Category Archives: purelysimplewords

A blog about Life as a DIY project.

Thoughtful Thursday – #220 – Finding The Truth

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When I was sixteen years old it occurred to me that something was terribly wrong with my family interactions. This was the beginning of my long journey, or should I say my lifelong journey of finding the truth. This journey has been very hard at times but the more truth that was uncovered the healthier and happier I became.

Finding the truth unveiled lots of information that helped me understand the dysfunctional dynamics that were going on and where I was placed within that strange puzzle.

I am still unraveling the trauma all these years later. And I am not at all disturbed by this. As hard as it is to know the sick truths of the horrible treatment I incurred, I will never stop looking for the truth.

On the bright side, the more I know about me the more I know about others. The side effect of finding the truth of human behavior is the ability to know others and that is priceless.

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Thoughtful Thursday #218 Processing Feelings

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This is a hard one. Childhood Emotional Neglect blog has a realistic answer. 10 Rules Emotions Follow:

# 9 Sitting with a powerful emotion and letting yourself feel it while thinking about it to understand why you’re having it, what it means, and what it’s telling you, is called “processing it.”

#10 Your feelings are valuable messages from your deepest self. When you follow Rule 9, you are listening to the messages, honoring yourself, and making use of this valuable resource from within.

We all have feelings and some are unexplainable and that is OK because your feelings come from your subconscious. When strong feelings come up, follow rule #9 and #10.

It won’t be easy to sit with uncomfortable feelings but you will come out on the other side feeling quite different knowing there was a shift in your mind and that is all you need to facilitate healing.

Thoughtful Thursday #217 – Bullying

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No one wants to be bullied and as we know the objective is to oppress, torment, intimidate and browbeat someone into submission.

Bullying is easily recognized if we are observing it in real-time. But do we recognize bullying when we do it to ourselves? Probably not, here are some signals you are bullying yourself.

  1. your inner critic has a field day beating you up by noticing everything that you do wrong.
  2. your inner critic says unkind, mean things to you.
  3. some believe that the inner critic is a motivator to do better, this is completely false.
  4. anxiety, image issues, social anxiety can be the inner critic hounding you with negativity.
  5. watching TV shows that are violent and traumatize you with fear. (I binge watch crime shows.)

You can’t completely get rid of the inner critic however you can arrest its relentlessness and power with a these few tips.

  1. pay attention to your thoughts.
  2. don’t beat yourself up about these thoughts.
  3. notice what your triggers are.
  4. respond to yourself with kindness.
  5. speak to yourself with compassion.
  6. turn off your TV for a while and limit the shows that are violent. (I’m watching more happy programs.)
  7. redirect your thoughts and actions to something happy.

Being mindful, kind and compassionate to yourself is an important skill to learn and takes some time.

Instead, you want caring, reassuring, encouraging and supportive words and actions towards yourself.

You are so worth the time and effort.

Understand This

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Here’s a quote from Yolo Akili’s book:  Dear Universe; Letters of Affirmation and Empowerment – For All Of Us –

Principles of Human Communication:

#5 Understand that everyone interprets the world through their own ideas, past experience, psychological framework, social location and pain. You see the world based on where you have been. You see the world based on who you are, based on how you are perceived and how you perceive others. Those perceptions are not absolute. They are not the only truth, and they are not the only way of knowing things. Understand this.

The author is pointing out that in order to have effective communication with other humans we must put aside our own beliefs.  By putting aside our own beliefs we will better understand where the other human is coming from. As a result you will have a clearer, more truthful communication.

Solitude Is Great Until It Turns To Isolation.

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I cherish alone time, lots of it, but I can take it to the extreme until it becomes isolation.

We are social creatures by nature and without being social we can lose self-esteem, and self-confidence.

Isolation has a way of creeping up on us and separating us from friends, real world interactions, causes anxiety, you feel like you are in captivity in a cage, and detached from any healthy interactions.

Social media does not help, it lends itself into isolating us even more, plus it encourages the feelings of exclusion and an unrealistic idea that others lives are better than yours. Isolation also causes social anxiety. There is hope. Change is always possible.

Here are some suggestions to cure isolation:

Talk to everyone you meet.

Accept invitations even if you don’t think you want to go.

Build relationships.

Spend less time on social media.

Reach out and have an actual phone conversation instead of just social media.

Leave the house.

With a little bit of discipline and investment of your time you can get out of isolation and back into life. And if life is too much you can always go back to solitude but this time without the isolation.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #216 – Reparenting Yourself

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You grew up in a dysfunctional family, your self esteem is shot, your squirming over an embarrassing action, you want to disappear, you feel rejected at every turn. Sounds like your hurt inner child is expressing itself.

Then you probably need to reparent yourself.

Many of us have grown up in chaos, we have no recollection of who our true self is. That is OK. Of course you don’t know who you are in your core, it is impossible to know if you grew up with chaos and confusion. This is where you can learn to be your own best parent.

Will it be easy, probably not, your tip is the child within feels your feelings, the hurt child within acts those feeling out inappropriately. Here is where reparenting comes in. If you can give space to those trapped feelings, both good and bad, your parent self can step in and stop any extreme behavior, or at least give a time out.

There is much written about reparenting, here are a few resources:

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Strengthening My Recovery (Book)

Alcoholics Anonymous

Taming Your Outer Child (Book)

How to Reparent Yourself (Youtube video)

Google “Reparenting Yourself”

https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/inner-child-healing (Website)

beatingtrauma.com (website of Elisabeth Corey, trauma survivor and life coach)

http://pete-walker.com (Therapist and trauma survivor)

You are worth the effort and can bear the temporary, uncomfortable feelings of doing this important inner work. Give it a try.

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #215 – Is This My Last Post – Not Really

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The month of May has been Mental Health Awareness month here in the USA. When the month began I decided to write a post every day for that purpose. Today is the last day of May 2018.  I enjoyed writing so much that I will keep up the posts, perhaps not on a daily basis but certainly more than once a week.

I sincerely hope you enjoyed the information I shared and my personal experiences.

It is my deep wish for every one of you to find the healing you need for all your troubles. I know how hard it is sometimes to understand this uncertain world and I am so proud of all who read this blog, you have taken on one of the most important journeys of your life –  the journey of self-discovery.

Keep up the good work and thanks for hanging in there with me and my journey.

I look forward in continuing writing for you.

 

 

Self Discovery

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Self discovery is hard work and slow to see results. Self discovery is a process of getting insight into one owns character.

Self discovery can be exciting, tedious, frustrating, scary, exhilarating, with lots of ups and downs.

Self discovery is the path to find yourself, not in a cliché way, but a deep tender way with lots of curiosity, compassion, non judgement and self-care.

Self discovery is finding out how you personally feel about your life, beliefs, and so on without blindly following others.

The only risk is in what you believe, your false beliefs with die a natural death.

How do you know you are making progress.

In a very organic way you will change your understanding of yourself and surroundings. You will know without a doubt what is right for you without the influence of others opinions. You will get stronger in your convictions.

You will be mindful, ask lots of questions, find your purpose, figure out your core beliefs, surround yourself with people who support you, examine your childhood and listen more than speak.

Will this journey be quick, Nope, self discovery is a long-term self-care action, there is no end destination, there is only progress and personal growth.

Start slow, and be watchful of how you feel, if you are searching and seeking answers you will find them in the very powerful journey of self discovery.

Happiness

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I write a lot about looking for the negative aspects of mental health. Today I was reminded about happiness.

Happiness seems elusive but if we can balance our view, happiness is there and directly parallel to negativity.

For example, my car engine exploded, I got a newer and better car.

My sunglasses fell apart, so I borrowed my daughters so I could drive.

A family member died and I was reminded about how loved and supported I am.

I got an infection in my tooth and got antibiotics, I cared for myself and took back my health.

These simple occurrences can be the ones that are the most annoying and have us lose sight of the good parts.

Take a moment to reflect how an annoying situation turned out right.

Grounding And Unsettled Thinking

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To ground oneself in an effort to gain healthy mental health is very necessary. It’s not easy because we get caught up stuck in our heads, thinking too much.

Grounding helps us to calm down our minds so we can get clarity. Grounding facilitates that emotional release we need to heal ourselves.

We can’t heal ourselves from unsettled thinking through a cerebral process. It doesn’t work that way. Our unexpressed emotions and unexpressed truths will consume us until they are looked at and this is where grounding comes in.

Here are a few examples of grounding that worked for me:

  1. focusing on the breath gradually working up to about 2 minutes.
  2. paying attention to what you are thinking and write it down.
  3. coming back to the present moment, what are you doing at that moment.
  4. meditation, quiet time, reflection.
  5. do artwork, draw, paint, doodle, sew, knit, woodwork any kind of crafts.
  6. write, even if it is a word, or sentence, write what you hear, write from the heart.
  7. listen to music, any music that you like.
  8. take a walk, breath in deep, look at nature, go to the ocean.
  9. take a different action, redirect your actions.
  10. exercise, any exercise is better than none.

Grounding is an important part of getting in touch with your body where a lot of negativity, hidden memories, and confusion  is stored.

Our mind needs grounding for clarity and our bodies need grounding to get rid of stored negativity, hidden memories and confusion that it holds.

By practicing grounding on a regular basis, even once a week reaps great benefit and help change your thinking by changing your emotional life for the better.