Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and many share their love and enthusiasm for our families, lovers, friends.
Let’s not forget to give a big Valentines to ourselves. After all we are very important too. Here’s some helpful ways to love yourself.
- Stop calling yourself names. eg. I am such a jerk.
- Stop thinking about the worst case scenario. eg. The world will end if I say the wrong thing.
- Identify negative beliefs you have about yourself and get rid of them. eg. I am a really bad cook.
- Rewrite and reframe your internal dialog. eg. I am a good dancer.
- Celebrate yourself. It’s OK to give yourself a reward.
- Visit a therapist. Self examination is healing.
- Support yourself with positive self talk.
Every day is a chance to take good care of yourself and be your own Valentine.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
You are wired for success.
Remember the time you took a left and ended up in the right place. You should do more of that.
Remember the time you had a hunch and it worked. You should more of that.
Remember the time you were terrified and took the risk anyway. You should do more of that.
Remember the time you went against your better judgment. Don’t do that anymore.
Remember the time you had a gut feeling and didn’t follow through. Don’t do that anymore.
Remember the time you believed a lie because you were too desperate to see the truth. Don’t do that anymore.
You are wired for success, Think about all the times things just worked out the way they were supposed to and you were in your zone.
That is where your success is. In that zone. It’s hard to feel the zone all the time but the more you pay attention to it the easier it gets to stay there more often.
Describe what zone is for you, how does it feel, where is it in your body, what does it remind you of, how can you get there more often. Does your zone come with obstacles, what are the obstacles?
You are wired for success; all it involves is a little more awareness on your part.
Any kind of entrapment feels uncomfortable. You can become a prisoner of your own mind too. Do you have obsessive thoughts? Are you adamant about your beliefs and won’t listen to other points of view? Do you have self-defeating tendencies?
The good news is being a prisoner of your mind is mostly artificial. A lot these thoughts are based on fear and insecurities.
The work to open that cell door comes from grounding yourself in some way. Here are some suggestions:
- Redirecting your thoughts.
- Making art.
- Talking to a mental health professional.
I am sure you can add to the list. The idea is to be in the present moment for as long as possible so your mind does not hijack you back to being a prisoner.
This takes effort, consistency, and even scary at times to go into this new territory. The results are so worth it and will strengthen you. Go for it.
If your heart is beating, if your lungs are breathing, if you are still alive… then it is not too late to do something kind, creative, generous, satisfying, and courageous. Today.
It is not too late to behave like the person you want to be — instead of continuing in a cycle of behavior that you will regret.
You might feel sleepy. It might be tough. It could seem preferable to just sit this one out.
Today is not over yet.
People are multi-layered. What you see on the surface is a thimble full of information. Society doesn’t allow full expression of who we are. We have roles to play. Worker, parent, listener, activator.
Oppression of free expression and a general sense of uncertainty is the reason that people flock to religion and large groups looking for answers about this uncertainty that can only be gotten by self-examination. We are lost in trying to fit and there’s a nagging knowing and feeling that something is not quite right.
That nagging feeling is your real self. Your higher self, your true self, your core self, knocking at you to pay attention to your own deep-seated needs. Stop thinking, stop grasping, stop being busy and just listen to what your true self is telling you. This is the deepest layer of who you are, where the information you need to expand yourself is.
Becoming aware on this level is not easy. It’s a re-patterning of old habits. You are changing your brain. It is a slow arduous journey that happens in small steps that are so subtle you may not recognize a change right away.
Your bravery for uncovering the many layers you carry will be well rewarded. This journey is ongoing, the learning about oneself never stops, and the bonus is you will understand yourself better and others just as well.
There are some pretty scary emotions that we run from. Our minds race with one disaster after another. Our society almost demands that we let it go and move on from tragedy or trauma. Letting go and moving on is not possible if we smother the very emotions we need to move closer to. Emotions like fear, abandonment, isolation and worthlessness.
Move closer to the parts of you that you exiled. Move closer to the very emotions that scare you. Move closer to approval for all strange events you survived. Move closer to being curious about your behavior. Move closer to the parts that are so hard to accept and love. Move closer to having compassion and kindness for yourself. Move closer to being intimate with our own courage. Move closer to deeply knowing who you are because you can’t help anyone else without helping yourself first.
It won’t be easy but so worth the effort. Your thinking will become more integrated and grounded. And an important perk to this effort is you will become more productive, understanding and confident.
We all have an inner and outer world. In our head there are so many thoughts and voices it’s hard to identify which way is the most effective way.
We all have an outer world that reflects your inner world. The mess, confusion, the paralysis.
How to get the both in sync is to find your way of grounding yourself.
To start: In whatever task you are doing direct your thoughts to the present moment.
For example: I am washing the dishes, I am cutting an onion, I am driving my car, I am walking the dog. Bring attention to your breathing. Let the thoughts come with no judgement. Don’t judge yourself either.
The idea is to get out of your head for a little while and find a sense of peace away from racing thoughts and impulsive actions.
Your inner world and outer world will thank you for the peace.
Road rage is never about the traffic incident, it’s about underlying, unresolved anger that is misplaced.
Over reacting to any situation is usually about unresolved hurt, anger, oppression or any other uncomfortable feeling of frustration.
I am not minimizing that a particular event like road rage is not meaningful.
These trigger events are meaningful because they show you where you have been hiding, and not dealing with uncomfortable stuff.
These trigger events are your reminder of where you are not looking to be healed.
These trigger events are your teachers.
These trigger events are monumental in transforming your life.
Look where you are hurting, go to the places that make you uncomfortable, be willing to be curious about what is triggering you.
You may have to change some stuff: do you need to remove yourself from a situation, do you need to protect yourself, do you need to have a difficult conversation. Then by all means do it, it’s going to hurt temporarily, but you will be so much better off in the long run.
Welcome Road Rage and any other Rage into your life. It’s the place you need to change something.
You can’t control time because it is always moving forward.
You can’t control the weather because mother nature does it’s own thing.
You can control what you do with your time.
And use an umbrella if it rains and stand in the shade if it’s too sunny.
Control what you can and leave the rest alone.
I am not talking about being generous with huge donations of time and money and goods. I am talking about generosity with the small things that are so meaningful.
Listening with full attention, giving a supportive hug, saying kind and reassuring words, giving of your labor, making time for someone who needs you, holding a door, spend the day being courteous to everyone, in the face of conflict or differing opinions stay calm and don’t react, finding in your heart to do no harm with your words or actions.
These are just a few incognito generous actions you can take. You will end up helping someone else and feeling so much more accomplished as a human being.
Carry on you lovely generous being.