When you realize that you can’t change other people, and you accept that they are who they are and it’s not your job, or your place to change them, you can learn to let go of people who are not giving you what you need; or requiring you to do all the work; or are causing you to be less-than. You can let go of these people and begin to embrace new relationships that are more healthy. New relationships where you are valued, validated and respected.
It’s a great indicator of your path. When you’re able to determine what is good for you and what is not, your path lights up and you get out of old negative patterns of relating onto new nourishing experiences. You are no longer stuck. You build new neural pathways in your mind towards your own betterment. It’s a beautiful process of learning to love yourself by saying no to the bad stuff and yes to the good stuff.
This will feel uncomfortable at first. It will feel “off” because maybe you’ve been habituated to following patterns of self loathing and self harm. But if you trust your path, and persevere towards the good, then you will say goodbye to that old identity (in a loving way) and hello to the new, true identity which was yours all along.
You may be afraid to walk away from your old way of relating because you may be afraid of the unknown–also, your brain may be trained to go towards your current comfort zone. You have to retrain your brain. You have to learn to listen to your intuition which will tell you when you feel mistreated, and even if that mistreatment feels most comfortable, you listen to your truth. You take a leap of faith–trusting yourself.
You can also learn to love others who are close to you for who they are… especially those you must deal with in life, like parents. When you know what’s right and wrong for you, you can set boundaries externally and emotional limits internally in a way that lets you stay safe and meet them where they are. You only do this with close family–new relationships need to adhere to your new levels–or remain acquaintances. The key is you stay neutral, not clinging to or pushing away negative people.
There are so many mental and emotional processes that can get in the way of this healing, but it’s worth it to learn about everything. It’s worth the effort to pull yourself out of the pit and to heal. You deserve a happy life.