Tag Archives: resistance

Thoughtful Thursday #305 – IFS aka Internal Family System

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In case you never heard of IFS it is a remarkable therapy for healing, it’s based on the premise that we all are comprised of many mental and emotional parts.

(Paraphrased from their literature).  IFS was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz over the last 30 years. This model is a transformative and evidence based model of psychotherapy. Our inner parts have valuable qualities and our core self knows how to heal. IFS is a new movement for understanding the mind, harmonizing the mind and heals the mind.

I have been practicing this method for five years and I can tell you from first hand experience that the results I have gotten are miraculous, permanent and made me grow emotionally by leaps and bounds.

So if you have tried other types of psychotherapy and not much has helped try IFS.

Contact http://www.IFS-Institute.com.

Thoughtful Thursday #293 – Processing Emotions

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This poster is from the Gottman Institute on how to process difficult emotions. This poster is just another tool in your toolbox for promoting good mental health.

You’re welcome.

Carry on.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #290 – Resistance and Recovery

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Resistance is an unwillingness to deal in any way with uncomfortable psychological stuff.

Sometimes we are aware of our resistance but many times the resistance is totally unconscious.

Perhaps we know there is something off in the way we feel but can’t figure out what it is.

There are ways of finding and uncovering what is hidden in the subconscious.

  1. find a therapist you feel comfortable with.
  2. research mental health.
  3. write, write, write, you will feel resistance but write anyway.
  4. exercise
  5. look at cat videos, no really do activities that make you happy.
  6. do more of what makes you proud of yourself.

It’s time to recover your true self, and this is a lifelong journey, there are no quick fixes in self care. You will always need to take care of yourself, time will pass so you might as well start now.

You are worth it.

Thoughtful Thursday #289 – Resistance and How to Overcome It

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Resistance comes in many forms, such as avoidance, addiction, distraction, forgetting, repression, transference, compulsion etc.

We use these forms of resistance because of anxiety.

Behind the anxiety is a fear.

It’s a simple formula to remember, find the fear and the anxiety and resistance goes away, but so very hard to apply.

The answer to uncovering what you are resisting is in finding a safe way of expressing what you are thinking, For example, writing, a therapy that resonates with you, a support group are all safe to start with.

The idea is to find those small moments of clarity, moments of joy will return, and you will be ever so closer to the grounded adult self you need to be.

Thoughtful Thursday #284 – Stereotypes and Broad Generalizations

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Stereotype-A stereotype is a mistaken idea or belief many people have about a thing or group that is based upon how they look on the outside, which may be untrue or only partly true. Stereotyping people is a type of prejudice because what is on the outside is a small part of who a person is. Wikipedia.

Broad Generalizations-In everyday language, a generalization is defined as a broad statement or an idea that is applied to a group of people or things. Often, generalizations are not entirely true, because there are usually examples of individuals or situations wherein the generalization does not apply. Google search.

It really bothers me when someone spews out of their mouth some stupid statement like: dogs are smarter than cats, cats are aloof, woman want large families, men never make commitments, that salesmen are greedy, pretty people are stuck up.

A woman said to me the other day that all women are nurturing and intuitive, are you kidding me, that is not true, none of these statements are true.

I can’t stop others from getting on their podium and spread false information but I can check out for myself all the information I need. I can find the truth for myself. And so can you.

Don’t blindly believe in what you are told. Zombies do that, don’t be a zombie, be a involved human by being informed. Investigate, figure out for yourself what is being presented and make decisions based on your own truth, not someone else’s.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #276 – Compassion vs Empathy

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Compassion = being open to receive information and hearing distress without feeling it yourself. Compassionate listening allows you to be of help and feel for the person. There is emotional distance here.

Empathy = empathy is where you find some personal experience in you that resonates like a broken heart or tragedy. With empathy you feel the others feelings and become enmeshed with the person’s feelings. There is emotional involvement and hard to escape.

Both empathy and compassion are valuable. But empathy is emotional draining at times, compassion is  about mindfulness and loving kindness without bias.

Whichever you choose I hope it is for yourself first. You of all people deserve empathy and compassion.

This is one of the most loving and kind action you can do for yourself.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #274 – Mass Murder and Mental Health

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There are many Mass Murderers in recent history who murder lots of innocent people. Their methods of murder vary.

These actions are typical of a walking wounded adult child. This behavior may have be a last ditch effort to ease the psychological pain the person endured their entire life. Or perhaps their mind is so twisted from the ongoing dysfunction of a pathological household they actually enjoy hurting as many people as possible, or maybe they are not in touch with their own humanity and feel justified in this heinous actions.These actions are caused from poor mental health.

I am sure there are red flags in this type of self absorbed behavior for a very long time. However no one came forward to report concerns to the authorities.

Normal people don’t go around destroying others, it’s a simple fact.

Mental health is the number one concern next to physical health to live in this fast moving world.  the The need for mental health information and practical resources must come into the public view more readily to end these useless acts of violence.

I will certainly keep writing about ending senseless violence on all levels by reminding everyone to take their mental health seriously.

Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about mental health, we will all be so much happier.

Thoughtful Thursday #267 – Resistance

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In psychology resistance is the push me pull me effect of dealing with uncomfortable and sometimes buried fears of change.

This can happen as a reaction to the therapeutic process or irritating situation that we just don’t want to deal with.

Resistance can show up in many forms, inner oppression, focusing on outside events, over eating, too much social media, self criticism, social withdrawal, trying to be perfect, you can add to the list.

A common reason for resistance is shame, that burning feeling of humiliation, of being wrong, or like a fool, regret, self hate.

“Family secrets can go back for generations. They can be about suicides, homicides, incest, abortions, addictions, public loss of face, financial disaster, etc. All the secrets get acted out. This is the power of toxic shame. The pain and suffering of shame generate automatic and unconscious defenses. Freud called these defenses by various names: denial, idealization of parents, repression of emotions and dissociation from emotions. What is important to note is that we can’t know what we don’t know. Denial, idealization, repression and dissociation are unconscious survival mechanisms. Because they are unconscious, we lose touch with the shame, hurt and pain they cover up. We cannot heal what we cannot feel. So without recovery, our toxic shame gets carried for generations.”
― John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame that Binds You

John Bradshaw sums it up, “all secrets get acted out”, and “we cannot heal what we cannot feel”, it is in your best interest to get into some kind of recovery program. You owe it to your wonderful self. You are deserving of every good thing in life, you are important and are strong enough to heal.

Start now, go in baby steps, read books about good mental health, go to therapy, join support groups, start your own support group, start a diary and write everything you think down on paper to give your feelings life and validity.

Don’t give up, there is massive healing possible, just keep trying. I know you can do it.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursday #264 – What Do You Believe.

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“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — C.G. Jung

We must become conscious of our beliefs and feelings going on in our minds or we cannot change or transform ourselves and our lives. If something said is repeated over and over it becomes real, but in many cases what was said is either outdated at this point.

If we want to live with meaning and purpose we must make a list of these beliefs and feelings and examine them and tear them apart and eliminate those that don’t resonate with our values.

When we act from outmoded beliefs and feelings we stay stuck and can’t do the necessary letting go so we can move on.

In my case, both my caregivers were mentally ill so I had many bizarre beliefs and feelings that did not make sense even at a young age, I was not self-aware for a long time until I was much older and could be a bit objective about those beliefs and worked with therapists.

Many beliefs we pick up during our lives are dysfunctional. They make us limited.

On a regular basis we must update our beliefs, what was true in the past may not apply now. We must find those very deep beliefs that are not very conscious and rip them out by the roots. This is not easy, it requires, courage, sticking with a therapist, and a commitment to your own self-care.

This uncovering is all about finding the truth, your truth, so you can live the best life that is unique to you. We want to be whole, we want our inner parts integrated, we want to be happy.

None is possible unless we care deeply for ourselves on a regular basis. You are so worth the effort and with this loving effort for yourself the transformation of your life is permanent.

Thoughtful thursday #251 – Thoughts And Actions

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There are two things that we have complete control over. Our thoughts and actions. That is pretty much it.

Things that go on outside of us are uncontrollable. We may have a chance to use our own actions to influence the event. That is still controlling our actions. We can take an action that will influence our own lives or someone else’s in a positive way.

We can’t stop our thoughts, that is the purpose of our mind is to think but we can stop useless thoughts by practicing redirecting our thoughts. For example, if someone is talking bad about you or someone else you can choose to stop those negative thoughts that put you down the rabbit hole of despair and change the subject to something positive.

Take note: This kind of mindfulness is not easy, when you start and you can expect your mind to resist change. This is good because resistance will show you where you need look at your own issues. Be kind to yourself as you make these positive changes, if you become distracted, redirect when you can. You are worth the effort.