Bad News : trauma recovery work never ends. Trauma stays in your DNA, in your subconscious, in your dreams, in your worries, in your decision-making, in your choices. Trauma is embedded in your cells.
Good News : trauma recovery is indeed possible, trauma recovery is uncomfortable and our defenses will throw many distractions at us because they think it’s dangerous to feel. When we are ready and can sit with being uncomfortable without running away something happens. We become healed, because we didn’t run away, we allowed and trusted the organic process of feeling what we have avoided for so long and allowed the experience to fade away. Is recovery a simple linear process, not at all. The results are worth the effort.
Mind blindness is my code for believing anything you are told or believe to be true, especially when it is not.
Mind blindness causes prejudice, destructive false beliefs, tons of fear, missed opportunities, misrepresentation, isolation, sadness and creates many reasons to thwart camaraderie and friendship.
It is no easy feat to see our own mind blindness yet so easy to see it in others. It is easier to judge rather than see our own huge false beliefs disguised by mind blindness.
First, let’s start by uncovering our own false beliefs about ourselves, let’s stop beating ourselves up as not good enough, or rich enough, or wise enough or good-looking enough.
Let’s acknowledge that we have our blind spots but we have so much to add to the world. Let’s be open and honest enough to examine and question our own mind blindness.
Ask questions, why do I believe as I do, why do those I know act as they do, what is the truth behind that mystery that is bothering you.
You may be very surprised at the result of questioning your own mind blindness. The more we question what we believe the more open we we are to understanding no only ourselves but most other people too.
Sometimes we feel weird all of a sudden and don’t know why. This can be an emotional trigger. Perhaps you were reminded of a bad time in your life and the feelings and memories are buried deep in your mind and body.
If you can detach from the trigger for a moment by writing or some other grounding activity you will get a better perspective of how your inner world is working. Remember: a lot of recall is subconscious and it usually comes up as a feeling then a thought then an action.
With compassion, acknowledge what your inner world is sharing with you and thank it for sharing the hurt and trauma of a long-held memory.
By this method you can process and rearrange any painful memories.
It is not easy to feel grief, we avoid it at all costs with distractions galore.
Allowing yourself to feel grief and cry and rage and weep are very healing actions to take you forward.
Grief that is not felt is invisible and holds you back. Clues that you are not feeling grief is lots of unfounded fear, perhaps you feel numb, anxious.
How can you get to a point where you can organically feel grief? Writing, talking to someone you trust, exercise, getting educated on recognizing grief, find a support group, being really good to yourself because you are hurting.
Grief work is a very personal journey, there is no timeframe, no right and wrong to process grief and your coping strategy will belong only to you. Only you have to validate this.
Is grief work easy, no it is not. It’s uncomfortable, the good news is that every opportunity you have to process and express grief the quicker it goes away.
We look for emotional wholeness all the time whether we are aware of it or not. The dark side of finding wholeness is through addictions, busy work, false beliefs about ourselves, looking outside of ourselves for answers to our emptiness just to name a few.
Life can send us confusing curves, our self-esteem is crushed more than once, and none of us is whole all the time, this is the bad news.
The good news is achieving wholeness is a process. As Carl Jung states wholeness is a process of letting go, change and growth.
Your mental health requires that you find your own balance of physical, spiritual and mental health.
Is it an easy or linear process? Nope. The process is one day at a time, one moment at a time, all as you live your life with tons of distractions.
The benefit you get from finding a way to be balanced in your physical, spiritual and mental health is priceless. You create the life that is exclusively for you. How cool is that. Way Cool.
Step away from generational family dysfunction.
Step away from emotionally dangerous and perverted people.
Step away from escaping the way you feel.
Step away from codependency.
Step away from tolerating the unacceptable.
Step away from self-doubt and sabotage.
Step Towards Yourself, Your Recovery, Your Self Acceptance, Your Wholeness, Your Healing, Your Opportunities, Your Wonderful Life.
Celebrate your success and know you have come very far already.
I have had two strong flashbacks that has kicked my complex trauma response into high gear. That’s the thing with C-PTSD flashbacks, it places me in two worlds. The world of the past and the present.
Flashbacks are important in trauma recovery but not at all easy to process. Flashbacks are a necessary part of healing. You can’t heal if you don’t feel.
At this time there is a part of me that feels it’s safe enough to allow a repressed memory to surface. I am thankful for that. Doing this kind of work and the willingness to feel the feelings of the past uncovers underlying traumatic emotions.
Once the repressed feelings come to the surface it is easier to make positive change, stay in the present moment and get happy again.
We cry in response to emotions like sadness, anger, grief, frustration, even happiness and joy.
There’s wailing, weeping, blubbering, lamenting, whimpering, all out bawling to the point of throwing up.
I have a hard time crying in front of others, however, in private I can really let it out. After crying I feel exhausted yet empty.
There is a soothing effect to crying, and can elicit support from others, relieve stress, restore emotional balance, and helps recover from grief.
No matter what you have heard or what you believe about crying: it’s perfectly OK to cry for as long as you want in any way that you want and you will not fall apart, you are not weak or defective.
I guarantee that even if the problem that causes you to cry persists, crying when you need it, will restore your balance.
Take that moment you need to deeply feel what is causing you to cry. You deserve to be relieved of pain.
The month of May has been Mental Health Awareness month here in the USA. When the month began I decided to write a post every day for that purpose. Today is the last day of May 2018. I enjoyed writing so much that I will keep up the posts, perhaps not on a daily basis but certainly more than once a week.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed the information I shared and my personal experiences.
It is my deep wish for every one of you to find the healing you need for all your troubles. I know how hard it is sometimes to understand this uncertain world and I am so proud of all who read this blog, you have taken on one of the most important journeys of your life – the journey of self-discovery.
Keep up the good work and thanks for hanging in there with me and my journey.
I look forward in continuing writing for you.
Susan Anderson’s book The Journey from Abandonment to Healing is a wealth of information about the devastating effects of abandonment and that real miraculous recovery that is possible.
I am paraphrasing the five stages of abandonment.
- Shattering-devastating pain and hitting bottom.
- Withdrawal-the intense craving for the love you had.
- Internalizing-beating up on your self esteem.
- Rage-fighting back by expressing your rage and anger.
- Lifting-your life gets back on track.
These are not linear steps but as the author states they are stages that are circular, like a cyclone. We go through each stage at one time or together. It may take days, weeks, months or years to resolve but worth the effort.
Abandonment is one of the worst betrayals a person can experience. Recovery is more than possible, with some self care and self compassion you will come out on the other side changed, wiser and more resilient.
Read Susan Anderson’s book and be amazed at how recover from abandonment is possible.