Tag Archives: denial

Thoughtful Thursdays #110 Spiritual Inventory

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There are people in this world who are genuine enough to pay attention to their own behavior. Those who are aware that how their words, actions and thoughts have an impact on those they interact with.

Here is a small list to read at the end of the day to see if you want to change or develop some of your behavior. Pick no more than two or three at a time.

Was I free from anger and judgement?

Did I give anyone sorrow or take any sorrow?

How much negative thinking was I wrapped up in?

Was I stable or unstable.

What did I bring into my interactions today? Was I positive?

Did I respect everyone regardless of name and fame?

Did I take a moment here and there to reflect on what I was thinking.

You can add more suggestions to the list. You can make a chart to fill out at the end of the day. Either way your behavior is so much more dynamic than you realize.

So be positive and joyful.

 

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Thoughtful Thursdays #66 – Forgiveness

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It’s easy to forgive a minor transgression like being pushed accidently or swatted with a book bag. Or someone being late for a get together.

Forgiveness is not useful when someone deliberatly hurts you over and over with no change in their behavior.

Those who continually hurt others laugh at how bleeding hearts turn the other cheek only to allow them to hurt again.

Don’t waste your time or your forgiveness on abusers of all kinds, psychos and narc’s, and addicts. They won’t even know what forgiveness is because they are numb to their own inner life.

All you can do is wish them well and love them from afar and protect yourself.

And be selective in who you forgive. You are entitled to pick and choose who you want to forgive.

Yes it is really that simple.

Hurting Others

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This is a true fact of life:

People who are hurting,

Hurt others.

They can’t help themselves.

They hurt on purpose

because they don’t know any other way.

But that does not mean you should sit there and take someones crap. Not at all. You can still care for the person and try to help but a strong boundary is needed always.

When someone is hurting, as much as they might want to stop hurting they will bite the one trying to help them. Or they might feel justified in lashing out because they are in so much emotional pain, whether it’s obvious to them or not. It’s an extreme form of resistance.  And changing is hard work. In most cases even the sickest, most hurtful people have moments of clarity but cannot change. It is the same with everyone. We know we must change but can’t because we resist the exact thing we need.

In my opinion, people who deliberately hurt others, have a deep seated guilt about something, so they set up hurtful situations to be hurt back. Guilt always seeks punishment. Some behavior is as much a mystery to the offender as it is to the victim.

According to Steven Pressfield’s book the “The War of Art” resistance is ever present and we need to be aware of it all the time or it will kill us. Resistance is impersonal and out for blood in anyway possible. Resistance is the enemy of change. Resistance is the enemy of healing.

So what to do when a hurting person hurts you.

1. Feel your feelings.

2. Don’t deny what is going on.

3. Set up a strong boundary.

4. As tempting as it is: don’t hurt back.

5. Wait it out until you have some clarity.

6. Use kindness by trying to understand where they are hurting.

7. If they are open enough make suggestions for improvement.

8. Move on if necessary.

The person who is strong is the one who is willing to straighten hurtful situations out. The person who is weak is the one who withholds their willingness to straighten hurtful situations out.

Which one are you? What does it feel  like to hurt on purpose? What does it feel like to be the victim? What similar experiences have you had?

Are you the strong one who is willing to work things out? Or are you the weak one who is withholding.

The choice is yours.

David Richo-Five Things We Cannot Change

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From Mr. Richo’s book, here are the five things we cannot change:

 

1. Everything changes and ends.

2. Things do not always go according to plan.

3. Live is not always fair.

4. Pain is part of life.

5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

Richo says that we are powerless over these five things and as soon as you accept these as fact the faster you will recover from their seeming fatalities.

If we deny these facts then we are in an illusion. The sooner the illusion is exposed the healthier one becomes. Hence the reason for accepting these givens as facts.

As addressed by the Buddha he cut through his own illusions to become enlightened. He teaches that we are not victims of some mysterious outside force that is maliciously punishing us. It is us who refuses to see the facts of any given situation. He also teaches when we face these illusions we become more fully integrated into the person we are meant to become.

I recommend reading the book because Richo elaborates extensively on the five givens in life, how to accept them and move to incredible happiness.

I hope you enjoy and learn from it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love and Hate by William Shakespeare

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Love me or Hate me.

Both are in my favor.

Love me and I’ll always be in your heart.

Hate me and I will always be in your mind

William Shakespeare

Courage

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To have the courage to take risks is to overcome fear.

When I am faced with a situation where I have to do something that I have never tried or in something that I have failed, I tend to be afraid or apprehensive. Most often, I decide not to take the risk and either postpone or avoid facing that situation. But, if I am able to take a small little risk and try and do it in a different way, I would be able to overcome my fear. It is not important whether I succeed in the task or not, but having taken the risk itself helps me overcome a little of my fear. Today I will do something that I know I have to do, but have been hesitating to do because of my own fear. I will take one little risk and be prepared even for failure. I know that if I avoid things too long the fear of it only increases. So today, I will take a step towards overcoming my fear.

diamondrosary@groups.google

Heal Yourself

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Heal Yourself

The deepest wounds we all carry are locked in our subconscious (out of our awareness). Deep memories and subtle impressions, from unfinished experience, rooted in the past. The pain from those wounds comes to revisit, to block and paralyze us in the moment called now. We all know it comes without warning – “Why am I feeling this way, I didn’t mean to do that, I don’t know what made me say that.” Healing does not mean finding and treating every single inner scar which send it message to haunt us. It means going even deeper, past those wounds, beyond those distant memories and recording of unfinished business, to the core of our self, to the heart of our spirit, where we find the light and warmth of our own core qualities of love and peace. They are eternally present within us they are what we need to heal all our inner wounds. That’s why this kind of deep healing is called spirituality and not therapy.

Thoughtfortoday.org.us

Thoughtful Thursdays # 47 New Years Day 2014

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The most powerful anchor on our potential to soar high in life is the past. The past contains the dead weight of experience, learned beliefs and all our mistakes. Life cannot truly begin until we are able to say goodbye to the legacies of yesterday at will. Like a filing cabinet, the past is a resource of information for learning, but it is not a place to live. When you go to work do you spend your day in the filing cabinet? How often will you/did you live in the past today? Say goodbye and make it final. Saying farewell to yesterday, last month and last year is the sign of a person who wants to live for today and is truly alive to all the possibilities of ‘the moment’, while fully aware that all they think, say and do right now, creates tomorrow.

www.relax7.com

Spiritual Stuff

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As you may remember I recently had a death in my family. (See previous DEATH post).

It cracks me up (and not in a good way) when the discussion of Spiritual Stuff enters the conversation and that some people immediately dismiss it. Reason being that it doesn’t make sense. It’s something to be made fun of as being ridiculous. Can’t see it or touch it. Or a verbal way of invalidating what is said for the purpose of getting one up on someone else. Or maybe they are just plain scared.

My answer to this is: you are right that you can’t feel any Spiritual Stuff because you don’t feel with your emotions or your heart. Therefore you will not feel the recently dead or the true spirit of someone standing in front of you. You will not absorb the truth of any situation because Spiritual Stuff is incognito and it doesn’t work with the intellect. The intellect interferes with Spiritual Stuff. The intellect blinds us with prejudice to anything that is remotely threatening to its survival. Meaning that the intellect always needs to be in control. Control is too restrictive for Spiritual Stuff. The intellect creates resistance.

Spiritual Stuff is the hidden realm where your gut lives. It’s the insights, hunches, enlightenment, raw emotions, living energies surrounding us. Spiritual Stuff is and feels free, vast, open, engaging, enveloping, warm, loving, safe.

Call it intuition, gut feelings or ghosts. It doesn’t matter. Spiritual Stuff is part of the Universe. And it is up to the individual to seek the knowledge and education that Spiritual Stuff has. Spiritual Stuff teaches about who we are in the world. It’s the ugly emotions and the superior existence of each unique being.

As for me, the Spiritual Stuff is very important and I am very lucky to sense it. I get very frustrated when others make light of something that is so important. However these negative reactions are a reflection of how the individual thinks.

Realize it or not Spiritual Stuff surrounds us all the time, at every moment, and in all actions whether you know it or not.

So do good, be good, have good feelings for yourself and everyone else. It will be returned to you through that Spiritual Stuff that you can’t see.

Peace

Pleasure vs Joy

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‘Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within.’

Eckhart Tolle