Tag Archives: detach

Oct16

Thoughtful Thursdays #70 Projections

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Projections, not the kind that are astral. The kind that come from your mind.

The times when the thinking habits of the past
present themselves in the moment.

In other words, if you are wondering why your relationships are a battle ground, they are probably reminiscent of the past.

Good or bad.

Mark E. Smith, of Family Tree Counseling explains it well. I am paraphrasing here.

All relationships, especially the closest will reveal all of our dark side. The hatred, jealousy, pain, abaondonement and rage just to name a few. This happens because it is Mother Nature seeking balance.

This is true, think of a time when some serious thing went wrong. The wrong played itself out and balance was restored.

It is the same in nature. The destruction of hurricanes, fires and floods wreck havoc. But the chaos is short lived. Balance is restored, flowers grow, animals return , people come back to rebuild. It is the same thing with our emotional life.

It is the same in every encounter, there is a need for balance. Feel what works, what doesn’t work. What is smooth, what is jagged. The smooth takes care of itself. Hence the reason for staying calm and seeking detachment.

Don’t react to what is jagged, you will get cut. Detach be objective, this is what wins over chaos. Chaos is temporary it will fizzle out.

Out of every tragedy comes strength and understanding. That is the point. It is to make you aware, awake and whole again, and knowledgeable to become a guide to others.

These things don’t happen unless you are strong and able to look at what is going on. Accept what happens, seek change, don’t run away from it. It is your trademark of adaptation.

Those who adapt survive and prosper.

Jul6

Detachment And Other Stuff

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I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled.  That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a  past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?

I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since  I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.

I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.

Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster.  However I find waiting  really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.

The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.

What is the truth behind all of this?

1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.

2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.

3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.

4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.

5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I  like it or not.

6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.

I ask these questions:

What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?

What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?

What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?

What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?

What would it be like  if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?

What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?

What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?

I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.

It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.

It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.

It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.

From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.

How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.

Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.

I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.

You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oct24

Thoughtful Thursdays # 38 Sorrow

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Don’t give sorrow to anyone. That means you first. Don’t do anything that will cause you to feel regretful. Don’t do anything that will make someone else feel bad. Detach.

Don’t take sorrow from anyone. Put a large protective boundary between you and the sorrowful situation. This means not to absorb any negativity. Detach.

Keep yourself and others safe by putting a bead in your mouth if you can’t keep it shut. And walk away if need be to stop any onslaught of negativity. Detach.

End drama, don’t respond to it and it will disappear. Detach.

With that said.

Carry on with calmness today and every day.

Jun23

Thoughtful Thursdays #8

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It takes an enormous amount of effort to get out of the denial of how we sabotage ourselves. Some sabotage is visible but most is invisible. In psychology it is understood that there is a need to stay unaware of uncomfortable situations. The need to stay unaware has many reasons. I think it’s the lizard mind protecting us. But when denial becomes a pathological blinding force that interferes with progressing in your life it’s time to step back and examine what is going on. Do you feel chronic sadness or feeling you are trying to punch your way out of a paper bag and nothing ever changes?

That is all fear. Fear of anything you can name that frightens you. It’s too hard and scary to see past fear.

Actually if you are not being physically threatened then fear is a paper tiger. It’s only the thought that you experience not an actual event. The mind does not know the difference of a thought or actual event. However the better part of you does know.

Speak up to fear and challenge it. You will see it has no power. How about practicing a little courage. Just a little. Think about what it would be like to have any life you choose. Even that’s scary. So what is one to do.

Pick yourself up, detach from fear and keep going even if you aren’t sure where that is. You will find your way and be happy in the process.

Happy hunting.