I admit it. I like to be right. Everyone does.
However to demand others see things our way is actually wrong. The need to be right all the time comes from the fear of losing control and credibility and feeling threatened. That is a real uncomfortable way to live.
“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” – Pema Chodron
Here’s 5 negative results of insisting on being right all the time.
- You will not be open to other possibilities.
- You see others in a condescending and belittling manner.
- There is no open dialog.
- You will end up alone and isolated.
- It is disrespectful to others.
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” -Anthony Robbins
Here’s 5 positive results of letting go of being right all the time.
- You become kinder and accepting without feeling threatened.
- You become more compassionate and understanding.
- You can communicate better.
- You will be open to new experiences.
- You will have the willingness to be wrong.
“You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.”- Marcia Wieder
If we can, for just a moment, become detached from the need to be right and listen to another’s opinion we open ourselves to deeper understanding and acceptance. Being detached to having it your way will also eliminate judgement and resistance.
So be considerate to others by being confident enough to live without the need to be right. You will be happier, unafraid to make mistakes, kinder, willing to learn, humble and brave enough to build character.
Happy— I Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time— Day.
Your life is a work in progress.
It is the process of uncovering your own natural essence. You will uncover who you are and how you feel. Your mind and heart will open and what you need will come to you if you stay open to your own essence.
In being open you will realize, beyond doubt, that you already have everything you need. Intelligence, wisdom and goodness. That’s all you really need.
If you feel uncomfortable being open then you are on the right track. It’s a new skill.
Keep practicing. You have everything you need.
When you were little you learned lots of stuff. How to play and cooperate and dream. However, if you have had a childhood you have had a trauma. What happens when there is neglect and harassment and trauma?
All memories are held in your body. Your mind does not have to recall exact situations but your body will remember. For example, have you ever heard, smelled or tasted something reminiscent of the past? Did it make you sick to your stomach or happy? Those are held memories in your body.
At some point, if situations are too much, your mind may shut down to protect you. Your body will remember seeing your pet killed. Your body will remember verbal abuse. Your body will remember everything that had a negative impact. Your mind will see something similar to the trauma experienced and you will feel it in your body.
Any belief about abuse being normal is never true. The person doing the abuse believes that its OK to abuse. That is a false belief. The child takes on the belief that they deserve to be abused. That is a false belief. These false beliefs become intrinsic as if they are normal and true. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The truth is if your life is less than desirable and you are stuck, examine your beliefs. Look for an experienced trauma therapist. Find it in yourself to learn why you make the choices that you do.
One of the simplest free ways of healing is to listen to mediation videos or music. There’s plenty on youtube.com and with the help of a therapist you will transcend false beliefs and live a much happier life.
It’s easy to recognize resistance in someone else. You watch them hem and haw, twitch and bolt, lie and freeze. You don’t understand the problem in them. No matter what you do you can’t show them their resistance.
It’s the same with you. You will resist that which is uncomfortable, threatening and revolting. Your own resistance is based on fear. Your own history makes these fears. This resistance is based on the false belief that you can’t take care of your self. Which is not true. You can handle anything. You are brave, give yourself some credit.
The moment you recognize resistance it is the signal not to hold back. It’s the compass pointing true north. It’s where you need to go.
Recognizing resistance is part of everyone’s journey. It’s a resource and teaching tool that is in everyone. It’s part of how our brains function to show us where we need to go next.
What are you resisting, where’s your next adventure?
Zoom – Zoom
The New Year is a bittersweet reminder of what was left undone and lessons learned.
The New Year is the beginning of new things to learn, expected and unexpected situations.
Happy New Year to everyone. I wish for your endings to be positive and your beginnings to be courageous.
Welcome to 2016.
How much of your behavior is a habit? Do you eat because the clock says it’s mealtime but you aren’t really hungry? Do you buy stuff- just because? Did some behavior become common because everyone else is doing it?
Do you have routines that you do by rote without thinking? Did you learn somewhere in your life that certain things are only done a certain way?
Did you forget to stop and observe what you are doing? What habit is not working for you anymore? What habit does not resonate with your life at this time? What is the habit that is holding you back and you know in your gut it has to go?
What’s the best way to kill a habit? Maybe cold turkey. Maybe negotiating with our minds to slowly back off of the habit. Maybe getting angry at yourself for continuing the habit even though you know it’s bad for you. Maybe stopping but still doing the habit once in a while risking full-blown relapse. Maybe finding a support group.
Definitely some courage is necessary, some realistic self talk and some determination even when you don’t feel like it.
There is no right or wrong way to kill a habit. Just as long as you kill it. Killing a habit is acceptable, necessary and holistic. Killing a bad habit with a new good habit is the easiest way to permanently kill a bad habit.
You’ll gain confidence and the new habit of persistence and personal strength. Which helps in all areas of your like.
It won’t be easy in the beginning. Habits are evil and don’t play nice. There is no reasoning with habits. Especially bad ones.
But you are the boss not them. So go for it. You will win in the end because a bad habit is a fear and a fear is a lie. The bad habit will eventually go away and you will be the victor.
Congratulations you win.
You knew that anyway.
What a loaded subject. If you want peace in all your relationships remember:
The other person’s behavior towards you tells you how they feel about themselves.
Their behavior has nothing to do with your value.
If you remember this, as time goes on you’ll stop reacting in your realtionships and start enjoying your relationships.
I am not going to preach about commitment. Most of the time I am not very good at it unless it is really important or necessary. I usually focus on what I can get by with.
It is common to focus on the small window of activities in our lives because we are so busy doing actions to keep our heads above water.
Is society the cause? Is the economy the cause? Is fear the cause? Distractions? There are as many reasons and justifications as there are people.
For me, I am willing to commit to situations I either love or really enjoy or as a result of a crisis. Is that enough, probably not because I stay in my comfort zone. Let’s be reasonable. How much time does one have in a day.
The solution is to make an effort to get out of one’s comfort zone. Easier said than done. But so noticeable necessary.
Just try……..that’s the only requirement in a commitment.
Now you can impress your friends and lovers by saying “I Love You” in ten different languages. Have fun.
1. English – I love you
2. French – Je t’aime, Je t’adore
3. Pig Latin – Iay ovlay ouyay
4. Yoruba – Mo ni fe
5. Spanish – Te quiero / Te amo
6. Polish – Kocham Ciebie
7. Creole – Mi aime jou
8. Hawaiian – Aloha Au Ia`oe
9. Hawaiian – Aloha Au Ia`oe
10. Scot Gaelic – Tha gra\dh agam ort
Every now and then something comes into our lives to question everything we believe.
The ending of a relationship, loss of a job, falling in love, illness and you can add many more to the list.
Big changes are really uncomforable emotionally and we want the pain to stop now, right now.
At times like these we can fall back into old patterns of denial, addictions, anger, self centeredness and running away.
We can hide behind religion, fake self righteous beliefs or hide behind anything outside of our unease. We can fight for things to stay the same.
As you are being pushed out of your comfort zone there is a message from the pain.
We are not meant to stay stagnant.
We are meant to grow.
Hence the reason for the upset. Life is movement and changes all the time.
You are meant to be happy and grow. Life is designed for that. You have the freedom to do as you wish.
We all have responsibilites and the problem of fitting in the world to feel safe. The truth is you have made choices that put you where you are.
You can choice differently. It won’t be easy but it will equip you with deep understanding of yourself. In turn you will understand others and be a better human citizen. You will be put in your rightful place in your world.
choose one small thing
and change it.