It is not easy to examine ourselves. It can be torture. We can automatically wipe away the deep reasons we act out. We say “Why the heck did I do that?” Most of the time we can’t find a conscious reason so we shrug our shoulders, raise our hands and walk away. We are uncomfortable with ourselves not knowing exactly what is going on beneath the surface of our thinking. But there is this gnawing, strange feeling that something is not right.
Pay attention to that feeling, it’s trying to tell you something. It is telling you to slow down and listen. It’s that small voice that is telling you why you do the things you do. When you hear it stop what you are doing and write down what was said.
Your mind will begin it’s chatter again but you will have the message to refer to anytime.
It’s not easy to ask those tough questions: Why am I not happy, why did I react that way, why, why, why. Ask without judgement and when you find the answer examine it without judgement.
It’s up to you to change or not. Just try in tiny steps and take those steps without judgement. Become a witness to you own motives. You may be surprised at what to observe.
Depression – Ugh – That feeling that nothing matters and all is hopeless. But lets take another look. Depression just might be your friend. It is probably telling you something is wrong. Maybe its your job, relationships, the drug you use, the lifestyle you have, and that it’s time for a change.
The reason you feel so bad is that you refuse to listen to the changes you need to make. Change is hard but it’s better than living in a constant state of misery and hopelessness.
Don’t believe the lies that your fear will tell you that you are helpless to change. That is not true. You are capable of doing anything you want to do.
Now get out there and make a plan. Do one baby step. Only baby steps. Only baby steps work. You can do it.
We all have different parts of us. Our lives are experienced through these different parts. We have the party part, the defender, the analyzer, critic, comedian, intuitive, loving part, parent, child, adult and peacemaker are just a few. These parts can work with each other or alone.
We are not strange for having these parts. All of us have them. Each part gives us information about who we are, what we believe and many possible explanations of our actions.
All parts are good and make up our special-ness. Problems shows up when we deny these different parts. All our parts have a purpose. To help us figure things out, even if you are uncomfortable.
Trust yourself and all your parts. They are on your side and have your best interests at heart.
Beliefs are concepts we take as true and never question. Sometimes there is no logical reason to believe it.
There are several types of beliefs.
The belief in your own weakness and shortcomings. I am not good, smart, pretty or rich enough.
Survival beliefs. Let me take and take and give nothing in return without seeing the repercussions.
Creating blocks because we believe others have hurt us, so we cut off the flow of energy to them.
The belief that we are strong and can accomplish, finish or create something.
Core beliefs about ourselves as spiritual beings. We understand ourselves and others.
Check your beliefs. Are they true, do they apply to who you are now? Question why you believe what you believe. Did you learn it from your own experience or absorb it? Do you need to believe the same stuff now?
If you don’t need the belief where you stand now then let it go. There’s so much more to learn if you let go of stuff you don’t need to believe.
I had lunch with Dr. Cho and a few of our friends yesterday. Dr. Cho is a devout Buddhist. We have a mutual acquaintance who has acted in hurtful ways to him, myself and others. I am very vocal in my opinion in removing this person from our lives. but Dr. Cho disagrees. He made a point. In Buddhism there are no bad people only those that have lost their way. This person has lost their way. You can bring the hurtful actions to their attention but if they are not willing to see an issue with it you must walk away and not make it any worse. Better to let the person alone and allow karma to come to them.
This person is not violent or a threat of any kind so this view is appropriate. This person is just so very unaware of their own behavior which is vert annoying but their behavior is not in my control.
Buddhism and basic psychology say the same thing you can only control your response to situations. As far as this person is concerned things will change eventually.
While we wait, we will still go to lunch, be happy and move forward.
When you were little you learned lots of stuff. How to play and cooperate and dream. However, if you have had a childhood you have had a trauma. What happens when there is neglect and harassment and trauma?
All memories are held in your body. Your mind does not have to recall exact situations but your body will remember. For example, have you ever heard, smelled or tasted something reminiscent of the past? Did it make you sick to your stomach or happy? Those are held memories in your body.
At some point, if situations are too much, your mind may shut down to protect you. Your body will remember seeing your pet killed. Your body will remember verbal abuse. Your body will remember everything that had a negative impact. Your mind will see something similar to the trauma experienced and you will feel it in your body.
Any belief about abuse being normal is never true. The person doing the abuse believes that its OK to abuse. That is a false belief. The child takes on the belief that they deserve to be abused. That is a false belief. These false beliefs become intrinsic as if they are normal and true. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The truth is if your life is less than desirable and you are stuck, examine your beliefs. Look for an experienced trauma therapist. Find it in yourself to learn why you make the choices that you do.
One of the simplest free ways of healing is to listen to mediation videos or music. There’s plenty on youtube.com and with the help of a therapist you will transcend false beliefs and live a much happier life.
I have just spent the whole day gathering the majority of my information to file income tax. It was grueling and I am still not done.
I procrastinated for one year and I am feeling the pain now. Why did I procrastinate for a year knowing full well that it would be torture to get this work done.
I am sure I am not alone in this. We all procrastinate because of going out of our comfort zone, basic laziness and fear.
I’ve learned my lesson. I’m done procrastinating.
Back to work.
It’s easy to recognize resistance in someone else. You watch them hem and haw, twitch and bolt, lie and freeze. You don’t understand the problem in them. No matter what you do you can’t show them their resistance.
It’s the same with you. You will resist that which is uncomfortable, threatening and revolting. Your own resistance is based on fear. Your own history makes these fears. This resistance is based on the false belief that you can’t take care of your self. Which is not true. You can handle anything. You are brave, give yourself some credit.
The moment you recognize resistance it is the signal not to hold back. It’s the compass pointing true north. It’s where you need to go.
Recognizing resistance is part of everyone’s journey. It’s a resource and teaching tool that is in everyone. It’s part of how our brains function to show us where we need to go next.
What are you resisting, where’s your next adventure?
Zoom – Zoom
Now is the time to stop scaring yourself.
Now is the time to put an end to any kind of abuse.
Now is the time to finish old things that are not working.
Now is the time to celebrate who you are.
Now is the time to choose your own happiness.
Now is the time to change your life to the way you want it.
You got this.
I have been reading “The Places That Scare You” by Pema Chodron and Chapter Sixteen is about three kinds of laziness.
I will sum each one up.
- Comfort Orientation-we use quick fixes in order not to inconvenience ourselves. For example, our car breaks down and we become enraged at the inconvenience.
- Loss of Heart-this is hopelessness and have poverty thinking. We drink, smoke, eat, watch TV, etc. The inability to get ourselves moving into breaking free from hopelessness.
- Couldn’t Care Less-this is about resentment. We become aggressive and defiant. We are not getting what we deserve. So the hell with everyone. This turns into depression.
There are three futile strategies in dealing with this laziness.
- We attack ourselves for being lazy.
- We indulge ourselves by self-doubt and inadequacy.
- We ignore, space out and go numb. We will do anything not to deal with the lazy behavior.
These ways of behaving lazy and these ineffective strategies have become a habit.
The answer-become curious about what your behavior is. Ask yourself why you are suffering. Experiment with different ways of behaving that will bring happiness rather than suffering. Sit with the feelings and listen to what they are telling you. Explore your own mind. The answers lie there.
Read Pema Chodron’s books or any others on human behavior. You are worth the effort.