Thoughtful Thursday #223 – Hanging In There

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I have a recurring theme in my life, when things don’t go the way I want them to go because of distractions or obstacles I try to remember to hang in there. For a long time I did not do that I just gave up.

I can’t give up anymore.  If I am distracted I refocus my attention. If there is an obstacle I handle it and begin again. Each time I begin again is a step forward and that is all that matters.

One step at a time.

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Thoughtful Thursday #222 – Your Weird And That’s OK

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We become ashamed of ourselves based on others opinions and unrealistic views of who we should be.

Maybe we were told we were the family idiot or not good at anything and don’t deserve to exist.

When we were young we believed these things from our caregivers because we thought of them as gods. Not good gods either, more like frightening monsters.

As adults we have issues with trust, intimacy, boundaries etc. We are scared because we believe we are flawed with secrets of self-hatred, addictions, depraved things we have done and so on.

What is the answer, there is no easy answer but there is an answer. I am going to shout this out:

EVERYONE IS FLAWED, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WE HAVE ALL BEEN STUPID, PERVERSE, WE ARE ALL ODD, INSECURE, PRETENDING TO KNOW IT ALL, WICKED, BAD TEMPERED, TRYING  VERY HARD TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER GROUP OF HUMAN BEINGS.

Let’s stop judging ourselves and others based on unrealistic views coming from media, dysfunctional families and violence,  it’s far better to accept ourselves and others based on our humanness. Let’s celebrate our differences and laugh at the strangeness of our human existence. We are all in the same boat of trying to live a decent life. Let’s pat ourselves on the back and be supportive of others who are trying too.

Listening

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Blast from the Past.

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I don’t find it hard to hear my inner voice. I find it hard to follow its advice.

If I don’t listen then events go from mild irritation to full-blown chaos.

I can count many times there was chaos and for a very long time.

It is easier to ignore that inner voice than to follow its advice because I don’t want to make effort. Effort involves a commitment to action which leads to change. Change is scary and hard to do because of the uncertainty involved.

I find that when I do have the courage or stamina to follow its advice I win every time.

I guess practice makes perfect.

Happy listening.

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Thoughtful Thursday #221 – Flashbacks

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I have had two strong flashbacks that has kicked my complex trauma response into high gear. That’s the thing with C-PTSD flashbacks, it places me in two worlds. The world of the past and the present.

Flashbacks are important in trauma recovery but not at all easy to process. Flashbacks are a necessary part of healing. You can’t heal if you don’t feel.

At this time there is a part of me that feels it’s safe enough to allow a repressed memory to surface. I am thankful for that. Doing this kind of work and the willingness to feel the feelings of the past uncovers underlying traumatic emotions.

Once the repressed feelings come to the surface it is easier to make positive change, stay in the present moment and get happy again.

Thoughtful Thursday – #220 – Finding The Truth

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When I was sixteen years old it occurred to me that something was terribly wrong with my family interactions. This was the beginning of my long journey, or should I say my lifelong journey of finding the truth. This journey has been very hard at times but the more truth that was uncovered the healthier and happier I became.

Finding the truth unveiled lots of information that helped me understand the dysfunctional dynamics that were going on and where I was placed within that strange puzzle.

I am still unraveling the trauma all these years later. And I am not at all disturbed by this. As hard as it is to know the sick truths of the horrible treatment I incurred, I will never stop looking for the truth.

On the bright side, the more I know about me the more I know about others. The side effect of finding the truth of human behavior is the ability to know others and that is priceless.

Thoughtful Thursdays #122 – Death

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How sad it is when someone quite young dies. How sorrowful it is when someone in your world dies. How gloomy when death visits and all we can do is watch from a distance. Also knowing that death will visit us too.

How happy it is to remember the good about a person’s life. How joyful it is to celebrate a life that is significant to you. How lucky it is to honor the an important existence.

Let’s make our legacy meaningful for ourselves and others. Let’s know that we are important to all we touch. Let’s be brave and live in the moment because death can be very near without our awareness.

I don’t want to be morbid but it is so very important to make a happy life for yourself. It doesn’t matter what religion, political choice, job or other thing you identify with, because in the end the only thing…

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Thoughtful Thursday #210 – Building Self Esteem

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In the process of self discovery we might find some cringe worthy stuff we have done. How could have I done such a stupid thing we say? I wasted my life. What have I done?

It’s OK, we have all been there. Self discovery is the path to self-esteem. What we have done in the past is over and I am sure we learned from those mistakes and moved on.

Along the voyage of self discovery we need to see how we came to do those actions. Once we know what has influenced us we can make changes in a more positive direction. We can look at what works and what does not work.

It is never too late to unlearn those silly things we thought were OK. Choose to live in your own authenticity and this will build your self-esteem. You will be so proud of yourself.

Go ahead puff that chest out and hold your head up high, you are wonderful.

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #72 – Shame

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Reblogged

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Shame will kill you and it is dangerous. Most suicides are shame based, addictions, acting out, aggression, violence are shame based. Shame is also a very social condition where we compare ourselves to others.

Shame effects intimacy, shame effects self esteem. Shame holds us back and makes us fearful of everything. Shame is pervasive, insidious, invisible and full of hatred

Shame shows up in toxic relationships and chaos. Shame shows up when you find yourself beating yourself up. Shame brings guilt, sadness, regret.

Shame will destroy your life. Shame shows up in not caring for yourself.

Shame shows up in the underachiever and overachiever. Shame will stop you from thinking.

Thinking is the only way to save yourself from further self inflicted injury be it emotional or otherwise. Thinking will grow your self esteem and see the possibilities of getting out of any mess you are in.

Brene Brown is…

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Thoughtful Thursdays #219 – Talking To Yourself

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What is your inner dialogue like? Do you say harsh things to yourself like : boy are you stupid, you can’t do anything right, you are so slow, what’s wrong with you, you will never fit in, you are fat, you’ll never be attractive.

These words you say to yourself are just as damaging as if someone actually said them to you. We can speculate where we learned to talk to ourselves like this but truthfully you are in control now.

The habit of talking to yourself negatively does not go away quickly. If you can say one positive statement to yourself in a day you will be on your way to being kind and compassionate to yourself.

It’s very hard to be a positive contributing human if we are secretly harboring self hate. Work up to more and more positive self talk and you will see a difference in your external world too.

Just in case you didn’t hear it today, you are doing a great job in all your efforts.

Thoughtful Thursday #218 Processing Feelings

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This is a hard one. Childhood Emotional Neglect blog has a realistic answer. 10 Rules Emotions Follow:

# 9 Sitting with a powerful emotion and letting yourself feel it while thinking about it to understand why you’re having it, what it means, and what it’s telling you, is called “processing it.”

#10 Your feelings are valuable messages from your deepest self. When you follow Rule 9, you are listening to the messages, honoring yourself, and making use of this valuable resource from within.

We all have feelings and some are unexplainable and that is OK because your feelings come from your subconscious. When strong feelings come up, follow rule #9 and #10.

It won’t be easy to sit with uncomfortable feelings but you will come out on the other side feeling quite different knowing there was a shift in your mind and that is all you need to facilitate healing.