Some habits are so ingrained that we are completely unaware of them. Like taking the easy way or the familiar way. Continuing to do the same things over and over with only the wish to get through the day. One day you wake up and say where did the last 10 years go and looking back it was all the same. Habits do that.
There were times you were uneasy about something, a feeling that there needed to be a shift. A new way of doing things but you didn’t listen. You kept up the habits because it was automatic and seemed to make sense. After all why change when what you were doing worked.
One day your routine habit is interrupted. Probably something not in your control. Havoc and chaos is now your companion not your habit. There’s that pesky shift, the unwanted change, the inconvenience of doing things differently.
That is what life is about. Shifts and change and movement. If you are unaware of your habits then when change happens you will be terribly afraid. If you are aware that old habits leave and new ones arrive you will be ease into it.
Be open to new ways of being and doing and learning. Rigidity will give you health problems and an overall gloomy outlook. There is so much to learn and experience. Get out of your habits and be alive.
I don’t remember a good ninety percent of my childhood but I do remember that horrible ten percent. It’s not normal to have this type of amnesia. Once I left my home at eighteen my behavior was erratic and violent and dangerous. I had no idea what was going on. I did know that something was wrong. When I got to be in my twenties I started having panic attacks so I went to therapy. It didn’t help. I went on living but radically isolated myself to only a few people.
I just wanted to be normal. I looked for that normalcy outside of myself for a long time. That didn’t work either.
That ninety percent of not remembering represented some serious trauma. I have always known it but it has taken many years and much searching to gradually feel the trauma in my body and in voices in my head that need to be heard.
I had to learn radical compassion for myself. I had to re-parent myself. I had to grieve what might have been. I had to twist myself into untying the knots of the invisible trauma caught in my body.
I am still working on myself because self-development is an ongoing process. I am now normal in my own way. I have learned to take care of myself like no one else can.
Isn’t that the way life is supposed to be? Having that fundamental fondness and friendship for yourself?
Never give up on yourself, keep trying to find a way to be your normal. You have every resource you need to blossom and it is never too late.
I believe you can do it because little old me did it. Never give up ………………ever.
When I was young I was never allowed to have an opinion or speak up. I carried that belief for a long time. As I got older I got better and better at defying that belief. There have been many times I have had the opportunity to speak up on many issues of injustice.
My suggestion for you today is to defy those inner beliefs that hold you back, are not helpful, or down right dangerous and painful.
You owe it to yourself to be defiant and take back your true self. You are worth every ounce of effort to stick up for what makes you who you are.
Be defiant to the point of selfishness because life has a way of distracting. Keep going back to being defiant. With time you will eventually stay true to who you are meant to be, not someones else’s opinion of who you are supposed to be.
In case no one told you: It’s OK to be yourself.
a deeply distressing or disturbing experience
And that is putting it mildly. The causes of trauma are endless. From the rudeness of someones thoughtless words to seriously invading your personal space. The symptoms of trauma range from mild distress to all out war.
But what about the everyday people who have had a trauma experience? We become the walking wounded. Still functioning but with that unnameable uneasiness just below the surface of our awareness. We don’t know what it is but we know we are uncomfortable.
Trauma happens sometimes and relief comes when we take a look at our thoughts. What is the belief? Am I functioning from fear as a result of trauma? Are your relationships failing? Do you have trust issues? Add your own questions.
You can trust yourself to find the answers and try some good quality self-care like meditation or therapy and surrounding yourself with positive people and situations.
You are worth every effort in finding relief from trauma and renewed happiness. You deserve to heal. It will take some time but keep seeking what you need to heal and move forward in spite of trauma.