I was mean today and I liked it. I plan on being mean again soon. I had to put someone in their place today because I don’t respond well to being disrespected and screamed at.
Being mean keeps nasty people away. Being mean makes others notice and pay attention to what you are saying. Being mean works in getting your way.
I am not mean all the time, only when my back is against the wall or blamed for something I didn’t do or when someone is victimizing me.
Being mean is a form of emotionally protecting yourself. It takes courage to be mean. If you are nice all the time you will be taken advantage of. It’s great to be kind and loving and peaceful, but there are times to stand up for yourself, especially when dealing with people who want to get comfortable with obliterating your boundaries. It’s OK to be perceived as a villain.
Those who see you as a villain are the bad guys. Those who don’t see you as a villain are your fans.
Protecting yourself is vital to living a happy life. Otherwise you will feel hopeless.
Go ahead, protect yourself.
I admit it. I like to be right. Everyone does.
However to demand others see things our way is actually wrong. The need to be right all the time comes from the fear of losing control and credibility and feeling threatened. That is a real uncomfortable way to live.
“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” – Pema Chodron
Here’s 5 negative results of insisting on being right all the time.
- You will not be open to other possibilities.
- You see others in a condescending and belittling manner.
- There is no open dialog.
- You will end up alone and isolated.
- It is disrespectful to others.
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” -Anthony Robbins
Here’s 5 positive results of letting go of being right all the time.
- You become kinder and accepting without feeling threatened.
- You become more compassionate and understanding.
- You can communicate better.
- You will be open to new experiences.
- You will have the willingness to be wrong.
“You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.”- Marcia Wieder
If we can, for just a moment, become detached from the need to be right and listen to another’s opinion we open ourselves to deeper understanding and acceptance. Being detached to having it your way will also eliminate judgement and resistance.
So be considerate to others by being confident enough to live without the need to be right. You will be happier, unafraid to make mistakes, kinder, willing to learn, humble and brave enough to build character.
Happy— I Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time— Day.
We are destined to repeat the same patterns of negativity until we examine them.
If you find yourself in destructive patterns over and over it is Mother Nature’s signal to stop what you are doing and examine it. Believe it or not there are signals from Mother Nature and your higher self-telling you to destroy what you don’t need to repeat. This is actually a healthy part of you reaching out and saying: “Enough is enough it’s time to look at what is going on here”.
Here is a secret, you can be sure that your mind will tell you this is not true and try all kinds of tricks to stop you from moving forward. Don’t listen to the lies your mind tells you. Your mind says these things because it is afraid to feel anything. It wants you to stay the same and be safe. But eventually the pain will be too much and you will either squash it with more self-destruction or do yourself a favor and reach out with kindness for yourself and examine what you are doing.
It is not easy to be honest about how we feel and the actions we take. It just takes a tiny step in a healing direction. A tiny risk of looking at your own beliefs, a tiny look at who we pretend to be and who we really are.
You are strong enough, smart enough, have time enough, love yourself enough to do this work, you are brave enough and lucky enough to be on this path. You are worth it too. And a bonus, your family, friends, pets, and all you touch will heal as you heal.
Reach out and find a therapy, a part of nature, a hobby you are inspired by and follow it. There may not be any outward signs to follow; some signals will come from an internal place and manifest in the here and now. Your intuition will speak, your adult self will act and the child in you will rejoice.
I don’t trust very quickly. I like to wait and see where a situation or person leads to. It’s wonderful to have people you can trust but that is rare because people are people and wrapped up in their own stuff.
I am better at trusting me. How can we get better at trusting ourselves?
- Be the CEO of your own life.
- Pay attention to your instincts.
- Go with the flow, try not to force but let life unfold.
- Listen to your body.
- Quiet your mind.
These are some basic ways for developing a sense of trust in yourself and the more you trust yourself the better you know what your next step is and who to trust.
It is my opinion and experience that there are many parts to me. In a schizophrenic way we are all made up of many internal parts to greater or lesser degrees. We have the part that we show to the everyday world, a part that is the child, the part that is wounded, the love seeker, the angry one and many others. How do we know who is out and who isn’t?
If you feel stuck and frustrated there is probably and internal conflict going on between your inner parts.
The fastest way to figure out what you are thinking is to write. Sit down with a pen or at your computer and bang out what you are thinking and feeling. This will allow your inner parts a voice. At some point you will experience a window of space, of expansiveness where you will be insightful. This happened because you allowed your inner parts a voice and they get quiet. This type of writing is done frequently. The more you write from your inner parts the better you feel and more likely to change for the better.
You are worth the time and effort it takes to learn about yourself. It’s time to grow.
It is not easy to examine ourselves. It can be torture. We can automatically wipe away the deep reasons we act out. We say “Why the heck did I do that?” Most of the time we can’t find a conscious reason so we shrug our shoulders, raise our hands and walk away. We are uncomfortable with ourselves not knowing exactly what is going on beneath the surface of our thinking. But there is this gnawing, strange feeling that something is not right.
Pay attention to that feeling, it’s trying to tell you something. It is telling you to slow down and listen. It’s that small voice that is telling you why you do the things you do. When you hear it stop what you are doing and write down what was said.
Your mind will begin it’s chatter again but you will have the message to refer to anytime.
It’s not easy to ask those tough questions: Why am I not happy, why did I react that way, why, why, why. Ask without judgement and when you find the answer examine it without judgement.
It’s up to you to change or not. Just try in tiny steps and take those steps without judgement. Become a witness to you own motives. You may be surprised at what to observe.
Beliefs are a big thing. It’s also and unconscious big thing. We don’t even realize what we believe. Are our beliefs internalized by our environment? Or based on trauma? Or accumulated by social interactions?
Beliefs are formed in these ways and many others. You won’t know what your beliefs are until you examine what you do believe. This is not easy. We do behaviors usually by habit. Beliefs are a habit too.
For this moment think about your beliefs. Are they helpful? Are they hurtful? Are you allowing or not allowing all life experiences to come into your life so you can grow or are you hiding behind some false belief?
Do you believe you are an important part of life? Because you are important. You deserve all of life’s good stuff. Sometimes our beliefs get in the way.
Next time you feel a resistance to an experience take a look if it’s your belief. You might be surprised that it is a false belief.
It’s OK to get rid of those outdated beliefs. Do it as soon as possible.
Depression – Ugh – That feeling that nothing matters and all is hopeless. But lets take another look. Depression just might be your friend. It is probably telling you something is wrong. Maybe its your job, relationships, the drug you use, the lifestyle you have, and that it’s time for a change.
The reason you feel so bad is that you refuse to listen to the changes you need to make. Change is hard but it’s better than living in a constant state of misery and hopelessness.
Don’t believe the lies that your fear will tell you that you are helpless to change. That is not true. You are capable of doing anything you want to do.
Now get out there and make a plan. Do one baby step. Only baby steps. Only baby steps work. You can do it.
This election has been quite a surprise. Some citizens are happy, some citizens are sad. And that is OK. We have lived through many questionable presidents.
There is nothing you can do about who is president. Not even your vote counted because the Electoral College is the one who really picks the president. Don’t believe me? Check for yourself. The only reason you vote is to express your opinion to the Electoral College. Therefore, how much control did you really have when you voted. Not much. That was an illusion.
Control of others is an illusion. Period. You can influence but not control. I am talking adults here. How frustrating it is to know that you mostly can’t control conditions outside of you. You are probably shouting at this post right now saying she doesn’t know what she is talking about. But you can’t control what I write nor can I control how you view my writing.
Controlling yourself is the best way to effect your own life for the better. You have control over your effort, lifestyle, job, relationships and any other choice you make for yourself. That is the power you have right now that can be used at anytime.
Focusing on your own life is vastly more important than who is president. Focus on what is in your control not what is outside of it.
My dog passed away suddenly a few days ago. Needless to say my feelings are very raw. I still feel he is here with me. Today I drove past the dog park where we went every day and the tears welled up as I recalled our usual routine. I posted pictures on my Facebook page of him too. I am happy when I look at those pictures. He was my constant companion for nearly nine years. My entire schedule revolved around him mainly because he was a Rottweiler and Labrador mix, one hundred and twenty pounds and needed a lot of attention. Also living in a small apartment made it necessary to go out at least three times a day.
With his death I got to thinking about his life. I don’t want to go too deep in theory but instead I want to bring it to everyday events. I got him when he was six weeks old and he was meaningful to me because he was so loyal and loving. He was always happy to see me. Never judgmental or rude. He was happy just to be with me no matter what I was doing. He knew his job was to protect me and my family and he did it well. There is no one who could replace him. The every day work to maintain a big dog was hard at times but I had to do it because he needed me and I needed him.
I will always remember him and his big personality and courage and love. His death is a reminder that the life of a dog can be very short and we must remember to cherish our pets for as long as we have them.