Detachment And Other Stuff
I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled. That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?
I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.
I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.
Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster. However I find waiting really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.
The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.
What is the truth behind all of this?
1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.
2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.
3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.
4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.
5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I like it or not.
6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.
I ask these questions:
What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?
What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?
What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?
What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?
What would it be like if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?
What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?
What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?
I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.
It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.
It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.
It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.
From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.
How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.
Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.
I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.
You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.