Category Archives: purelysimplewords

A blog about Life as a DIY project.

Understand This

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Here’s a quote from Yolo Akili’s book:  Dear Universe; Letters of Affirmation and Empowerment – For All Of Us –

Principles of Human Communication:

#5 Understand that everyone interprets the world through their own ideas, past experience, psychological framework, social location and pain. You see the world based on where you have been. You see the world based on who you are, based on how you are perceived and how you perceive others. Those perceptions are not absolute. They are not the only truth, and they are not the only way of knowing things. Understand this.

The author is pointing out that in order to have effective communication with other humans we must put aside our own beliefs.  By putting aside our own beliefs we will better understand where the other human is coming from. As a result you will have a clearer, more truthful communication.

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Solitude Is Great Until It Turns To Isolation.

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I cherish alone time, lots of it, but I can take it to the extreme until it becomes isolation.

We are social creatures by nature and without being social we can lose self-esteem, and self-confidence.

Isolation has a way of creeping up on us and separating us from friends, real world interactions, causes anxiety, you feel like you are in captivity in a cage, and detached from any healthy interactions.

Social media does not help, it lends itself into isolating us even more, plus it encourages the feelings of exclusion and an unrealistic idea that others lives are better than yours. Isolation also causes social anxiety. There is hope. Change is always possible.

Here are some suggestions to cure isolation:

Talk to everyone you meet.

Accept invitations even if you don’t think you want to go.

Build relationships.

Spend less time on social media.

Reach out and have an actual phone conversation instead of just social media.

Leave the house.

With a little bit of discipline and investment of your time you can get out of isolation and back into life. And if life is too much you can always go back to solitude but this time without the isolation.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #216 – Reparenting Yourself

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You grew up in a dysfunctional family, your self esteem is shot, your squirming over an embarrassing action, you want to disappear, you feel rejected at every turn. Sounds like your hurt inner child is expressing itself.

Then you probably need to reparent yourself.

Many of us have grown up in chaos, we have no recollection of who our true self is. That is OK. Of course you don’t know who you are in your core, it is impossible to know if you grew up with chaos and confusion. This is where you can learn to be your own best parent.

Will it be easy, probably not, your tip is the child within feels your feelings, the hurt child within acts those feeling out inappropriately. Here is where reparenting comes in. If you can give space to those trapped feelings, both good and bad, your parent self can step in and stop any extreme behavior, or at least give a time out.

There is much written about reparenting, here are a few resources:

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Strengthening My Recovery (Book)

Alcoholics Anonymous

Taming Your Outer Child (Book)

How to Reparent Yourself (Youtube video)

Google “Reparenting Yourself”

https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/inner-child-healing (Website)

beatingtrauma.com (website of Elisabeth Corey, trauma survivor and life coach)

http://pete-walker.com (Therapist and trauma survivor)

You are worth the effort and can bear the temporary, uncomfortable feelings of doing this important inner work. Give it a try.

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #215 – Is This My Last Post – Not Really

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The month of May has been Mental Health Awareness month here in the USA. When the month began I decided to write a post every day for that purpose. Today is the last day of May 2018.  I enjoyed writing so much that I will keep up the posts, perhaps not on a daily basis but certainly more than once a week.

I sincerely hope you enjoyed the information I shared and my personal experiences.

It is my deep wish for every one of you to find the healing you need for all your troubles. I know how hard it is sometimes to understand this uncertain world and I am so proud of all who read this blog, you have taken on one of the most important journeys of your life –  the journey of self-discovery.

Keep up the good work and thanks for hanging in there with me and my journey.

I look forward in continuing writing for you.

 

 

Self Discovery

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Self discovery is hard work and slow to see results. Self discovery is a process of getting insight into one owns character.

Self discovery can be exciting, tedious, frustrating, scary, exhilarating, with lots of ups and downs.

Self discovery is the path to find yourself, not in a cliché way, but a deep tender way with lots of curiosity, compassion, non judgement and self-care.

Self discovery is finding out how you personally feel about your life, beliefs, and so on without blindly following others.

The only risk is in what you believe, your false beliefs with die a natural death.

How do you know you are making progress.

In a very organic way you will change your understanding of yourself and surroundings. You will know without a doubt what is right for you without the influence of others opinions. You will get stronger in your convictions.

You will be mindful, ask lots of questions, find your purpose, figure out your core beliefs, surround yourself with people who support you, examine your childhood and listen more than speak.

Will this journey be quick, Nope, self discovery is a long-term self-care action, there is no end destination, there is only progress and personal growth.

Start slow, and be watchful of how you feel, if you are searching and seeking answers you will find them in the very powerful journey of self discovery.

Happiness

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I write a lot about looking for the negative aspects of mental health. Today I was reminded about happiness.

Happiness seems elusive but if we can balance our view, happiness is there and directly parallel to negativity.

For example, my car engine exploded, I got a newer and better car.

My sunglasses fell apart, so I borrowed my daughters so I could drive.

A family member died and I was reminded about how loved and supported I am.

I got an infection in my tooth and got antibiotics, I cared for myself and took back my health.

These simple occurrences can be the ones that are the most annoying and have us lose sight of the good parts.

Take a moment to reflect how an annoying situation turned out right.

Grounding And Unsettled Thinking

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To ground oneself in an effort to gain healthy mental health is very necessary. It’s not easy because we get caught up stuck in our heads, thinking too much.

Grounding helps us to calm down our minds so we can get clarity. Grounding facilitates that emotional release we need to heal ourselves.

We can’t heal ourselves from unsettled thinking through a cerebral process. It doesn’t work that way. Our unexpressed emotions and unexpressed truths will consume us until they are looked at and this is where grounding comes in.

Here are a few examples of grounding that worked for me:

  1. focusing on the breath gradually working up to about 2 minutes.
  2. paying attention to what you are thinking and write it down.
  3. coming back to the present moment, what are you doing at that moment.
  4. meditation, quiet time, reflection.
  5. do artwork, draw, paint, doodle, sew, knit, woodwork any kind of crafts.
  6. write, even if it is a word, or sentence, write what you hear, write from the heart.
  7. listen to music, any music that you like.
  8. take a walk, breath in deep, look at nature, go to the ocean.
  9. take a different action, redirect your actions.
  10. exercise, any exercise is better than none.

Grounding is an important part of getting in touch with your body where a lot of negativity, hidden memories, and confusion  is stored.

Our mind needs grounding for clarity and our bodies need grounding to get rid of stored negativity, hidden memories and confusion that it holds.

By practicing grounding on a regular basis, even once a week reaps great benefit and help change your thinking by changing your emotional life for the better.

 

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries Don’t Leave Home Without Them

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Boundaries are powerful.

We all have experienced someone whether in our personal lives or work life who just does not know the meaning of personal space and minding their own business. Wasting your precious time and resources. We have to learn skills for handling such situations.

  1. know when to say yes, know when to say no and mean it. No point in being wishy-washy.
  2. know that boundaries keep you mentally and emotionally safe.
  3. know that boundaries are a big part of your well-being.
  4. physical, intellectual, emotional, sexual, material and time are all subject to boundaries.

There are soft boundaries, rigid boundaries, boundaries somewhere in the middle that are very flexible. We all have a mix of these types of boundaries. A soft boundary may be for a child, a rigid boundary may be for your job, the middle flexible boundary may be for your family. No matter who we interact with boundaries will look different.

You may think setting boundaries is selfish, it is not selfish, boundaries are an important part of healthy mental health and happy well-being. If someone gets upset with you setting a boundary, it’s their problem, not yours, stick to the boundaries that keep you safe.

We must abide by others boundaries too. Boundaries are a two-way street. Boundaries cause us to feel more in control of our lives and that is very important in feeling a whole lot less fearful.

If you are not used to making boundaries then take it slow, a change like this does not happen immediately.

You are worth the effort, keep trying, and figure out a way to set healthy boundaries.

 

Narcissism

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There’s so much information about narcissism out there. You can google narcissism and the information is overwhelming.

I can tell you from personal experience that the longer you keep a narcissistic person in your life the worse your life will get. Don’t be the bigger person because the narcissist really doesn’t care. They enjoy hurting and damaging other humans and even animals. It doesn’t matter how the narcissist became that way and besides it is not your responsibility to figure it out. The responsibility is on them.  Most of the time the narcissist never changes because they do not have any awareness of their own destructive behavior and not any interest in self-awareness.

Here are some red flags that are attributable to being a narcissist:

  1. they take advantage of others
  2. feels superior to just about everyone
  3. needs constant praise and if you don’t they will try to destroy you
  4. your needs don’t matter
  5. envious
  6. arrogant
  7. cares only about themselves
  8. very destructive to you and not caring at all

These are just a few red flags, but if this kind of behavior is consistent there’s a good chance you are dealing with a narcissist. Feel free to research the subject for more information.

My advice to you, and I can tell you from experience, that it is best you leave to protect yourself. It is not likely they will change. It’s best you go on to have a better life.

You’ve Got To Feel It To Heal It

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That’s right, there is nothing worse than hiding from your feelings because until you feel them they will come out in unhealthy ways.

Depression is sadness turned inward. Are you avoiding happiness because you have unresolved sadness?

Then feel it to heal it.

Got some rage going on and you took out in a road rage incident?

Then feel it to heal it.

Shame running the show in your life?

Then feel it to heal it.

Feeling scared, lonely, disgusted, left out, jealous, embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, shy, uncomfortable or guilty?

Then feel it to heal it.

There is no way around it, we must resolve, process and look at what we feel, even it’s really uncomfortable.

You will come out on the other side feeling joy,hopeful, friendly, brave, silly, grateful, loved, kind, secure, curious,proud, and confident.

After all, who wants to be stuck in misery.

Happy exploring your feelings.