Therapy – a scary word to some, the sound of relief to others. Seems extreme, doesn’t it?
For those who have no experience with therapy, it must seem strange, unusual, for losers. Those are the ones who are scared and not willing to do the hard, exhausting work of being aware.
For those who have some experience and left too soon gave into resistance. They were about to have a breakthrough but chickened out.
There are those that are curious and search different types of therapy as an easy way of quick fixing their mental health. But this is not really helpful.
For those who have many years of therapy learn that the hard work of changing yourself is worth the blood, sweat and tears of awareness. I am not saying this happens all the time. Sometimes the change is subtle and on a subconscious level.
I advocate therapy because you have one person who is your die-hard ally who is interested in only you and your life. Therapists are mostly compassionate and caring and possibly give you the time, attention and care you may never had. If you are willing to be honest about how you feel to another trusted human being you will be transformed. At times it won’t be easy and that’s OK. There is no rush and no judgement. Just acceptance.
It takes just a little trust and courage to open up in a safe setting. We cannot heal in isolation, we need at least one person who is detached and objective to believe and validate us. Give it a try. You will uncover the truth of your life and you just may like it.
It’s easy to recognize resistance in someone else. You watch them hem and haw, twitch and bolt, lie and freeze. You don’t understand the problem in them. No matter what you do you can’t show them their resistance.
It’s the same with you. You will resist that which is uncomfortable, threatening and revolting. Your own resistance is based on fear. Your own history makes these fears. This resistance is based on the false belief that you can’t take care of your self. Which is not true. You can handle anything. You are brave, give yourself some credit.
The moment you recognize resistance it is the signal not to hold back. It’s the compass pointing true north. It’s where you need to go.
Recognizing resistance is part of everyone’s journey. It’s a resource and teaching tool that is in everyone. It’s part of how our brains function to show us where we need to go next.
What are you resisting, where’s your next adventure?
Zoom – Zoom
This is an old adage. For millenia philosophers, sages and ordinary folk understand on a fundamental level that everything begins and ends in the mind.
We are talking about thinking. Not magical thinking or wishes. This is thinking with action.
It’s making up our minds and acting on it.
Of course this is simpler said than done. If you are fed up with the same negative results over and over again then it’s time to change some small action. One small change will kick in the domino effect. One thing affects another and so on.
Keep in mind it takes about six weeks for any change to become effective. So have patience.
Change demands boundaries and commitment and movement in a gentle way. In a non-judgemental way.
It’s OK if you fall short of your objective. It’s OK if you start again from square one. It’s OK if you re-adjust again and again to get to your objective.
Just start and try. You can always change your mind.
If you don’t feel safe in your own skin, in your environment, in your mind, in any situation (other than life threatening) then you will not see opportunities to grow.
If you feel safe there is a sense of freedom. There is the belief that there are many possibilities. There is courage to try new things. There is hope. There is generosity.
Safety has a lot to do with what you believe. If your beliefs have made it difficult to feel safe, it’s time to examine these beliefs. Challange them, look them square in the eye and tell them to move over it’s time for a change. A change for the better.
Your freedom is precious, protect it, honor it, it belongs to you. You are free to choose anything. Start small and in a short time your courage will make you feel safe.
Safe enough it change your world. Wow.
The Sins of the Father are not an ancient curse. It is the human condition of repeating the same old negative patterns over and over for generation after generation.
For example, pervasive abuse on any level will stay intact as long as the abuse is seen as normal. Many times abuse is accepted as a way of life. As if there is no other way of living. Therefore, the cycles of abuse remain for a long time, until someone finally realizes this is enough.
Family systems are complicated. People are complicated. Humans are a product of habit and fear.
Except when whether in secret or out in the open someone reaches out for a better way of living. Eventually the cycle is broken.
All it takes is some courage, please try. You know in your gut what you need to move forward. Please try to have the courage to break the cycle of abuse.
So many times we feel stuck. Nothing is working out. We are confused about which way to go. Bored and restless.
Reminder: your options are not limited. Ignore naysayers and your own resistance. Think out side of the norm.
To free yourself from your actual or perceived restrictions: Choose.
Choose any direction. Any direction will lead you to freedom. Even if it is as simple a decision as what to eat for breakfast.
Feeling you have no control in your life could be based on your own actions. But more likly because of your inaction.
I am not going to preach about commitment. Most of the time I am not very good at it unless it is really important or necessary. I usually focus on what I can get by with.
It is common to focus on the small window of activities in our lives because we are so busy doing actions to keep our heads above water.
Is society the cause? Is the economy the cause? Is fear the cause? Distractions? There are as many reasons and justifications as there are people.
For me, I am willing to commit to situations I either love or really enjoy or as a result of a crisis. Is that enough, probably not because I stay in my comfort zone. Let’s be reasonable. How much time does one have in a day.
The solution is to make an effort to get out of one’s comfort zone. Easier said than done. But so noticeable necessary.
Just try……..that’s the only requirement in a commitment.
Children are not the only group to succumb to peer pressure.
I recently saw peer pressure at work at my office. One person clearly expressed a personal desire. Not anything out of the ordinary and announced he wanted to pursue an action to improve his life. The second person became so enraged with jealousy because he did not think of it first and is making the first persons life miserable. Unfortunately, person one is subordinate to person two.
The first person is now quiet and dejected, embarrassed and ostracized for the moment. It will change because person one has bent over to peer pressure and the threat of financial ruin.
How stupid it is to be jealous and use your power to hurt someone else especially in a professional environment. The second person won’t get anywhere. The only thing accomplished was a show of power.
How sad and frustrating it is to be forced to act fake in order to survive. How sad to live in fear of being whipped and beaten by a nobody who thinks they are entitled to beat down others for ego purposes.
What is the resolve? I don’t know at the moment. I hope person one gets what they want and person two gets what they deserve.
The dictionary defines sociopath as someone with a personality disorder that shows itself in extreme antisocial attitude and behavior with a pronounced lack of conscience.
Here’s how to spot one.
1. they are well likes with lots of charm and high charisma, but generally don’t care about others.
2. stay to themselves.
3. blame others for everything.
4. complete disregard for any rules.
5. push boundaries.
6. have no boundaries.
7. don’t feel guilt.
8. don’t learn from punishment.
9. can act out deadly and extreme behavior.
10. bent on destroying others with no conscience.
Are you afraid? You should be. People like Ted Bundy and Charles Manson are sociopath.
If you encounter one. Don’t walk. Run away really fast. Your life may depend on it.
Ever notice a time you felt invisible in a crowd? People talk over you as if you don’t exist. Your opinion doesn’t matter.
Here’s some reasons why…..
1. You want to be part of the crowd but you really don’t like the crowd.
2. You try new things but only partially, not with your full heart.
3. You don’t realize how much you have to contribute to the world.
4. You are resisting the changes you need to make to be social.
Stop waiting for others.
Organize that road trip.
Make those phone calls.
Visit others even you are resisting.
Stop resisting our own life.
Start here and now with one small step.
It’s so much more fun to be with others than to be alone.
Even if it feels strange at first.