Growing up with one of my caregivers being schizophrenic and the other an addict made my childhood a living hell. Mental illness was the elephant in the room that no one talked about. Relatives kept away, no one wanted to get involved and there were not many resources for a child protection back then.
I am here to say that if you are feeling unsafe in your home and you are under 18, reach out to a school counselor or your teacher even a police officer, you can even walk into a criminal court and go to the victim services office for advice.
If you are over 18 and you are feeling unsafe in your home reach out to a therapist, find supportive allies, start creating distance with those who are unsafe. As an adult you can move around easier than a child can. You can leave your situation.
Being closely involved with those who have serious mental illness can make you feel crazy and unsure of your own sanity. It’s not you. Protect yourself because your very sanity and life depends on it.
You will come up against some who don’t want to get involved, that’s OK. Keep reaching out and you will prevail and regain the peace you deserve.
I made a cake called Black Magic Cake in honor of the full moon, in honor of my dark side. The side that is hidden, the side with raw emotions. My friend Christopher asked me who I was going to hex with the cake. I got a laugh about that but it made me define just exactly what the dark side is for me.
It is the dark of our emotional life, the part that we cry in the night about. The part that is ashamed and holds secrets that we decided to go to our grave with. It is grief, sadness and mournful pain, the murderous rage and hatred. It is the part that is unhealed.
Making this cake is to give a voice to those uncomfortable feelings that need to be expressed. I usually write them out or do art to express myself but this time I tried something different. I baked a cake.
My advice to you is to unravel those strange feelings and sensations. There are messages there that want to be heard. Honor yourself enough to express yourself in a positive way. If you squash your dark side it has a way of showing up in unhealthy patterns.
Be curious enough to examine your dark side without judgment. There is no right way or wrong way of living your life. It is your path alone and very sacred. Make this journey important. Look at your dark side and be healed.
It’s the easiest thing to get distracted with day to day activities and forget about yourself.
Here’s some simple things to do:
- Drink more water.
- Take the stairs.
- Seek out positive people.
- Avoid mood altering substances.
- Do art.
- Listen to Music.
- Be Peaceful.
Feel free to add more. It’s your time and your life. You are worth the effort.
Your life is a work in progress.
It is the process of uncovering your own natural essence. You will uncover who you are and how you feel. Your mind and heart will open and what you need will come to you if you stay open to your own essence.
In being open you will realize, beyond doubt, that you already have everything you need. Intelligence, wisdom and goodness. That’s all you really need.
If you feel uncomfortable being open then you are on the right track. It’s a new skill.
Keep practicing. You have everything you need.
That’s a hard one. Most of the time we stick with what is easy. We are not even aware that we can choose something different. So we continue to pick what is easy and not go against what the current society rules.
Thinking for yourself involves the following:
figuring out who you really are
figuring out where you want to spend your precious time
figuring out what to get rid of
taking the steps to combine all of the above.
You can live with the way things are or you can change them.
For me taking the steps is the hardest and sticking with it. That’s OK because it takes time to find where you belong.
When you were little you learned lots of stuff. How to play and cooperate and dream. However, if you have had a childhood you have had a trauma. What happens when there is neglect and harassment and trauma?
All memories are held in your body. Your mind does not have to recall exact situations but your body will remember. For example, have you ever heard, smelled or tasted something reminiscent of the past? Did it make you sick to your stomach or happy? Those are held memories in your body.
At some point, if situations are too much, your mind may shut down to protect you. Your body will remember seeing your pet killed. Your body will remember verbal abuse. Your body will remember everything that had a negative impact. Your mind will see something similar to the trauma experienced and you will feel it in your body.
Any belief about abuse being normal is never true. The person doing the abuse believes that its OK to abuse. That is a false belief. The child takes on the belief that they deserve to be abused. That is a false belief. These false beliefs become intrinsic as if they are normal and true. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The truth is if your life is less than desirable and you are stuck, examine your beliefs. Look for an experienced trauma therapist. Find it in yourself to learn why you make the choices that you do.
One of the simplest free ways of healing is to listen to mediation videos or music. There’s plenty on youtube.com and with the help of a therapist you will transcend false beliefs and live a much happier life.
Benjamin Franklin did it. All 12 Step programs do it. You do it in therapy. When something rattles your life you do it.
Painful yet tremendously healing.
Taking inventory is not punishment or to shame or hurt you. Taking inventory is to step back from situations and see why you react and behave in certain ways that are less than desirable. What do you feel? Is the feeling reminiscent of the past? Do you need to continue reacting or can you stop and walk away or just be present in the moment.
What behaviors have I learned that no longer serve my higher purpose? What can I change about me that will move me to a higher level? How can I remove any toxic reactions from my behavior?
Taking inventory removes mind blindness and makes you more mindful and present. Taking inventory invites you to be you. A healthy, productive, kind and individual person you are meant to be. Put up boundaries, create movement, learn new things, don’t stagnate.
BE THE PERSON YOU ARE MEANT TO BE. You are not meant to be a clone or shadow to anyone or anything. You are meant to be you.
So take inventory. Do it often and stay open to your inner guide. And be you.
It’s easy to recognize resistance in someone else. You watch them hem and haw, twitch and bolt, lie and freeze. You don’t understand the problem in them. No matter what you do you can’t show them their resistance.
It’s the same with you. You will resist that which is uncomfortable, threatening and revolting. Your own resistance is based on fear. Your own history makes these fears. This resistance is based on the false belief that you can’t take care of your self. Which is not true. You can handle anything. You are brave, give yourself some credit.
The moment you recognize resistance it is the signal not to hold back. It’s the compass pointing true north. It’s where you need to go.
Recognizing resistance is part of everyone’s journey. It’s a resource and teaching tool that is in everyone. It’s part of how our brains function to show us where we need to go next.
What are you resisting, where’s your next adventure?
Zoom – Zoom
Now is the time to stop scaring yourself.
Now is the time to put an end to any kind of abuse.
Now is the time to finish old things that are not working.
Now is the time to celebrate who you are.
Now is the time to choose your own happiness.
Now is the time to change your life to the way you want it.
You got this.