Tag Archives: writing

Thoughtful Thursday #283 – To Serve Others

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We can serve others without voluntarily acting as a martyr. We can serve others without giving anything up, nope not one thing.

We can serve others by telling our story, there is always someone who will be inspired by your struggles and how you overcame them. The world needs more brave souls like all of us who have suffered, to inspire others into positive action.

When we tell our story we are acting authentic and showing our true selves, you are saying what everyone is feeling but can’t say it, you are helping someone heal with your honesty, and importantly you have showed your humanity and gained trust because you tell the truth.

Your words and actions will reinforce the honest person that you are.

Your words and actions are the kindest way of serving others in a deep and profound way through inspired action.

How wonderfully powerful, and generous you are as you serve your fellow man by telling your truth, your fabulous story, you deserve to be very proud of yourself.

Carry on you brave soul.

Thoughtful Thursday #282 – Shame

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There are many ways we feel shame, in Psychotherapist’s Joseph Burgo book there are 4 subtypes of shame and I will list them here:

  1. Unrequited Love-this is not only the type of unreciprocated love between adults, the author explains that it happens in infancy and childhood when a parent is not able to respond to the child in a healthy way. In my opinion this explains those nasty situations where we run after unavailable people. This makes a lot of sense to me.
  2. Unwanted exposure-maybe you were called out on something and humiliated about it.
  3. Disappointed exception-perhaps you set out to do something and fail.
  4. Being left out-it happens everywhere, home, work, school. No one wants to feel alone and rejected.

Shame can be so mentally excruciating that we are stopped in our tracks or run away from the pain. And that is normal.

How to heal shame: very difficult without mindfulness. But certainly achievable by doing the important work of examining your mental health. There is Mr. Burgo’s book plus the classic book on shame by John Bradshaw. There are thousands of articles and books available plus it’s really helpful to have a therapist so you can work through the core emotion of shame.

Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy and Build True Self Esteem by Mr. Joseph Burgo
Healing the Shame That Binds You – John Bradshaw.
Both books are a good starting point for examining shame.
Carry on. You can do this.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #280 – Processing Emotions In Vicarious Ways

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Vicarious – Meaning -experienced in the imagination through the feelings or actions of another person.

I never liked fluffy stories with forced happy endings like on the Hallmark channel,  I prefer to know what makes the characters tick even if there is a strange ending, on a regular basis I prefer non-fiction.

It is common that being in a psychologically dysfunctional environment growing up or as an adult it is unsafe to express our emotions.

When our emotions are not validated we can get them validated through music, art, reading stories, crime dramas, going to the movies, etc. you can add to the list.

We can better understand what we are feeling through these venues, we can relate to the struggles, fear, sadness, injustice or joy of the characters. By having these venues to relate to is a beginning to finding some safety within to express ourselves.

You are not alone, given the magnitude of how many people use these outlets all of us are using them to validate our own expressiveness.

Carry on. Express away.

Thoughtful Thursday #279 – Reinvention

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It’s normal and necessary to reinvent ourselves over and over during our entire lifetime.

How do we reinvent ourselves, by changing the way we behave just like a singer who reinvents their career over and over. You are no different from a celebrity. You are the star of your own life and can grow and adapt as you go on in your precious life.

Don’t be afraid to experiment, you don’t have to explain or justify the new you, get out of your comfort zone, be honest with yourself and others.

Make your one and only life happy for you over and over. Find your courage, set some goals, create a plan, write it all down on paper, you can always change it as you go along, you may even have to relentlessly reassess. And take your time there is no finish line.

Have fun while you are at it and remind yourself every day that you are worth the effort.

Thoughtful Thursday #278 – On Being Proud

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When we feel proud our shoulders are erect, chest out, we walk without ego but with the sense of deep satisfaction and pleasure in our abilities and accomplishments. We feel grounded, balanced and strong.

What a wonderful way to live, unfortunately most of those moments are short lived.

How can we increase this ability to feel proud more often and on a regular basis?

All is not lost.

Make a list of every activity that makes you feel proud and accomplished. For example, finished your to do list, wrote in your diary, sang your favorite song, made time for your favorite hobby, made your mental health a priority for a while, talked compassionately to your inner self, ate well for one meal, made an effort to exercise, made an effort to be mindful of your actions, paid attention to what distracts you.

Make your own special list, your own original, signature, lifestyle list that belongs to you.

DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU PROUD, stick to it, don’t give up, involve yourself with those who share your interests, take baby steps, little tiny baby steps toward your own happiness, and be proud of your effort.

When involved with more and more activities that give you a deep sense of satisfaction something magical happens, something incognito and deceptively subtle happens.

Ever so slowly, you will become boldly self-assured, lack fear, be free from anxiety and know for certain you have chosen the right path of action for you.

Will any of this happen fast – not at all, this journey is about intimately discovering your talents, your dreams, your sore points, what you will tolerate and not tolerate.

You will learn about yourself so well that you will take actions toward creating your own-one of a kind – precious life. You are so worth it, and don’t you dare believe otherwise.

Carry on.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #276 – Compassion vs Empathy

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Compassion = being open to receive information and hearing distress without feeling it yourself. Compassionate listening allows you to be of help and feel for the person. There is emotional distance here.

Empathy = empathy is where you find some personal experience in you that resonates like a broken heart or tragedy. With empathy you feel the others feelings and become enmeshed with the person’s feelings. There is emotional involvement and hard to escape.

Both empathy and compassion are valuable. But empathy is emotional draining at times, compassion is  about mindfulness and loving kindness without bias.

Whichever you choose I hope it is for yourself first. You of all people deserve empathy and compassion.

This is one of the most loving and kind action you can do for yourself.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #274 – Mass Murder and Mental Health

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There are many Mass Murderers in recent history who murder lots of innocent people. Their methods of murder vary.

These actions are typical of a walking wounded adult child. This behavior may have be a last ditch effort to ease the psychological pain the person endured their entire life. Or perhaps their mind is so twisted from the ongoing dysfunction of a pathological household they actually enjoy hurting as many people as possible, or maybe they are not in touch with their own humanity and feel justified in this heinous actions.These actions are caused from poor mental health.

I am sure there are red flags in this type of self absorbed behavior for a very long time. However no one came forward to report concerns to the authorities.

Normal people don’t go around destroying others, it’s a simple fact.

Mental health is the number one concern next to physical health to live in this fast moving world.  the The need for mental health information and practical resources must come into the public view more readily to end these useless acts of violence.

I will certainly keep writing about ending senseless violence on all levels by reminding everyone to take their mental health seriously.

Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about mental health, we will all be so much happier.

Thoughtful Thursday #272 – Saved

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How many times have we looked to a person or belief or religion or substance or cause to save us from those invisible, incognito feelings of fear, self-loathing, and undefinable agitation?

The world is built on self-avoidance. We are plummeted with advertisements about instant relief from anxiety and lightning fast methods leading to boastful self-esteem. Only to be disappointed over and over that these seemingly split second, twinkling flashes of being saved have not worked, we think it is us, we are not smart enough, not brave enough, missing the message because we are cursed.

We are all desperate to be saved. Saved from the pain and disappointment of unfortunate events, unexpected delays, and self-recrimination, not feeling worthy or good enough.

Here’s the bad news:  No one is coming to save you. Yes it is unfair but it’s a reality.

Here’s the good news: No one is coming to save you. This is ultimate freedom for you. You are free to create your own “saving”

At this very moment, as you consider your existence and choices with honesty, you are immediately “saved”.

Will your journey of saving yourself be easy, nope; it will be difficult at times, unbearable, unknown, and questionable, but as you process these steps and come out on the other side, your being saved will amount to the information you need to know yourself so well that no one, no person, no god, no curse, no cause and no belief can take from you.

You will stand saved in yourself, as yourself and with yourself, saved from mindlessly following what everyone else does to creating a one of a kind unique, individual life just for you.

The message is: You are so worth the effort of being “saved” by saving yourself.

Sending all of you buckets of gardenia, wisteria and lilies on your very own self-discovery journey.

Thoughtful Thursday #271 – José Micard Teixeira Author & Coach

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Here’s a post from one of my favorite writers, in this short article he says what most of us want to express.

His writing is a reminder that we must choose to be ourselves always even if you are unsure, scared or insecure. Live like  “a rebel with no shame” as Mr. Teixeira says.

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I repel everything that’s supposed to be. I reject everything that it’s imposed on me. I can’t stand conditions or hierarchies. All this immodesty and false humility angers me. I have a hard time accepting injustice and prejudice. I hardly can make friendships and partnerships because it demands from me what I don’t want or know how to give. I’m a loner with an optimistic attitude who seeks to postpone everyday his mental illness. I’m not mad, but I love the madness in finding me mad. I’m proud of who I am. I’m not going to change for anyone. I don’t care about what others think of me. I do what I want and I say whatever I feel like. I’m a rebel with no shame. There’s nothing else to do. I’ll die smiling.

José Micard Teixeira
Author & Coach

Thoughtful Thursday #266 – Is This A Hopeless Situation

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There is no such thing as a hopeless situation, all circumstances can change.

Use your noodle (thinking), take a long look at yourself and your beliefs. Make your choices real by writing down all possibilities,

Is there an internal belief that needs to be ripped out by the roots? Are you open to thinking outside of the the preverbal box?

It won’t be easy to do this, but you must because you need to know your situation is not hopeless.

Happy thinking.