Tag Archives: writing

Detachment repost from July 6, 2014

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Detachment And Other Stuff

I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled. That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?

I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.

I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.

Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster. However I find waiting really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.

The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.

What is the truth behind all of this?

1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.

2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.

3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.

4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.

5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I like it or not.

6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.

I ask these questions:

What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?

What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?

What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?

What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?

What would it be like if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?

What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?

What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?

I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.

It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.

It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.

It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.

From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.

How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.

Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.

I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.

You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.

Quit List

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Quitting is not a bad thing especially if its quitting bad stuff.

Here is my personal quit list.

It’s just a start.

Ready, get set, QUIT !

1.   Quit allowing my emotions run my life. Detachment is better.

2.   Quit procrastinating. Start fearless actions in improvement.

3.   Quit obsessing about things that are none of my business. Focus on what matters only to my improvement.

 4.   Quit being blind to my own self sabotage. Refuse to fall asleep on my behavior.

5.   Quit isolating myself. Make enormous effort to be in the world.

6.   Quit not speaking my mind. Speak up when appropriate and not hold back.

7.   Quit being judgmental to anyone. There is always a lesson there.

8.   Quit refusing to change. Say yes to everything.

9.   Quit refusing to push myself. I know there is more I can do.

10. Quit holding myself back. I forgot how to be really powerful.

11. Quit believing I am trapped. I am not helpless.

12. Quit believing life is hopeless. It is no where near hopeless.

13. Quit copying a life I really don’t want. Be original

Watch out world – I’m back to myself again.

What is your quit list?

If you can quit just one thing that holds you back do it today.

 

 

Martie McNabb – Personal Historian – Memories Out of the Box

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Martie McNabb Profile Picture

 

I met Martie McNabb at one of the local chapter Association of Personal Historian meetings last year. She owns and operates a business in Brooklyn, NY She is a visual artist who tells personal history stories in books (& other display products) using only photos & memorabilia. Her books are created to let the reader tell the story in their own words. Which makes for a better story. Martie has been in business for over nine years and she is graciously going to share her wisdom and insights with us today.

Purelysimplewords (PSW): Welcome Martie. I know you are really busy so thanks for your time.

Martie McNabb (MM): Not busy with a lot of paid work.

PSW: It’s like that everywhere.

MM: It’s a standard thing. It’s the three stages of building a business. Visibility, Credibility and Profitability. Memories Out of the Box is heading into the Profitability stage but we are not there yet.

PSW: How long have you been doing Personal History work?

MM: We are coming up to 9 to 10 years.

PSW: That’s a long time!

MM: Personal Historians in general have a difficult time selling our services. At least people know what to do (as a memoir writer). There are no words (text) in the work I do, except those that are in documents or memorabilia. Occasionally if a client wants it but then they have to do the work. But the majority of my clients don’t have the time to caption anything. They look to what I create as an opportunity for storytelling. They pull the book off the shelf and sit down with their family and they go through it and reminisce and remember and reconnect with one another and that’s where the words come in as part of an individual, family or organizational oral tradition.

PSW: How did you get started as a Personal Historian?

MM: I was a high school Biology teacher in the city here for 8 ½ years. I wasn’t burnt out but I was crispy around the edges. I knew I couldn’t stay doing it. Mainly I love the kids but got burnt out by the administration and politics of education. As we know all the money is going into testing. Companies like Pearson Testing and curriculum companies are making a fortune off of it but the reality of it is you need to train teachers really, really well then you give them all the support they need to become excellent teachers then leave them the Fuck alone.

PSW: I agree with you on that one.

MM: No administrator would go into a cardiac surgeon’s operating room and tell them what to do. Teachers need the same respect. It’s not the money. The money is really good but it was all the other stuff. Anyway I had to leave there and I was just trying to figure what to do. I went back to my first career which was sign language interpreting. Which I still do occasionally if I need cash. Then I said, “What’s next?”

I decided to take a 16 week business class called Workshop in Business Opportunities (WIBO) which met once a week, we had homework. It cost me $99 and they had a curriculum they taught you and had different people who came in and taught you about different areas of building a business. It was an opportunity to meet other entrepreneurs too. I was not thinking of one business and around that time I went to visit a friend in North Carolina. I hadn’t seen my friend in 6 years . When I saw her she felt it was so important to tell me that she had become an aunt in that 6 year period. Her twin sister had two girls and all she wanted to do was show me pictures of her nieces. She spent half the visit going back and forth to her bedroom trying to find the right dresser drawer with the right envelope with the right picture in it. It occurred to me, why do we document the heck out of our lives. We take photos, we collect all kinds of stuff that document the things we remember. Touchstones that really make a difference for us. We hold on to them but so rarely do anything with them. They just sit in a box, mainly that’s how Memories Out of the Box came about.

I wondered how many other people have this problem. Needless to say it was a very informal marketing search. There is no known research about it at this point. All I can tell is we can see hundreds and thousands of old photographs at tag sales and flea markets and antique stores, the problem of what do you do with your photos have been around for a very long time. Because they are ending up in tag sales and flea markets and auctions. Someone in whatever family did nothing with them. You find old scrap books from the 20’s and 30’s and even earlier that have nothing in them. Perhaps the first couple of pages have photos in them and the rest nothing. I think the challenge of what we do with our photos, documents and memorabilia of our lives has been going on for a long time. But again I don’t have hard and fast truth of it. I started to think about it and ask people about it and said OK what valuable service can I offer because there seems to be a big need for it. Let me try opening this business. And so I did.

PSW: What do you enjoy most about doing this type of work?

MM: The most difficult part of this work is getting more work. It’s getting the word out to people to say I can do this work, people don’t understand that they can hand me their boxes, bags or key to their storage unit or whatever and I can do the majority of the work all by myself. Without them being there.

The next thing is I don’t spend enough time actually doing the work, because the clients are motivated to do it but it is not on the top of their priority list, especially for my clients basically since they handed it off to me and given me a check. It sometimes takes a little while to get back to me so I can move forward on these projects.

But the best part is when I am finally getting into my studio and start to work on these projects it’s pure joy. Time just stands still and I just get into this space of loving to be a part of telling this story. Of this visual narrative and I get to know the characters, I see where they go and what is important to them, what they do and who are their friends. I see children grow up and the weddings that have been in boxes for 22 years. They finally get into a beautiful book and get delivered to a husband and wife for their 23rd wedding anniversary. It’s the joy of creating the finished display product that is what I love and also it’s just being able to know that when I hand these projects back to my clients they are so thrilled. Many of these people thought about what to do with these boxes for years if not decades. Here when I say it is not a priority. I say it is not a top priority, but it is in the back of their minds and they think they have to do something with these. I have to find those wedding photos, the trips we took or my daughters baby book that I never finished and now my daughter’s is graduating from college. All of these things that were in the back of their minds but they have not done anything with it. The sense of relief they have when it’s done, they can sit down and look through it, share and reminisce. I have had some that were so excited to get the finished book, sit with some wine and go through each page and relish every moment. These are some reasons I love doing what I do.

PSW: Do you put the actual pictures in a book or do you scan them and put the scan in the book?

MM: It all depends on what my clients want and what the end product is. 1. I can take the original photos, documents, postcards, letters cards, teeth, locks of hair,. brochures, maps and all of that put them in a photo safe scrapbook with adhesive that is photo safe and archival quality. This is called a one off. A big challenge for the client is what to do with the originals if they want a digital book. There is still a preservation issue to that. Many of my clients don’t have a lot of storage space so they may never do anything with the originals. 2. I can scan each individual photo and document to create a digital book that can be printed. Either way is fine but I often ask what the clients plan on doing with the originals.

Many clients just want one copy because they know they are not going to do anything with the originals. The best protection for the items is to be in a book. That gives the archive the most probable chance of surviving and being preserved.

PSW: What is digitizing?

MM: Scanning and digitizing is the same thing, most of the books I create are large. Most are 12 x 12 or 14 x 14. They can’t be scanned in a typical scanner. I have a friend who is a product photographer and takes high quality photos. His studio is set up so that he can photograph each page which creates a digital image. I can then have a back up copy to send off to a book publisher or printer and have a copy made.

PSW: You have been in this business for a long time. From where you began to where you are now what has not worked and what have you learned from it?

MM: Needless to say I have had many failures. This is my first forte in owning a business. No one in my immediate family has ever owned a business. My great grandfather and his six brothers started a company back in the late 1800’s to early 1900’s. Other than that it’s been hit or miss on my side. I am primarily on my own. Because it is a new industry and concept even before I knew anything about the Association of Personal Historians I started Memories Out of the Box. There was no road map. There could be other companies out there that do the work I do but I can’t find them. There is one that is similar by a woman in Oregon. Also Taylor Whitney in Albany, NY. But no one does the visual story telling as I do.

My clients are not the type to send their precious items out to be organized/scanned so I decided to open an store in Brooklyn, NY that sold photo albums and scrapbooks and frames, I had classes, workshops and studio space for those who had these projects in mind but no room in their house. Some people worked with me on a coaching basis. I got great feedback from people in the area. As a result I got over 400 email addresses. If I got a nickel for every time I was told this store is a great idea I would be rolling in it now. I did acquire a great client who I still work with. I am working on book 9, 10 and 11.

Unfortunately, the store did not work out for various reasons like the economy and my lack of business experience. It was in essence a “failure”. So what did I learn from it. By living in this neighborhood for 20 years having a store increased my visibility and credibility. I was smart enough to adjust my path to continue the work that I do. Which is all I want to do. I did not give up. I continued to offer my services I learned I hate retail. I learned I can fail, learn from it and make better mistakes next time. I learned to take my financial life seriously. Being CFO of my financial life is new to me and I am learning to handle that.

PSW: Who would you say is the most interesting client you have ever had?

MM: This is a woman I met when I opened my store. She is like a hurricane and has a huge heart. She takes the time to sit down and really listens and connects with you . As I mentioned I am working on book 9, 10 and 11 for her. She inherited a box of stuff from her mother dating back to the 18 and 1900’s that I organized, curated and placed in a book. When her son was 13 I made a book for him. I have seen her family grow. I have taken trips with them, and she is welcoming, friendly, and trusting. She makes me feel I am part of that family and I really love that about her. Hopefully I will be there to do wedding albums for her sons and daughter as we move forward. It is wonderful to be a family’s visual narrator.

PSW: What advice would you like to pass on about having your own business and being a personal historian?

MM: First is you learn important things about yourself, deep things. Having your own business is not like having a job. It’s about starting and growing a business you believe in.

In terms of a personal history business there is no question that it is in the beginning stages and it will grow. We are the life story people after all.

I just connected with Story Corp. They say that they make recordings that go into the Library the Congress so your great great great grandchildren can listen to your story. Sadly I think this does not happen though because Story Corps doesn’t help the individuals preserve the DVD they are given &/or create a tradition that makes sure the family knows that this recording even exists. When I come across CD’s & DVD’s in the boxes I work with I make sure they are included in my end product and backed up in some way so these ancestral voices aren’t lost. Personal Historians are not only concerned about telling or recording stories but also about preserving them for future generations that know that they are there.

PSW: is there anything else you would like to add?

MM: I encourage everyone to check out our Show & Tell events. They are great opportunities to share lives and legacy. It’s a fun event. The events are free too.

Join us online:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/showandtellit
Meetup: http://www.meetup.com/Show-Tell-it/

PSW: Thank you Martie for sharing your world with us.

Martie is talented and generous with her expertise. Her visual narratives are unique and each one of her creations is one of a kind. She is passionate about everyone not leaving the story of their lives stuck in a box.

To find out more about Martie McNabb, her portfolio, the process she uses, adult show and tell events and her work go to: memoriesoutofthebox.com. (718) 398-1519 Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, NY

Codependents Avoidance Patterns

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Codependents often…………………

 

. act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them

. judge harshly what others thin, say or do

. avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance

. allow addictions to people, places and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationship

. use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation

. diminish their capacity to have healthy relationship by declining to use the tool of recovery

. suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable

. pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away

. refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater thatn themselves

. believe displays to emotion are a sign of weakness

. withhold expressions of appreciation

From CODA.org

 

 

Thoughful Thursdays #61- How To Stop Worrying

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Worry is the mother of procrastination. Worry paralyzes, warps and misinforms our already overloaded minds. Here is a simple two step solution to stop worrying.

Accept how you are feeling at the moment.

Accept what is going on at the moment.

As you accept your feelings and environment the truth will be revealed, what you don’t need will fall away automatically, what you need will come to you effortlessly.

g. piazza

C. Hope Clark – Mystery Writer and Writing Entrepreneur

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c. hope clark image 3c. hope clark image 1c. hope clark image 2

 

I am a big fan of C. Hope Clark and have been following her for more than a year. Her newsletter is full advice for writers and includes 75+ paying opportunities in each issue. She is smart, savvy and prolific writer who’s life style and advice is both practical and timeless. She has graciously allowed me to interview her about her work and generously shares her ‘secrets’ to success.

C. Hope Clark was born and reared in the South, from Mississippi to South Carolina with a few stints in Alabama and Georgia. The granddaughter of a Mississippi cotton farmer, Hope holds a B. S. in Agriculture with honors from Clemson University and 25 years experience with the U.S. Department of Agriculture to include awards for her management, all of which enable her to talk the talk of Carolina Slade, the protagonist in most of her novels. Her love of writing, however, carried her up the ranks to the ability to retire young, and she left USDA to pen her stories and freelance.

Let’s Welcome C. Hope Clark.

1. As a successful writer and entrepreneur what have you learned about yourself in the way of your capabilities and creative evolution?

What a strong question! Actually, I’ve learned that I cannot ride on the waves of fads, and that all I accomplish is from my proactivity, not chance. My writing gets better because I fight to learn how to make it better. Every time I pick up my work, I study it for improvement. I read my genre intensely, seeking what makes for success in successful books. My promotion is only as good as I make it. Slow and steady actually can win the race. When I thought I could not keep going is when I made myself stay in front of the screen and work through it. But I am as good as I make myself. Worrying about the odds, or fearing rejection, or wondering if I can make a living at this, will only sap energy that  could be used in moving forward. I love to write. It’s as simple as that. So why should anything get in my way to do so?

2. Do you recommend writing about what you know and what you are interested in to put in a story or non fiction piece?

I believe in learning how to write before you get overly active moving outside your comfort zone with the material. That means in your early days, you write what you know until you’ve honed your voice. That way you’re not going nuts balancing finding the voice AND researching the material. Then as your writing grows, your research and subject stretch grows as well. Writing isn’t one of those endeavors you just decide to jump into and then see if you can swim. It’s a ladder, and you have to climb one rung at a time.

3. Was there ever a time where you wanted to give up and how did you keep going?

There were moments, and there still are moments. I had one just two weeks ago. Keep in mind that nobody really “arrives.” It’s a continual journey with no end. Everyone has bad days along that journey. Novels are draining and time consuming, and when readers don’t give reviews or the feedback is silent, you wonder if you’re scratching the surface and making any difference. Or pre-getting published, you wonder if you are wasting your time trying to be a writer. Happens to everyone. I think I kept going via stubbornness. I’ve always been a person who hated to be bested, hated failure. If I have a bad day, I make myself write through it. That’s what’s great about journaling or even blogging (if you don’t whine). Having shoulder of at least one person helps. They help put your irrational thoughts into  perspective.

4. How were you inspired to create FundsforWriters?

I went into FundsforWriters kicking and screaming, actually. I was writing mystery, hoping to leave the day job one day. But I was also freelancing, writing online, which in the late nineties, was a novel concept. Nobody understood that writing for the web and for print were entirely different. Somebody saw my name on a site, asked me to speak to their writer’s group. I did, and the subject morphed into a talk about writers being broke. In my day job, I managed an agency’s budget and had advised loan and grant clients, so I slid into my day-speak talking about earning money and managing it and how there were grants, contests and freelance markets for writers who were trying to write books. The emails started pouring in as a result, and I created a newsletter to answer all the questions once a week, so I could write my own work. The  readership exploded in a few months, then a year, to where it is now. I interpreted it as a higher power telling me to use what I know to get my foot in the door and my name known as a writer. It worked. FFW is now 15 years old and 40 plus thousand readers, and Writer’s Digest has selected it in its 101 Best Websites for Writers for the past 14 years.

5. What are the best ways to network and get the word out about ones work?

There is no best way. That’s what’s so great about this profession. It’s pure freelance and creativity, down to and including the promotion. If there was one best way, everyone would be doing it. You define your strengths, your writing goals, and your style, and then you set up the networking and promo. Because it’s not what you do but how intensely you do it. There are a lot of people going through the motions out there, but few show the passion. Passion is a drug, for the writer and the fans. Everyone wants a taste of it to feel more alive. So decide how you want to make a name for yourself and go at it like gangbusters. Stay hungry.

That said, everyone needs a home base online, and the way Facebook changes all the time, sabotaging how many of your fans can see your posts and vice versa, I suggest that home base not be social media. Website or blog. Where can people find out about you, and use that link in everything. And draw it up professionally. If your site and blog look cheap and homespun, guess what . . . that’s how your writing will be perceived.

But your personality and voice are as important as the quality of your writing. Be seen. Promote daily. I believe at least 25% of your writing time should be spent in marketing. Consider speaking. Guest blog. Respond with very intellectual, well-thought out responses on others blogs. Get busy in the forums about your genre (the readers, not the writers). It will feel like nothing is happening, and it might take a year or more, but you do it daily.

And word of mouth is so important. Don’t be afraid to admit you are a writer, and don’t be afraid to ask others to talk about you.

6. I understand Low Country Bribe is loosely based on your real life experiences and meeting and marrying your husband. That is really romantic. Are all your mysteries based on your personal experience?

No. That history was the catalyst for the series, but the rest of my fiction is just that, made up. Sure, I insert memories, experiences, pieces of friends and family in the mix, but that’s how any author writes. But I love it that people cannot tell the fact from the fiction. That means I’ve done my job well.

7. What is your typical day like?

I like my days loose, so they might change. The only thing that doesn’t change is that when I have ten minutes to write, promote or answer email, I am at the computer off and on day and night. I rise late, around 9-10 AM because I write into the night. I answer email (which takes a while) which might include interviews like this or doling advice to someone with a question or problem. I might work on the FFW newsletters. In the afternoon, I go to the gym, garden and/or tend my chickens. Then dinner, often on the back porch overlooking the lake with my husband and dachshunds. But then it’s back to work finishing work on FFW, marketing/social media, then at night I write fiction. Admittedly, I’m a mystery addict, so I have my certain TV shows where hubby and I try to dissect the stories. We compete on who can solve the crime first. But deep into the night, I write hard. How many words depends on whether I have a deadline, but do a lot of guest blogging (usually written in the day) and I’m trying to write two books a year now. Trying is the operative word there, because I haven’t quite met that goal yet.

I do this 7 days a week, but admittedly, my light day is Saturday. The newsletters are out and there’s less email, so I often work less those days.

8. Is there anyone who inspires your writing?

I love reading great writing, and I take notes all the time. I love all sorts of mystery writers, but the best overall writer whose prose I think sings is Pat Conroy. Other writers include Lee Child, Lisa Gardner, and whoever I’ve discovered lately. It’s a moving target. But I write my way, and I never keep someone in mind as an idol. I don’t want an idol. I want to just write better.

9. Are you working on anything new?

I am always working on something new. A serious writer ALWAYS has an active project. I just turned in a completed manuscript for a book coming out in September. I’m writing the first draft of the one behind it. I’ve outlined another to come behind that one. If you want to be a serious writer, you write all the time. Anyone waiting for the muse, or such bunk, is making excuses. Writing is a job, a profession. You don’t choose what days to go to work.

10. What advice would you like to share with new writers?

Get serious. Write daily. Fight to learn something new about writing constantly. Edit until your eyes bleed, then get others to edit your work after that. You are seeking perfection, though nobody ever achieves it. Readers can tell when you’ve invested yourself in your work. Each edited word matters. Writing is either a hobby or a profession, and there’s nothing wrong with either one. Just know that your success is contingent upon your focus, your time invested, and your goals, because it takes all three of those to make your writing better.
Thank you Hope for sharing the essence of your life and work ethics and dream of being a writer. You are certainly my inspiration.

Hope is a special person who has made it her burning desire to act on her dreams. That’s what life is all about. Hope barrels through any obstruction that gets in the way of her dream and is extremely successful at it. Hope has generously shared how she lives that dream. Take her advice seriously and you will be living your dream too.

To learn more about C. Hope Clark and her work visit these websites:
—www.fundsforwriters.com and www.chopeclark.com .
C. Hope Clark author of:
The Carolina Slade Mystery Series, Bell Bridge Books
http://www.chopeclark.com
-and-
Editor, FundsforWriters, http://www.fundsforwriters.com
Writer’s Digest 101 Best Websites for Writers, 2001-2014

Thoughtful Thursdays #60 – Synchronicity

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I have been reading “Unexpected Miracles -The Gift of Synchronicity and How to Open It”  by David Richo.

From Chapter 1:

What is synchronicity?

Synchronicity is the phenomenon of meaningful coincidence. It is a resemblance, concurrence, correspondence, or connection between something going on outside of us and something happening inside of us.

I am not criticizing the book at all. I am always enlightened by Mr. Richo’s work.  But that definition seems a little complicated to me. My definition of synchronicity is when you are ready to move forward in your personal evolution, situations and events will appear with no effort on your part.

You can’t rush anything, you can only keep moving in your personal evolution and be open to the marvelous coincidences that arrive.

And be willing to move forward no matter where it leads.

Sounds good to me.

Thank you Mr. Richo for your contribution to my personal evolution.

Your Tribe

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When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks,

but celebrate them with

glad cries of “Me, too”

be sure you cherish them.

because those weirdos are

your tribe.

Sweatpants and Coffee

Searching for our DNA

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There is something in our DNA that has us gravitate toward certain people.

It goes something like this:

orange me, red me

talk to me, bleed me,

the blood in my veins flows into yours

like a river,

with no pain,

dancing lovely down stream.

samba with me, be with me,

we are healed already

in our DNA.

we belong to each other

without possession.

melt with me, work with me,

take me to other realms

outside of normal

there is no normal

ground me, electrify me

stay with me

connect with me,

hear me, see me,

begin with me, end as us

always.

 Connections between people happen on many levels. Some levels are obvious some are hidden. If you can just stay aware and awake long enough. You will find the reason. And grow from there.

Happy Searching.

Life is Short

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The stroke was unexpected and sudden. His wife rushed him to the hospital after he vomited all over himself. As he lay in the hospital waiting treatment, he drifted into a coma. He was a hemophiliac. Did I know? No I did not.

Those are the words I remember at the wake I went to yesterday of a friend I knew since I was a child. He passed away this past Friday because the stroke severed an important communique in the brain. The part that tells your brain when to eat and breathe.

He lay in a coma for two months then on Friday when is body gave out he passed.

My friend is Chinese. I had never been to a Chinese wake. Upon entering I could hear the Amitoufo chant. If you are not familiar with this Buddha, he is the Buddha of Light and Life. He comes for you and brings you to the Pure Land when you pass. The wake  is very much like Christian wakes but if you were Chinese you were asked to light incense and bow three times. Those who were non-Chinese where told where to walk to view the body. The family rolled paper tubes with silver and gold on it and threw them into a small fire furnace. This was to release his spirit into the great beyond.

As I walked up to the casket, he was unrecognizable. All the plumpness had evaporated into thin leather skin. The make up helped make him look like he was sleeping. But not really. He lay in a  beautiful coffin in mahogany red and he was in an impeccable suit and tie. Of course the coffin was in the customary half open from the hips up and closed from the hips down. Much like a flat dutch door. An easel with a picture of him healthy and casual. He was always casual. This was the first time I saw him dressed up.

The eulogy was said by a Chinese officiant and a born again Christian man who my friend worked with. The words were of how he was always helping people, volunteered at 9/11, would go out of his way for his friends, and loved his wife and two small children. He worked at the same job for twenty seven years. The tears were endless. His father and mother, sisters and brother, nieces and nephews, wife, children, in laws, friends were openly sad. Me included.

 

I took notice that there were fifty three funeral arrangements. I have never seen so many flowers at a wake. How wonderful to be remembered in such a fond way.

We were closer when we were younger but over the years we would run into each other here and there  and give updates  about how our lives were going. I ran into him at the grocery store about a month before the stroke. I was meant to see him one last time without knowing I would never see him again.

I feel so lucky to know someone for such an incredible amount of years. And be a part of  his life. Most people I meet come and go quickly and there is not enough time to be comfortable. With him I was comfortable.

After the eulogy most of the crowd walked into the lobby to eat some Chinese pastries with coffee and tea. We went from one board to another looking at his life from childhood to fatherhood.

It is my belief that when you die your spirit has to become acclimated to its new form so you stick around for a while. That has been my experience with loved ones who pass away. They stick around and then become less and less dense when they are ready.

As I looked at his pictures there he was in spirit right next to me. Smiling and happy and plump with life  that he was so richly remembered. I know I will always remember him. And how in his short life he used goodness and kindness towards others in remarkable ways to make a difference.

I am inspired to do the same. Thank you for the reminder that life is very short and to do the best you can.  Thanks for being in my life.

That is an incredible way to be remembered.

Amitoufo, buddy. RIP