Tag Archives: Death

Coping With The Loss Of A Loved One.

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My father passed away a few days ago. We had a challenging relationship. So as I go to the viewing today I will leave you all with this lovely article about grief from the American Psychological Association.

Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one

Coping with the loss of your loved one

Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member may be one of the hardest challenges that many of us face. When we lose a spouse, sibling or parent our grief can be particularly intense. Loss is understood as a natural part of life, but we can still be overcome by shock and confusion, leading to prolonged periods of sadness or depression. The sadness typically diminishes in intensity as time passes, but grieving is an important process in order to overcome these feelings and continue to embrace the time you had with your loved one.

Everyone reacts differently to death and employs personal coping mechanisms for grief. Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits. It may take months or a year to come to terms with a loss. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve. Don’t expect to pass through phases of grief either, as new research suggests that most people do not go through stages as progressive steps.

If your relationship with the deceased was difficult, this will also add another dimension to the grieving process. It may take some time and thought before you are able to look back on the relationship and adjust to the loss.

Human beings are naturally resilient, considering most of us can endure loss and then continue on with our own lives. But some people may struggle with grief for longer periods of time and feel unable to carry out daily activities. Those with severe grief may be experiencing complicated grief. These individuals could benefit from the help of a psychologist or another licensed mental health professional with a specialization in grief.

Moving on with life

Mourning the loss of a close friend or relative takes time, but research tells us that it can also be the catalyst for a renewed sense of meaning that offers purpose and direction to life.

Grieving individuals may find it useful to use some of the following strategies to help come to terms with loss:

  • Talk about the death of your loved one with friends and colleagues in order to understand what happened and remember your friend or family member. Denying the death is an easy way to isolate yourself, and will frustrate your support system in the process.
  • Accept your feelings. People experience all kinds of emotions after the death of someone close. Sadness, anger, frustration and even exhaustion are all normal.
  • Take care of yourself and your family. Eating well, exercising and getting plenty of rest help us get through each day and move forward.
  • Reach out and help others dealing with the lossHelping others has the added benefit of making you feel better as well. Sharing stories of the deceased can help everyone cope.
  • Remember and celebrate the lives of your loved ones. Possibilities include donating to a favorite charity of the deceased, framing photos of fun times, passing on a family name to a baby or planting a garden in memory. What you choose is up to you, as long as it allows you honor that unique relationship in a way that feels right to you. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed by your emotions, it may be helpful to talk with a licensed psychologist or other mental health professional who can help you cope with your feelings and find ways to get back on track.

How psychologists can help

Psychologists are trained to help people better handle the fear, guilt or anxiety that can be associated with the death of a loved one. If you need help dealing with your grief or managing a loss, consult with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional.

Psychologists can help people build their resilience and develop strategies to get through their sadness. Practicing psychologists use a variety of evidence-based treatments — most commonly psychotherapy — to help people improve their lives. Psychologists, who have doctoral degrees, receive one of the highest levels of education of any health care professional.

Use the Psychologist Locator to find a psychologist in your area.

This Help Center article was adapted from a March 2011 post by Katherine C. Nordal, PhD on APA’s Your Mind Your Body Blog.

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Thoughtful Thursdays – #95 Death and My Kids

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My children’s father passed away today just shy of his 60th birthday. He had a long battle with cancer and fought valiantly.

At this time all I can say is I am so proud of my kids. They stayed with him to the end. Their behavior was mature and showed a level of forgiveness that most people never reach.

As sad as it is to lose a loved one, they loved their father and showed it freely and generously. They will always have his spirit with them. They will always remember him with love.

I am lucky to have such brave kids and so was he.

 

 

Death

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From Pema Chrodon

Death is Certain

The hour of Death is not Certain

Pick what is Important

The Disappointment by The Blyssful Witch

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This is so Damned true.

Psalms

The Disappointment

Am I what you wanted, Mother?
A shining daughter of the meadow’s delight?
I fear not, I am a mass of scars
A tiny bone-yard,
Rattling the wretched night.

I am sorry to disappoint, fair one
I was not what you had hoped.
No sweet songs of childish innocence
Will now escape this strangled throat.

I was never pretty enough
Or witty or clever or shy
For I spoke my mind and had my way
Through many battles, you and I.

Until one day, you’d had enough
My life you took from me
Those delicate fingers wrapped ‘round my throat
And shook my final breath free.

I will torment you til the end, fair one
Your disappointment finally complete
When the Grave swallows your shallow soul
And vomits it back at my feet.

For I am always your daughter
A dark thorn in your ivory side
I will pursue you til the accursed end
For even in Hell, you cannot hide.

I am the Daughter of Disappointment
I am the Spawn of the Evil Night
In my revenge, finally like you, Mother
A mirror image, glowing bright.

Words: The Blyssful Witch, Copyright ©2000-2014

The Power of the Dog by Rudyard Kipling

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The Power of the Dog
There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware 
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear. 
Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie–
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair 
To risk your heart for a dog to tear. 
When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet’s unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find–it’s your own affair– 
But … you’ve given your heart to a dog to tear. 
When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!).
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone–wherever it goes–for good,
You will discover how much you care, 
And will give your heart to a dog to tear. 
We’ve sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we’ve kept ’em, the more do we grieve:
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-time loan is as bad as a long–
So why in–Heaven (before we are there) 
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

Beliefs – Robert Fulghum

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“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. Than laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.”

Robert Fulghum

Insightful Mr. Fulghum

Spiritual Stuff

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As you may remember I recently had a death in my family. (See previous DEATH post).

It cracks me up (and not in a good way) when the discussion of Spiritual Stuff enters the conversation and that some people immediately dismiss it. Reason being that it doesn’t make sense. It’s something to be made fun of as being ridiculous. Can’t see it or touch it. Or a verbal way of invalidating what is said for the purpose of getting one up on someone else. Or maybe they are just plain scared.

My answer to this is: you are right that you can’t feel any Spiritual Stuff because you don’t feel with your emotions or your heart. Therefore you will not feel the recently dead or the true spirit of someone standing in front of you. You will not absorb the truth of any situation because Spiritual Stuff is incognito and it doesn’t work with the intellect. The intellect interferes with Spiritual Stuff. The intellect blinds us with prejudice to anything that is remotely threatening to its survival. Meaning that the intellect always needs to be in control. Control is too restrictive for Spiritual Stuff. The intellect creates resistance.

Spiritual Stuff is the hidden realm where your gut lives. It’s the insights, hunches, enlightenment, raw emotions, living energies surrounding us. Spiritual Stuff is and feels free, vast, open, engaging, enveloping, warm, loving, safe.

Call it intuition, gut feelings or ghosts. It doesn’t matter. Spiritual Stuff is part of the Universe. And it is up to the individual to seek the knowledge and education that Spiritual Stuff has. Spiritual Stuff teaches about who we are in the world. It’s the ugly emotions and the superior existence of each unique being.

As for me, the Spiritual Stuff is very important and I am very lucky to sense it. I get very frustrated when others make light of something that is so important. However these negative reactions are a reflection of how the individual thinks.

Realize it or not Spiritual Stuff surrounds us all the time, at every moment, and in all actions whether you know it or not.

So do good, be good, have good feelings for yourself and everyone else. It will be returned to you through that Spiritual Stuff that you can’t see.

Peace

Death

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We had a death in our family over the weekend. It was expected because this person was elderly and sick.

I am reminded of the following:

Life is too short for Bulls**t.

But long enough to make things right. (Tweet that)

These words are easy to understand in our intellect but to take action on is nearly impossible. It takes a brave and courageous person to step out and up to making things right. Mostly it’s never done. We don’t want to go out of our comfort zone. We find reasons to resist and withhold ourselves from the world.

By the time a person is dying it’s too late usually because of fear, so setting things right is not on their mind. That is why we must make things right before death visits us.

Some simple ways to do that now is to:
Use kindness always.
Don’t argue with anyone.
Keep conversations uplifting.
Give hugs and kisses.
Talk.
Be honest.
Say I love you, even if its hard to say.
Send silent good wishes and pure feelings.

Ask yourself this: Do I want to die with regrets about what I did not say?

If you said no then make every effort to set what needs to be set right in your life. You won’t regret it.

XX OO