Family is a loaded subject for me because my family consists of my kids, cats and me. I never had a real family with a loving parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. Nor could I give that to my kids. I did the best I could and I always talked about our situation and encouraged my kids to have lots of friends. Which they did.
I often wonder what that would have been like to have that family you see advertised on Christmas cards and commercials. The kind of family you see going on vacations and sitting at the dinner table. The kind of family that you could trust and talk to.
I did try to be that family for my kids. We are not perfect but we have each other.
I know the definition of family is different for everyone and no family is perfect.
I decided a long time ago that it’s OK to be a small family and there is no reason why we can’t pick and choose non-biological family members.
After all, family is about including others and family includes everyone we care about.
I am not talking about being generous with huge donations of time and money and goods. I am talking about generosity with the small things that are so meaningful.
Listening with full attention, giving a supportive hug, saying kind and reassuring words, giving of your labor, making time for someone who needs you, holding a door, spend the day being courteous to everyone, in the face of conflict or differing opinions stay calm and don’t react, finding in your heart to do no harm with your words or actions.
These are just a few incognito generous actions you can take. You will end up helping someone else and feeling so much more accomplished as a human being.
Carry on you lovely generous being.
It is common information about emotional trauma being trapped in the body. Google it or go to the library for reading material.
However, how do we uncover emotions without the long stretches in therapy or costly physical therapies?
Start with walking more, take the stairs, swim, dance, rent a bike, work out, walk your neighbor’s dog, garden, yoga on youtube.
The next step to exorcise those pesky emotions that sneak up on you and settle in your body, sit with paper and pen or open a word document and pour your mind onto a page.
By exercising you can release trauma from your body which is connected to your mind.
By writing you exorcise trauma from your mind which is connected to your body.
Find your balance.
There are three things necessary to our wellbeing: Identity, Community and Purpose.
However in our fractured world where these things are hard to find, many people, young people especially are lost in the world. The internet doesn’t help. Even though the internet is a tremendous asset there is not much in the way of human interaction. So we become fractured. We lose any sense of identity, community and purpose. We flip from one relationship to another to find our identity, racing from one community to another to feel we fit in, and trying over and over again different causes to feel personally satisfied. Or we can completely shut down.
We can see the lies fed to everyone by invisible agenda makers. These invisible agenda makers know psychology to manipulate those who are searching for their lost identity, community and purpose. Their hidden agenda is to tap into these basic human needs to the detriment of the searcher. These invisible agenda makers come up as extremists groups as political, religious, consumerism and that sneaky minority of those who just hate humanity and are power-hungry to destroy anyone they can.
Let’s find out what our true identity, community and purpose is by not blindly following others but doing the work of learning about ourselves. If you have no sense of identity, find out who you are by your own standards. If you have no community, find like-minded people or create your own community. If you have no sense of purpose, find your passion and go for it.
It’s not easy to go your own way, it’s unknown territory so at times you will feel lonely and lost. That is OK. Sit with the feeling rather than running away from it. When you arrive to the other side you will know more of who you are, have an internal compass that will find the community that loves you and you get up every day happy to live your purpose.
Stop wasting time, learn more about you now.
Sin = wrongdoing, transgression, crime, offense.
Secret = not meant to be known or seen by others
To my understanding a sin is an action done out of ignorance.
To my understanding secrets can be surrounded by shame.
Ignorance does not protect us from consequences.
Shame keeps secrets in place.
If we have a secret that causes shame it may cause ignorant actions with many consequences.
We all have “sins and secrets” we want to go the grave with. But the burden of carrying “sins and secrets” is so very painful. Here are some safe ways of releasing the pain.
- Write your heart out without censure.
- Find a therapist or someone you can really trust to talk it out.
- Don’t beat yourself up, have compassion for yourself.
- Research the issues you are dealing with.
- Change what you can, leave the rest alone.
We are all human and we make mistakes, this is part of life. And every day is a new chance to change.
Unfortunately society tells us to rush, rush, rush. Work harder, Be the first, Be the fastest. You are not enough unless you do as everyone else does.
There is no rush to live your life or do your inner work. There is no time line. There is only the day by day actions that make your life fulfilling to you. There are only the small steps into knowing who you are. There is no finish line.
Only movement at your own pace.
When I am overwhelmed with racing thoughts and panic I want to run away and hide under a safe rock. I want to numb out from a constant bombardment of possibilities but doubting all of them. I want to hurry up and bring conclusions and endings to stop the confusion.
But wait……….. instead of running anywhere it is OK to STOP.
Stop running and let the massive amount of stuff in your brain settle. Do something different, out of the ordinary, just stop. Force yourself if you have to. Just wait for your mind to process what is going on.
You will be surprised at the amount of insight that is revealed. It’s wonderful to know that everything will turn out well.
Therapy – a scary word to some, the sound of relief to others. Seems extreme, doesn’t it?
For those who have no experience with therapy, it must seem strange, unusual, for losers. Those are the ones who are scared and not willing to do the hard, exhausting work of being aware.
For those who have some experience and left too soon gave into resistance. They were about to have a breakthrough but chickened out.
There are those that are curious and search different types of therapy as an easy way of quick fixing their mental health. But this is not really helpful.
For those who have many years of therapy learn that the hard work of changing yourself is worth the blood, sweat and tears of awareness. I am not saying this happens all the time. Sometimes the change is subtle and on a subconscious level.
I advocate therapy because you have one person who is your die-hard ally who is interested in only you and your life. Therapists are mostly compassionate and caring and possibly give you the time, attention and care you may never had. If you are willing to be honest about how you feel to another trusted human being you will be transformed. At times it won’t be easy and that’s OK. There is no rush and no judgement. Just acceptance.
It takes just a little trust and courage to open up in a safe setting. We cannot heal in isolation, we need at least one person who is detached and objective to believe and validate us. Give it a try. You will uncover the truth of your life and you just may like it.
We have all experienced the death of something, whether it’s a pet or person or job or relationship, the ending always feels the same: like a big loss. An empty hole that is sentimental and nostalgic and final.
We may want to run away from this empty hole with staying busy, getting high and distraction after distraction. But in those still moments when the emptiness returns be reminded that we need to feel our feelings and grieve the loss completely. Grieving has a purpose. Grieving allows you to empty your pain and becomes an energy that will turn to wisdom, love and power.
During my life I have sought direction and meaning of my life in many ways. Religions, gurus, books, fashion, food, and people who I thought knew more than me. I wasted so much time and energy trying to fit into where I didn’t belong.
So I stopped for a long time and got to know myself really well. I found my own way of being, my own direction, my own wisdom.
If you are seeking direction and meaning in your life, look within your thoughts. Ask without judgement: Why do I behave this way? Where did I learn this or that? What beliefs are outdated? Where does sadness live in my body? Where does joy live in my body? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do?
We all have other obligations, I get that. We have families and work but for five minutes every day ask a simple question. What is good for me? Write it down and visit it often and eventually your desires will manifest.
You will know your own wisdom by feeling content and in the zone. Will there be obstacles? Definitely. The obstacles are left over stuff that has to be processed in order to move on. It’s OK, process and move on.
The more you know your own wisdom, the more meaningful your life will become and there is no need to justify the meaning of your life to anyone. You now belong to you. You are your beloved. You are the “god” of your own existence.
What a beautiful and powerful gift you can give to yourself: Your Own Wisdom.