Tag Archives: happy

Nov5

Thoughtful Thursdays #108 – Time

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How often do we complain about not having enough time? I do it all the time. No pun intended. However, There is the same amount of time every day, the same twenty four hours again and again.

Maybe the issue is not time but distractions. I get redirected by chores, mini and maxi crisis, unexpected detours in my plans, becoming too tired to continue, making time for others and a million and one extra steps in the dance of my day.

The struggle to do the things that are necessary for me and distractions is a contant juggling act. My life feels like a circus act.

When these distractions happen I pick a time that is for me. I handle whatever needs to be handled and move my actions to the time I picked for myself.

It’s not easy but it works every time.

Pick time for what is important for you. No one else will. Carry On.

Nov2

Pain

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The point of pain is

to show you where

you undervalued,

overlooked, ignored,

abandoned, ignored,

postponed, neglected,

deferred, forgotten,

cast aside, shunned,

disregarded, uncared for,

despised, unwanted,

dismissed and unloved

yourself.

Stop doing that. Please.

Sep15

Free Thinking

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Most of us feel trapped in our decisions as if there are no alternatives.

Not true.

Where do you feel trapped? Maybe in your job, relationships, lifestyle, trauma, beliefs. What worries you? What grates on your nerves? What precipitates your addictions? What keeps you going round and round instead of forward?

Try this.

Free write about each concern.

Free role play possible outcomes.

Free your child mind with crayons on paper.

Free yourself with music you have never heard.

Free your spirit with twenty minutes of silence.

Free your body with dancing.

Free yourself of addiction by sitting with uncomfortable feelings.

Freely choose something different instead of habits.

Freely be different.

Free your heart by speaking your mind.

Freely think of all possible outcomes.

Freely share yourself with the world.

Freely divorce yourself from negativity.

Freely choose what is purposeful for you.

Freely reach out to others when you are needy.

Your life is meant to be meaningful. You are important. When you choose alternatives that make you life better you give others permission to do so also.

Get it?

Good.

Carry on.

Sep3

The Benefit of Feeling Safe

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If you don’t feel safe in your own skin, in your environment, in your mind, in any situation (other than life threatening) then you will not see opportunities to grow.

If you feel safe there is a sense of freedom. There is the belief that there are many possibilities. There is courage to try new things. There is hope. There is generosity.

Safety has a lot to do with what you believe. If your beliefs have made it difficult to feel safe, it’s time to examine these beliefs. Challange them, look them square in the eye and tell them to move over it’s time for a change. A change for the better.

Your freedom is precious, protect it, honor it, it belongs to you. You are free to choose anything. Start small and in a short time your courage will make you feel safe.

Safe enough it change your world. Wow.

You Rock!!!!!!

Jul7

10 Ways To Tell The Truth About What is Bothering You

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We all tell little white lies in order to avoid a confrontation or not to hurt someone’s feelings. When that no longer works we must fess up and tell the truth. Here are some ways to do that.

1. Say what you have to say peacefully with caring.

2. Before speaking be honest with yourself and what you have to say. Respond don’t react.

3. Write it down first to clear your mind.

4. Trust yourself and your ability to speak truthfully.

5. Expect the other person to get angry. Don’t say anything if you are angry.

6. It will feel uncomfortable to speak the truth at first. But stay strong. Don’t buckle under to anger or guilt.

7. Follow your heart.

8. Feel the sensations in your body. This is where you feel the surrounding energy.

9. Talk it out with someone first.

10. Ask a question to start a conversation about the subject.

Ignoring what bothers you has a band-aid effect on problems. It doesn’t last.

Don’t wait. Find a way to say what you need to say. It will clear the air and allow for positive movement.

 

 

May7

Thoughtful Thursdays #92 – Change

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Change is one of my favorite subjects. Change is the only thing that is consistent in this earthly life.

Nothing is stagnant. Nature does not give up on surviving. It is just creative in how to survive. Look at those creepy bugs that have been around for millennia. Or a flower growing in the ground after a volcano.

We are the same way. In a moment your life can change for the better or worse. Our survival skills kick in here and if you are the first to respond with kindness to yourself and others change is easier to digest.

Change is not easy sometimes it comes in subtly at other times it is a roaring river or tornado. Either way if you are kind without attachment to the results change is easier to go along with.

 

 

 

May3

Death

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From Pema Chrodon

Death is Certain

The hour of Death is not Certain

Pick what is Important

May2

Uncertainity

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There is a huge amount of uncertainty in living.

In a moment your life can change for better or worse.

Sometimes there are situations beyond our control.

Uncontrollable situations arise out of nowhere sending us into despair.

Even if the situation is painful,

space is being made for something better.

Space is being made for insight, intuition and understanding.

Go gently.

Align yourself with what is important to you.

You will find your way.

Apr2

Thoughtful Thursdays # 88 – Sit With It

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I had a very interesting experience this week. I was extremely emotional. I had racing thoughts and crying outbursts. This experience was brought on by a series of events that tapped into my fears.

I remembered Pema Chodron’s suggestion. Sit with it. Sit with the feelings that are troubling you without picking up food, a drink, or any other distraction.

I did sit with the feelings and it hurt really bad. I wanted to run away, disappear, die, dive into a pie and surf the web, cry and throw up.

But I didn’t. The troubling feelings lasted about three days.

The fear I was feeling was from a past trauma. Each event reminiscent of the trauma flashed before my mind and it all made sense. All the times I ran away from feeling the fear, all the times I distracted my self, all the times I made excuses, basically to protect myself.

The fear left because I faced it. My feelings are still raw but the intensity of the fear on a scale of one to ten is a one.

Next time you are emotionally out of control, depressed, sad or troubled. Just sit with it. Don’t run away. Feel everything.

You will expand your understanding of how you operate. From understanding and knowledge about yourself changes your entire life for the better. That’s a guarantee.

Happy exploring.

OM

Feb22

Jessica Whitley-Aquatics Director and Head Swim Coach at John Jay College of Criminal Justice

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jessica john jay picture

I would like you to meet Jessica Whitley. I have known her for quite a few years now, as my daughters swim coach at her alma mater John Jay College of Criminal Justice. Jessica is a dedicated coach and director, she has motivated many teams, my daughters included, to win college championships and serious college competitions. She builds the all girls swim team to understand what it means to be a team and work together to be winners in the pool and out of the pool. She also maintains a professional and positive attitude with the team that the team absorbs.

Jessica has such a positive attitude and a superior motivator that after graduation my daughter joined her as assistant coach.

Let’s get to know Jessica better.

PSW: How did you become a college swim coach?

JW: Nothing quite beats the thrill of a competitive swim race! I am a former swimmer who decided to become a coach after calling time on my competitive career.

Becoming a college swim coach was not on my radar until I attended John Jay College for my master’s degree. I met Dr. Jane Katz poolside, where I lifeguarded a few hours per week. Suddenly, Dr. Katz husband passed away and she had to take a leave of absence. The head of the physical education department read through my resume and wanted me to take over her college swimming classes as well as coach the swim team.

After meeting the very few ladies on the team, it amazed me to see that the swimmers were able to attend full time school, have a full time job and support their families at home. Coaching is more than telling the athletes to complete practices and swim fast at meets, it is about the coach believeing in the athletes so they feel important and appreciated. I quickly realized that my knowledge of swimming and being a Seton Hall Graduate can really make an impact these your athletes in a positive way. I decided to commit myself to the team members and make them understand that swimming well guide them to a successful careet, structure their lives, and their therapy when they need it.

PSW: How long have you been a college coach?

JW: I am in my 8th season now.

PSW: What is your day like?

JW: My day starts at 4:15 am. I reside in PA so it takes me about an hour and a half to get to work. I start at 6-6:15 and begin planning for the day. Practice is from 8 to 10 am. I am also the Aquatics Director so I maintain, schedule and operate the pool. I have a lifeguard and staff of 7 that I scheducle and train.

PSW: What are your job duties?

JW: Women’s Swim Team Coach responsibilities are:  team training and the focal point for all new activities.

I work extensive hours to coordinate all team practices and clinics.

Collect and summarize team statistics and attend numerous away clinics to gain more knowledge.

As Aquatics Director I manage the pool facility, oversee the pool, lockers and deck area, Oversee a staff of seven. Plan and host events that occur in the pool area.

PSW: What are the challenges of being a college swim coach?

JW: The challenges of being a college swim coach are the athletes not buying into my program and not seeing the benefits right away. I have to gain their trust and let them know that there will be a positive outcome throughout and at the end of the season.

My yearly goal is to have 100% success rate both in the pool and in the classroom. With hard work and support, the athletes will see a major difference from start to finish.

PSW: What are the benefits?

JW: There are so many! Here’s a list:

The swimmers are happy
They commit and stick to the program
Their grades improve
Their swim times improve
Their life imporves
Their communication improves
Their dedication improves
They gain confidence, structure, organization skills

PSW: Are there opportunities for advancement?

JW: There are many opportunities for advancement. I started as a lifeguard, became an Adjunct Professor and Head Coach, moved up to Aquatics Director and Head Coach. There are always opportunities at any workplace, you just work hard and prove that you are doing your job and doing it well.

PSW: Do you have any hobbies?

JW: I do like to run. Ever since I completed my four years as a college athlete, I enjoy running. I also play with my dogs and cats. I am a family person and enjoy being in my new home with the people I love.

PSW: Describe your team assistants and team members?

JW: My team assistants are my former 4 year athletes. I put them on staff because I realized how dedicated they were to the sport. They proved themselves being on my team for 4 years. They are my co-coaches and my support. I always tell them “a head coach is only as good as their assistants.” I trust my assistants to run everything. If I cannot be present, they will take over practice and/or meets efficiently. My assistants have shown me their drive and their commitment to the team. They have been with me for three years now and the team has strengthened because of them

My team members are students. They enter college struggling (all students do at any college) and learn how to organize structure and gain strength to complete a four year degree. They are hard workers, exceptional students and great athletes.

PSW: Are there any special rules to be in a team?

JW: Yes, you must be a full time student. You must swim a 50 (2 laps) freestyle under 45 seconds. You must be able to commit to all practices and meets. You must have a yearly physical done. You must keep your GPA above 2.0.

PSW: Do you have any advice to those who want to be a college swim coach?

JW: My advice, for any job, would be to set a goal and complete that goal. A realistic goal is important. Pay attention to your strengths and weaknesses and focus on improving both. Fight for what you want in life and never, ever give up. With or without support, you can meet your goals. Surround yourself with people who are positive and continue to be who you are and be open to critiques. No one is perfect.

PSW: Thank you so much Jessica. I especially like your advice of fighting for what you want in life and never, ever give up, with or without support. And be open to critiques because no one is perfect.

Jessica Whitley is a role model for anyone who wants to advance in both their career and life. Jessica teaches all who come into her world how to be better than before. Her enthusiam, dedication and care is rare. She is an exceptional teacher and wonderful human being.

I hope Jessica Whitley is an inspiration to you and you will take some of her advice to change your life.

Her contact information is jkolackovsky@jjay.cuny.edu