I admit it. I like to be right. Everyone does.
However to demand others see things our way is actually wrong. The need to be right all the time comes from the fear of losing control and credibility and feeling threatened. That is a real uncomfortable way to live.
“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” – Pema Chodron
Here’s 5 negative results of insisting on being right all the time.
- You will not be open to other possibilities.
- You see others in a condescending and belittling manner.
- There is no open dialog.
- You will end up alone and isolated.
- It is disrespectful to others.
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” -Anthony Robbins
Here’s 5 positive results of letting go of being right all the time.
- You become kinder and accepting without feeling threatened.
- You become more compassionate and understanding.
- You can communicate better.
- You will be open to new experiences.
- You will have the willingness to be wrong.
“You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.”- Marcia Wieder
If we can, for just a moment, become detached from the need to be right and listen to another’s opinion we open ourselves to deeper understanding and acceptance. Being detached to having it your way will also eliminate judgement and resistance.
So be considerate to others by being confident enough to live without the need to be right. You will be happier, unafraid to make mistakes, kinder, willing to learn, humble and brave enough to build character.
Happy— I Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time— Day.
Trauma is when your mind is stuck on a difficult situation from the past. Let me explain. Perhaps you fell on ice and broke your leg. You then needed surgery to fix it. After much healing you are healthy again.
You decide to take a walk and happen upon the same street where you fell. Dread sets in, flashbacks of falling ignite your memory, fear of having surgery again zings in your head. So you avoid that street. You will never walk down that street again because it reminds you of when you fell.
Not every one would react that way but it is not uncommon that our minds go into survival mode after a trauma and reminds us not to venture down that block again. Your mind is trying to protect you and has no sense of time. This is the nature of trauma.
Our minds become frozen in time over an unpleasant event. Trauma is epidemic. If you have lived, you have experienced trauma.
What can we do to become unstuck. Find trauma support groups, trauma therapy, writing, meditation. Do whatever needs to be done to heal. There is no one way, or right way, there is only your way to heal. Push through the fear just for a little while and begin your healing journey. You are worth it.
We all have different parts of us. Our lives are experienced through these different parts. We have the party part, the defender, the analyzer, critic, comedian, intuitive, loving part, parent, child, adult and peacemaker are just a few. These parts can work with each other or alone.
We are not strange for having these parts. All of us have them. Each part gives us information about who we are, what we believe and many possible explanations of our actions.
All parts are good and make up our special-ness. Problems shows up when we deny these different parts. All our parts have a purpose. To help us figure things out, even if you are uncomfortable.
Trust yourself and all your parts. They are on your side and have your best interests at heart.
Your life is a work in progress.
It is the process of uncovering your own natural essence. You will uncover who you are and how you feel. Your mind and heart will open and what you need will come to you if you stay open to your own essence.
In being open you will realize, beyond doubt, that you already have everything you need. Intelligence, wisdom and goodness. That’s all you really need.
If you feel uncomfortable being open then you are on the right track. It’s a new skill.
Keep practicing. You have everything you need.
There are people in this world who are genuine enough to pay attention to their own behavior. Those who are aware that how their words, actions and thoughts have an impact on those they interact with.
Here is a small list to read at the end of the day to see if you want to change or develop some of your behavior. Pick no more than two or three at a time.
Was I free from anger and judgement?
Did I give anyone sorrow or take any sorrow?
How much negative thinking was I wrapped up in?
Was I stable or unstable.
What did I bring into my interactions today? Was I positive?
Did I respect everyone regardless of name and fame?
Did I take a moment here and there to reflect on what I was thinking.
You can add more suggestions to the list. You can make a chart to fill out at the end of the day. Either way your behavior is so much more dynamic than you realize.
So be positive and joyful.
This is an old adage. For millenia philosophers, sages and ordinary folk understand on a fundamental level that everything begins and ends in the mind.
We are talking about thinking. Not magical thinking or wishes. This is thinking with action.
It’s making up our minds and acting on it.
Of course this is simpler said than done. If you are fed up with the same negative results over and over again then it’s time to change some small action. One small change will kick in the domino effect. One thing affects another and so on.
Keep in mind it takes about six weeks for any change to become effective. So have patience.
Change demands boundaries and commitment and movement in a gentle way. In a non-judgemental way.
It’s OK if you fall short of your objective. It’s OK if you start again from square one. It’s OK if you re-adjust again and again to get to your objective.
Just start and try. You can always change your mind.
Most of us feel trapped in our decisions as if there are no alternatives.
Where do you feel trapped? Maybe in your job, relationships, lifestyle, trauma, beliefs. What worries you? What grates on your nerves? What precipitates your addictions? What keeps you going round and round instead of forward?
Free write about each concern.
Free role play possible outcomes.
Free your child mind with crayons on paper.
Free yourself with music you have never heard.
Free your spirit with twenty minutes of silence.
Free your body with dancing.
Free yourself of addiction by sitting with uncomfortable feelings.
Freely choose something different instead of habits.
Freely be different.
Free your heart by speaking your mind.
Freely think of all possible outcomes.
Freely share yourself with the world.
Freely divorce yourself from negativity.
Freely choose what is purposeful for you.
Freely reach out to others when you are needy.
Your life is meant to be meaningful. You are important. When you choose alternatives that make you life better you give others permission to do so also.
Who told you to worry?
Who said you can not stop worrying?
Worry is stressful. Worry tenses the body and causes pain.
Most of the stuff you worry about never happens.
Worry puts you on the path of over thinking, panic, the downward spiral of depression. In no time at all you will be paralyzed.
As soon as you start to worry, replace the thoughts with positive gentle words. At first your mind will fight you. Soon you will see that worrying is just a habit and habits can be changed.
Worry is just fear. You are stronger than any fear.
For one day say nothing negative about yourself in your thoughts or out loud. Then try it for another day, and another and another until it becomes a habit.
Have patience, it takes time to change a negative habit into a positive habit.
You can do it. Just try.
If you don’t feel safe in your own skin, in your environment, in your mind, in any situation (other than life threatening) then you will not see opportunities to grow.
If you feel safe there is a sense of freedom. There is the belief that there are many possibilities. There is courage to try new things. There is hope. There is generosity.
Safety has a lot to do with what you believe. If your beliefs have made it difficult to feel safe, it’s time to examine these beliefs. Challange them, look them square in the eye and tell them to move over it’s time for a change. A change for the better.
Your freedom is precious, protect it, honor it, it belongs to you. You are free to choose anything. Start small and in a short time your courage will make you feel safe.
Safe enough it change your world. Wow.