Tag Archives: behavior

Jan8

We All Have Schizophrenia

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This is going to sound strange but yes we are all schizophernic to one degree or another.

Google Definition:

schiz·o·phre·ni·a
ˌskitsəˈfrēnēə,ˌskitsəˈfrenēə/Submit
noun
a long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation.
(in general use) a mentality or approach characterized by inconsistent or contradictory elements.

For example, we can have a mental disorder that leads to breakdown in thought, emotion and behavior when we fall in love or  have murderous rage.

Inappropriate actions and feelings can come from having our egos brused and wishing death and destruction to the offender and acting on those feelings. These are common stories in the news paper.

Withdrawal from reality in relationships can come from going into denial that you may be in a bad relationship, job, etc.

Inconsistent or contradictory elements can come from being frozen with indecision that you are paralized.

I am not negating the severity of schizophrenia but we all have different aspects of ourselves.

We can be the parent, the child, the protector, the killer, the compassionate one or more. Pay attention to how you behave in your interactions in your daily routine. These aspects will become visible if you pay attention.

We are a blend of aspects in our psyche and that is normal. Some aspects are more pronounced than others. Sometimes we are mostly sweet or angry, sad or outgoing or any other role. We all have flashes of insight and can choose whatever behavior we want.

It is our job to accept all aspects of ourselves and deny nothing. In this way we are in touch with our humanity and the humanity of others.

Happy exploring.

 

Oct23

Thoughtful Thursdays # 71 – Carolyn Myss

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Always go with the choice

that acares you the most,

because that’s the one that is going to require

the most of you.

Carolyn Myss

How many times have you slinked away from change or obstacle? How many times have you taken the easy way? How many times have you let opportunities for growing just slip away because you were scared?

Welcome to the club. Everyone does this and after a while it becomes a way of life.

Now is the time to think about your behavior and why you do the things you do. Why do I react the way I do. What lies do I believe about myself. What are my strengths, what are my less than stellar behaviors.

I know it feels overwhelming but one tiny, tiny step in looking at what you are doing with bring startling insights.

Go ahead try it. It will feel strange at first. Practice, practice, practice.

Sep18

Thoughtful Thursdays #66 – Forgiveness

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It’s easy to forgive a minor transgression like being pushed accidently or swatted with a book bag. Or someone being late for a get together.

Forgiveness is not useful when someone deliberatly hurts you over and over with no change in their behavior.

Those who continually hurt others laugh at how bleeding hearts turn the other cheek only to allow them to hurt again.

Don’t waste your time or your forgiveness on abusers of all kinds, psychos and narc’s, and addicts. They won’t even know what forgiveness is because they are numb to their own inner life.

All you can do is wish them well and love them from afar and protect yourself.

And be selective in who you forgive. You are entitled to pick and choose who you want to forgive.

Yes it is really that simple.

Aug14

Thoughful Thursdays #63 Control Freaks

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It is normal to want to control your life. But we all know those control freaks that want their way all the time with you. They want to decide what to do and when. They have a need to run the show at all times. Even their conversations or behavior demands their needs be met and yours don’t matter. If you don’t meet their needs they are unhappy and you will hear about it.

As a control freak it must be hard to control your own life and the lives of others. I imagine at the end of the day they are exhausted. Control freak thinking and behavior leads to a bunch of personality disorders like obsessive compulsive disorder, not trusting anyone and failure to make commitments to anyone.

The reason why someone is a control freak is because they are hiding from themselves. Hiding from their own feelings. They think they have secrets that can’t be exposed. Flaws that they are embarrassed of, terrified of being vulnerable and feel helplessness and hopeless.

Control freaks think the only way to protect themselves it to control every part of their life and that includes relationships, even close relationships. In an odd way controlling creates a sense of order and stability. Control freaks are critical and judgmental of their lovers, and just about everybody else.

Control freaks are defending against their own anxiety, their own feelings of helplessness. Controlling gives a way of not feeling hopeless. The more they use control tactics the more they feel they are managing their lives in an effective manner.

To let go of control would mean the same as being victimized and overwhelmed. When that happens they become angry, panicked, possibly threatening then they can dip deep into emotional despair and depression.

If you are on the receiving end of a control freak don’t take it personally, but be advised, the control freak is really good at distorting reality, can be intimidating and are excellent debaters. They are more frightened than most and on some level feel they need to control you to make themselves feel better. It is only a way of protecting themselves. They are frightened and angry and controlling has become a compulsion and way of life.

If you are a control freak it’s OK. You are trying to protect yourself and have forgotten the negative effects of controlling has on those who care about you. You are not bad or unimportant. You are just frightened. You can take the risk to trust yourself and risk letting life unfold the way it is meant to be. You can be at peace and clear headed. You can stop worrying. What you think is a threat may no longer exist. It may be time to feel again, feel the energy of freedom. Free to be yourself, free to make choices and not hide behind manipulation. In the long run controlling pushes away the very situations you need to grow.

Wanting to control your life is normal. Keep the focus on controlling your own whereabouts, your own struggles, your own health and well-being, your own improvements and leave the rest alone. You are safe and there is no need to control things that are time wasters.

The are no quick fixes for controlling, change happens slowly. You will be amazed at the results if you know you can choose to be free from obsessing about anything. Be patient and keep trying. You will not be disappointed.

Jul29

Codependents Low Self-Esteem Patterns

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Codependents often……….

 

. have difficulty making decisions

. judge what they think, say or do harshly, as never good enough

. are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts

. value others approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own

. do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons

. seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than

. have difficulty admitting a mistake

. need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good

. are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want

. perceive themselves as superior to others

. look to others to provide their send of safety

. have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines and completing projects

. have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries

from CODA.org

 

Jul6

Detachment And Other Stuff

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I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled.  That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a  past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?

I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since  I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.

I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.

Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster.  However I find waiting  really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.

The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.

What is the truth behind all of this?

1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.

2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.

3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.

4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.

5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I  like it or not.

6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.

I ask these questions:

What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?

What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?

What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?

What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?

What would it be like  if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?

What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?

What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?

I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.

It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.

It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.

It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.

From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.

How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.

Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.

I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.

You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mar28

Reaction

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Don’t examine other people’s behavior; examine your reaction to it.

g.piazza