Confirmation Bias is when we search for information that validates our existing opinions. It’s a form of wishful thinking because confirmation bias is not grounded in evidence. Confirmation bias is based on prejudice and assumptions. Even in the face of overwhelming truth one may still believe whatever one wants to believe.
This is a form of self-deception because it acts like a drug against any harsh reality we do not wish to examine.
But all is not lost. It’s common to look for validation of our beliefs. We all do it.
The takeaway is to set up our beliefs and look for the contrary. See if we may be missing something. Let’s find the self-confidence to look at a situation without appeasing our ego but rather to find those uncomfortable truths we wish to avoid at all costs. President Lincoln encouraged debate and discussion even with this rivals.
We need to do the same thing with our thinking too. Debate and discuss. It won’t be easy but so worth the peace of mind.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and many share their love and enthusiasm for our families, lovers, friends.
Let’s not forget to give a big Valentines to ourselves. After all we are very important too. Here’s some helpful ways to love yourself.
- Stop calling yourself names. eg. I am such a jerk.
- Stop thinking about the worst case scenario. eg. The world will end if I say the wrong thing.
- Identify negative beliefs you have about yourself and get rid of them. eg. I am a really bad cook.
- Rewrite and reframe your internal dialog. eg. I am a good dancer.
- Celebrate yourself. It’s OK to give yourself a reward.
- Visit a therapist. Self examination is healing.
- Support yourself with positive self talk.
Every day is a chance to take good care of yourself and be your own Valentine.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
I know how you feel. Betrayed and abandoned by someone who you thought cared.
If you can feel betrayal and abandonment you are the healthy one.
People who constantly hurt and abandon are the broken ones.
I know it’s hard to do but………….
Feel it – breathe – carry on.
An emotional trigger is reacting to a present situation with the pain of an unresolved wound of the past.
For example, road rage is never about the jerk cutting you off. Your rage is from feeling helplessness.
Getting lost and given the wrong directions. Your anger is from betrayal.
People being nosey or rude. Your annoyance is from your boundaries being violated.
Untrue gossip and rumors about you. Your trust had been destroyed.
We all have bad days and left bewildered by others behavior towards us. But why are we triggered?
If we have overreacted it’s a trigger from the past. To get past this energy sapping overreaction behavior go back to the time you think this wound might have happened.
Write about it, uncensored, exercise, ground yourself, get back into your body, do art. listen to music, talk to a professional about what you are feeling, meditate, talk it out.
It is not easy work uncovering our wounds, but once they are uncovered they begin to heal and overreaction ends.
It’s worth the effort.