Category Archives: All Posts

Apr2

Thoughtful Thursdays # 88 – Sit With It

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I had a very interesting experience this week. I was extremely emotional. I had racing thoughts and crying outbursts. This experience was brought on by a series of events that tapped into my fears.

I remembered Pema Chodron’s suggestion. Sit with it. Sit with the feelings that are troubling you without picking up food, a drink, or any other distraction.

I did sit with the feelings and it hurt really bad. I wanted to run away, disappear, die, dive into a pie and surf the web, cry and throw up.

But I didn’t. The troubling feelings lasted about three days.

The fear I was feeling was from a past trauma. Each event reminiscent of the trauma flashed before my mind and it all made sense. All the times I ran away from feeling the fear, all the times I distracted my self, all the times I made excuses, basically to protect myself.

The fear left because I faced it. My feelings are still raw but the intensity of the fear on a scale of one to ten is a one.

Next time you are emotionally out of control, depressed, sad or troubled. Just sit with it. Don’t run away. Feel everything.

You will expand your understanding of how you operate. From understanding and knowledge about yourself changes your entire life for the better. That’s a guarantee.

Happy exploring.

OM

Mar29

Waking Up

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Waking up to who we are is too important to ignore.

In Buddhism and psychology there is a method of healing that is easy in theory but difficult to do, unless you have trust.

I recently had some recurring flashbacks from the past. These feelings were a mystery that I have had since I was a child. My body felt like it was stinging. My mind was racing with desperation and longing, unidentifiable restlessness. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was such a familiar feeling full of pain, hot tears and wanting an end to the pain.

I got still and trusted myself enough to be quiet and detached.

I let my mind go to that dark place where these feelings began and I had  a revelation that the feelings I relived were of abandonment. On a gut level I knew I was revisiting trauma from the past in what seems to be many years ago and almost an eternity ago. The memories flooded my mind. All the poor decisions based on my abandonment issues saturated my being. I understood how abandonment effected me. How abandonment was pervasive. I was not sad, just relived. I was fortunate enough to trust myself to sit with the feelings without running away from them.

Not running away from my feelings was the perfect way to get through the things that were holding me back on a very deep level.

Conclusion: Trust your mind it knows what it needs to heal.

 

 

 

Mar26

Thoughtful Thursdays # 87 – Feeling Invisible

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Ever notice a time you felt invisible in a crowd? People talk over you as if you don’t exist. Your opinion doesn’t matter.

Here’s some reasons why…..

1. You want to be part of the crowd but you really don’t like the crowd.

2. You try new things but only partially, not with your full heart.

3. You don’t realize how much you have to contribute to the world.

4. You are resisting the changes you need to make to be social.

Stop waiting for others.

Organize that road trip.

Make those phone calls.

Visit others even you are resisting.

Stop resisting our own life.

Start here and now with one small step.

It’s so much more fun to be with others than to be alone.

Even if it feels strange at first.

 

 

Mar21

Music Is Healing

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There is a ton of information out there about how the power of music is healing. Music has had a healing effect on me too. When I started meditation I listened to groups like Bliss and Carmen Warringtons meditation music. My favorite listening music is Jazz. Each has it’s place and I have been touched and healed by music in amazing ways.

Here’s my take in the subject.

1. Rythum is primal. The beat of a drum can be hypnotic or wild. Depending on the movement emotions can be intense or calm.

2.Tone is the rate of vibration of a sound. Tone has an effect physically and psychological effect on our being. Tone has the invisable effect that words can’t touch.

3. Melody is a group of notes put together to form a score. A melody can produce emotions, inspire imagination , bring up urges, effect our bodies and its functions.

Everyone listens to music and is influenced by it.

What most people don’t realize is that music touchs a higher level consciousness that is beyond worldly concerns.

It’s the times when you hear a song or hear lyrics that resonate in a place in your being that has no words. You could feel elation or serious sadness, love, empowerment, peace or centeredness.

Music has been called forth to be the language of the gods. It’s the language of the heavens and the universal language of the earth.

Musical sound is on the level of thoughts. Incognito but felt. Sound is the bases of the universe. There is sound everywhere whether you are conscious of it or not.

You have a choice to pay attention or ignore what sounds are effecting you.

In the store, in your place of worship, dance, in nature, on a seaside, on your radio, anywhere. Classical, Jazz, Tribal, Popular, Ethnic and many more.

Music is there just listen.

 

 

Mar13

Thoughtful Thursdays # 86 – Coloring Books

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Coloring books are mostly thought of  as a children’s activity. We all remember a time as a child that we sat with a coloring book and a new box of crayons.

Coloring books are not just for children. I went to the dollar store a few weeks ago and bought three coloring books and a new box of 64 crayons. I just wanted to color so I indulged myself.

I used only my non dominant hand to color. I went inside the lines and outside the lines. I noticed I couldn’t color very fast so my entire being slowed down. Coloring became a meditation, a stress reliever, my thoughts slowed down. I felt little again. Feeling little felt natural.

I was reconnected with simplicity, coloring was a quick creative fix. I noticed when I was finished with a few pages I was more focused and calm as I resumed my daily life. And occasionally forgot myself and used my non dominant hand for various actions like writing and picking things up.  That made me smile.

What a wonderful form of therapy. Cheap, works fast and gives both sides of your brain an equal workout.

I bought the simplist coloring books however there are many types of coloring books. Check your local craft shop or bookstore.

I plan on continuing coloring.

Try feeling like a child again and color. It’s endearing and delightful and it will brighten up your day.

Happy Coloring.

Blue, Pink, Indigo, Purple, Yellow, Cornflower, Timberwolf, Magenta, Black, Orange, etc., etc., etc…………………………

 

Mar5

Thoughtful Thursdays # 85 – Going To Fearful Places

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Machig Lardron was a famous female 11th century Tibetan tantric Buddhist teacher. Her birth was predicted by Yeshe Tsogyel.  She was as mystic and shaman. She wanted to know how to end human suffering. She wanted to wake up so she could heal the suffering in the world. So she asked her teacher at the time what was the best and fastest method of achieving this. This is what he told her. She followed it to the letter and gained much spiritual power. And you can too.

1. Confess your hidden faults

2. Approach what you find repulsive

3. Help those you think you cannot help ( also translated as to help those you do not want to help)

4. Anything you are attached to, give that ( let it go )

5. Go to the places that scare you

Each slogan amounts to the same thing. Facing your fears.

1. What am I afraid of admitting

2. What do I find completely and utterly unapproachable

3. Who do I not want to help because I am afraid to admit my true feelings

4. What am I afraid of losing

5. Where am I afraid to go to in the real world and where and I afraid to go in the dark recesses of my mind.

As a spiritual practice of mindfullness examine each fear you have and face it. What is this dark side telling you.

There is tremendous benefit in facing fear rather than running from it.

You will gain a confidence no one can ever take from you.

You will be a guiding force for yourself and for others to emulate.

There is so much strength in you that you don’t take credit for.

Do it now. See fear for what it really is. Lies. Don’t believe the lies. Don’t believe you can’t do something.

There is nothing that cannot be solved. You are more powerful than any trouble. Use your own power.

You can do it. Believe in yourself and do it now.

 

 

Feb26

Thoughful thursdays #84 – Trust

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What is trust?

It is the belief in the reliability and strength of someone or something. Honesty, dependability, assurance.

In a scale of 1 to 10 who or what do you believe to be reliable and strong.

 I had a medical procedure done this week and I was terrified because here I was among a bunch of strangers who were going to knock me out and poke and probe my unconcious body.

I don’t trust anyone that much. I voiced my concerns and these wonderful professionals proved their reliability and worthyness by talking to me and helping me sort out my own fears.

Thankfully all went well.

It can take a long time to trust and a short time to lose trust. It can take a short time to trust and a long time to lose trust. Because people are so complex it is easy to be confused about trust.

So what do you do?

Trust in yourself first.

In a calm way.

You are very strong.

Carry on!

 

Feb22

Jessica Whitley-Aquatics Director and Head Swim Coach at John Jay College of Criminal Justice

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jessica john jay picture

I would like you to meet Jessica Whitley. I have known her for quite a few years now, as my daughters swim coach at her alma mater John Jay College of Criminal Justice. Jessica is a dedicated coach and director, she has motivated many teams, my daughters included, to win college championships and serious college competitions. She builds the all girls swim team to understand what it means to be a team and work together to be winners in the pool and out of the pool. She also maintains a professional and positive attitude with the team that the team absorbs.

Jessica has such a positive attitude and a superior motivator that after graduation my daughter joined her as assistant coach.

Let’s get to know Jessica better.

PSW: How did you become a college swim coach?

JW: Nothing quite beats the thrill of a competitive swim race! I am a former swimmer who decided to become a coach after calling time on my competitive career.

Becoming a college swim coach was not on my radar until I attended John Jay College for my master’s degree. I met Dr. Jane Katz poolside, where I lifeguarded a few hours per week. Suddenly, Dr. Katz husband passed away and she had to take a leave of absence. The head of the physical education department read through my resume and wanted me to take over her college swimming classes as well as coach the swim team.

After meeting the very few ladies on the team, it amazed me to see that the swimmers were able to attend full time school, have a full time job and support their families at home. Coaching is more than telling the athletes to complete practices and swim fast at meets, it is about the coach believeing in the athletes so they feel important and appreciated. I quickly realized that my knowledge of swimming and being a Seton Hall Graduate can really make an impact these your athletes in a positive way. I decided to commit myself to the team members and make them understand that swimming well guide them to a successful careet, structure their lives, and their therapy when they need it.

PSW: How long have you been a college coach?

JW: I am in my 8th season now.

PSW: What is your day like?

JW: My day starts at 4:15 am. I reside in PA so it takes me about an hour and a half to get to work. I start at 6-6:15 and begin planning for the day. Practice is from 8 to 10 am. I am also the Aquatics Director so I maintain, schedule and operate the pool. I have a lifeguard and staff of 7 that I scheducle and train.

PSW: What are your job duties?

JW: Women’s Swim Team Coach responsibilities are:  team training and the focal point for all new activities.

I work extensive hours to coordinate all team practices and clinics.

Collect and summarize team statistics and attend numerous away clinics to gain more knowledge.

As Aquatics Director I manage the pool facility, oversee the pool, lockers and deck area, Oversee a staff of seven. Plan and host events that occur in the pool area.

PSW: What are the challenges of being a college swim coach?

JW: The challenges of being a college swim coach are the athletes not buying into my program and not seeing the benefits right away. I have to gain their trust and let them know that there will be a positive outcome throughout and at the end of the season.

My yearly goal is to have 100% success rate both in the pool and in the classroom. With hard work and support, the athletes will see a major difference from start to finish.

PSW: What are the benefits?

JW: There are so many! Here’s a list:

The swimmers are happy
They commit and stick to the program
Their grades improve
Their swim times improve
Their life imporves
Their communication improves
Their dedication improves
They gain confidence, structure, organization skills

PSW: Are there opportunities for advancement?

JW: There are many opportunities for advancement. I started as a lifeguard, became an Adjunct Professor and Head Coach, moved up to Aquatics Director and Head Coach. There are always opportunities at any workplace, you just work hard and prove that you are doing your job and doing it well.

PSW: Do you have any hobbies?

JW: I do like to run. Ever since I completed my four years as a college athlete, I enjoy running. I also play with my dogs and cats. I am a family person and enjoy being in my new home with the people I love.

PSW: Describe your team assistants and team members?

JW: My team assistants are my former 4 year athletes. I put them on staff because I realized how dedicated they were to the sport. They proved themselves being on my team for 4 years. They are my co-coaches and my support. I always tell them “a head coach is only as good as their assistants.” I trust my assistants to run everything. If I cannot be present, they will take over practice and/or meets efficiently. My assistants have shown me their drive and their commitment to the team. They have been with me for three years now and the team has strengthened because of them

My team members are students. They enter college struggling (all students do at any college) and learn how to organize structure and gain strength to complete a four year degree. They are hard workers, exceptional students and great athletes.

PSW: Are there any special rules to be in a team?

JW: Yes, you must be a full time student. You must swim a 50 (2 laps) freestyle under 45 seconds. You must be able to commit to all practices and meets. You must have a yearly physical done. You must keep your GPA above 2.0.

PSW: Do you have any advice to those who want to be a college swim coach?

JW: My advice, for any job, would be to set a goal and complete that goal. A realistic goal is important. Pay attention to your strengths and weaknesses and focus on improving both. Fight for what you want in life and never, ever give up. With or without support, you can meet your goals. Surround yourself with people who are positive and continue to be who you are and be open to critiques. No one is perfect.

PSW: Thank you so much Jessica. I especially like your advice of fighting for what you want in life and never, ever give up, with or without support. And be open to critiques because no one is perfect.

Jessica Whitley is a role model for anyone who wants to advance in both their career and life. Jessica teaches all who come into her world how to be better than before. Her enthusiam, dedication and care is rare. She is an exceptional teacher and wonderful human being.

I hope Jessica Whitley is an inspiration to you and you will take some of her advice to change your life.

Her contact information is jkolackovsky@jjay.cuny.edu

Feb12

Thoughtful Thursdays # 83 Ego vs Love

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Most of the time we don’t even know when our ego is around. However one reliable indicator that your ego is out is your level of give and take.

If you are taking more than you are giving then it’s your ego.

If you are giving more than you are taking then it’s love.

Can you be humble enough to pay attention to your actions and reactions?

It’s your choice……..

Feb3

A Sense of Accomplishment

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Often I have a nagging feeling of something that I can’t put my finger on. I feel edgy, uncomfortable, restless. I try different things to find out where the feeling is coming from. For example, eating, watching TV, socializing, any anything else that is out side of me.

None of those things work. I finally realized what I was denying. My own creativity. There is nothing in my world that is more staisfying as being creative. Whether it is painting or writing, I get a tremendous sense of accomplishment.

Most of us deny our true selves and the best way to get back in touch with it is do the thing that makes us feel accomplished.

It is our job to figure what that feeling of accomplishment is and build on it. Even if it for five minutes a day.

Happy days are created by not denying what makes us happy. Happy days are created by doing what makes us happy.

Figure it out for yourself. What makes you happy? Where can you fit in 5 minutes of this action that makes you happy?

Self discovery will take you to where you are supposed to be in all areas of your life. Seems unrealistic? Not really, the happier you are the more your life will come into the balance of where it’s supposed to be.

Happy Adventures………