I admit it. I like to be right. Everyone does.
However to demand others see things our way is actually wrong. The need to be right all the time comes from the fear of losing control and credibility and feeling threatened. That is a real uncomfortable way to live.
“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” – Pema Chodron
Here’s 5 negative results of insisting on being right all the time.
- You will not be open to other possibilities.
- You see others in a condescending and belittling manner.
- There is no open dialog.
- You will end up alone and isolated.
- It is disrespectful to others.
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” -Anthony Robbins
Here’s 5 positive results of letting go of being right all the time.
- You become kinder and accepting without feeling threatened.
- You become more compassionate and understanding.
- You can communicate better.
- You will be open to new experiences.
- You will have the willingness to be wrong.
“You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.”- Marcia Wieder
If we can, for just a moment, become detached from the need to be right and listen to another’s opinion we open ourselves to deeper understanding and acceptance. Being detached to having it your way will also eliminate judgement and resistance.
So be considerate to others by being confident enough to live without the need to be right. You will be happier, unafraid to make mistakes, kinder, willing to learn, humble and brave enough to build character.
Happy— I Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time— Day.
Trauma is when your mind is stuck on a difficult situation from the past. Let me explain. Perhaps you fell on ice and broke your leg. You then needed surgery to fix it. After much healing you are healthy again.
You decide to take a walk and happen upon the same street where you fell. Dread sets in, flashbacks of falling ignite your memory, fear of having surgery again zings in your head. So you avoid that street. You will never walk down that street again because it reminds you of when you fell.
Not every one would react that way but it is not uncommon that our minds go into survival mode after a trauma and reminds us not to venture down that block again. Your mind is trying to protect you and has no sense of time. This is the nature of trauma.
Our minds become frozen in time over an unpleasant event. Trauma is epidemic. If you have lived, you have experienced trauma.
What can we do to become unstuck. Find trauma support groups, trauma therapy, writing, meditation. Do whatever needs to be done to heal. There is no one way, or right way, there is only your way to heal. Push through the fear just for a little while and begin your healing journey. You are worth it.
I don’t trust very quickly. I like to wait and see where a situation or person leads to. It’s wonderful to have people you can trust but that is rare because people are people and wrapped up in their own stuff.
I am better at trusting me. How can we get better at trusting ourselves?
- Be the CEO of your own life.
- Pay attention to your instincts.
- Go with the flow, try not to force but let life unfold.
- Listen to your body.
- Quiet your mind.
These are some basic ways for developing a sense of trust in yourself and the more you trust yourself the better you know what your next step is and who to trust.
It is my opinion and experience that there are many parts to me. In a schizophrenic way we are all made up of many internal parts to greater or lesser degrees. We have the part that we show to the everyday world, a part that is the child, the part that is wounded, the love seeker, the angry one and many others. How do we know who is out and who isn’t?
If you feel stuck and frustrated there is probably and internal conflict going on between your inner parts.
The fastest way to figure out what you are thinking is to write. Sit down with a pen or at your computer and bang out what you are thinking and feeling. This will allow your inner parts a voice. At some point you will experience a window of space, of expansiveness where you will be insightful. This happened because you allowed your inner parts a voice and they get quiet. This type of writing is done frequently. The more you write from your inner parts the better you feel and more likely to change for the better.
You are worth the time and effort it takes to learn about yourself. It’s time to grow.
Our awareness is busy all the time. It is so easy to be distracted by meaningless stuff. At some point we remember important internal stuff that needs to be addressed. This internal stuff is for your growth and happiness. But we forget that our needs are important and keep getting distracted.
How do we remember to be good to ourselves?
Write lists, set an alarm, schedule that class, claim time for yourself, put up strong boundaries, protect your own interests, say no if necessary, have an unending interest in growing. You will end up remembering far more than forgetting.
Another year is gone and for most of us it has had many ups and downs. Next year will be full of resolving those ups and downs with endings and new beginnings. Don’t hold on to the past because you are afraid. It is so much easier to go with the flow. It will not be easy. It will be temporarily difficult. So……………………….
Happy New Year
To You and Yours
Beliefs are a big thing. It’s also and unconscious big thing. We don’t even realize what we believe. Are our beliefs internalized by our environment? Or based on trauma? Or accumulated by social interactions?
Beliefs are formed in these ways and many others. You won’t know what your beliefs are until you examine what you do believe. This is not easy. We do behaviors usually by habit. Beliefs are a habit too.
For this moment think about your beliefs. Are they helpful? Are they hurtful? Are you allowing or not allowing all life experiences to come into your life so you can grow or are you hiding behind some false belief?
Do you believe you are an important part of life? Because you are important. You deserve all of life’s good stuff. Sometimes our beliefs get in the way.
Next time you feel a resistance to an experience take a look if it’s your belief. You might be surprised that it is a false belief.
It’s OK to get rid of those outdated beliefs. Do it as soon as possible.
Depression – Ugh – That feeling that nothing matters and all is hopeless. But lets take another look. Depression just might be your friend. It is probably telling you something is wrong. Maybe its your job, relationships, the drug you use, the lifestyle you have, and that it’s time for a change.
The reason you feel so bad is that you refuse to listen to the changes you need to make. Change is hard but it’s better than living in a constant state of misery and hopelessness.
Don’t believe the lies that your fear will tell you that you are helpless to change. That is not true. You are capable of doing anything you want to do.
Now get out there and make a plan. Do one baby step. Only baby steps. Only baby steps work. You can do it.
This election has been quite a surprise. Some citizens are happy, some citizens are sad. And that is OK. We have lived through many questionable presidents.
There is nothing you can do about who is president. Not even your vote counted because the Electoral College is the one who really picks the president. Don’t believe me? Check for yourself. The only reason you vote is to express your opinion to the Electoral College. Therefore, how much control did you really have when you voted. Not much. That was an illusion.
Control of others is an illusion. Period. You can influence but not control. I am talking adults here. How frustrating it is to know that you mostly can’t control conditions outside of you. You are probably shouting at this post right now saying she doesn’t know what she is talking about. But you can’t control what I write nor can I control how you view my writing.
Controlling yourself is the best way to effect your own life for the better. You have control over your effort, lifestyle, job, relationships and any other choice you make for yourself. That is the power you have right now that can be used at anytime.
Focusing on your own life is vastly more important than who is president. Focus on what is in your control not what is outside of it.
My dog passed away suddenly a few days ago. Needless to say my feelings are very raw. I still feel he is here with me. Today I drove past the dog park where we went every day and the tears welled up as I recalled our usual routine. I posted pictures on my Facebook page of him too. I am happy when I look at those pictures. He was my constant companion for nearly nine years. My entire schedule revolved around him mainly because he was a Rottweiler and Labrador mix, one hundred and twenty pounds and needed a lot of attention. Also living in a small apartment made it necessary to go out at least three times a day.
With his death I got to thinking about his life. I don’t want to go too deep in theory but instead I want to bring it to everyday events. I got him when he was six weeks old and he was meaningful to me because he was so loyal and loving. He was always happy to see me. Never judgmental or rude. He was happy just to be with me no matter what I was doing. He knew his job was to protect me and my family and he did it well. There is no one who could replace him. The every day work to maintain a big dog was hard at times but I had to do it because he needed me and I needed him.
I will always remember him and his big personality and courage and love. His death is a reminder that the life of a dog can be very short and we must remember to cherish our pets for as long as we have them.