Thoughtful Thursdays #122 – Death

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How sad it is when someone quite young dies. How sorrowful it is when someone in your world dies. How gloomy when death visits and all we can do is watch from a distance. Also knowing that death will visit us too.

How happy it is to remember the good about a person’s life. How joyful it is to celebrate a life that is significant to you. How lucky it is to honor the an important existence.

Let’s make our legacy meaningful for ourselves and others. Let’s know that we are important to all we touch. Let’s be brave and live in the moment because death can be very near without our awareness.

I don’t want to be morbid but it is so very important to make a happy life for yourself. It doesn’t matter what religion, political choice, job or other thing you identify with, because in the end the only thing…

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Thoughtful Thursday #210 – Building Self Esteem

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In the process of self discovery we might find some cringe worthy stuff we have done. How could have I done such a stupid thing we say? I wasted my life. What have I done?

It’s OK, we have all been there. Self discovery is the path to self-esteem. What we have done in the past is over and I am sure we learned from those mistakes and moved on.

Along the voyage of self discovery we need to see how we came to do those actions. Once we know what has influenced us we can make changes in a more positive direction. We can look at what works and what does not work.

It is never too late to unlearn those silly things we thought were OK. Choose to live in your own authenticity and this will build your self-esteem. You will be so proud of yourself.

Go ahead puff that chest out and hold your head up high, you are wonderful.

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #72 – Shame

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Reblogged

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Shame will kill you and it is dangerous. Most suicides are shame based, addictions, acting out, aggression, violence are shame based. Shame is also a very social condition where we compare ourselves to others.

Shame effects intimacy, shame effects self esteem. Shame holds us back and makes us fearful of everything. Shame is pervasive, insidious, invisible and full of hatred

Shame shows up in toxic relationships and chaos. Shame shows up when you find yourself beating yourself up. Shame brings guilt, sadness, regret.

Shame will destroy your life. Shame shows up in not caring for yourself.

Shame shows up in the underachiever and overachiever. Shame will stop you from thinking.

Thinking is the only way to save yourself from further self inflicted injury be it emotional or otherwise. Thinking will grow your self esteem and see the possibilities of getting out of any mess you are in.

Brene Brown is…

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Thoughtful Thursdays #219 – Talking To Yourself

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What is your inner dialogue like? Do you say harsh things to yourself like : boy are you stupid, you can’t do anything right, you are so slow, what’s wrong with you, you will never fit in, you are fat, you’ll never be attractive.

These words you say to yourself are just as damaging as if someone actually said them to you. We can speculate where we learned to talk to ourselves like this but truthfully you are in control now.

The habit of talking to yourself negatively does not go away quickly. If you can say one positive statement to yourself in a day you will be on your way to being kind and compassionate to yourself.

It’s very hard to be a positive contributing human if we are secretly harboring self hate. Work up to more and more positive self talk and you will see a difference in your external world too.

Just in case you didn’t hear it today, you are doing a great job in all your efforts.

Thoughtful Thursday #218 Processing Feelings

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This is a hard one. Childhood Emotional Neglect blog has a realistic answer. 10 Rules Emotions Follow:

# 9 Sitting with a powerful emotion and letting yourself feel it while thinking about it to understand why you’re having it, what it means, and what it’s telling you, is called “processing it.”

#10 Your feelings are valuable messages from your deepest self. When you follow Rule 9, you are listening to the messages, honoring yourself, and making use of this valuable resource from within.

We all have feelings and some are unexplainable and that is OK because your feelings come from your subconscious. When strong feelings come up, follow rule #9 and #10.

It won’t be easy to sit with uncomfortable feelings but you will come out on the other side feeling quite different knowing there was a shift in your mind and that is all you need to facilitate healing.

Thoughtful Thursday #217 – Bullying

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No one wants to be bullied and as we know the objective is to oppress, torment, intimidate and browbeat someone into submission.

Bullying is easily recognized if we are observing it in real-time. But do we recognize bullying when we do it to ourselves? Probably not, here are some signals you are bullying yourself.

  1. your inner critic has a field day beating you up by noticing everything that you do wrong.
  2. your inner critic says unkind, mean things to you.
  3. some believe that the inner critic is a motivator to do better, this is completely false.
  4. anxiety, image issues, social anxiety can be the inner critic hounding you with negativity.
  5. watching TV shows that are violent and traumatize you with fear. (I binge watch crime shows.)

You can’t completely get rid of the inner critic however you can arrest its relentlessness and power with a these few tips.

  1. pay attention to your thoughts.
  2. don’t beat yourself up about these thoughts.
  3. notice what your triggers are.
  4. respond to yourself with kindness.
  5. speak to yourself with compassion.
  6. turn off your TV for a while and limit the shows that are violent. (I’m watching more happy programs.)
  7. redirect your thoughts and actions to something happy.

Being mindful, kind and compassionate to yourself is an important skill to learn and takes some time.

Instead, you want caring, reassuring, encouraging and supportive words and actions towards yourself.

You are so worth the time and effort.

Hope VS Hopelessness

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Hope-a feeling of trust, a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen and thinking it could happen.  A feeling that something good will happen or be true.

Hopelessness-a feeling of despair, without hope, downhearted, having no expectation of good or success, incapable of redemption or improvement. Feeling dreadful, horrible, terrible and useless.

When we are triggered we can swing between both of these feelings; here are a few suggestions on how to remain hopeful in the face of hopelessness.

  1. Take a walk in nature.
  2. If you are into prayer or mediation, indulge in it.
  3. Listen to music.
  4. Reach out and talk to someone.
  5. Write your guts out.
  6. Exercise
  7. Get enough sleep.
  8. Drink water.
  9. Don’t isolate.
  10. Be kind to yourself and others.
  11. Know that you will come out on the other side.

The feeling of hope is light; the feeling of hopelessness is heavy.

Hope is uplifting; hopelessness is oppressive.

You will know the difference immediately if you pay attention.

 

Understand This

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Here’s a quote from Yolo Akili’s book:  Dear Universe; Letters of Affirmation and Empowerment – For All Of Us –

Principles of Human Communication:

#5 Understand that everyone interprets the world through their own ideas, past experience, psychological framework, social location and pain. You see the world based on where you have been. You see the world based on who you are, based on how you are perceived and how you perceive others. Those perceptions are not absolute. They are not the only truth, and they are not the only way of knowing things. Understand this.

The author is pointing out that in order to have effective communication with other humans we must put aside our own beliefs.  By putting aside our own beliefs we will better understand where the other human is coming from. As a result you will have a clearer, more truthful communication.

Thoughtful Thursday #127 – Lies

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Honesty is very important to me. If I find out someone has deliberately lied they are no longer significant in my life.

I am not talking about little white lies but lies that are deliberately meant of mislead, hurt or deceive me.

Lying, slander, tall tale, backbiting, intentional, callous, uncaring, bullying, mean and violent assaults are done to create nothing but hurt.

There are many reasons why some people can be so emotionally damaging. Perhaps addiction, childhood issues, and other brutal influences. Unfortunately those who lash out are only interested in hurting because they are hurt. They are not even aware of their own motives, it’s very sad.

There is no one way to protect yourself from this kind onslaught, you must figure out a way that suits your situation.

Some of the most popular suggestions are:

Put up strong boundaries, expect to be challenged. Your emotions will go from high to low many times, create a strong support system, call the authorities if necessary, you are not alone, it’s not your fault, reach out for help.

Chronic lying is just the tip of the iceberg, lying is usually a ruse to keep something else secret.

You are important, very important, and you do not deserve to be lied to. It’s as simple as that. Do what you have to do to protect yourself. You are deserving of a safe, calm, and peaceful life.

Solitude Is Great Until It Turns To Isolation.

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I cherish alone time, lots of it, but I can take it to the extreme until it becomes isolation.

We are social creatures by nature and without being social we can lose self-esteem, and self-confidence.

Isolation has a way of creeping up on us and separating us from friends, real world interactions, causes anxiety, you feel like you are in captivity in a cage, and detached from any healthy interactions.

Social media does not help, it lends itself into isolating us even more, plus it encourages the feelings of exclusion and an unrealistic idea that others lives are better than yours. Isolation also causes social anxiety. There is hope. Change is always possible.

Here are some suggestions to cure isolation:

Talk to everyone you meet.

Accept invitations even if you don’t think you want to go.

Build relationships.

Spend less time on social media.

Reach out and have an actual phone conversation instead of just social media.

Leave the house.

With a little bit of discipline and investment of your time you can get out of isolation and back into life. And if life is too much you can always go back to solitude but this time without the isolation.