Tag Archives: depression

Trust

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It’s much better to get to know someone first before you express the power of who you are.

Not all are trustworthy. Some people are predators. Some want to destroy for the sheer pleasure of it.

It is perfectly OK to protect yourself, emotionally, physically, financially.

However, if you find someone you can trust, treasure them. This is truly rare.

Thoughtful Thursdays #126 – To Forgive or Not To Forgive – That Is The Question

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Forgiveness is one of my pet peeves. Frankly I don’t think forgiveness is necessary or possible in many cases. I think it’s stupid to forgive someone who sees no problem with their behavior.

The anger felt can’t be glossed over because feelings are not logical. If you automatically forgive because it’s uncomfortable then you are not holding the offender accountable for their actions.

If the offender recognizes the problem and genuinely apologizes and changes their behavior then repair can begin. Perhaps trust is very broken but the relationship can be saved.

Most of the time there is no acknowledgement from the offender and life goes on as if nothing has happened. What happens then? You need to protect yourself and find a healthy way to deal with the pain and hurt like going to therapy and putting up strong boundaries against the offender.

Focusing on your own life and make your life the best possible for you. That’s the best way to get build back what has been lost by the hurt.

And it’s perfectly OK not to forgive, ever, if you don’t want to.

Here’s and excellent article that aptly explains the process of forgiveness and the article today’s post is based on.

5 Reasons Forgiveness Does Not Work

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays # 120 – When You Were Little You Believed Some False Stuff

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When you were little you learned lots of stuff. How to play and cooperate and dream. However, if you have had a childhood you have had a trauma. What happens when there is neglect and harassment and trauma?

All memories are held in your body. Your mind does not have to recall exact situations but your body will remember. For example, have you ever heard, smelled or tasted something reminiscent of the past? Did it make you sick to your stomach or happy? Those are held memories in your body.

At some point, if situations are too much, your mind may shut down to protect you. Your body will remember seeing your pet killed. Your body will remember verbal abuse. Your body will remember everything that had a negative impact. Your mind will see something similar to the trauma experienced and you will feel it in your body.

Any belief about abuse being normal is never true. The person doing the abuse believes that its OK to abuse. That is a false belief. The child takes on the belief that they deserve to be abused. That is a false belief. These false beliefs become intrinsic as if they are normal and true. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The truth is if your life is less than desirable and you are stuck, examine your beliefs. Look for an experienced trauma therapist. Find it in yourself to learn why you make the choices that you do.

One of the simplest free ways of healing is to listen to mediation videos or music. There’s plenty on youtube.com and with the help of a therapist you will transcend false beliefs and live a much happier life.

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #118-Income Tax

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I have just spent the whole day gathering the majority of my information to file income tax. It was grueling and I am still not done.

I procrastinated for one year and I am feeling the pain now. Why did I procrastinate for a year knowing full well that it would be torture to get this work done.

I am sure I am not alone in this. We all procrastinate because of going out of our comfort zone, basic laziness and fear.

I’ve learned my lesson. I’m done procrastinating.

Back to work.

Thoughtful Thursdays #103 – Worry

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Who told you to worry?

Who said you can not stop worrying?

Worry is stressful. Worry tenses the body and causes pain.

Most of the stuff you worry about never happens.

Worry puts you on the path of over thinking, panic, the downward spiral of depression. In no time at all you will be paralyzed.

As soon as you start to worry, replace the thoughts with positive gentle words. At first your mind will fight you. Soon you will see that worrying is just a habit and habits can be changed.

Worry is just fear. You are stronger than any fear.

For one day say nothing negative about yourself in your thoughts or out loud. Then try it for another day, and another and another until it becomes a habit.

Have patience, it takes time to change a negative habit into a positive habit.

You can do it. Just try.

Thoughful Thursdays – #98 – No Obstructions

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If you had no obstruction inward or outward and  no obtrusive thoughts, what would you do with your life?

1. what would you do for a living?

2. where would you spend your time?

3. would you travel?

4. would you spend time learning about yourself and all the parts you have neglected?

5. would you write a book or read all the books that you are interested in?

6. where would you live?

7. what would you change?

8. would you create a new life based on your loves and likes?

9. would you become a hermit and meditate on life’s mysteries?

10. would you be afraid of your new-found freedom?

Make a list. It’s usually the last things on your list that are the truest because your ego wants to be first.

Happy freedom and discovery.

Low Country Bribe by C. Hope Clark (Review)

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Just finished reading Hopes book and ……………….

Hope realistically portrays life in the South Carolina and the lifestyles of the people who live there. This is a fast paced story of the southern heroine Carolina Slade. Our heroine speaks with great strength and honesty and her heart feels much.

The graphic detail to the countryside, colors, sounds, smells and tastes experienced by the characters put you in the scene.

What captured me the most was the realistic portal of a females deepest fears of being isolated from what is familiar, man trouble, self doubt, fear, rape and being threatened. The story was a page turner and kept me interested from beginning to end.

The ending was a complete surprise to me. Without giving anything away Hope knows just how to hold your interest and without knowing it you are zipping fast through the tale. The story is surprise after surprise and worth the read.

Thoughful Thursdays #63 Control Freaks

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It is normal to want to control your life. But we all know those control freaks that want their way all the time with you. They want to decide what to do and when. They have a need to run the show at all times. Even their conversations or behavior demands their needs be met and yours don’t matter. If you don’t meet their needs they are unhappy and you will hear about it.

As a control freak it must be hard to control your own life and the lives of others. I imagine at the end of the day they are exhausted. Control freak thinking and behavior leads to a bunch of personality disorders like obsessive compulsive disorder, not trusting anyone and failure to make commitments to anyone.

The reason why someone is a control freak is because they are hiding from themselves. Hiding from their own feelings. They think they have secrets that can’t be exposed. Flaws that they are embarrassed of, terrified of being vulnerable and feel helplessness and hopeless.

Control freaks think the only way to protect themselves it to control every part of their life and that includes relationships, even close relationships. In an odd way controlling creates a sense of order and stability. Control freaks are critical and judgmental of their lovers, and just about everybody else.

Control freaks are defending against their own anxiety, their own feelings of helplessness. Controlling gives a way of not feeling hopeless. The more they use control tactics the more they feel they are managing their lives in an effective manner.

To let go of control would mean the same as being victimized and overwhelmed. When that happens they become angry, panicked, possibly threatening then they can dip deep into emotional despair and depression.

If you are on the receiving end of a control freak don’t take it personally, but be advised, the control freak is really good at distorting reality, can be intimidating and are excellent debaters. They are more frightened than most and on some level feel they need to control you to make themselves feel better. It is only a way of protecting themselves. They are frightened and angry and controlling has become a compulsion and way of life.

If you are a control freak it’s OK. You are trying to protect yourself and have forgotten the negative effects of controlling has on those who care about you. You are not bad or unimportant. You are just frightened. You can take the risk to trust yourself and risk letting life unfold the way it is meant to be. You can be at peace and clear headed. You can stop worrying. What you think is a threat may no longer exist. It may be time to feel again, feel the energy of freedom. Free to be yourself, free to make choices and not hide behind manipulation. In the long run controlling pushes away the very situations you need to grow.

Wanting to control your life is normal. Keep the focus on controlling your own whereabouts, your own struggles, your own health and well-being, your own improvements and leave the rest alone. You are safe and there is no need to control things that are time wasters.

The are no quick fixes for controlling, change happens slowly. You will be amazed at the results if you know you can choose to be free from obsessing about anything. Be patient and keep trying. You will not be disappointed.

Codependent Denial Patterns

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Codependents often…….

 

. have difficulty identifying what they are feeling

. minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel

. perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others

. lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others

. mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation

. express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways

. do not recognize the unavailability of those people to who they are attracted

from CODA.org

Thoughtful Thursdays #59

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I love to embroider. Every now and then a designer will contact me to do some work. This just happened recently and today I dropped off the finished product. He asked I embroider taupe stems, purple petals, yellow sunflowers with brown french knot middles on a shirt.  The design was put on the bottom border, and neckline. The designer loved it.

What is my point? Don’t put off what you truly love because that is where you expand. Even if it is a hobby and there is no money involved and you love to do it, then continue.

I don’t know what the science is behind doing what you love but I do know that every time I do what I love I grow, I feel happy, I have confidence, I feel new.  Each time I do what I love a new perspective opens up. The act of doing what you love changes your brain into a machine or magnet for attracting happiness.

I am reminded that I must stay on the path of happiness.

How about you?

What do you love to do?

How often do you engage in the activity you love?

Happy path finding.