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Thoughtful Thursday #278 – On Being Proud

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When we feel proud our shoulders are erect, chest out, we walk without ego but with the sense of deep satisfaction and pleasure in our abilities and accomplishments. We feel grounded, balanced and strong.

What a wonderful way to live, unfortunately most of those moments are short lived.

How can we increase this ability to feel proud more often and on a regular basis?

All is not lost.

Make a list of every activity that makes you feel proud and accomplished. For example, finished your to do list, wrote in your diary, sang your favorite song, made time for your favorite hobby, made your mental health a priority for a while, talked compassionately to your inner self, ate well for one meal, made an effort to exercise, made an effort to be mindful of your actions, paid attention to what distracts you.

Make your own special list, your own original, signature, lifestyle list that belongs to you.

DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU PROUD, stick to it, don’t give up, involve yourself with those who share your interests, take baby steps, little tiny baby steps toward your own happiness, and be proud of your effort.

When involved with more and more activities that give you a deep sense of satisfaction something magical happens, something incognito and deceptively subtle happens.

Ever so slowly, you will become boldly self-assured, lack fear, be free from anxiety and know for certain you have chosen the right path of action for you.

Will any of this happen fast – not at all, this journey is about intimately discovering your talents, your dreams, your sore points, what you will tolerate and not tolerate.

You will learn about yourself so well that you will take actions toward creating your own-one of a kind – precious life. You are so worth it, and don’t you dare believe otherwise.

Carry on.

 

Thoughful Thursdays #63 Control Freaks

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It is normal to want to control your life. But we all know those control freaks that want their way all the time with you. They want to decide what to do and when. They have a need to run the show at all times. Even their conversations or behavior demands their needs be met and yours don’t matter. If you don’t meet their needs they are unhappy and you will hear about it.

As a control freak it must be hard to control your own life and the lives of others. I imagine at the end of the day they are exhausted. Control freak thinking and behavior leads to a bunch of personality disorders like obsessive compulsive disorder, not trusting anyone and failure to make commitments to anyone.

The reason why someone is a control freak is because they are hiding from themselves. Hiding from their own feelings. They think they have secrets that can’t be exposed. Flaws that they are embarrassed of, terrified of being vulnerable and feel helplessness and hopeless.

Control freaks think the only way to protect themselves it to control every part of their life and that includes relationships, even close relationships. In an odd way controlling creates a sense of order and stability. Control freaks are critical and judgmental of their lovers, and just about everybody else.

Control freaks are defending against their own anxiety, their own feelings of helplessness. Controlling gives a way of not feeling hopeless. The more they use control tactics the more they feel they are managing their lives in an effective manner.

To let go of control would mean the same as being victimized and overwhelmed. When that happens they become angry, panicked, possibly threatening then they can dip deep into emotional despair and depression.

If you are on the receiving end of a control freak don’t take it personally, but be advised, the control freak is really good at distorting reality, can be intimidating and are excellent debaters. They are more frightened than most and on some level feel they need to control you to make themselves feel better. It is only a way of protecting themselves. They are frightened and angry and controlling has become a compulsion and way of life.

If you are a control freak it’s OK. You are trying to protect yourself and have forgotten the negative effects of controlling has on those who care about you. You are not bad or unimportant. You are just frightened. You can take the risk to trust yourself and risk letting life unfold the way it is meant to be. You can be at peace and clear headed. You can stop worrying. What you think is a threat may no longer exist. It may be time to feel again, feel the energy of freedom. Free to be yourself, free to make choices and not hide behind manipulation. In the long run controlling pushes away the very situations you need to grow.

Wanting to control your life is normal. Keep the focus on controlling your own whereabouts, your own struggles, your own health and well-being, your own improvements and leave the rest alone. You are safe and there is no need to control things that are time wasters.

The are no quick fixes for controlling, change happens slowly. You will be amazed at the results if you know you can choose to be free from obsessing about anything. Be patient and keep trying. You will not be disappointed.