Thoughtful Thursday #271 – José Micard Teixeira Author & Coach

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Here’s a post from one of my favorite writers, in this short article he says what most of us want to express.

His writing is a reminder that we must choose to be ourselves always even if you are unsure, scared or insecure. Live like  “a rebel with no shame” as Mr. Teixeira says.

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I repel everything that’s supposed to be. I reject everything that it’s imposed on me. I can’t stand conditions or hierarchies. All this immodesty and false humility angers me. I have a hard time accepting injustice and prejudice. I hardly can make friendships and partnerships because it demands from me what I don’t want or know how to give. I’m a loner with an optimistic attitude who seeks to postpone everyday his mental illness. I’m not mad, but I love the madness in finding me mad. I’m proud of who I am. I’m not going to change for anyone. I don’t care about what others think of me. I do what I want and I say whatever I feel like. I’m a rebel with no shame. There’s nothing else to do. I’ll die smiling.

José Micard Teixeira
Author & Coach

Thoughtful Thursday #270 – Judgment and Hate

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When we hate, criticize and judge other people it is a reflection of how unhappy and insecure we feel about ourselves.

When we criticize, hate or judge others it means we hate, criticize, judge ourselves.

Why? Because we believe we are not model size, rich, successful, pretty, overweight, underweight, cool, fill in the blank of where we believe we are lacking.

When we criticize, hate, judge others it gives a sense of assurance and validation that we are OK.

Why do we do that? We must get to the root of these beliefs and actions – to uncover and process our own self hatred and judgement.

We must get to feeling “good enough” about ourselves.

Feeling “good enough” about ourselves brings happiness and contentment and there is no room or desire to hate and judge others.

Get back to yourself.

Do the internal work necessary to be happy and content – you are worth it.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #269 – hope

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We believe in things that give us hope, whether its ghosts, or gods or curses or prayers. Hope is to believe in all possibilities; hope keeps us going in the face of uncertainty. Hope is loving yourself enough to believe in your own abilities. Hope is the opposite of giving up.

Hope is part of that sticky word love. I hope he loves me. I hope she lives, I hope this or that works.

Hope is faith. Hanging in there when there is no obvious reason to. Hope is a bridge for rebuilding your life. Hope is warm and light and free. If hope was a color it would be blue for me and maybe pink for you. 

My message for you is I hope all your dreams come true. I hope all your fears disappear. And I hope you are loved.

Thoughtful Thursday #268 – The Court Of Public Opinion

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I posted my opinion on a Facebook page that I thought was open minded and I could trust with my words.

Nope – my post was deleted and I  was called dumb and my opinion was wrong and didn’t matter. This is not the first time I have been treated this way when I give my opinion and once again I became a victim of the Court of Public Opinion.

Is it just me or does anyone else see this: I get that Facebook is not real life but it’s a platform for personal agendas and dividing people into different aggressive camps. I can bet you that the people running these pages are hateful and want company in their misery and only interested in advancing their own dysfunctional worlds. Which is really scary.

In healthy relationships no matter the platform, do not beat others up for having a different opinion, it’s normal and OK to have your own opinion, it’s OK to disagree, it’s not OK to bully someone for a difference of opinion.

The Court of Opinion is far and wide and in every direction on the internet. We see this everywhere – divide and conquer – if you don’t follow what this group believes you are banished into blocked land forever never to return, sounds like a trigger for abandonment and those who are not sure of themselves with cower to the pressure of compliance and wanting to belong.

These are trolls and where the weak minded, bully infested, creeps live. They hide under fake guises of welcoming the open minded but only open minded that unquestionably agree with their agenda.

Take this as a warning: the Court of Public Opinion is not your opinion, if you are not sure of yourself and have the confidence to be yourself, strong in your own values and convictions, and live in a genuine way to your own life – you will be victimized by the Court of Public Opinion on a regular basis.

Don’t fall for the fake, be your own person with your own mind.

Question everything. If something does not resonate with you then walk away or run away.

Those who reject you because of your opinions are not for you, there are those who are like you , waiting in the wings to meet you where you are, go find them.

Thoughtful Thursday #267 – Resistance

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In psychology resistance is the push me pull me effect of dealing with uncomfortable and sometimes buried fears of change.

This can happen as a reaction to the therapeutic process or irritating situation that we just don’t want to deal with.

Resistance can show up in many forms, inner oppression, focusing on outside events, over eating, too much social media, self criticism, social withdrawal, trying to be perfect, you can add to the list.

A common reason for resistance is shame, that burning feeling of humiliation, of being wrong, or like a fool, regret, self hate.

“Family secrets can go back for generations. They can be about suicides, homicides, incest, abortions, addictions, public loss of face, financial disaster, etc. All the secrets get acted out. This is the power of toxic shame. The pain and suffering of shame generate automatic and unconscious defenses. Freud called these defenses by various names: denial, idealization of parents, repression of emotions and dissociation from emotions. What is important to note is that we can’t know what we don’t know. Denial, idealization, repression and dissociation are unconscious survival mechanisms. Because they are unconscious, we lose touch with the shame, hurt and pain they cover up. We cannot heal what we cannot feel. So without recovery, our toxic shame gets carried for generations.”
― John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame that Binds You

John Bradshaw sums it up, “all secrets get acted out”, and “we cannot heal what we cannot feel”, it is in your best interest to get into some kind of recovery program. You owe it to your wonderful self. You are deserving of every good thing in life, you are important and are strong enough to heal.

Start now, go in baby steps, read books about good mental health, go to therapy, join support groups, start your own support group, start a diary and write everything you think down on paper to give your feelings life and validity.

Don’t give up, there is massive healing possible, just keep trying. I know you can do it.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #266 – Is This A Hopeless Situation

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There is no such thing as a hopeless situation, all circumstances can change.

Use your noodle (thinking), take a long look at yourself and your beliefs. Make your choices real by writing down all possibilities,

Is there an internal belief that needs to be ripped out by the roots? Are you open to thinking outside of the the preverbal box?

It won’t be easy to do this, but you must because you need to know your situation is not hopeless.

Happy thinking.

Thoughtful Thursday #265 – Lists

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As part of on going self care and knowing who we are, lists can be very helpful in identifying our strengths and weakness. Note: play to your strengths.

Try listing the following items:

What am I good at, what do I like about myself, what is going right, what is going wrong, fears I have, fears that don’t scare me anymore, what do I hate, what do I love,what do I want, what makes me laugh, how can I be healthier.

You get the idea, the aim is to know yourself really well because you are your greatest mystery.

Happy hunting.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #264 – What Do You Believe.

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“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — C.G. Jung

We must become conscious of our beliefs and feelings going on in our minds or we cannot change or transform ourselves and our lives. If something said is repeated over and over it becomes real, but in many cases what was said is either outdated at this point.

If we want to live with meaning and purpose we must make a list of these beliefs and feelings and examine them and tear them apart and eliminate those that don’t resonate with our values.

When we act from outmoded beliefs and feelings we stay stuck and can’t do the necessary letting go so we can move on.

In my case, both my caregivers were mentally ill so I had many bizarre beliefs and feelings that did not make sense even at a young age, I was not self-aware for a long time until I was much older and could be a bit objective about those beliefs and worked with therapists.

Many beliefs we pick up during our lives are dysfunctional. They make us limited.

On a regular basis we must update our beliefs, what was true in the past may not apply now. We must find those very deep beliefs that are not very conscious and rip them out by the roots. This is not easy, it requires, courage, sticking with a therapist, and a commitment to your own self-care.

This uncovering is all about finding the truth, your truth, so you can live the best life that is unique to you. We want to be whole, we want our inner parts integrated, we want to be happy.

None is possible unless we care deeply for ourselves on a regular basis. You are so worth the effort and with this loving effort for yourself the transformation of your life is permanent.

Thoughtful Thursday #263 – Mother Nature

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I am always amazed at Mother Nature. After a natural disaster Nature begins its own restoration.  A blade of grass here and a flower there. A sudden tree where there was none, a bird making a new home.

It’s the same with us. When disasters happen in our lives we become swept away with confusion and grief. Just as in Nature after a disaster there will be new situations that emerge. We are the same as the blade of grass or bird. What is gone is gone and what is new is necessary at the moment.

Nature is very wise. It always seeks balance. We are part of Nature physically, emotionally, spiritually. When our Nature becomes unbalanced physically, emotionally and spiritually, change will happen to restore balance.

Rebalancing is the reason for change or simply put change happens to restore balance. Even if you don’t understand why.

When strange things happen for no particular reason remember to just go with it. Don’t fight it because Nature is restoring balance. The quicker you accept what is happening the quicker restoration happens.  And while you’re at it pay attention to Nature and its magnificent restorative ability. She is doing the same thing for you.

Thoughtful Thursday #262 – Independence

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Today is Independence day here in the USA, based on when the Declaration of Independence was signed we are now 242 years old. That is really young for an enormous country.

I am proud of my country, we have the best human and civil rights in the world. No where else can you pursue your own interests with so much freedom.

We have freedom of expression, we are free to examine and choose what to believe and choose our own lifestyles.

Congratulations to our wonderful United States of America.