I don’t remember a good ninety percent of my childhood but I do remember that horrible ten percent. It’s not normal to have this type of amnesia. Once I left my home at eighteen my behavior was erratic and violent and dangerous. I had no idea what was going on. I did know that something was wrong. When I got to be in my twenties I started having panic attacks so I went to therapy. It didn’t help. I went on living but radically isolated myself to only a few people.
I just wanted to be normal. I looked for that normalcy outside of myself for a long time. That didn’t work either.
That ninety percent of not remembering represented some serious trauma. I have always known it but it has taken many years and much searching to gradually feel the trauma in my body and in voices in my head that need to be heard.
I had to learn radical compassion for myself. I had to re-parent myself. I had to grieve what might have been. I had to twist myself into untying the knots of the invisible trauma caught in my body.
I am still working on myself because self-development is an ongoing process. I am now normal in my own way. I have learned to take care of myself like no one else can.
Isn’t that the way life is supposed to be? Having that fundamental fondness and friendship for yourself?
Never give up on yourself, keep trying to find a way to be your normal. You have every resource you need to blossom and it is never too late.
I believe you can do it because little old me did it. Never give up ………………ever.
When I was young I was never allowed to have an opinion or speak up. I carried that belief for a long time. As I got older I got better and better at defying that belief. There have been many times I have had the opportunity to speak up on many issues of injustice.
My suggestion for you today is to defy those inner beliefs that hold you back, are not helpful, or down right dangerous and painful.
You owe it to yourself to be defiant and take back your true self. You are worth every ounce of effort to stick up for what makes you who you are.
Be defiant to the point of selfishness because life has a way of distracting. Keep going back to being defiant. With time you will eventually stay true to who you are meant to be, not someones else’s opinion of who you are supposed to be.
In case no one told you: It’s OK to be yourself.
a deeply distressing or disturbing experience
And that is putting it mildly. The causes of trauma are endless. From the rudeness of someones thoughtless words to seriously invading your personal space. The symptoms of trauma range from mild distress to all out war.
But what about the everyday people who have had a trauma experience? We become the walking wounded. Still functioning but with that unnameable uneasiness just below the surface of our awareness. We don’t know what it is but we know we are uncomfortable.
Trauma happens sometimes and relief comes when we take a look at our thoughts. What is the belief? Am I functioning from fear as a result of trauma? Are your relationships failing? Do you have trust issues? Add your own questions.
You can trust yourself to find the answers and try some good quality self-care like meditation or therapy and surrounding yourself with positive people and situations.
You are worth every effort in finding relief from trauma and renewed happiness. You deserve to heal. It will take some time but keep seeking what you need to heal and move forward in spite of trauma.
We all have different parts of us. Our lives are experienced through these different parts. We have the party part, the defender, the analyzer, critic, comedian, intuitive, loving part, parent, child, adult and peacemaker are just a few. These parts can work with each other or alone.
We are not strange for having these parts. All of us have them. Each part gives us information about who we are, what we believe and many possible explanations of our actions.
All parts are good and make up our special-ness. Problems shows up when we deny these different parts. All our parts have a purpose. To help us figure things out, even if you are uncomfortable.
Trust yourself and all your parts. They are on your side and have your best interests at heart.
It’s the easiest thing to get distracted with day to day activities and forget about yourself.
Here’s some simple things to do:
- Drink more water.
- Take the stairs.
- Seek out positive people.
- Avoid mood altering substances.
- Do art.
- Listen to Music.
- Be Peaceful.
Feel free to add more. It’s your time and your life. You are worth the effort.
We play many roles in our lives. This world drama is acted out on this beautiful stage, Earth. Every day there are millions of dramas happening at once. Some drama directly affects us and some drama does not.
Where the drama involves us we have the opportunity to be a hero and effect the outcome in the best way possible. In this way we are the hero of our own lives and create our own destiny. At the same time being a hero in your own life directly affects a positive influence on others.
We are all given a hero’s role and the power to live our days as we choose. Each day give us many chances to change, shape, act and respond to the world.
Sometimes a hero’s journey is challenging, sometimes it’s easy. However, we all have that special role, the hero role. Make the most of this life and all we encounter and be a powerful hero.
I am always amazed at Mother Nature. After a natural disaster Nature begins its own restoration. A blade of grass here and a flower there. A sudden tree where there was none, a bird making a new home.
It’s the same with us. When disasters happen in our lives we become swept away with confusion and grief. Just as in Nature after a disaster there will be new situations that emerge. We are the same as the blade of grass or bird.What is gone is gone and what is new is necessary at the moment.
Nature is very wise. It always seeks balance. We are part of Nature physically, emotionally spiritually. When our Nature become unbalanced change will happen to restore that balance.
Rebalancing is the reason for change or simply put change happens to restore balance. Even if you don’t understand why.
When strange things happen for no particular reason remember to just go with it. Don’t fight it because Nature is restoring balance. The quicker you accept what is happening the quicker restoration happens. And while you’re at it pay attention to Nature and its magnificent restorative ability. She is doing the same thing for you.
Your life is a work in progress.
It is the process of uncovering your own natural essence. You will uncover who you are and how you feel. Your mind and heart will open and what you need will come to you if you stay open to your own essence.
In being open you will realize, beyond doubt, that you already have everything you need. Intelligence, wisdom and goodness. That’s all you really need.
If you feel uncomfortable being open then you are on the right track. It’s a new skill.
Keep practicing. You have everything you need.
I like to mind my own business mostly unless I am dragged into situations where I have to defend myself. I like being friendly and accommodating except where I am being taken advantage of. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect my life to have good times except when it doesn’t .
Most of us want to get along and live in reasonable peace. However, we don’t all have the same awareness. Which shows up when we are interacting with others.
We meet each other at these different levels and that’s where the problems begin. We can’t understand someones indifference or cruelty or insincere remark. Why did they gossip or take belongings or leave with no warning?
How is it that some things are so obvious to us but not to them?
Simple yet not so simple. Awareness. Some of us are simply more aware than others. It’s impossible to know where the other is coming from completely. But it is possible to know about yourself. And that is all that matters because you end up being open to those who resonate with you. You become a light of awareness for others. You have a better set of boundaries. You gain unshakable confidence to live the life you want.
You can’t stop others from being who they are.
Others can’t stop you from being who you are.
So carry on with your bad self.
That’s a hard one. Most of the time we stick with what is easy. We are not even aware that we can choose something different. So we continue to pick what is easy and not go against what the current society rules.
Thinking for yourself involves the following:
figuring out who you really are
figuring out where you want to spend your precious time
figuring out what to get rid of
taking the steps to combine all of the above.
You can live with the way things are or you can change them.
For me taking the steps is the hardest and sticking with it. That’s OK because it takes time to find where you belong.