Road rage is never about the traffic incident, it’s about underlying, unresolved anger that is misplaced.
Over reacting to any situation is usually about unresolved hurt, anger, oppression or any other uncomfortable feeling of frustration.
I am not minimizing that a particular event like road rage is not meaningful.
These trigger events are meaningful because they show you where you have been hiding, and not dealing with uncomfortable stuff.
These trigger events are your reminder of where you are not looking to be healed.
These trigger events are your teachers.
These trigger events are monumental in transforming your life.
Look where you are hurting, go to the places that make you uncomfortable, be willing to be curious about what is triggering you.
You may have to change some stuff: do you need to remove yourself from a situation, do you need to protect yourself, do you need to have a difficult conversation. Then by all means do it, it’s going to hurt temporarily, but you will be so much better off in the long run.
Welcome Road Rage and any other Rage into your life. It’s the place you need to change something.
If you have 15 minutes for yourself what would you do?
Call a friend, Mend some clothing, Paint a picture, Sing a song, Write in stream of consciousness, Meditate, Listen to you favorite music, Draw a picture, Write a positive note to your significant other, Feed your pet some treats, Gaze at the night sky, Sit still in the morning hours before daylight, Read something interesting, Count the stars, Sip a hot beverage, Send good wishes to those in need, Not complain in your voice or head, Just listen intently to your environment.
Finish the list of your favorites.
And you do have 15 minutes anytime you want. Indulge happily.
Sin = wrongdoing, transgression, crime, offense.
Secret = not meant to be known or seen by others
To my understanding a sin is an action done out of ignorance.
To my understanding secrets can be surrounded by shame.
Ignorance does not protect us from consequences.
Shame keeps secrets in place.
If we have a secret that causes shame it may cause ignorant actions with many consequences.
We all have “sins and secrets” we want to go the grave with. But the burden of carrying “sins and secrets” is so very painful. Here are some safe ways of releasing the pain.
- Write your heart out without censure.
- Find a therapist or someone you can really trust to talk it out.
- Don’t beat yourself up, have compassion for yourself.
- Research the issues you are dealing with.
- Change what you can, leave the rest alone.
We are all human and we make mistakes, this is part of life. And every day is a new chance to change.
Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.
Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.
Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.
Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences
of each choice.
It’s the easiest thing to get distracted with day to day activities and forget about yourself.
Here’s some simple things to do:
- Drink more water.
- Take the stairs.
- Seek out positive people.
- Avoid mood altering substances.
- Do art.
- Listen to Music.
- Be Peaceful.
Feel free to add more. It’s your time and your life. You are worth the effort.
I am always amazed at Mother Nature. After a natural disaster Nature begins its own restoration. A blade of grass here and a flower there. A sudden tree where there was none, a bird making a new home.
It’s the same with us. When disasters happen in our lives we become swept away with confusion and grief. Just as in Nature after a disaster there will be new situations that emerge. We are the same as the blade of grass or bird.What is gone is gone and what is new is necessary at the moment.
Nature is very wise. It always seeks balance. We are part of Nature physically, emotionally spiritually. When our Nature become unbalanced change will happen to restore that balance.
Rebalancing is the reason for change or simply put change happens to restore balance. Even if you don’t understand why.
When strange things happen for no particular reason remember to just go with it. Don’t fight it because Nature is restoring balance. The quicker you accept what is happening the quicker restoration happens. And while you’re at it pay attention to Nature and its magnificent restorative ability. She is doing the same thing for you.
I like to mind my own business mostly unless I am dragged into situations where I have to defend myself. I like being friendly and accommodating except where I am being taken advantage of. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect my life to have good times except when it doesn’t .
Most of us want to get along and live in reasonable peace. However, we don’t all have the same awareness. Which shows up when we are interacting with others.
We meet each other at these different levels and that’s where the problems begin. We can’t understand someones indifference or cruelty or insincere remark. Why did they gossip or take belongings or leave with no warning?
How is it that some things are so obvious to us but not to them?
Simple yet not so simple. Awareness. Some of us are simply more aware than others. It’s impossible to know where the other is coming from completely. But it is possible to know about yourself. And that is all that matters because you end up being open to those who resonate with you. You become a light of awareness for others. You have a better set of boundaries. You gain unshakable confidence to live the life you want.
You can’t stop others from being who they are.
Others can’t stop you from being who you are.
So carry on with your bad self.
Forgiveness is one of my pet peeves. Frankly I don’t think forgiveness is necessary or possible in many cases. I think it’s stupid to forgive someone who sees no problem with their behavior.
The anger felt can’t be glossed over because feelings are not logical. If you automatically forgive because it’s uncomfortable then you are not holding the offender accountable for their actions.
If the offender recognizes the problem and genuinely apologizes and changes their behavior then repair can begin. Perhaps trust is very broken but the relationship can be saved.
Most of the time there is no acknowledgement from the offender and life goes on as if nothing has happened. What happens then? You need to protect yourself and find a healthy way to deal with the pain and hurt like going to therapy and putting up strong boundaries against the offender.
Focusing on your own life and make your life the best possible for you. That’s the best way to get build back what has been lost by the hurt.
And it’s perfectly OK not to forgive, ever, if you don’t want to.
Here’s and excellent article that aptly explains the process of forgiveness and the article today’s post is based on.
What is the difference between can and will.
Can implies the ability to do something in the present tense. Will implies an action in the future tense.
I can do work effectively. I will do work effectively. See the difference? Which brings to mind ……………
What (ability) can I do now that (make something happen) will help my situation be better. You fill in the blanks of what you want to be better.
Just try one thing, not a complete over haul. The idea is to bring your future tense (will) into the present tense (can). The end result will be freedom. The freedom to have a life you created. You can do it.
I had lunch with Dr. Cho and a few of our friends yesterday. Dr. Cho is a devout Buddhist. We have a mutual acquaintance who has acted in hurtful ways to him, myself and others. I am very vocal in my opinion in removing this person from our lives. but Dr. Cho disagrees. He made a point. In Buddhism there are no bad people only those that have lost their way. This person has lost their way. You can bring the hurtful actions to their attention but if they are not willing to see an issue with it you must walk away and not make it any worse. Better to let the person alone and allow karma to come to them.
This person is not violent or a threat of any kind so this view is appropriate. This person is just so very unaware of their own behavior which is vert annoying but their behavior is not in my control.
Buddhism and basic psychology say the same thing you can only control your response to situations. As far as this person is concerned things will change eventually.
While we wait, we will still go to lunch, be happy and move forward.