Daily Archives: July 29, 2014

Honesty

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Honesty is painful.

Especially when you don’t want to hear it.

g. piazza

Codependents Avoidance Patterns

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Codependents often…………………

 

. act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them

. judge harshly what others thin, say or do

. avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance

. allow addictions to people, places and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationship

. use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation

. diminish their capacity to have healthy relationship by declining to use the tool of recovery

. suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable

. pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away

. refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater thatn themselves

. believe displays to emotion are a sign of weakness

. withhold expressions of appreciation

From CODA.org

 

 

Codependents Control Patterns

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Codependents often…………………

 

. believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves

. attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel

. freely offer advice and direction without being asked

. become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice

. lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence

. use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance

. have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others

. demand that their needs be met by others

. use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally

. refuse to cooperate, compromise or negotiate

. adopt an attitude to indifference, helplessness, authority or rage to manipulate outcomes

. use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others

. pretend to agree with others to get what they want

 

from CODA.org

 

 

 

Codependents Compliance Patterns

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Codependents often…………

 

. are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long

. compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger

. put aside their own interest in order to do what others want

. are hyper-vigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings

. are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others

. accept sexual attention when they want love

. make decisions without regard to the consequences

. give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change

from CODA>org

 

Codependents Low Self-Esteem Patterns

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Codependents often……….

 

. have difficulty making decisions

. judge what they think, say or do harshly, as never good enough

. are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts

. value others approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own

. do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons

. seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than

. have difficulty admitting a mistake

. need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good

. are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want

. perceive themselves as superior to others

. look to others to provide their send of safety

. have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines and completing projects

. have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries

from CODA.org

 

Codependent Denial Patterns

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Codependents often…….

 

. have difficulty identifying what they are feeling

. minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel

. perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others

. lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others

. mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation

. express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways

. do not recognize the unavailability of those people to who they are attracted

from CODA.org

C. S. Lewis

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Friendship is born at that moment

when one person says to another:

“What you too? I thought I was the only one”.

C.S. Lewis