Tag Archives: hope

Hope VS Hopelessness

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Hope-a feeling of trust, a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen and thinking it could happen.  A feeling that something good will happen or be true.

Hopelessness-a feeling of despair, without hope, downhearted, having no expectation of good or success, incapable of redemption or improvement. Feeling dreadful, horrible, terrible and useless.

When we are triggered we can swing between both of these feelings; here are a few suggestions on how to remain hopeful in the face of hopelessness.

  1. Take a walk in nature.
  2. If you are into prayer or mediation, indulge in it.
  3. Listen to music.
  4. Reach out and talk to someone.
  5. Write your guts out.
  6. Exercise
  7. Get enough sleep.
  8. Drink water.
  9. Don’t isolate.
  10. Be kind to yourself and others.
  11. Know that you will come out on the other side.

The feeling of hope is light; the feeling of hopelessness is heavy.

Hope is uplifting; hopelessness is oppressive.

You will know the difference immediately if you pay attention.

 

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Thoughtful Thursdays #109 – Hope

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Do you have an expectation or hearts desire? Do you want something to happen? Do you long for, wish for, desire for a personal fulfilment.

That is hope. I hope this situation goes in my favor. My heart longs for a better whatever. I have desired that goal forever.

Until the very last-minute of our lives there is hope. Hope for a change. Hope for our longings. Hope for our desires. Hope for our lives to be better.

Hope is also trust. It is trusting ourselves and the movement of life. Hope is not a wishful thinking state of mind. One must be active in observing our own actions and the actions surrounding us. Hope is hanging in there when we don’t know the answers. Hope is an antidote and answer to disbelief, doubt, despair, fear and hatred.

With that I hope you have all that makes your life better.

Your life is not over yet.

Time to hope for the best.

 

 

Dating the Sons of Satan

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Satan is the king of Hell. Devils are his sons. In this world I have dated and lived with several Devils. They have names like Devil Tom, Devil Dick, Devil Harry. Oh yeah, I met three Devil Damian’s, named after Satan’s son the Devil Damian in the Omen movie. I watched that movie and took some notes, the movie is pretty accurate in its depiction of a Devil. Powerful sexy guy protected by Satan’s minion and sucks up all the light he can.

Here on earth there are regular guys who you would never guess travel up the dark side. Until you get to know them better. Sometimes they reveal themselves quickly as sons of darkness because they know who they are. Sometimes it takes years to figure it out because they are well hidden. Here are some of the characteristics of the Sons of Satan.

1. His irresistible sensuality. An instant attraction and not only you notice it but so does everyone else.
2. He is genderless. Depending on his sexual preference of the moment he can swing both ways with no problem.
3. He will usually have one important significant other and at least one other to satisfy his appetite.
4. He will love you till you can’t stand but will be hard to live with.
5. He is sensitive, dramatic and tell you sweet things that your deepest insecurities need to hear.
6. He may speak in different tongues of ancient languages.
7. Can astral project himself and any other entity he is attached to.
8. He is perceived as dangerous, intense, exciting.
9. He may be rich and powerful, or poor and needy.
10. You will feel you met your soul mate.
11. Some are quite controlling. Others could have magnetic multiple personalities.
12. This relationship will be truly significant.
13. He will put you face to face with your desires, wishes, dreams, illusions, fears and rage.
14. He will feel of this earth yet otherworldly.
15. He will struggle with his conscience. You will notice it in his moodiness.
16. You will be obsessed with him and so will your competition.
17. He is addictive.
18. He can switch roles of domination or submissiveness.
19. He is contradictory.
20. You will love him to your last breath.

What is the purpose of these Devils?

This is his purpose: we actually bring these Devils to ourselves because our souls are desperate for the fires of transformation. It is the Devil who shows us our dark side. The side we refuse to take out and examine, our laziness, shame, guilt, judgment, selfish attitudes and drunkard illusions of perfection which are shattered when we realize all is not as it seems. Our emptiness is exposed. We were searching to be whole. We searched outside of ourselves to feel complete. We willingly have the Devil bring us down the abyss of grand scale trickery because we gave our power to someone we thought was trustworthy instead of trusting ourselves.

How do they exist?

They exist by eating your light. The light of happiness, self confidence, assertiveness, dream fulfillment or anything that brings you delight. Dark cannot exist without light. Devils are hungry for the light. We as the light are actually their beacon of either their emotional food or enlightenment if they choose to follow it. It is as simple as that. They know they are dark shadows working destruction. They can’t help themselves, they are born of the destruction that one human does to another. The senseless soul murders humans do to one another via abuse, hatred, anger, selfishness or even worse. When soul murders are meted out humans become aligned with the dark forces unwittingly. Or because there is no other way to survive.

Why do they exist?

They exist because they have a job to do. This meeting will be one of the most significant of your life. You will almost die because of it. You may have more than one. He will not fulfill your dreams but tear your guts out. You will reach the point of being so fragile that you will barely know yourself. It will be feeling pain that will expose what you are hiding from yourself. They exist to deliver transformation. In many cases these dark workers still have light and can be transformed in the same manner if they are willing.

This will be a personal journey with no right or wrong direction. This was the only thing that would catch our attention. The only drama that shouts to us that we need to change something that is lacking. We have a place in the world and this is a chance to redeem and progress.

These Devils remind us that we are great creatures here to bring light. It is useless to curse the Devil. When you curse the Devil and fear them they will bring forth destruction because they see your weakness. To wish destruction will only bring more destruction. Destruction feeds on more destruction.

When you face them they respect and protect you. Don’t blame the Devil for doing what he does, it is all he knows. He has brought you to your truth, real self and crushed your ignorance of yourself.

I have taken up challenges to be on the dark side. I want to taste and know what is forbidden and what is possibly frightening. I have pursued it. I have begged and asked for it but for some reason now I have no takers. Perhaps I am too strong for them at this point. Or I have become a Devil unto myself. Or I have absorbed their reality.

I want to bring out the darkness in me so I can see my light reflected in you. Bring the light out in me so I can see my darkness reflected in you.

I have had these relationships in the past both from significate others and family members and I was left destroyed and devastated many times only to emerge better than I was before. I am much stronger now. However, I still want to be challenged to be a better person, I have always loved the risk of the dark side. I love the dark side period. Knowing full well like the Phoenix I will be burned to death to relive again. I want to wake up and emerge bright as star light.

I want the Devil to see his own light. I want the Devils emptiness shattered. I think he wants that too. I don’t care if he lives in Hades. I don’t care if its risky. I will still stand next to eternal darkness and radiant in my own light. I want the Devil to teach me what I need to see.

I think it would be mutually beneficial to both of us. As I see my darkness the Devil will see his light. As I see my light he will see his darkness.

A word about Satan. He is a gentleman. He is the catalyst of change. He takes no offense to anyone or anything. He is deadly in the sense that he is secure in his knowledge that his sons are doing important work. The difficult hard work of educating the world in awakening. Awakening to know your deepest self. Satan knows Devils both male and female will come and go. He knows once touched by his presence his influence never leaves. Satan is proud of his work. He has an endless supply of those who are looking for a way out or into some knowledge that makes them feel free and real. He adjusts to everyone’s free will choices. He knows we are all responsible for our choices whether we are Devils or not.

We will always love our Devils because he was the one who took us to the deepest part of our reality. It is a badge of honor to survive this learning. It is a treasure to see that the longing for the Devil was the longing for the self and as the Devil longs for light he is longing for his self too.

I can’t say that a relationship with the Devil will be long term. I believe Devils can stick around for a long time if you are patient, respectful and kind. Even Devils need unconditional love. Being in love with a Devil is not a battle field. It is a place of mutual respect, growing and making choices or what is acceptable and what is not. It is examining those peaky gray areas too. He grows toward his light and you grow towards your darkness.

Is there hope? Of course there is hope for a relationship with the Devil. As long as we are alive anything can happen. Anything is possible if you want it bad enough.

In the end the Devil may not be your knight in shining armor but he will be your biggest advocate for change and adaptability and balance.

I love you my Devil and will never let you go.

Hail the Dark Side…………….

The Narcissistic Mother’s Game by Richard Zwolinski, from: http://blogs.psychcentral.com

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The Narcissistic Mother’s Game
By RICHARD ZWOLINSKI, LMHC, CASAC & C.R. ZWOLINSKI

Dear Therapy Soup Reader,

A woman in recovery from PTSD found that learning about her mother’s belated diagnosis of Narcissistic and Histrionic Personality Disorders freed her from much of her life-long guilt and shame. We’re sharing some of her thoughts she wrote down for you (with a bit of our editing).

Have you had a bizarre history of an on-again, off-again relationship with your mother who makes it truly impossible for you to maintain any self-respect because she uses and maybe abuses you? Even if you’re the kind of person who believes that both people in relationships need to take responsibility, it really may not be your fault. See if any of my questions resonate with you.

Does your mother ask how you are (and barely listens to you) just to get your stuff out of the way so she can talk about herself?

Do you feel a strange disconnect from her/with her?

If you have a cold, does she have the flu? If you dented the car was she in a six car pileup? If you got promoted did she get an Emmy? If you’re having a baby, did she invent a cure for botulism?

Does your mother seem phony or overly dramatic?

Do people who’ve never seen the two of you together find her charming?

Does you mother try to get your friends, spouse, associates to collude with her against you? Do the people in your life now “get it” and don’t find her charming any more?

Does your mother give your friends, her friends, doctors, even strangers, inappropriately expensive gifts and give you her hand-me-downs?

If you reject something she does she have hysterics, crying about how cruel and thoughtless you are and how she tried do hard to do good?

Did your mother ignore you as a child to the point where she would “forget” to buy you clothes, pick you up from activities, or feed you?

Does she say really hurtful things to you that land just under the radar—viciously cruel (perhaps even evil), but virtually no one else but you understands that it these are intentional put-downs? Does she generally do this when there are no witnesses or when there are witnesses that are “on her side”? Does she sometimes do it in front of your friends or spouse in order to gauge their reaction and see if they’ll align with her?

Does your mother deny your memories of events, even denying physical abuse? Does she employ several tactics to invalidate your memories, including dismissal of the importance of the memory, denial that the event occurred, breaking into hysterics and histrionics that effectively shut down all rational discussion, etc?

Does she “set you up”, promising you the moon (her love, a vacation together, a gift, a joint therapy session, a new car), reel you in with the bait, and then say that you misinterpreted what she meant and that none of that was going to really happen?

Did your mother leave you in dangerous situations—outside in storms, at home alone with known abusers, locked in basements, etc., when you were a child?

Did your mother ever take you shopping as a child and ask you to pick out your favorite stuffed animal or toy, then buy it, wrap it up with bows, and give it to the neighbor’s kid, watching closely to see (and enjoy) your pained surprise?

Does your mother almost always lie, even when it would be in her best interests or simply easier to tell the truth?

Does your mother usually forget your birthday or send you a wildly inappropriate and unwanted gift?

Did your mother ever move and not tell you her address for a while, a week, a month, years?

Did your mother indulge her every whim and fantasy, having the house feng shuied, getting in-home massages, buying expensive antiques, jetting to Europe to get her hair cut, but felt it it unnecessary to buy you clothes, shoes, books, toys or other basic things a child usually gets?

Is everything always about her?

Does she blame everyone else for anything and everything and never, ever takes responsibility for the emotional (and sometimes physical) wreckage she leaves in her tracks?

Did your mother ever try to get you kicked out of college, a job, a group? Did your mother ever get you fired from a job?

Did your mother ever come to your elementary/middle/high school/college/performance and laugh at you or pretend she didn’t know you? Did she tell other performers (and their parents) how wonderful their performance was, but say nothing about your performance or talk about you dismissively?

Did you ever run into your mother’s arms as a toddler, only to be pushed away in disgust?

Do therapists not believe you, until you show them letters and emails from from your mother or they get the chance to meet her?

Did your mother triangulate the family, demanding that her parents, your aunt, your cousins not have contact with you because it “upset” her? Did she do the same with your siblings? Does she create a web of lies and manipulate circumstances to keep people separate so they don’t figure out what’s going on?

Did your mother shower “love” and overwhelming attention on one sibling and turn the others into the scapegoat?

If your answers are “yes, repeatedly” to more than a couple of these questions, your mother might have narcissistic personality disorder and/or histrionic personality disorder ( she also may be struggling with some painful traits of borderline personality disorder or have traits of sadistic personality disorder* or maybe even anti-social personality disorder or a combination of these).

You may feel blind with rage and at other times that life just isn’t worth living. In some cases fathers can be enablers or were abusers, too. It can be hard because sometimes people who hear a story like this, even therapists, and they either don’t believe it or think you are exaggerating.

When you have a mother (or father or other caregiver) like this, your sense of reality is never really sure. That’s why I call it a game. And it is a game to someone with Narcissistic or Histrionic PD. The game is “Me Against the World”. The goal is to get everyone to watch me, need me, focus on me, be kept off-balance by me, be controlled by me, be destroyed by me.

In a way, mother is like a black-hole, empty as eternity. She is also a vacuum (yes, nature abhors a vacuum and mother’s constantly trying to be filled). But I also pity her—more than that, actually. I feel such sorrow for her suffering, because I believe she must be suffering. And I see glimmers of hope. Sometimes, I sense a pause in her emptiness as if her soul is trying to infiltrate the emptiness. Sometimes I sense genuineness. These moments are precious to me and I try to encourage them now that I am strong enough to not feel the arrows she slings at me.

What really helped the daughter, above, on her healing journey was information and meeting others who’d been through what she had been through:

About NPD here at PsychCentral

About HPD here at PsychCentral

About Personality Disorders here at PsychCentral

A brief video about how parents with NPD often divorce, and how their children can be victims of abuse, parental alienation syndrome, and suffer from mental illness and/or addiction, co-dependency and personality disorders including NPD, HPD, BPD, and other problems.

We love these brief YouTube videos by Toronto therapist Victoria Lorient-Faibish. She really addresses so many of the problems that people with parents who have PDs face, including co-dependency and parental alienation syndrome.

Note: Yes, of course a father could also have one or more personality disorders. Some personality disorders are more prevalent in males, some in females but in no way is this post aligning with bias or prejudice. Please remember that we are sharing a specific person’s story at her request and we did not choose the sex of the people involved.

*The diagnosis of sadistic personality disorder is no longer in the DSM and the upcoming DSM is apparently going to eliminate more personality disorders. However, the umbrella “personality disorder not defined” might still be used when multiple traits from more than one personality disorder are found.

Thoughful Thursdays # 64 – Going Underneath the Recesses Of My Mind

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A few weeks ago I wrote about suicide. It was before the Robin Williams incident. And I got a lot of people concerned with my mental health. Here is an explaintion and update on how I am feeling.

There were a series of events that ticked off my codependancy and abandonment issues so I spiraled down that slippery slope of despair. Only this time it was so painful that past memories surfaced. Hence the feeling of annilation.

Update………

Sometimes I have to allow myself to hit bottom emotionally because it is the only way up and out. I must allow myself to feel suicidal, sad, lonely, awful, cry, and scream, abandoned, needy, out of control and insane to the point of losing control.

When my ego is done yacking away with all this pain, I can feel the difference between my ego screaming and what is heart felt and realistic, instinctual and right. This is where time stops and as silly as it might sound I start to feel really lucky to be able to come up from the depths of emotional hell and be thankful for a roof over my head, my health, people I care about, talking, smiling, laughing etc.

My ego perceived lots of unrealistic things as a threat like it will die or is losing something. Those are just fears from the past rearing its ugly head and creating resistance. My ego will fight back, that is it’s nature. But eventually weakens because my ego needs to rest and then turns to being cooperative with healing and health. My ego must cooperate with expression and evolution of the self, it has no choice.

When my ego is open, raw and down it doesn’t see the options that are present. This gives me the reason to sit and go down the slope of despair.

Here is my secret……..This is where I just sit and feel everything. Let my mind wander to all the possible outcomes good and bad. I am not going to kid you it is hard to do this. It feels like no control at all. It is going into the unknown. Will I lose my mind or won’t I. I battle with reaching out for something to relieve being uncomfortable. I want the cigarette, drink, drug, person to distract me, the internet anything to stop the pain. But I must not, I must sit and feel no matter how long it takes. Going down to the bottomless pit of hopelessness. Eventually the desperation stops. I am spent, exhausted and heavy.

From here it is up. The feeling of empowerment takes over and the best therapy abounds. My own form of therapy. There is feeling of openness where answers come from. It is a form of meditation. I accept things for what they are. Here is the miracle: I can slowly move in a new direction. Still in pain I can still move ahead. Lick my wounds and heal.

I will say this: don’t listen or act on the ego it loves drama and pain. Listen and act on the positive, it loves moving like lava from out of the mountain of despair. Burning away illusions and reveals the truth of the situation. My truth and your truth. The positive wrenches through the illusion of despair and hopelessness. There is no such thing as helplessness really because it is all in the mind. But the ego does not realize this. The ego refuses to believe in possibilities. It believes in fear.

My heart must speak to the ego like a baby and encourage it to cooperate because my heart knows how to hold the hand of the screaming ego child lovingly and wholly. So does your heart. If you listen.

Peace, all is as it should be.

Thoughtful Thursdays #54 Questions

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I like questions.

Questions are an important part of relationships both with yourself and with others.

Here are some of my favorite questions.

What is in your heart?

What do you feel?

What makes you happy?

What makes you sad?

Would you want a super power? If so, what would it be?

What makes you really angry?

Are you willing to be talk about your feelings?

Are you willing to change one thing that you are unhappy with?

Do you love deeply?

Do you express that feeling of deep love  in some way?

Do you believe that things work out for the best?

Or do you believe you must push for what you want?

If you had no limitations, what are some of the things you would try?

What are you afraid of?

If you knew a statement was incorrect would you add some input or keep your mouth shut?

Is there something you need to let go of?

What do you resist?

What age do you feel?

What is your favorite academic subject?

How judgmental are you?

Do you accept others as they are?

Which values are important to you? E.g. kindness, truthfulness, etc.

I could go on but this is enough to get you thinking and perhaps asking others.

Have fun learning because that’s what life is about. Learning how the minds, bodies and spirits work.

The more you know about yourself the more you know about others, which makes for a happier and more content life.

Ask tons of questions because they are the starting point of change in a positive direction.