Category Archives: purelysimplewords

A blog about Life as a DIY project.

Mar1

Shadow

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If I hadn’t been so distracted I would not have rented a remote cabin deep in the Catskills Mountains on the edge of thick trees that whisper ancient stories to one another. I needed to concentrate on my writing.

It was a long drive, over two hundred and fifty miles. Alone and feeling unsettled I arrived at the rustically charming cabin. From the outside it looked cozy, safe, warm. My eye caught a flick of a curtain. I dismissed it because I was tired from the drive.

I opened the door. The creaky floorboards and mournful howl of air from the fireplace gave me goose bumps. I shrugged it off and locked the door behind me just in case goblins or elves were about.

It was chilly and noticed there were plenty of supplies of wood and kindling and matches to start a fire. The sun was setting and the night air was in so a fire would warm up the cabin in no time.

I settled in and began writing with pen as paper, writing the old fashioned way. I concentrate better this way. Trying to focus I felt a creepy, strange, prickling awareness like electricity flash up my back. Glancing up from my paper I could feel someone watching me yet I could see nothing. I froze.

Shadows cast from the raging fire burst onto the walls. One shadow did not move. It was like ink and pulsated and seemed to squirm and twitch. This shadow had no beginning or end. Didn’t bend, it was just there watching me.

Suddenly the shadow dislodged and took the shape of a long, lanky silhouette of a man with morphed edges that were thin and undefined.

I was terrified; it had no eyes, only black holes.

Instantly the air was bitter cold and very dark in spite of the blazing fire. Silence except for the crackles of burning wood. I heard a voice.

“Who are you? Why are you in my home?” it barked.

I grabbed my phone and put the flashlight on and aimed at the figure.

It shrieked as if the light burned it. The figure twisted in agony then disappeared into nothing.

I didn’t sleep, hours passed and dawn rose with a pink glow. I didn’t stay any longer. Whatever that thing was I was not going to hang around to find out.

Driving away I could see a dark figure lingering in the window. Lightly flicking the curtain.

That thing, that dark shadow stained me and would forever be in my memories. A secret, chilling true testament and mystery of the trees that tell ancient stories to one another about dead men with no names and dark shadows of long ago.

Sep3

Thoughtful Thursday #315 – Self Awareness and Self Consciousness

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Self-conscious is when you feel extreme awareness of your appearance or actions. It is the knowledge of your own existence. Could feel uncomfortable at times. Self-consciousness is much more about what is external.

Self-awareness is when you can see yourself clearly with some objectivity with reflection and introspection. Self-awareness is much about what is going in internally.

If we can find a small wedge of detachment in your thinking, we can get a sense of either self-consciousness or self-awareness.

Developing a healthy sense of self requires that we know about both subjects, the value is the better you know yourself the better you know others which makes for healthier relationships.

Self-awareness is quite important because it allows us to deeply know ourselves better, what makes us tick, what makes us angry, happy, bored or interested. We can look honestly at our own actions with clarity and choose a wiser path.

Learning to have a healthy sense of self is a lifelong journey, there is no one way to learn, everyone is unique. It is so important to care enough about ourselves to take the time to know ourselves intimately.

You will gain confidence, insight, direction and goodness and no one can ever take that from you.

 

 

Aug13

Thoughtful Thursday #312 – Ritual Sexual Abuse

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Trigger Warning, this is the work of Ellen P. Lacter PHD. who has the courage to examine Ritual Sexual Abuse and spreading the word of advocacy for victims of this horrific and sadistic abuse.

She has treated both child victims and adult survivors and has written in depth articles showing the effects of Ritual Sexual Abuse and the mindset of the perpetrator.

I am sharing this tough article because I refuse to say silent about child sexual abuse and sharing articles like this enlightens everyone, child sexual abuse is a crime that needs to end.

 

http://endritualabuse.org/category/what-is-ritual-abuse/

Full Article Index

Apr2

Thoughtful Thursday #297 – Attachment Trauma and Injuries

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There are a number of attachment styles that people adopt. Anxious, Avoidant, Secure, Dismissive. These are the four major styles, You can look up the details on Google.

Attachment injuries come from mostly from family of origin issues.

How do you know you have an attachment issue, your relationships are not working, you feel invisible, you are not getting your needs met, you are allowing others to sabotage and abuse you somehow.

This is heavy stuff so I want to share an expert Attachment Trauma, relationship coach and Psychotherapist Alan Robarge, Here’s a video explaining this issue.

Hope you find it healing.

Feb27

Thoughtful Thursday #293 – Processing Emotions

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This poster is from the Gottman Institute on how to process difficult emotions. This poster is just another tool in your toolbox for promoting good mental health.

You’re welcome.

Carry on.

 

Feb13

Thoughtful Thursday #291 – Valentine’s Day

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Feeling blue this Valentines Day because you are single, that is perfectly normal.

But Valentine’s day is more than romantic love, it’s about self love and love of your friends, children, significant others, those who make your life better, or whatever you are passionate about.

Do you, buy yourself a gift, go out with a couple, go on a vacation that you want, explore new destinations, talk to strangers, go to a social function alone, relish who you are.

Romantic love shows up quicker the more you know yourself. No one can resist a person who is confident and strong in standing on their own.

So this Valentines Day, let it be a reminder that self love is really the first love you ever need.

Happy Do You Day………………..

Dec5

Thoughtful Thursday #282 – Shame

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There are many ways we feel shame, in Psychotherapist’s Joseph Burgo book there are 4 subtypes of shame and I will list them here:

  1. Unrequited Love-this is not only the type of unreciprocated love between adults, the author explains that it happens in infancy and childhood when a parent is not able to respond to the child in a healthy way. In my opinion this explains those nasty situations where we run after unavailable people. This makes a lot of sense to me.
  2. Unwanted exposure-maybe you were called out on something and humiliated about it.
  3. Disappointed exception-perhaps you set out to do something and fail.
  4. Being left out-it happens everywhere, home, work, school. No one wants to feel alone and rejected.

Shame can be so mentally excruciating that we are stopped in our tracks or run away from the pain. And that is normal.

How to heal shame: very difficult without mindfulness. But certainly achievable by doing the important work of examining your mental health. There is Mr. Burgo’s book plus the classic book on shame by John Bradshaw. There are thousands of articles and books available plus it’s really helpful to have a therapist so you can work through the core emotion of shame.

Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy and Build True Self Esteem by Mr. Joseph Burgo
Healing the Shame That Binds You – John Bradshaw.
Both books are a good starting point for examining shame.
Carry on. You can do this.

 

Jul18

Thoughtful Thursday #264 – What Do You Believe.

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“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — C.G. Jung

We must become conscious of our beliefs and feelings going on in our minds or we cannot change or transform ourselves and our lives. If something said is repeated over and over it becomes real, but in many cases what was said is either outdated at this point.

If we want to live with meaning and purpose we must make a list of these beliefs and feelings and examine them and tear them apart and eliminate those that don’t resonate with our values.

When we act from outmoded beliefs and feelings we stay stuck and can’t do the necessary letting go so we can move on.

In my case, both my caregivers were mentally ill so I had many bizarre beliefs and feelings that did not make sense even at a young age, I was not self-aware for a long time until I was much older and could be a bit objective about those beliefs and worked with therapists.

Many beliefs we pick up during our lives are dysfunctional. They make us limited.

On a regular basis we must update our beliefs, what was true in the past may not apply now. We must find those very deep beliefs that are not very conscious and rip them out by the roots. This is not easy, it requires, courage, sticking with a therapist, and a commitment to your own self-care.

This uncovering is all about finding the truth, your truth, so you can live the best life that is unique to you. We want to be whole, we want our inner parts integrated, we want to be happy.

None is possible unless we care deeply for ourselves on a regular basis. You are so worth the effort and with this loving effort for yourself the transformation of your life is permanent.

Jun27

Thoughtful Thursday #261 – I Get It

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I Get It

 

I get the unspeakable shame and emotional pain and trauma of child abuse as a child and adult child. I get how you want to hurt yourself just to stop the pain and self-sabotage because you have no healthy sense of direction. I get it. Let’s talk about what creates trauma. Let’s talk about it without judgement. Let’s talk about how trauma and it’s buddies that keep you stuck.

Let’s talk about mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness. As we speak openly about these struggles of ours and those we know, the power of alcoholism, drug addiction and mental illness become manageable. Talk to everyone about how important mental health is and that ending the suffering is possible, talk to therapists, go to 12 step programs, and go to groups that are struggling with what you are struggling with, find your supporters, show up for your own recovery.

You may not be validated as you speak out and that is OK, keep looking for those who are supportive of you. Go no contact with those who are actively self-destructive. It is perfectly OK to protect yourself. It’s OK to search for what you need; it’s OK to search for meaning and making sense of your life. It’s OK to heal; it’s OK to take your time in recovery.

Recovery is not quick and most clichés that suggest quick fixes are victim blaming and not realistic. It takes a long time to relearn trust and un-blend the destructive false beliefs from your thinking.

Start now, start when you are ready, start when you are scared and unsure, just start, you are so worthy of a wonderful life.

Jan31

Thoughtful Thursday #245 – Internalizing Emotional Pain

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Internalized emotional pain is personal slavery and a prim and proper intimate prison in your mind. It’s where we have been triggered and swallowed emotional pain for any number of reasons. Maybe we have been betrayed by someone you trusted, or out of the blue you were the target of cruelty, perhaps you have been the object of someone’s dysfunctional projections, and the result is you feel a life situation has crushed you.

We can recognize how we have internalized emotional pain. We have excessive worry, over indulge in social media, phantom physical sensations, venting at others expense, wanting to retaliate, self-destructive behaviors, your self-esteem is nowhere in sight, there’s a presence of anxiety, sadness, and social isolation, we blow up over nothing.

This is a painful way to live, very painful, I understand how it feels, and no one is immune internalizing emotional pain.

If you are struggling with sorting out emotional pain, hang in there, initially the pain may be  too much, that’s OK, take some time to process what has happened.

Practice self-care: acknowledge what happened, save yourself from further pain, summon up compassion for yourself, internalizing emotional pain does not make you tough, confrontation may be appropriate but do it with a calm voice, find someone who will listen to you unconditionally, write it out on a piece of paper, write every last emotion and detail, find whatever you need to bring a sense of groundedness and peace back to your mind,  look within yourself for an answer that works for you.

In time the pain will pass, that’s the beauty of time and self-care and perhaps you will learn that you are really very strong and can be grow internally and handle the next situation with self-protection and authority as the mighty, capable person that your are.