There will always be people in
your life who treat you
wrong.
Be sure you thank them
for
making you strong.
Zig Ziglar
Boy, have I got a really long list. Whoo Hoo! I must be really lucky.
Jul12
Tag Archives: truth
Jul8
Your Tribe
When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks,
but celebrate them with
glad cries of “Me, too”
be sure you cherish them.
because those weirdos are
your tribe.
Sweatpants and Coffee
Jul8
What’s Normal??????
The day I broke up with normal,
was the first day
of my magical life.
The Mind Unleashed
Jul7
Hurting Others
This is a true fact of life:
People who are hurting,
Hurt others.
They can’t help themselves.
They hurt on purpose
because they don’t know any other way.
But that does not mean you should sit there and take someones crap. Not at all. You can still care for the person and try to help but a strong boundary is needed always.
When someone is hurting, as much as they might want to stop hurting they will bite the one trying to help them. Or they might feel justified in lashing out because they are in so much emotional pain, whether it’s obvious to them or not. It’s an extreme form of resistance. And changing is hard work. In most cases even the sickest, most hurtful people have moments of clarity but cannot change. It is the same with everyone. We know we must change but can’t because we resist the exact thing we need.
In my opinion, people who deliberately hurt others, have a deep seated guilt about something, so they set up hurtful situations to be hurt back. Guilt always seeks punishment. Some behavior is as much a mystery to the offender as it is to the victim.
According to Steven Pressfield’s book the “The War of Art” resistance is ever present and we need to be aware of it all the time or it will kill us. Resistance is impersonal and out for blood in anyway possible. Resistance is the enemy of change. Resistance is the enemy of healing.
So what to do when a hurting person hurts you.
1. Feel your feelings.
2. Don’t deny what is going on.
3. Set up a strong boundary.
4. As tempting as it is: don’t hurt back.
5. Wait it out until you have some clarity.
6. Use kindness by trying to understand where they are hurting.
7. If they are open enough make suggestions for improvement.
8. Move on if necessary.
The person who is strong is the one who is willing to straighten hurtful situations out. The person who is weak is the one who withholds their willingness to straighten hurtful situations out.
Which one are you? What does it feel like to hurt on purpose? What does it feel like to be the victim? What similar experiences have you had?
Are you the strong one who is willing to work things out? Or are you the weak one who is withholding.
The choice is yours.
Jul6
True Colors
People show their true colors,
Unintentionally.
Pay Attention
mlknhoney.com
Jul6
Detachment And Other Stuff
I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled. That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?
I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.
I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.
Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster. However I find waiting really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.
The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.
What is the truth behind all of this?
1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.
2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.
3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.
4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.
5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I like it or not.
6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.
I ask these questions:
What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?
What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?
What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?
What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?
What would it be like if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?
What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?
What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?
I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.
It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.
It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.
It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.
From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.
How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.
Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.
I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.
You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.
Jun6
Gloria Steinem
The truth will set you free.
But, first it will piss you off.
Gloria Steinem
Jun6
Roman Price
If you are still looking
for that one person
who will change your life,
look in the mirror.
Roman Price
May28
Frustration
How to deal with frustration in one easy step.
Take action in any direction.
Even if you are not sure where you are going.
g.piazza
Apr17
Peter Russell – Praying To One’s Self
friend recently asked if I ever prayed for anything. My response was yes, but not in the conventional way. I don’t pray for intervention in the world, but for intervention in my mind, for that’s where I most need help.
We usually think of prayer as an appeal to some higher power. We might pray for someone’s healing, for success in some venture, for a better life, or for guidance on some challenging issue. Behind such prayers is the recognition that we don’t have the power to change things ourselves—if we did, we would simply get on with the task—so we beseech a higher power to intervene on our behalf.
Trying to change the world occupies much of our time and attention. We want the possessions, opportunities, or experiences that we think will make us happy—or conversely, avoid those that will make us suffer. We believe that if only things were different we would finally be at peace.
This is the ego’s way of thinking. It is founded on the belief that how we feel inside depends upon our circumstances. And if things aren’t the way we think they should be, we start to feel discontent. This can take various forms—disappointment, frustration, annoyance, impatience, judgment, grievance—yet whatever its form, the root of our discontent lies not so much in the situation at hand, but more in how we interpret it. For example, if I am stuck in a traffic jam, I can see it either as something that will make me suffer—being late for an appointment, missing some experience, or upsetting someone—and so begin to feel impatient, frustrated, or anxious. Or I can see it as an opportunity to relax, and take it easy for a few minutes. The same situation; two totally different reactions. And the difference is purely in how I am seeing things.
When I catch myself feeling upset in some way, I find it helpful to remember that my annoyance might be coming from the way I am interpreting the situation. If so, it makes more sense to ask, not for a change in the world, but for a change in my perception. So that is what I pray for. I settle into a quiet state, then ask, with an attitude of innocent curiosity: “Could there, perhaps, be another way of seeing this?” I don’t try to answer the question myself, for that would doubtless activate the ego-mind, which loves to try and work things out for me. So I simply pose the question. Let it go. And wait.
Often a new way of seeing then dawns on me. It does not come as a verbal answer, but as an actual shift in perception. I find myself seeing the situation in a new way. One memorable shift happened a while ago when I was having some challenges with my partner. She was not behaving the way I thought she should. (How many of us have not felt that at times?) After a couple of days of strained relationship, I decided to pray in this way, just gently inquiring if there might possibly be another way of perceiving this.Almost immediately, I found myself seeing her in a very different light. Here was another human being, with her own history and her own needs, struggling to navigate a difficult situation. Suddenly everything changed. I felt compassion for her rather than animosity, understanding rather than judgment. I realized that for the last two days I had been out of love; but now the love had returned.
The results of praying like this never cease to impress me. I find my fears and grievances dropping away. In their place is a sense of ease. Whoever or whatever was troubling me, I now see through more loving and compassionate eyes. Moreover, the new perspective often seems so obvious: Why hadn’t I seen this before?
The beauty of this approach is that I am not praying to some external power. I am praying to my self for guidance—to the true self that sees things as they are without the overlay of various hopes and fears. It recognizes when I have become caught in the ego’s way of thinking, and is ever-willing to help set me free.
purelysimplewords 