There are some pretty scary emotions that we run from. Our minds race with one disaster after another. Our society almost demands that we let it go and move on from tragedy or trauma. Letting go and moving on is not possible if we smother the very emotions we need to move closer to. Emotions like fear, abandonment, isolation and worthlessness.
Move closer to the parts of you that you exiled. Move closer to the very emotions that scare you. Move closer to approval for all strange events you survived. Move closer to being curious about your behavior. Move closer to the parts that are so hard to accept and love. Move closer to having compassion and kindness for yourself. Move closer to being intimate with our own courage. Move closer to deeply knowing who you are because you can’t help anyone else without helping yourself first.
It won’t be easy but so worth the effort. Your thinking will become more integrated and grounded. And an important perk to this effort is you will become more productive, understanding and confident.
Pain and shame are the hardest feelings to sit with. We will do anything not to feel them.
When we are willing to go to these frightening places something wonderful happens. We have the chance to witness past and present events and their impact with a new, clearer sight. Which illuminates our thinking about close relationships in the present.
You may even become determined in changing those relationships and becoming free to choose healthier alternatives.
All it takes is a little bit of curiosity and courage to look at those scary emotional places and a baby step toward a new direction.
Family is a loaded subject for me because my family consists of my kids, cats and me. I never had a real family with a loving parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. Nor could I give that to my kids. I did the best I could and I always talked about our situation and encouraged my kids to have lots of friends. Which they did.
I often wonder what that would have been like to have that family you see advertised on Christmas cards and commercials. The kind of family you see going on vacations and sitting at the dinner table. The kind of family that you could trust and talk to.
I did try to be that family for my kids. We are not perfect but we have each other.
I know the definition of family is different for everyone and no family is perfect.
I decided a long time ago that it’s OK to be a small family and there is no reason why we can’t pick and choose non-biological family members.
After all, family is about including others and family includes everyone we care about.