It is not easy to feel grief, we avoid it at all costs with distractions galore.
Allowing yourself to feel grief and cry and rage and weep are very healing actions to take you forward.
Grief that is not felt is invisible and holds you back. Clues that you are not feeling grief is lots of unfounded fear, perhaps you feel numb, anxious.
How can you get to a point where you can organically feel grief? Writing, talking to someone you trust, exercise, getting educated on recognizing grief, find a support group, being really good to yourself because you are hurting.
Grief work is a very personal journey, there is no timeframe, no right and wrong to process grief and your coping strategy will belong only to you. Only you have to validate this.
Is grief work easy, no it is not. It’s uncomfortable, the good news is that every opportunity you have to process and express grief the quicker it goes away.
I have had two strong flashbacks that has kicked my complex trauma response into high gear. That’s the thing with C-PTSD flashbacks, it places me in two worlds. The world of the past and the present.
Flashbacks are important in trauma recovery but not at all easy to process. Flashbacks are a necessary part of healing. You can’t heal if you don’t feel.
At this time there is a part of me that feels it’s safe enough to allow a repressed memory to surface. I am thankful for that. Doing this kind of work and the willingness to feel the feelings of the past uncovers underlying traumatic emotions.
Once the repressed feelings come to the surface it is easier to make positive change, stay in the present moment and get happy again.
Many of us have grown up in either mildly dysfunctional or maddeningly dysfunctional family systems. We could have lived through addictions, violence, mental illness, instability, abandonment and the result was trauma. At some point we have to stop seeking validation from those in our family system who can’t even validate themselves.
It’s time to separate. It’s time to let go of believing that they will change. It’s more probable that toxic people will always let you down and you deserve so much more. It’s time to miss events with those who are emotionally unavailable and toxic. When we separate we can acknowledge our pain and the depth of our family’s broken and unfit system. When we recognise our pain the healing begins.
When the healing begins you will regain your health, sanity, dignity and wholeness with this important and critical self-care. Will it be easy, nope. But so worth the effort.
It’s time to find out who you are in your own wholeness, separate from the trauma, drama and maladaptive idea of who you are. It’s time for you to go back to the unbroken and undamaged person you are meant to be, in one piece, peaceful and confident.
You are worth it.
Futility=Pointlessness and uselessness.
We can recognize futility by an emptiness, hollowness, inside your body. Maybe an action seems meaningless. Sometimes on certain days we may even feel ineffective and worthless.
Wow, that really sounds painful. That is surely true, that is what futility does, makes you feel really hopeless. No one wants to feel that way.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully feeling futile lasts only for a short time. Here are a few suggestions to lighten you up.
- These feelings are not permanent.
- What is the message futility is telling you, maybe you are feeling suppressed.
- Get some rest.
- Take some alone time to get back into alignment.
- It’s OK to feel sad and frustrated.
- Get professional help if you need it.
The more we learn about how we feel the better our lives will be. Take good care of yourself first.
We all have something we want to progress toward. A small thing or a large thing it doesn’t matter.
Progress is not all at once. Rather progress comes in bits and pieces, fits and starts, ups and downs, forward and backward.
That is OK and in a way that is how change happens, especially if the change is going to be permanent.
So in your frustration, when your progress is not fast enough, please remember that progress is not linear, it never will be. Going with the flow and being patient, putting one foot in front of the other will get you where you need to go, in soon enough time.
Growing up with one of my caregivers being schizophrenic and the other an addict made my childhood a living hell. Mental illness was the elephant in the room that no one talked about. Relatives kept away, no one wanted to get involved and there were not many resources for a child protection back then.
I am here to say that if you are feeling unsafe in your home and you are under 18, reach out to a school counselor or your teacher even a police officer, you can even walk into a criminal court and go to the victim services office for advice.
If you are over 18 and you are feeling unsafe in your home reach out to a therapist, find supportive allies, start creating distance with those who are unsafe. As an adult you can move around easier than a child can. You can leave your situation.
Being closely involved with those who have serious mental illness can make you feel crazy and unsure of your own sanity. It’s not you. Protect yourself because your very sanity and life depends on it.
You will come up against some who don’t want to get involved, that’s OK. Keep reaching out and you will prevail and regain the peace you deserve.
One of my FB friends gave me this idea. I am passing it along to you. Hope it helps.
It’s a detailed article about cognitive bias that we all carry at one time or another.
The better you know yourself the better your life experience.
Art can be many things, for example, like painting, writing, singing, cooking, fashion, music, etc. Creativity in the arts is subjective. The beauty or chaos of the creation belongs to the beholder.
There is a place in this world for everyone’s creations. There is someone or many someones that will resonate with what you create. Whether it’s a painting or an article or a cake, there will be those that love it.
Therefore, as creative creatures we must never give up in creating and sharing our creations with the world at large. Share your creations on a blog, on Facebook, your family, friends or neighbors. Share what you have, someone needs to see it, perhaps to brighten their day.
And if you get a negative remark on your creation, just brush it off. Remarks are from those who are either jealous, out of touch with the beauty in any creation, or just plain miserable. Don’t let that bring you down. Keep creating and keep showing.
The world needs your creativity.
Ever wonder why you have certain beliefs that you stubbornly refuse to unbelieve? Eg. Only my religion is the right one.
Which ideas do you believe are true? Eg. All electronic equipment is reliable.
How many beliefs fall into the broad generalization category? Eg. All women can sew and all men can fix a car.
Is the belief based on emotion or evidence or did you swallow a second-hand opinion.
Self-examination of our beliefs is one true path to freedom. But be warned. It is not the easiest.
If your heart is beating, if your lungs are breathing, if you are still alive… then it is not too late to do something kind, creative, generous, satisfying, and courageous. Today.
It is not too late to behave like the person you want to be — instead of continuing in a cycle of behavior that you will regret.
You might feel sleepy. It might be tough. It could seem preferable to just sit this one out.
Today is not over yet.