There will always be people in
your life who treat you
wrong.
Be sure you thank them
for
making you strong.
Zig Ziglar
Boy, have I got a really long list. Whoo Hoo! I must be really lucky.
There will always be people in
your life who treat you
wrong.
Be sure you thank them
for
making you strong.
Zig Ziglar
Boy, have I got a really long list. Whoo Hoo! I must be really lucky.
When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks,
but celebrate them with
glad cries of “Me, too”
be sure you cherish them.
because those weirdos are
your tribe.
Sweatpants and Coffee
This is a true fact of life:
People who are hurting,
Hurt others.
They can’t help themselves.
They hurt on purpose
because they don’t know any other way.
But that does not mean you should sit there and take someones crap. Not at all. You can still care for the person and try to help but a strong boundary is needed always.
When someone is hurting, as much as they might want to stop hurting they will bite the one trying to help them. Or they might feel justified in lashing out because they are in so much emotional pain, whether it’s obvious to them or not. It’s an extreme form of resistance. And changing is hard work. In most cases even the sickest, most hurtful people have moments of clarity but cannot change. It is the same with everyone. We know we must change but can’t because we resist the exact thing we need.
In my opinion, people who deliberately hurt others, have a deep seated guilt about something, so they set up hurtful situations to be hurt back. Guilt always seeks punishment. Some behavior is as much a mystery to the offender as it is to the victim.
According to Steven Pressfield’s book the “The War of Art” resistance is ever present and we need to be aware of it all the time or it will kill us. Resistance is impersonal and out for blood in anyway possible. Resistance is the enemy of change. Resistance is the enemy of healing.
So what to do when a hurting person hurts you.
1. Feel your feelings.
2. Don’t deny what is going on.
3. Set up a strong boundary.
4. As tempting as it is: don’t hurt back.
5. Wait it out until you have some clarity.
6. Use kindness by trying to understand where they are hurting.
7. If they are open enough make suggestions for improvement.
8. Move on if necessary.
The person who is strong is the one who is willing to straighten hurtful situations out. The person who is weak is the one who withholds their willingness to straighten hurtful situations out.
Which one are you? What does it feel like to hurt on purpose? What does it feel like to be the victim? What similar experiences have you had?
Are you the strong one who is willing to work things out? Or are you the weak one who is withholding.
The choice is yours.
People show their true colors,
Unintentionally.
Pay Attention
mlknhoney.com
I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled. That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?
I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.
I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.
Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster. However I find waiting really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.
The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.
What is the truth behind all of this?
1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.
2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.
3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.
4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.
5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I like it or not.
6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.
I ask these questions:
What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?
What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?
What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?
What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?
What would it be like if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?
What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?
What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?
I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.
It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.
It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.
It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.
From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.
How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.
Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.
I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.
You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.
I may not know you
But my heart does.
I send you roses and hibiscus
always.
g.piazza
I am re- re – posting because we are having technical difficulties on this side of the computer. This should do it.
Welcome the talented, energetic writer and personal historian Karen Sackowitz. She has graciously allowed me to interview her about her work. Karen is a prolific writer, business owner and busy mom.
Karen says she was born to be a writer and has done so for the majority of her life. Her personal writings eventually led her to open Sackowitz Communications and most recently, Your Stories Ink which highlights writing personal histories of very interesting clients.
PurelySimpleWords (PSW): Welcome Karen, thank you for sharing your experience with me and my audience.
Karen Sackowitz (KS): Thank you for having me.
PSW: You and I met at an Association of Personal Historians meeting a few months ago and I was immediately impressed with your energy and enthusiasm. I know you are passionate about writing and helping people through your talents. Tell me: what do you like about your work?
KS : Certainly, I have been doing a bunch of different types of writing including freelance commercial writing and marketing materials mainly for healthcare clients. I am also a freelance journalist writing for publications and magazines like the Boston Globe, Hartford Business Journal and Wilton Magazine which is in my town here in Connecticut. I also have my personal history business, Your Stories Ink.
The common theme between all of them is learning. I am insatiably curious and I love learning about things. For example, in the healthcare writing I may learn about a new surgical procedure, which is fascinating. I write the web copy for the hospital so their patients can get on line and understand what they might experience. I am learning about it and it is energizing for me.
PSW: Tell me about your journalism work.
KS: The journalism work is about meeting people and learning about their background and specialties. I did a story about a man for the Hartford Business Journal as a business subject – he was a funeral director and running a family business. I ended up talking to him for almost two hours because he is a fascinating person. He was passionate about his work, he went above and beyond for the families he worked with. He took his role serious and personally which he openly showed. This is the stuff that really gets me jazzed. I like to learn about business but especially about the people behind the business. This lead me to Your Stories Ink which is straight out “People” – tell me your story.
Whether you traveled around the world or didn’t, everybody has a story. Now I just get to listen and learn about them and be curious. The more curious I am and the more questions I ask benefits my client because they will learn more and more about the person they are capturing through personal history. I just love meeting and learning about people and their lives. This interest has come to me in many forms and that’s what keeps me going.
PSW: Bravo on your work, I know your are a very busy Mom and and entrepreneur. How do you have time to do all you do?
KS: I multitask where necessary. My husband accuses me of thinking I can bend space and time and I say because I can – what’s the problem. Kidding aside, I have learned to enlist help. When you start a new business it can be difficult because you hang on to every penny and end up doing everything yourself. Sometimes its just not possible to outsource anything, but I realize that outsourcing can come in the simplest form. Like a babysitter for eight hours a week so I can focus entirely on my business or write without distraction or interview someone. I make little investments here and there, like enlisting help where I can. I am here in F airfield County, Connecticut and my husband works in New York City so he’s not around much during the week. If I am going to have a business, clients and two young children it makes sense to hire help.
PSW: I see on your list of services you have experience writing speeches. What speeches have you written?
KS: Yes, I have written speeches. Some were for healthcare professionals who have been up for awards. I’ve written nomination as well as introductions for when they get up on stage and accept the award. Again it’s all about telling their story.
PSW: You have worked on many writing forms. What do you like to do the best?
KS: Right now I am really focused on the personal history part of my business because I am trying to build it. I have met the most fascinating people over the past few months just by putting the word out.
I met a man who started a tiny little dance school around here 50 years ago and now it’s a big chain of dance schools. Everyone knows him. Now I am learning his story. I met a former actress who is in her 80’s. Some stories don’t have to be flashy either. I have one client that is in the beginning stages of dementia, she said she did not know why her daughter wanted me to talk to her and that she really does not have a story. I answered with: Really? Because from what I understand you raised two girls on your own and worked three jobs to do it and you survived breast cancer. Let’s start there. That’s what I like about it too – making people realize that they have a really interesting story. People think they don’t but everyone does. That’s what I am really focused on and I love it.
PSW: What kind of product do you offer your clients? Will you put their story in a book or article?
KS: I am focused on books, I enjoy the written word so I have packages that start with typed manuscripts all the way up to professionally produced hard cover books with a jacket. We can incorporate photos or have a professional photographer. There are so many production options today that the book can be personalized and the client can order one or more books.
PSW: How do you balance your busy family and work life?
KS: Luckily I live in a small town so my children’s activities are within ten minutes of each other. I make sure I see my great group of friends, a girls night out or meet for coffee. I make social time everyday.
PSW: Are you still active with the group “Over 40 Females”?
KS: It’s been a while but they are a good group because they have interesting speakers and they go around the room giving you the opportunity to do a 30 second elevator speech. Also everyone gets a gift bag. You can put your promotional material in the gift bag. Your promotional material goes home with everyone. It’s a great opportunity to network too. I joined the speakers bureau which allows me to speak at an event. I realize public speaking is a huge marketing opportunity also.
PSW: You are doing great work, is there anything else you would like to add?
KS: I am pretty lucky to do what I do. I work for myself, meet great people all the time and I’m glad you are going to tell people about it.
PSW: Thank you again Karen for sharing your time and expertise with us. Good luck in all your endeavors.
—
Karen is an inspiration to me with her courage to be seen, show her talents and organize her professional and home life.
You can read about and contact Karen Sackowitz at: karensackowitz.com, Karen Sackowitiz Communication and Your Stories Ink on Facebook.com.
The truth will set you free.
But, first it will piss you off.
Gloria Steinem
If you are still looking
for that one person
who will change your life,
look in the mirror.
Roman Price
Realize the this very body,
with its aches and its pleasures
is exactly what we need to be
fully human, fully awake,
fully alive.
Pema Chodron
Informing Providers, Empowering Survivors
FEEL FREE - just sharing what moves through me
Slow down, stitch and enjoy the creative process
...making the business of marketing and licensing for creators understandable, achievable and affordable.
My art, writing and mental health stuff. Hope it helps.
The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.
WEE FOLK STUDIO
All things holly, jolly, and odd-ly...
A journey to healing from complex trauma.
NO SECRETS-NO SIDES | निर्गुह्य-निष्पक्ष | NIRGUHYA-NISPAKSA
Informing Providers, Empowering Survivors
FEEL FREE - just sharing what moves through me
Slow down, stitch and enjoy the creative process
...making the business of marketing and licensing for creators understandable, achievable and affordable.
My art, writing and mental health stuff. Hope it helps.
The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.
WEE FOLK STUDIO
All things holly, jolly, and odd-ly...
A journey to healing from complex trauma.
NO SECRETS-NO SIDES | निर्गुह्य-निष्पक्ष | NIRGUHYA-NISPAKSA