Tag Archives: anger

Jul29

Codependents Compliance Patterns

Posted on by
Standard

Codependents often…………

 

. are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long

. compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger

. put aside their own interest in order to do what others want

. are hyper-vigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings

. are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others

. accept sexual attention when they want love

. make decisions without regard to the consequences

. give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change

from CODA>org

 

Jul29

Codependent Denial Patterns

Posted on by
Standard

Codependents often…….

 

. have difficulty identifying what they are feeling

. minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel

. perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others

. lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others

. mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation

. express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways

. do not recognize the unavailability of those people to who they are attracted

from CODA.org

Jul6

Detachment And Other Stuff

Posted on by
Standard

I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled.  That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a  past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?

I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since  I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.

I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.

Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster.  However I find waiting  really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.

The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.

What is the truth behind all of this?

1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.

2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.

3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.

4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.

5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I  like it or not.

6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.

I ask these questions:

What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?

What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?

What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?

What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?

What would it be like  if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?

What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?

What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?

I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.

It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.

It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.

It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.

From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.

How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.

Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.

I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.

You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jun6

Gloria Steinem

Posted on by
Standard

The truth will set you free.

But, first it will piss you off.

Gloria Steinem

Mar22

Questions

Posted on by
Standard

Here are a few questions for you to think about. Questions help you grow and at the very least examine why you make certain choices.

What if I had the opportunity to begin _______ again?

What if I started ending what I did not need anymore?

What if I told the truth to myself and others for a day?

What fear hold me back?

What choices can I change to bring more peace in my life?

Why am I resisting changing what I know has to be change?

Am I making decisions based on outdated beliefs?

Asking questions can be enlightening and uncomfortable but worth the effort. Take your time and write your answers down.

You may be surprised by your perspective.

 

 

Mar15

The Power of the Dog by Rudyard Kipling

Posted on by
Standard
The Power of the Dog
There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware 
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear. 
Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie–
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair 
To risk your heart for a dog to tear. 
When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet’s unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find–it’s your own affair– 
But … you’ve given your heart to a dog to tear. 
When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!).
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone–wherever it goes–for good,
You will discover how much you care, 
And will give your heart to a dog to tear. 
We’ve sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we’ve kept ’em, the more do we grieve:
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-time loan is as bad as a long–
So why in–Heaven (before we are there) 
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?
Feb20

Thoughful Thursdays #52 Resistance

Posted on by
Standard

Steven Pressfield is one of my favorite writing idols. He writes about resistance all the time and is incredibly insightful. Resistance is something I struggle with all the time.

I  will paraphrase his discussion with Rabbi Finley and resistance. Rabbi Finley said: “There is a second self inside you-an inner shadow Self.  This self doesn’t care about you. It doesn’t love you. It has its own agenda, and it will kill you. It will kill you like cancer. It will kill you to achieve its agenda, which is to prevent you from actualizing your Self, from becoming who you really are. This shadow self is called, in the Kabbalistic lexicon, the yetzer hara.  The yetzer hara, is what you call Resistance.”

Well said Rabbi. 100 % true.

This leads me to the Buddha. As he sat under the Bodhi tree and was confronted by Mara and his army.  Mara represents denial, fear and distraction. His demons are violent and wicked.  The Buddha used his noodle to figure out that Mara and his demons are nothing but a distraction to us. Mara goes out of his way to distract us from our true path, just like he did to the Buddha. Mara’s the king of thoughts and situations that create fear and resistance. The Buddha found a way to transcend his own denial of what is important and what is not. Being in denial of all there is in your life is the ultimate in resistance. The Buddha recognized this in his enlightenment.

What are your Mara’s? Is it addictions, distraction, negative patterns, denial? Is it violence in thoughts, words and deeds?

What is your yetzer hara? Is it illness, sadness, inability to focus?

The list of negatives is endless. So what is the answer? How do we recognize resistance especially if you don’t have a ton of time to meditate or devote your life to a religion?

Keep looking for those pesky negative  incognito signs in your thoughts, words and actions that are holding you back. Chances are whatever you are afraid of or avoiding is resistance.

Wake up into your own awareness. Make Self Care important, a priority.

Yes you are that important.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jan6

What’s Eating You?

Posted on by
Standard

If you crave meat, you must be angry.

“Researchers have found out that our moods can dictate what we eat,” says JR, a medical doctor and recovering food addict. According to research, here is a list of food cravings and the moods they address:

If you reach or crave for:
Meat, hard and crunchy foods               You may be feeling angry
Sugars                                               depressed
Soft, sweet foods like ice cream             anxious

Salty foods                                         stressed

Bulky, filling foods (crackers, pasta)     lonely, sexually frustrated

Anything and everything                         jealous

Nov28

Thoughtful Thursday #43 Thanksgiving

Posted on by
Standard

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I have made a list of things I am thankful for and below that is a gift to you:

I am thankful for:

My kids
My dog and four cats
My problems
My life
My creativity
All the people I know, the good and the bad
My computer
My car
My spirituality
My success and failures

My Gift To You:

I wish you happiness, peace, and prosperity
I wish for your suffering to end immediately
I wish you every benefit that life can give you
I wish you tremendous love
And if that is not enough
I wish you a forever understanding of your self.

Happy Thanksgiving

Oct17

Two Things To Remember

Posted on by
Standard

There are two things to remember.

If it makes you happy, do it.
If it doesn’t then don’t.

from: inspire4better

So simple, so true.