Tag Archives: trauma

Thoughtful Thursday #309 – In Service To Humanity

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With today’s negativity on TV and radio and magazines and hurt people acting out violently we can get sucked into the drama very easily and end up feeling hopeless and afraid.

Focusing on the external will make you feel you must react in some way. Not necessarily.

If you make your reference point external and have that run your day you are unwittingly acting from victim consciousness, when we operate from a victim consciousness we give away all our power to external people and events.

Note: people who are hurting aka victims, hurt other people which creates more victim consciousness. Think of the bully who has to hurt others because he/she is hurt.

When we meet angry events with the same polarity and divisiveness that created the angry event, and we are meeting those events with low level reactions and we are  postponing a greater world.

A world of peace, love, compassion, respect for all sentient beings, the openness to talk to one another and expand our wonderful world of exceptional humans and believe it or not, most people want this. Most people want to live in peace and safety.

Instead take a break from the negativity and choose a higher form of action:

  1. refuse to get taken in by unhealthy actions of those who wish to harm.
  2. have gratitude for the ability to choose your reactions.
  3. find reasons to feel positive.
  4. find people who you can love and that love you.
  5. send good wishes and pure feelings to everyone.
  6. take the time to think and understand what is going on in your life.
  7. take the time to think about how to react.
  8. be kind whenever possible.

Let’s build each other up instead of tearing down, let’s be of a greater service to humanity. Let’s be united for a better world with positivity. All of us.

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #308 – Judgement VS Opinion

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According to Google:

Opinions are beliefs, not necessarily based on facts. They are personal preferences that take into consideration one’s mood, the mindset of the crowd being addressed and the overall environment of the situation. Judgement is more of an assessment which takes information into consideration.

Let’s step back for a moment, with recent triggering events that are still resonating in the world, emotional cries for unseen justice, threatening gestures to and from strangers, fear of speaking our mind, forced silence and an incredible amount of ungroundedness and no direction, let’s take a moment to reflect. What behaviors are we observing from humanity and what are we observing about ourselves.

Not only are these events triggering for trauma survivors but also for most of our friends and neighbors and those that we wish we could get to know better.

As a self care option we can use the above definitions of opinions and judgement to help us define and name what we feel and identify some of the inner workings of our mind especially when triggered with uncertainty. Ask yourself if you are reacting with opinion or considering facts.

What is within my control and what is not within my control.

Let’s practice kindness to yourself first then to others, visualize a peaceful place, quiet your mind, listen to music, check in with yourself, what is your self talk, talk to a therapist, be self compassionate,

It’s really important to find a way to become grounded and as peaceful as possible, from this perspective we can navigate our world much more effectively and in an mature matter.

You are important, you are special, you belong on this planet, let’s be good to ourselves and others by not being swayed by the rash opinions of others, let’s be as calm as possible. The world and all it’s beautiful inhabitants need great calm and understanding right now.

And if you are reading this you are one of the ambassadors of peace.

Carry on.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #307 Love and Other Things

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In today’s unsettled times, we can all love each other by simply trying to understand one another.
It is not hard to do if we just listen without judgement and an open heart.
Image result for understanding is loves other name
At the heart of Nhat Hanh’s teachings is the idea that “understanding is love’s other name” — that to love another means to fully understand his or her suffering. (“Suffering” sounds rather dramatic, but in Buddhism it refers to any source of profound dissatisfaction — be it physical or psychoemotional or spiritual.)Mar 31, 2015 (Google)
Understanding someone's suffering is the best gift you can give ...

Thoughtful Thursday #304 – Dissociative Amnesia

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I have dissociative amnesia, remember very little before the age of 18, with a mother who was schizophrenic and a father who was an addict my life was chaos. So dissociation was my friend and helped me survive.

Here’s a really good explanation of the condition.

From the book: Human Development and Trauma by Darius Cikanavicius

Page 145 and 145.

Dissociative Amnesia

Do you know people who can’t remember their childhood or only vaguely remember it? How about people who can’t remember years, even decades, of their lives? They may have dissociative amnesia, and their reason for it , as troubling as might see, make sense.

To begin, when children experience severe or prolonged traumas, they often forget about it. The memories are simply too painful and even dangerous for them to recall. Remembering only makes their lives worse, especially when they have no choice but to continue living with their abusers. Children are vulnerable and when they have no allies they are particularly ill equipped to process their traumas correctly, As a coping mechanism they dissociate, that is, split off from their memories and feelings and despite the consequences of this, it does allow for them to survive.

Many times these memories, and the intellectual, psychological, emotional and physical realizations that go along with them, never do resurface to consciousness, it the individual remains emotionally unprepared for them, for many, this never happens. But if a person begins to heal and grow, they will slowly begin to remember and process their past, at which point their painful memories and all that go along with them will begin to return. That is, the amnesia will begin to dissipate.

Hope that helps.

Thoughtful Thursday #297 – Attachment Trauma and Injuries

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There are a number of attachment styles that people adopt. Anxious, Avoidant, Secure, Dismissive. These are the four major styles, You can look up the details on Google.

Attachment injuries come from mostly from family of origin issues.

How do you know you have an attachment issue, your relationships are not working, you feel invisible, you are not getting your needs met, you are allowing others to sabotage and abuse you somehow.

This is heavy stuff so I want to share an expert Attachment Trauma, relationship coach and Psychotherapist Alan Robarge, Here’s a video explaining this issue.

Hope you find it healing.

Thoughtful Thursday #295 – Trauma Recovery

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According to Google: trauma recovery is: in general recovery is the ability to live in the present without being overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings of the past. Central to the experience of trauma is helplessness, isolation and the loss of power and control. The guiding principles of trauma recovery are the restoration of safety and empowerment.

Here’s an excellent article from Psychology Today giving more information and insight into recovery. Hope it helps.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200111/recovering-trauma

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #277 – Feeling Safe After Trauma

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After trauma we can be so hypervigilant that anything will scare us, whether it’s a loud noise or scary thoughts, we perceive threats at every turn. This is a hard way to live; we just can’t relax and remain jumpy and tense, often for years.

As children grow they internalize levels of safety, if the caregivers were trustworthy the child feels safe enough to relax, if the caregivers were both physical and emotionally unsafe the child is always on alert to any real or imagined danger.

Many children never had or lost their sense of safety very early in life and grew unaware of any other options; this belief is carried into adulthood leaving the adult sometimes to create extreme safety methods like isolation. This would be a normal response to an abnormal childhood but in adulthood it is very unhealthy.

Take notice to what safety means to you, are you edgy in crowds, have no patience for mistakes and uncertainty, is safety something you find elusive and long for.

Giving a long list of methods of how to relax does not work, you must go deep into that scary trauma place, it won’t be easy, and temporarily scary and uncomfortable, but coming through to the other side of examining what your safety issues are and where they came from will expel that threat energy to relaxed energy that will create a safe space for you to heal.

Find that place where you deserve to heal, find someone you feel safe with, a therapist, friend, a piece of paper and pen, try any and all ideas you have to heal, you are worth the effort.

Thoughtful Thursday #260 – Recovery

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Any recovery journey is really about taking care of yourself – you can’t take care of others without taking care of yourself first. You can’t make sense of your circumstances until you take the step to be good to yourself and examine what is going on.

Recovery from anything is to look at yourself without judgement or criticism but rather with curiosity and compassion.

We must learn about those deeply hidden secrets we keep from ourselves, and uncover their origin.

Recovery is about looking at yourself and comforting yourself as you cry buckets of tears, as you express anger, as you throw your fists up a the incredible injustices you have endured.

After all this expression, over and over, you come out on the other side-instead of crying there’s compassion, instead of anger there is peace, instead of raging at injustice you are living a life of justice.

In my life I get why my high functioning father became so cruel and hateful and addicted to drugs and alcohol – his childhood was horrible – males and females were addicts and alcoholics and he was illegitimate. I get that my mother was a high functioning schizophrenic and so was her mother, my mother was a mess.

She and my father were ill equipped to be parents or decent human beings.  They lived their lives enjoying cruelty and being surrounded with those who were the same. They died without ever recovering and no acknowledgement of their disgusting display of hatred towards me or anyone else. I was the scapegoat until their very last breath.

I get it. I don’t condone it – it was not OK on any level and sadly there was no changing them.

So as painful as it was I had to journey alone and for a very long time in my own trauma recovery. My message to you is recovery is very possible.

Recovery will require that you commit to creating a better life for yourself. You will have to show up to therapy, groups of like minded folks, crying, writing, grounding your emotions, all one day at a time. Sometimes it’s one breath at a time.

You deserve a wonderful life, you deserve to be cared about. You deserve to be safe, You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to be loved and don’t let any negative person or internal false belief tell you otherwise.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #250 – Ghost Stories of the Past

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I like ghost stories on TV and in books. They are kind of scary and kind of silly.

I don’t like flashbacks of shadowy ghost stories and past violations and the need to look over my shoulder.

Even those days are long gone there is a part of me that still holds those ghost stories, They are actually the traumatized part of me that have not been updated to the present safe moments.

In trauma there are many subtle, under my consciousness beliefs that manage to slip into my daily behavior. Even though I am quite aware of this behavior I don’t always see these trauma beliefs being acted out until it’s too late.

To get past my personal ghost stories I write a lot to get those hidden ghost stories out into the open. From there I can examine the belief and set the past free and update my beliefs to a more modern and current conclusion.

Afterwards I feel refreshed, grounded and content.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #237 – Bad News Good News

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Bad News : trauma recovery work never ends. Trauma stays in your DNA, in your subconscious, in your dreams, in your worries, in your decision-making, in your choices. Trauma is embedded in your cells.

Good News : trauma recovery is indeed possible, trauma recovery is uncomfortable and our defenses will throw many distractions at us because they think it’s dangerous to feel. When we are ready and can sit with being uncomfortable without running away something happens. We become healed, because we didn’t run away, we allowed and trusted the organic process of feeling what we have avoided for so long and allowed the experience to fade away. Is recovery a simple linear process, not at all. The results are worth the effort.