Our hearts can become broken so easily. Broken from fear, endings, trauma, and tragedy. How many times have you seen something that makes you really sad and feel helpless to change the situation? We have all run across this many times. A homeless person, the high functioning drug addict, the mentally handicapped, the poor, stray animals, the dying. What about our own personal suffering. Everyone has some challenge. It’s part of the human existence.
Tears flow from our eyes when we see others suffer and sometimes see a reflection of ourselves in that suffering. New Age philosophy makes claims to just think positive. That is unrealistic and impractical. You can’t just think for something to change for the better.
Each heart is unique; each heart has to find its own way of mending. What works for one heart will not work for another. Let’s ask: why is my heart broken and how can I move on?
- Take time to be still.
- Take time to grieve.
- Use extreme self-care.
- Try new things.
- Volunteer your time.
- Read about healing.
- Stay connected to others.
- Stay in the present moment.
- Get support.
In the meantime, hold yourself in high regard and shower love onto yourself. Know that this will pass.
During my life I have sought direction and meaning of my life in many ways. Religions, gurus, books, fashion, food, and people who I thought knew more than me. I wasted so much time and energy trying to fit into where I didn’t belong.
So I stopped for a long time and got to know myself really well. I found my own way of being, my own direction, my own wisdom.
If you are seeking direction and meaning in your life, look within your thoughts. Ask without judgement: Why do I behave this way? Where did I learn this or that? What beliefs are outdated? Where does sadness live in my body? Where does joy live in my body? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do?
We all have other obligations, I get that. We have families and work but for five minutes every day ask a simple question. What is good for me? Write it down and visit it often and eventually your desires will manifest.
You will know your own wisdom by feeling content and in the zone. Will there be obstacles? Definitely. The obstacles are left over stuff that has to be processed in order to move on. It’s OK, process and move on.
The more you know your own wisdom, the more meaningful your life will become and there is no need to justify the meaning of your life to anyone. You now belong to you. You are your beloved. You are the “god” of your own existence.
What a beautiful and powerful gift you can give to yourself: Your Own Wisdom.
I admit it. I like to be right. Everyone does.
However to demand others see things our way is actually wrong. The need to be right all the time comes from the fear of losing control and credibility and feeling threatened. That is a real uncomfortable way to live.
“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” – Pema Chodron
Here’s 5 negative results of insisting on being right all the time.
- You will not be open to other possibilities.
- You see others in a condescending and belittling manner.
- There is no open dialog.
- You will end up alone and isolated.
- It is disrespectful to others.
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” -Anthony Robbins
Here’s 5 positive results of letting go of being right all the time.
- You become kinder and accepting without feeling threatened.
- You become more compassionate and understanding.
- You can communicate better.
- You will be open to new experiences.
- You will have the willingness to be wrong.
“You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.”- Marcia Wieder
If we can, for just a moment, become detached from the need to be right and listen to another’s opinion we open ourselves to deeper understanding and acceptance. Being detached to having it your way will also eliminate judgement and resistance.
So be considerate to others by being confident enough to live without the need to be right. You will be happier, unafraid to make mistakes, kinder, willing to learn, humble and brave enough to build character.
Happy— I Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time— Day.
Trauma is when your mind is stuck on a difficult situation from the past. Let me explain. Perhaps you fell on ice and broke your leg. You then needed surgery to fix it. After much healing you are healthy again.
You decide to take a walk and happen upon the same street where you fell. Dread sets in, flashbacks of falling ignite your memory, fear of having surgery again zings in your head. So you avoid that street. You will never walk down that street again because it reminds you of when you fell.
Not every one would react that way but it is not uncommon that our minds go into survival mode after a trauma and reminds us not to venture down that block again. Your mind is trying to protect you and has no sense of time. This is the nature of trauma.
Our minds become frozen in time over an unpleasant event. Trauma is epidemic. If you have lived, you have experienced trauma.
What can we do to become unstuck. Find trauma support groups, trauma therapy, writing, meditation. Do whatever needs to be done to heal. There is no one way, or right way, there is only your way to heal. Push through the fear just for a little while and begin your healing journey. You are worth it.
We all have different parts of us. Our lives are experienced through these different parts. We have the party part, the defender, the analyzer, critic, comedian, intuitive, loving part, parent, child, adult and peacemaker are just a few. These parts can work with each other or alone.
We are not strange for having these parts. All of us have them. Each part gives us information about who we are, what we believe and many possible explanations of our actions.
All parts are good and make up our special-ness. Problems shows up when we deny these different parts. All our parts have a purpose. To help us figure things out, even if you are uncomfortable.
Trust yourself and all your parts. They are on your side and have your best interests at heart.
Your life is a work in progress.
It is the process of uncovering your own natural essence. You will uncover who you are and how you feel. Your mind and heart will open and what you need will come to you if you stay open to your own essence.
In being open you will realize, beyond doubt, that you already have everything you need. Intelligence, wisdom and goodness. That’s all you really need.
If you feel uncomfortable being open then you are on the right track. It’s a new skill.
Keep practicing. You have everything you need.
There are people in this world who are genuine enough to pay attention to their own behavior. Those who are aware that how their words, actions and thoughts have an impact on those they interact with.
Here is a small list to read at the end of the day to see if you want to change or develop some of your behavior. Pick no more than two or three at a time.
Was I free from anger and judgement?
Did I give anyone sorrow or take any sorrow?
How much negative thinking was I wrapped up in?
Was I stable or unstable.
What did I bring into my interactions today? Was I positive?
Did I respect everyone regardless of name and fame?
Did I take a moment here and there to reflect on what I was thinking.
You can add more suggestions to the list. You can make a chart to fill out at the end of the day. Either way your behavior is so much more dynamic than you realize.
So be positive and joyful.
This is an old adage. For millenia philosophers, sages and ordinary folk understand on a fundamental level that everything begins and ends in the mind.
We are talking about thinking. Not magical thinking or wishes. This is thinking with action.
It’s making up our minds and acting on it.
Of course this is simpler said than done. If you are fed up with the same negative results over and over again then it’s time to change some small action. One small change will kick in the domino effect. One thing affects another and so on.
Keep in mind it takes about six weeks for any change to become effective. So have patience.
Change demands boundaries and commitment and movement in a gentle way. In a non-judgemental way.
It’s OK if you fall short of your objective. It’s OK if you start again from square one. It’s OK if you re-adjust again and again to get to your objective.
Just start and try. You can always change your mind.
Most of us feel trapped in our decisions as if there are no alternatives.
Where do you feel trapped? Maybe in your job, relationships, lifestyle, trauma, beliefs. What worries you? What grates on your nerves? What precipitates your addictions? What keeps you going round and round instead of forward?
Free write about each concern.
Free role play possible outcomes.
Free your child mind with crayons on paper.
Free yourself with music you have never heard.
Free your spirit with twenty minutes of silence.
Free your body with dancing.
Free yourself of addiction by sitting with uncomfortable feelings.
Freely choose something different instead of habits.
Freely be different.
Free your heart by speaking your mind.
Freely think of all possible outcomes.
Freely share yourself with the world.
Freely divorce yourself from negativity.
Freely choose what is purposeful for you.
Freely reach out to others when you are needy.
Your life is meant to be meaningful. You are important. When you choose alternatives that make you life better you give others permission to do so also.