Tag Archives: writing

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 165 – Therapy

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Therapy – a scary word to some, the sound of relief to others. Seems extreme, doesn’t it?

For those who have no experience with therapy, it must seem strange, unusual, for losers. Those are the ones who are scared and not willing to do the hard, exhausting work of being aware.

For those who have some experience and left too soon gave into resistance. They were about to have a breakthrough but chickened out.

There are those that are curious and search different types of therapy as an easy way of quick fixing their mental health. But this is not really helpful.

For those who have many years of therapy  learn that the hard work of changing yourself is worth the blood, sweat and tears of awareness. I am not saying this happens all the time. Sometimes the change is subtle and on a subconscious level.

I advocate therapy because you have one person who is your die-hard ally who is interested in only you and your life. Therapists are mostly compassionate and caring and possibly give you the time, attention and care you may never had. If you are willing to be honest about how you feel to another trusted human being you will be transformed. At times it won’t be easy and that’s OK. There is no rush and no judgement. Just acceptance.

It takes just a little trust and courage to open up in a safe setting. We cannot heal in isolation, we need at least one person who is detached and objective to believe and validate us. Give it a try. You will uncover the truth of your life and you just may like it.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #161 – Loss

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We have all experienced the death of something, whether it’s a pet or person or job or relationship, the ending always feels the same: like a big loss. An empty hole that is sentimental and nostalgic and final.

We may want to run away from this empty hole with staying busy, getting high and distraction after distraction. But in those still moments when the emptiness returns be reminded that we need to feel our feelings and grieve the loss completely. Grieving has a purpose. Grieving allows you to empty your pain and becomes an energy that will turn to wisdom, love and power.

 

Too Many Broken Hearts

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Our hearts can become broken so easily. Broken from fear, endings, trauma, and tragedy. How many times have you seen something that makes you really sad and feel helpless to change the situation? We have all run across this many times. A homeless person, the high functioning drug addict, the mentally handicapped, the poor, stray animals, the dying. What about our own personal suffering. Everyone has some challenge. It’s part of the human existence.

Tears flow from our eyes when we see others suffer and sometimes see a reflection of ourselves in that suffering. New Age philosophy makes claims to just think positive. That is unrealistic and impractical. You can’t just think for something to change for the better.

Each heart is unique; each heart has to find its own way of mending. What works for one heart will not work for another. Let’s ask: why is my heart broken and how can I move on?

  1. Take time to be still.
  2. Take time to grieve.
  3. Use extreme self-care.
  4. Try new things.
  5. Volunteer your time.
  6. Read about healing.
  7. Stay connected to others.
  8. Stay in the present moment.
  9. Get support.

In the meantime, hold yourself in high regard and shower love onto yourself. Know that this will pass.

 

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #159 – Your Own Wisdom

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During my life I have sought direction and meaning of my life  in many ways. Religions, gurus, books, fashion, food, and people who I thought knew more than me. I wasted so much time and energy trying to fit into where I didn’t belong.

So I stopped for a long time and got to know myself really well. I found my own way of being, my own direction, my own wisdom.

If you are seeking direction and meaning in your life, look within your thoughts. Ask without judgement: Why do I behave this way? Where did I learn this or that? What beliefs are outdated? Where does sadness live in my body? Where does joy live in my body? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do?

We all have other obligations, I get that. We have families and work but for five minutes every day ask a simple question. What is good for me? Write it down and visit it often and eventually  your desires will manifest.

You will know your own wisdom by feeling content and in the zone. Will there be obstacles? Definitely. The obstacles are left over stuff that has to be processed in order to move on. It’s OK, process and move on.

The more you know your own wisdom, the more meaningful your life will become and there is no need to justify the meaning of your life to anyone. You now belong to you. You are your beloved. You are the “god” of your own existence.

What a beautiful and powerful gift you can give to yourself: Your Own Wisdom.

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 158 – Anger

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Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.

Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.

Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.

Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences

of each choice.

Carry on.

Thoughtful Thursdays #155 – Confidence

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I wasn’t even remotely confident in myself until I was well into being an adult. I didn’t become brave enough to be confident until life threw me several curve balls. I was knocked down quite a few times until I learned to take care of myself. But you can learn confidence before life throws you any curve balls.

One striking thing about confidence if that there is a truth about it. There’s a feeling and truth in ones own abilities.

Here’s some ways to practice your confidence building skills.

  1. Do what you believe is right even if you are not supported.
  2. Take a risk and try a little harder to get to your goal.
  3. Admit your mistakes and correct them.
  4. Don’t wait for compliments.
  5. Accept compliments with pride.
  6. Look at what you have already accomplished.
  7. Take small steps to move forward.
  8. Stay away from negative situations.
  9. Upgrade your body image.
  10. Know you are brave and will succeed in anything you set out to do.

I am absolutely confident that you will be happier if you try these simple confidence building skills.

Now go out there and show the world who you are. You got this.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – #154 – The Need To Be Right

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I admit it. I like to be right. Everyone does.

However to demand others see things our way is actually wrong. The need to be right all the time comes from the fear of losing control and credibility and feeling threatened. That is a real uncomfortable way to live.

“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” – Pema Chodron

Here’s 5 negative results of insisting on being right all the time.

  1. You will not be open to other possibilities.
  2. You see others in a condescending and belittling manner.
  3. There is no open dialog.
  4. You will end up alone and isolated.
  5. It is disrespectful to others.

“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” -Anthony Robbins

Here’s 5 positive results of letting go of being right all the time.

  1. You become kinder and accepting without feeling threatened.
  2. You become more compassionate and understanding.
  3. You can communicate better.
  4. You will be open to new experiences.
  5. You will have the willingness to be wrong.

“You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.”- Marcia Wieder

If we can, for just a moment, become detached from the need to be right and listen to another’s opinion we open ourselves to deeper understanding and acceptance. Being detached to having it your way will also eliminate judgement and resistance.

So be considerate to others by being confident enough to live without the need to be right. You will be happier, unafraid to make mistakes, kinder, willing to learn, humble and brave enough to build character.

Happy— I Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time— Day.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – #153 – Repeating Patterns

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We are destined to repeat the same patterns of negativity until we examine them.

If you find yourself in destructive patterns over and over it is Mother Nature’s signal to stop what you are doing and examine it. Believe it or not there are signals from Mother Nature and your higher self-telling you to destroy what you don’t need to repeat. This is actually a healthy part of you reaching out and saying: “Enough is enough it’s time to look at what is going on here”.

Here is a secret, you can be sure that your mind will tell you this is not true and try all kinds of tricks to stop you from moving forward. Don’t listen to the lies your mind tells you. Your mind says these things because it is afraid to feel anything. It wants you to stay the same and be safe. But eventually the pain will be too much and you will either squash it with more self-destruction or do yourself a favor and reach out with kindness for yourself and examine what you are doing.

It is not easy to be honest about how we feel and the actions we take. It just takes a tiny step in a healing direction. A tiny risk of looking at your own beliefs, a tiny look at who we pretend to be and who we really are.

You are strong enough, smart enough, have time enough, love yourself enough  to do this work, you are brave enough and lucky enough to be on this path. You are worth it too. And a bonus, your family, friends, pets, and all you touch will heal as you heal.

Reach out and find a therapy, a part of nature, a hobby you are inspired by and follow it. There may not be any outward signs to follow; some signals will come from an internal place and manifest in the here and now. Your intuition will speak, your adult self will act and the child in you will rejoice.

Thoughtful Thurdsays #152 – Trauma

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Trauma is when your mind is stuck on a difficult situation from the past. Let me explain. Perhaps you fell on ice and broke your leg. You then needed surgery to fix it. After much healing you are healthy again.

You decide to take a walk and happen upon the same street where you fell. Dread sets in, flashbacks of falling ignite your memory, fear of having surgery again zings in your head. So you avoid that street. You will never walk down that street again because it reminds you of when you fell.

Not every one would react that way but it is not uncommon that our minds go into survival mode after a trauma and reminds us not to venture down that block again. Your mind is trying to protect you and has no sense of time. This is the nature of trauma.

Our minds become frozen in time over an unpleasant event. Trauma is epidemic. If you have lived, you have experienced trauma.

What can we do to become unstuck. Find trauma support groups, trauma therapy, writing, meditation. Do whatever needs to be done to heal. There is no one way, or right way, there is only your way to heal. Push through the fear just for a little while and begin your healing journey. You are worth it.

Thoughtful Thursdays #151 – Trust

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I don’t trust very quickly. I like to wait and see where a situation or person leads to.  It’s wonderful to have people you can trust but that is rare because people are people and wrapped up in their own stuff.

I am better at trusting me. How can we get better at trusting ourselves?

  1. Be the CEO of your own life.
  2. Pay attention to  your instincts.
  3. Go with the flow, try not to force but let life unfold.
  4. Listen to your body.
  5. Quiet your mind.

These are some basic ways for developing a sense of trust in yourself and the more you trust yourself the better you know what your next step is and who to trust.