love is caring about the wellbeing of the person and limerence is about the uncertainty of the situation.


Limerence is tied to trauma and abandonment and neglect from childhood. Those who experience extreme limerence don’t realize they are trying to rectify unstable childhood family experiences through reenacting them in the present. This repeated reenactment is the minds way of saying hey you better look at this because it is getting in the way of healthy relationships.


How does one overcome Limerence?


Be aware of what you are feeling. Limit contact with the obsession. Prioritize your own self-care. Challenge the obsessive thoughts. Redirect your energy. Avoid replacing one obsession with another. Have a strict no contact rule. Write in a journal. Talk to a therapist. Join support groups. Research limerence and understand how it is playing out in your life.


Note that time will eliminate limerence.


I am not sure if Syrinx in this encounter with Pan ever got the chance to escape the water nymphs turning her into cattail reeds, but Pan got his comeuppance in the sense that he had his own case of limerence. At least for a while until his next desire came along.

Jan10

Music and Love

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                              Music and Love

In the cacophony of the city existed an unpredicted tune that will bring two strangers together.

In his daily mundane routine Oliver became aware of smooth background jazz of Dave Brubeck. Brubeck’s “Take Five” was sweeping and dancing through the air.

It was raining as he stopped at the coffee shop. This was part of his usual routine and habit. He sat at a table looking around lost in thought.

The barista changed the entire energy of the coffee shop by playing “Moonlight Sonata” by Beethoven. Oliver didn’t mind, he was winding down after a long day. The music unexpectedly resonated deep within.

As he was glancing around, he noticed an attractive young lady. Becca was engrossed in reading at the corner table not noticing Oliver. To Oliver she was familiar. He felt connected to her as if the music had invisible strings connecting them.

Each note became a love language, evoking vulnerability, a spell cast, and wordless words not yet spoken.

At the last chord Oliver found the courage to approach Becca. In this small coffee shop under awkward hellos, raindrops, cascading music, enchantment and mystery begins a serendipitous new love story for two solitary souls.

Jan3

Old Friend

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I have one friend from childhood. We met when I was 15 and he was 17. We used to play guitar and piano together. His family was wonderful. His voice was like velvet. We had tons of fun, and we were a couple for two years. He went his way, and I went mine.

We reconnected a few years later and the same thing happened.

It’s really strange because for the following years we ran into each other often. We could not get away from each other. We couldn’t be a couple for unknown reasons. But we always kept in touch with each other.

When his Mom passed away, we reminisced about how we all used to sing together. I said my goodbyes to this wonderful lady who really welcomed me.

Every year at Christmas we exchange Christmas cards and each year my dear friend would burn a CD for me of old movies and jazz music and other subjects we were always interested in. One year he sent me an old VCR tape of us at his house on Christmas with our families. I cried when I saw this. We were so happy.

This year I got my Christmas card with a CD and the only words on the card were “It’s been a rough year.”

I do keep in touch with his sister too and she said that my friend is suffering with back problems, blood problems and some other dangerous stuff. My friend does not want to need my help because he has a support system.

We don’t run into each other anymore. We have chosen to remember all the good times, the conversations, the connection we had in these past five decades.

I guess that is how it is when you finally get old enough to realize how much you really loved each other and how it is too late to have a life together.

I will always remember my dear friend and if we are lucky perhaps, we will meet in the afterlife.

Sep10

Thoughtful Thursday #316 – Secrets

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Some secrets are good, like not revealing what a birthday gift is or a Christmas gift or some other information that is not harmful in some way.

Some secrets are confidential, embarrassing, shameful.

Some secrets should not be held in your mind if it is making you uncomfortable or feel upset.

Should you reveal all questionable secrets? Not to everyone, but if you are holding secrets that are becoming explosive and tearing you apart emotionally, it is very important to reveal these secrets to someone trusted like a therapist or write them in a journal.

By revealing secrets that are harmful it acts like a steam release, you will feel better and get some emotional distance in order to calm down.

Keeping secrets can make lots of trauma and that is deadly to one’s mental health.

If you must keep secrets at least release them in a safe way.

Your mental health is at stake and you are entitled to a peaceful life not matter what it takes.

Jul9

Thoughtful Thursday #309 – In Service To Humanity

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With today’s negativity on TV and radio and magazines and hurt people acting out violently we can get sucked into the drama very easily and end up feeling hopeless and afraid.

Focusing on the external will make you feel you must react in some way. Not necessarily.

If you make your reference point external and have that run your day you are unwittingly acting from victim consciousness, when we operate from a victim consciousness we give away all our power to external people and events.

Note: people who are hurting aka victims, hurt other people which creates more victim consciousness. Think of the bully who has to hurt others because he/she is hurt.

When we meet angry events with the same polarity and divisiveness that created the angry event, and we are meeting those events with low level reactions and we are  postponing a greater world.

A world of peace, love, compassion, respect for all sentient beings, the openness to talk to one another and expand our wonderful world of exceptional humans and believe it or not, most people want this. Most people want to live in peace and safety.

Instead take a break from the negativity and choose a higher form of action:

  1. refuse to get taken in by unhealthy actions of those who wish to harm.
  2. have gratitude for the ability to choose your reactions.
  3. find reasons to feel positive.
  4. find people who you can love and that love you.
  5. send good wishes and pure feelings to everyone.
  6. take the time to think and understand what is going on in your life.
  7. take the time to think about how to react.
  8. be kind whenever possible.

Let’s build each other up instead of tearing down, let’s be of a greater service to humanity. Let’s be united for a better world with positivity. All of us.

 

 

 

Jun25

Thoughtful Thursday #307 Love and Other Things

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In today’s unsettled times, we can all love each other by simply trying to understand one another.
It is not hard to do if we just listen without judgement and an open heart.
Image result for understanding is loves other name
At the heart of Nhat Hanh’s teachings is the idea that “understanding is love’s other name” — that to love another means to fully understand his or her suffering. (“Suffering” sounds rather dramatic, but in Buddhism it refers to any source of profound dissatisfaction — be it physical or psychoemotional or spiritual.)Mar 31, 2015 (Google)
Understanding someone's suffering is the best gift you can give ...
Apr2

Thoughtful Thursday #297 – Attachment Trauma and Injuries

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There are a number of attachment styles that people adopt. Anxious, Avoidant, Secure, Dismissive. These are the four major styles, You can look up the details on Google.

Attachment injuries come from mostly from family of origin issues.

How do you know you have an attachment issue, your relationships are not working, you feel invisible, you are not getting your needs met, you are allowing others to sabotage and abuse you somehow.

This is heavy stuff so I want to share an expert Attachment Trauma, relationship coach and Psychotherapist Alan Robarge, Here’s a video explaining this issue.

Hope you find it healing.

Feb21

Thoughtful Thursday #292 – Why Do You Attract The Same Negative Relationships

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It is so frustrating going from relationship to relationship, all kinds of relationships that don’t work, jobs, friends, significant others, over and over. There is an answer.

At some point you learned unhealthy thought and action patterns from repeated emotional and/or physical abuse learned as love.

As a result we recreate those primary relationships so we can heal them and make us feel better in return. It doesn’t work, we repeat the patterns unconsciously, and you may need great mindfulness and therapy.

Dr. Tracey Marks, psychiatrist, has made an informative video about this subject. Please watch it, you will find truth and healing.

 

 

 

Apr25

Thoughtful Thursday – #254 – Are You Operating From A Place Of Lack

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Focusing on lacking anything is an affirmation of lack.

I have no one to love.

I don’t have enough money.

I can’t sell. ‘

I’m not good enough and so on.

Sometimes we are not even aware of the impact of what we are saying to ourselves and putting out into the Universe. These beliefs can be very powerful yet so subtle. Thoughts and words have energy to manifest.

This is the time to be mindful. Question how you came to think in lack terms. Then stop thinking in lack terms. Redirect your thoughts to positive affirmations: I have a healthy relationship. I have enough money to follow my dreams, I am learning how to sell, I am more than good enough.

Say these positive affirmations over and over then start taking action in that direction. The Universe will hear you and the energy will open doors for you.

 

Mar21

Thoughtful Thursday #250 – Ghost Stories of the Past

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I like ghost stories on TV and in books. They are kind of scary and kind of silly.

I don’t like flashbacks of shadowy ghost stories and past violations and the need to look over my shoulder.

Even those days are long gone there is a part of me that still holds those ghost stories, They are actually the traumatized part of me that have not been updated to the present safe moments.

In trauma there are many subtle, under my consciousness beliefs that manage to slip into my daily behavior. Even though I am quite aware of this behavior I don’t always see these trauma beliefs being acted out until it’s too late.

To get past my personal ghost stories I write a lot to get those hidden ghost stories out into the open. From there I can examine the belief and set the past free and update my beliefs to a more modern and current conclusion.

Afterwards I feel refreshed, grounded and content.