Tag Archives: freedom

Thoughtful Thursday #280 – Processing Emotions In Vicarious Ways

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Vicarious – Meaning -experienced in the imagination through the feelings or actions of another person.

I never liked fluffy stories with forced happy endings like on the Hallmark channel,  I prefer to know what makes the characters tick even if there is a strange ending, on a regular basis I prefer non-fiction.

It is common that being in a psychologically dysfunctional environment growing up or as an adult it is unsafe to express our emotions.

When our emotions are not validated we can get them validated through music, art, reading stories, crime dramas, going to the movies, etc. you can add to the list.

We can better understand what we are feeling through these venues, we can relate to the struggles, fear, sadness, injustice or joy of the characters. By having these venues to relate to is a beginning to finding some safety within to express ourselves.

You are not alone, given the magnitude of how many people use these outlets all of us are using them to validate our own expressiveness.

Carry on. Express away.

Thoughtful Thursday #279 – Reinvention

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It’s normal and necessary to reinvent ourselves over and over during our entire lifetime.

How do we reinvent ourselves, by changing the way we behave just like a singer who reinvents their career over and over. You are no different from a celebrity. You are the star of your own life and can grow and adapt as you go on in your precious life.

Don’t be afraid to experiment, you don’t have to explain or justify the new you, get out of your comfort zone, be honest with yourself and others.

Make your one and only life happy for you over and over. Find your courage, set some goals, create a plan, write it all down on paper, you can always change it as you go along, you may even have to relentlessly reassess. And take your time there is no finish line.

Have fun while you are at it and remind yourself every day that you are worth the effort.

Thoughtful Thursday #278 – On Being Proud

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When we feel proud our shoulders are erect, chest out, we walk without ego but with the sense of deep satisfaction and pleasure in our abilities and accomplishments. We feel grounded, balanced and strong.

What a wonderful way to live, unfortunately most of those moments are short lived.

How can we increase this ability to feel proud more often and on a regular basis?

All is not lost.

Make a list of every activity that makes you feel proud and accomplished. For example, finished your to do list, wrote in your diary, sang your favorite song, made time for your favorite hobby, made your mental health a priority for a while, talked compassionately to your inner self, ate well for one meal, made an effort to exercise, made an effort to be mindful of your actions, paid attention to what distracts you.

Make your own special list, your own original, signature, lifestyle list that belongs to you.

DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU PROUD, stick to it, don’t give up, involve yourself with those who share your interests, take baby steps, little tiny baby steps toward your own happiness, and be proud of your effort.

When involved with more and more activities that give you a deep sense of satisfaction something magical happens, something incognito and deceptively subtle happens.

Ever so slowly, you will become boldly self-assured, lack fear, be free from anxiety and know for certain you have chosen the right path of action for you.

Will any of this happen fast – not at all, this journey is about intimately discovering your talents, your dreams, your sore points, what you will tolerate and not tolerate.

You will learn about yourself so well that you will take actions toward creating your own-one of a kind – precious life. You are so worth it, and don’t you dare believe otherwise.

Carry on.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #277 – Feeling Safe After Trauma

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After trauma we can be so hypervigilant that anything will scare us, whether it’s a loud noise or scary thoughts, we perceive threats at every turn. This is a hard way to live; we just can’t relax and remain jumpy and tense, often for years.

As children grow they internalize levels of safety, if the caregivers were trustworthy the child feels safe enough to relax, if the caregivers were both physical and emotionally unsafe the child is always on alert to any real or imagined danger.

Many children never had or lost their sense of safety very early in life and grew unaware of any other options; this belief is carried into adulthood leaving the adult sometimes to create extreme safety methods like isolation. This would be a normal response to an abnormal childhood but in adulthood it is very unhealthy.

Take notice to what safety means to you, are you edgy in crowds, have no patience for mistakes and uncertainty, is safety something you find elusive and long for.

Giving a long list of methods of how to relax does not work, you must go deep into that scary trauma place, it won’t be easy, and temporarily scary and uncomfortable, but coming through to the other side of examining what your safety issues are and where they came from will expel that threat energy to relaxed energy that will create a safe space for you to heal.

Find that place where you deserve to heal, find someone you feel safe with, a therapist, friend, a piece of paper and pen, try any and all ideas you have to heal, you are worth the effort.

Thoughtful Thursday #276 – Compassion vs Empathy

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Compassion = being open to receive information and hearing distress without feeling it yourself. Compassionate listening allows you to be of help and feel for the person. There is emotional distance here.

Empathy = empathy is where you find some personal experience in you that resonates like a broken heart or tragedy. With empathy you feel the others feelings and become enmeshed with the person’s feelings. There is emotional involvement and hard to escape.

Both empathy and compassion are valuable. But empathy is emotional draining at times, compassion is  about mindfulness and loving kindness without bias.

Whichever you choose I hope it is for yourself first. You of all people deserve empathy and compassion.

This is one of the most loving and kind action you can do for yourself.

 

Thoughtful Thursday #272 – Saved

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How many times have we looked to a person or belief or religion or substance or cause to save us from those invisible, incognito feelings of fear, self-loathing, and undefinable agitation?

The world is built on self-avoidance. We are plummeted with advertisements about instant relief from anxiety and lightning fast methods leading to boastful self-esteem. Only to be disappointed over and over that these seemingly split second, twinkling flashes of being saved have not worked, we think it is us, we are not smart enough, not brave enough, missing the message because we are cursed.

We are all desperate to be saved. Saved from the pain and disappointment of unfortunate events, unexpected delays, and self-recrimination, not feeling worthy or good enough.

Here’s the bad news:  No one is coming to save you. Yes it is unfair but it’s a reality.

Here’s the good news: No one is coming to save you. This is ultimate freedom for you. You are free to create your own “saving”

At this very moment, as you consider your existence and choices with honesty, you are immediately “saved”.

Will your journey of saving yourself be easy, nope; it will be difficult at times, unbearable, unknown, and questionable, but as you process these steps and come out on the other side, your being saved will amount to the information you need to know yourself so well that no one, no person, no god, no curse, no cause and no belief can take from you.

You will stand saved in yourself, as yourself and with yourself, saved from mindlessly following what everyone else does to creating a one of a kind unique, individual life just for you.

The message is: You are so worth the effort of being “saved” by saving yourself.

Sending all of you buckets of gardenia, wisteria and lilies on your very own self-discovery journey.

Thoughtful Thursday #271 – José Micard Teixeira Author & Coach

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Here’s a post from one of my favorite writers, in this short article he says what most of us want to express.

His writing is a reminder that we must choose to be ourselves always even if you are unsure, scared or insecure. Live like  “a rebel with no shame” as Mr. Teixeira says.

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I repel everything that’s supposed to be. I reject everything that it’s imposed on me. I can’t stand conditions or hierarchies. All this immodesty and false humility angers me. I have a hard time accepting injustice and prejudice. I hardly can make friendships and partnerships because it demands from me what I don’t want or know how to give. I’m a loner with an optimistic attitude who seeks to postpone everyday his mental illness. I’m not mad, but I love the madness in finding me mad. I’m proud of who I am. I’m not going to change for anyone. I don’t care about what others think of me. I do what I want and I say whatever I feel like. I’m a rebel with no shame. There’s nothing else to do. I’ll die smiling.

José Micard Teixeira
Author & Coach

Thoughtful Thursday #262 – Independence

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Today is Independence day here in the USA, based on when the Declaration of Independence was signed we are now 242 years old. That is really young for an enormous country.

I am proud of my country, we have the best human and civil rights in the world. No where else can you pursue your own interests with so much freedom.

We have freedom of expression, we are free to examine and choose what to believe and choose our own lifestyles.

Congratulations to our wonderful United States of America.

 

 

Thoughful Thursday #258 – Frequency

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I don’t want to get all esoteric on you but we all vibrate at our own frequency.

Ever notice how you will meet someone who is passionate about the same things you are. You are both resonating with each other.

Ever notice how if you make up your mind to do something, then you get  everything you need to accomplish that something.

Ever notice how worry is a frequency for chaos, you worry then you bring negative results.

Ever notice that when your frequency is grounded, new opportunities and people flow into your life.

Yup, it’s all frequency, sometimes you meet someone and you just click. That is vibrating at the same frequency. Ever meet someone you really dislike, that is frequency.

These vibes are that mysterious thing that Mother Nature does to every living thing, it’s just one of the many ways she speaks to us and through us. These vibes are communicated and felt by others.

Our emotions, physical and mental states have vibes, our food has vibes, animals, places, the wind, the ocean, the world has vibes. Everything has a vibrational frequency.

It is so very helpful to pay attention to the vibes you pick up, this can give you vital information for making your little universe a happier and better place to live in.

Thoughtful Thursday #257 – Limitations Are Not Real

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Arguing for your limitations: it is so frustrating to hear someone insist that there is no way out of their uncomfortable situation, that they have no choices to choose from, that there trapped in a box and can’t get out.

To insist on believing that you are helpless is an argument in favor of you own self-imposed limitations. Stop doing that, you must stop creating your own traps, be curious about different ways of dealing with a situation, write your choices down and make them real, without distraction go inside of yourself and ask what you need to know, search for information that may be helpful in your quest.

If any of these suggestions make you cringe then friend I am here to tell you the truth of what is happening inside of you. It is fear, fear of change, not being good enough, not being worthy, retaliation for moving forward, the list goes on and on.

It is fear that causes one to argue for their limitations. Resistance is fear and resistance is the indicator that you must go towards what you fear because that is where your answers are.

You are never trapped, there is always an answer to your situation, and you are not helpless.

Will the change you so desperately crave be easy, nope it will not be easy. You will be required to put in effort to uncover what you need to change course and put yourself back on the road to your own happiness and continue creating a wonderful, miraculous life that you so rightly deserve.

Get started now, you are so worth it.