It’s much better to get to know someone first before you express the power of who you are.
Not all are trustworthy. Some people are predators. Some want to destroy for the sheer pleasure of it.
It is perfectly OK to protect yourself, emotionally, physically, financially.
However, if you find someone you can trust, treasure them. This is truly rare.
Therapy – a scary word to some, the sound of relief to others. Seems extreme, doesn’t it?
For those who have no experience with therapy, it must seem strange, unusual, for losers. Those are the ones who are scared and not willing to do the hard, exhausting work of being aware.
For those who have some experience and left too soon gave into resistance. They were about to have a breakthrough but chickened out.
There are those that are curious and search different types of therapy as an easy way of quick fixing their mental health. But this is not really helpful.
For those who have many years of therapy learn that the hard work of changing yourself is worth the blood, sweat and tears of awareness. I am not saying this happens all the time. Sometimes the change is subtle and on a subconscious level.
I advocate therapy because you have one person who is your die-hard ally who is interested in only you and your life. Therapists are mostly compassionate and caring and possibly give you the time, attention and care you may never had. If you are willing to be honest about how you feel to another trusted human being you will be transformed. At times it won’t be easy and that’s OK. There is no rush and no judgement. Just acceptance.
It takes just a little trust and courage to open up in a safe setting. We cannot heal in isolation, we need at least one person who is detached and objective to believe and validate us. Give it a try. You will uncover the truth of your life and you just may like it.
Fear of abandonment is a core survival instinct. In a more rural time if you were banished from your village it meant certain death. We are born to feel belonging, it’s part of being human, when we are abandoned physically or emotionally it’s a death of sorts.
If we are abandoned today we won’t die but become dysfunctionally alone, barren, unable to trust, and painfully aware we belong nowhere.
There is a cure for this. You will not want to hear it.
You are the cure. You are the light at the end of the tunnel.
Do what it takes to process the damage of abandonment by significant others. Learn to trust yourself. You are all you need now. You are the strong one, able to live wholly on your own and not in a crowd. You are now able to allow what you want – not waiting for others to include you. You are in control of your own life and that is freedom.
You are the leader of the pack. Out of all the times you doubted you could survive. You did. You did a magnificent job. You deserve an Olympic metal for survival
Congratulations you win.
Our hearts can become broken so easily. Broken from fear, endings, trauma, and tragedy. How many times have you seen something that makes you really sad and feel helpless to change the situation? We have all run across this many times. A homeless person, the high functioning drug addict, the mentally handicapped, the poor, stray animals, the dying. What about our own personal suffering. Everyone has some challenge. It’s part of the human existence.
Tears flow from our eyes when we see others suffer and sometimes see a reflection of ourselves in that suffering. New Age philosophy makes claims to just think positive. That is unrealistic and impractical. You can’t just think for something to change for the better.
Each heart is unique; each heart has to find its own way of mending. What works for one heart will not work for another. Let’s ask: why is my heart broken and how can I move on?
- Take time to be still.
- Take time to grieve.
- Use extreme self-care.
- Try new things.
- Volunteer your time.
- Read about healing.
- Stay connected to others.
- Stay in the present moment.
- Get support.
In the meantime, hold yourself in high regard and shower love onto yourself. Know that this will pass.
During my life I have sought direction and meaning of my life in many ways. Religions, gurus, books, fashion, food, and people who I thought knew more than me. I wasted so much time and energy trying to fit into where I didn’t belong.
So I stopped for a long time and got to know myself really well. I found my own way of being, my own direction, my own wisdom.
If you are seeking direction and meaning in your life, look within your thoughts. Ask without judgement: Why do I behave this way? Where did I learn this or that? What beliefs are outdated? Where does sadness live in my body? Where does joy live in my body? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do?
We all have other obligations, I get that. We have families and work but for five minutes every day ask a simple question. What is good for me? Write it down and visit it often and eventually your desires will manifest.
You will know your own wisdom by feeling content and in the zone. Will there be obstacles? Definitely. The obstacles are left over stuff that has to be processed in order to move on. It’s OK, process and move on.
The more you know your own wisdom, the more meaningful your life will become and there is no need to justify the meaning of your life to anyone. You now belong to you. You are your beloved. You are the “god” of your own existence.
What a beautiful and powerful gift you can give to yourself: Your Own Wisdom.
Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.
Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.
Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.
Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences
of each choice.
I admit it. I like to be right. Everyone does.
However to demand others see things our way is actually wrong. The need to be right all the time comes from the fear of losing control and credibility and feeling threatened. That is a real uncomfortable way to live.
“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” – Pema Chodron
Here’s 5 negative results of insisting on being right all the time.
- You will not be open to other possibilities.
- You see others in a condescending and belittling manner.
- There is no open dialog.
- You will end up alone and isolated.
- It is disrespectful to others.
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” -Anthony Robbins
Here’s 5 positive results of letting go of being right all the time.
- You become kinder and accepting without feeling threatened.
- You become more compassionate and understanding.
- You can communicate better.
- You will be open to new experiences.
- You will have the willingness to be wrong.
“You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.”- Marcia Wieder
If we can, for just a moment, become detached from the need to be right and listen to another’s opinion we open ourselves to deeper understanding and acceptance. Being detached to having it your way will also eliminate judgement and resistance.
So be considerate to others by being confident enough to live without the need to be right. You will be happier, unafraid to make mistakes, kinder, willing to learn, humble and brave enough to build character.
Happy— I Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time— Day.
Trauma is when your mind is stuck on a difficult situation from the past. Let me explain. Perhaps you fell on ice and broke your leg. You then needed surgery to fix it. After much healing you are healthy again.
You decide to take a walk and happen upon the same street where you fell. Dread sets in, flashbacks of falling ignite your memory, fear of having surgery again zings in your head. So you avoid that street. You will never walk down that street again because it reminds you of when you fell.
Not every one would react that way but it is not uncommon that our minds go into survival mode after a trauma and reminds us not to venture down that block again. Your mind is trying to protect you and has no sense of time. This is the nature of trauma.
Our minds become frozen in time over an unpleasant event. Trauma is epidemic. If you have lived, you have experienced trauma.
What can we do to become unstuck. Find trauma support groups, trauma therapy, writing, meditation. Do whatever needs to be done to heal. There is no one way, or right way, there is only your way to heal. Push through the fear just for a little while and begin your healing journey. You are worth it.
It is my opinion and experience that there are many parts to me. In a schizophrenic way we are all made up of many internal parts to greater or lesser degrees. We have the part that we show to the everyday world, a part that is the child, the part that is wounded, the love seeker, the angry one and many others. How do we know who is out and who isn’t?
If you feel stuck and frustrated there is probably and internal conflict going on between your inner parts.
The fastest way to figure out what you are thinking is to write. Sit down with a pen or at your computer and bang out what you are thinking and feeling. This will allow your inner parts a voice. At some point you will experience a window of space, of expansiveness where you will be insightful. This happened because you allowed your inner parts a voice and they get quiet. This type of writing is done frequently. The more you write from your inner parts the better you feel and more likely to change for the better.
You are worth the time and effort it takes to learn about yourself. It’s time to grow.
Our awareness is busy all the time. It is so easy to be distracted by meaningless stuff. At some point we remember important internal stuff that needs to be addressed. This internal stuff is for your growth and happiness. But we forget that our needs are important and keep getting distracted.
How do we remember to be good to ourselves?
Write lists, set an alarm, schedule that class, claim time for yourself, put up strong boundaries, protect your own interests, say no if necessary, have an unending interest in growing. You will end up remembering far more than forgetting.